by Lilly Wilder
The only problem was, Buck had been so lost in a rage that he wasn’t thinking and the wolf was flung straight towards me. It landed on top of the bar and it scrambled up. I cowered, trying to hide myself, but the bar was my only cover. I hoped that the wolf had been so shaken by its ordeal that it would not notice me, but it was a forlorn hope. As soon as it laid its eyes on me its tongue lolled out of its mouth and it let cry a terrible howl, a howl that told its allies that they had found what they were looking for. The great pride of the Howlers: Me.
It regained its balance and swiped with a deadly paw. I felt the air rush by my face and fear rippled through me at the sight of the blood-stained claws. In a panic I grabbed anything I could find. My fingers curled around the neck of a heavy bottle and I smashed it over the wolf’s head. The bottle smashed and I used the jagged edges to poke at the wolf. I didn’t care where I aimed. I didn’t even know if I had hurt it, but the wolf reared back and slid off the bar. I clutched the bottle close to me, and caught my reflection in the mirror as I stood up. I was as white as a sheet and my body shook violently. The wolf scrambled to its feet and snarled. Its lips trembled and it was about to make another attack when Buck leapt forward and dug his claws into the wolf’s back. The wolf arched back and twisted his neck, trying to snap at Buck, but Buck’s claws were too far away for it to connect. The wolf wriggled and writhed as it tried to get free, but the only way it could escape was to tear itself away, literally, leaving some of its fur and flesh behind on Buck’s claws in a bloody mess. Buck pushed it away and went to pursue, but as he did the other wolf came rushing by in a dark blur. Buck twisted to try and stop it, but his flailing grasp grabbed only air.
There was nothing but the bar standing between the wolf and I.
It leapt and its paws found the surface of the bar, using it as a springboard to leap forward. I waved the bottle above me in a slashing arc, but as I opened my eyes the wolf was behind me. Its paws were on the ground and its eyes were locked onto me with an intense gaze. Every sinew in its body was primed for death. I backed away, throwing bottles at it. They landed on the floor and smashed, making alcohol leak out onto the floor. It dripped off the wolf’s paws as it came towards me. I held the bottle in both hands now, fear making them tremble so much I was afraid that I would drop the only weapon I had.
Then my back hit the bar.
There was nowhere else to go.
I dared not take my eyes off the wolf, but I twisted my head and my gaze flicked away for a moment, just a moment to see if Buck was there to come in to save me. My heart sank as I saw that he was locked in a battle with the other wolf. I could see him struggling to break free. The other wolf wasn’t even trying to kill him, it was just trying to stop Buck from getting to me. Buck tore at the enemy but it was no use, and then looming behind him was the wolf he had thrown outside. It was back with a lust for vengeance in its heart, covered in blood, and the shards of glass that stuck in its fur sparkled as the sunlight caught them. It was almost beautiful, had it not been so horrific.
I turned back, my head moving slowly as the wolf’s teeth dripped with death. I could almost feel them sinking into my flesh, releasing my soul from this mortal prison. I had wanted more time with my parents, but not like this. Never like this…
Breath choked out of me, helpless prayers to a god I didn’t believe in, that I might be saved from this gruesome and grisly fate. The wolf was undeterred by anything I could throw at it. It might have flinched, its approach may have been delayed for a brief moment, but its path was as inexorable as destiny. Behind me I could hear Buck howling in anguish. I hoped for anything. I hoped for a miracle. I could feel the stale breath of the wolf drifting towards me, warm and fetid, hungry for my flesh. The sharp edges of the bottle didn’t seem enough. It was wary, its eyes followed the path of the bottle, waiting for the opportunity to strike. I didn’t know if I could move swiftly enough to defend myself, or even hurt it enough to dissuade it from attacking. Even if I struck it, it was likely going to do damage to me, more damage than I could do to it.
But then my miracle came.
Crashing through the doors came Matt. He was already in the form of a wolf and his tawny brown fur was a welcome sight. He was not the biggest wolf, but he was ferocious, especially when defending something he cared about. He leapt behind the wolf that was attacking me and sank his teeth into its back, subduing it. The wolf was in such close quarters that it could not maneuver properly and its slashes were aimless and helpless. Matt dug his teeth in relentlessly and used his claws to tear open the side of the wolf. Crimson gushed out and I almost gagged. It mixed with the alcohol in a grim pool.
Once Matt was done with that wolf he leapt past me and went to help Buck. I turned to see that Buck was still struggling with the two wolves, although he had endured for far longer than I had expected. The remaining two Hunters were snapping their jaws and slashing their claws at him. Buck’s grey fur was stained with blood and patchy where they had attacked him. He looked groggy and his thrusting limbs weren’t moving as freely as before, and I had a feeling that it was only due to the other wolves that he was still standing.
Matt streaked in with a howl and bit one of the Hunter’s legs. He staggered and crumpled to the floor. It was the one who had already been tossed through the window and it seemed as though his body had suffered all the pain it could handle. The limbs twitched as he struggled to rise again, but neither his body nor soul was strong enough to hang on, and his head lolled to the side.
Without him attacking, Buck teetered on his feet and crashed, slamming against a table, breaking it in two. The last Hunter had lunged forward to attack Buck, but now that Buck was no longer there the Hunter was off balance. Matt took full advantage of this. He may not have been the strongest wolf, but he was wiry and wily, and his intelligence was just as much an asset as brute strength. He threw all his weight into his attack, sending the Hunter crashing to the floor, sprawled on its back with its limbs splayed out and its belly exposed. Matt brought both paws up and bared his claws, and then brought them down with the full force of his weight behind the blow. There was a sickening squelching as Matt fell upon the last Hunter, and then there was peace.
*
I sank to the ground, my watery knees finally giving way beneath me. When I realized that I was still clutching the broken bottle, I threw it down. I gazed up and saw the wolf’s lifeless eyes staring at me. Its flesh had been torn and the blood was slowly creeping towards me. I shuddered and yelped as I pushed myself away just before it could reach my toes and ran back out in front of the bar, where I saw that Matt and Buck had returned to their human forms.
Matt was hunched over Buck.
“No…no,” he gasped. I was filled with sorrow as well. Buck had done all he could to defend me. I owed him my life and whatever dislike of him I’d had before had completely disappeared. Sometimes you couldn’t judge people on what they said or thought, only on what they did, and when it mattered, Buck had protected me. I rushed towards Matt’s side and tears welled up in my eyes. Buck looked so weak. Now in his human form, it was easier to see the cuts and the slashes. Now that I could see the wounds properly I was even more amazed that he had managed to withstand the brutal attack of three Hunters. Blood trickled down the side of his mouth and gave his lips a scarlet glow, as though he had been wearing lipstick. His eyes fluttered, but there was no coherent thought behind it.
“I’m so sorry Matt,” I groaned.
“Go out into the corridor. I have my satchel there. Grab it for me,” he said, his words imbued with intensity. He didn’t take his eyes or his hand off Buck, whose head he cradled. I nodded and rushed out, wiping the tears from my eyes as my vision was a blur. His satchel had been left by the doors and I hooked my arm around the strap, returning quickly through the double doors and handed it to Matt. He opened the pouch and rummaged through it, bringing out a few different kinds of flowers and herbs. The fragrant aroma was a welcome change from the sme
ll of death and blood that rose all around us, but it was only a vivid burst.
“Go behind the bar and grab me some rum,” Matt said. It was the most assertive he had ever been, and I have to admit I liked it. I went behind the bar again and tried to ignore the wolf that lay there. Irrational fear gripped my mind; I was so afraid to turn away in case it came to life again, but despite having been exposed to so many impossible things I knew that some things were just beyond any kind of reality.
I had to focus on the task at hand anyway, for Buck’s sake. I couldn’t let my swirling thoughts distract me from potentially saving him. To my horror though, I realized that most of the bottles I had thrown at the wolf had been rum.
“What if there is no rum?” I asked, my voice trembling.
“I need rum!” Matt cried.
I scowled as I redoubled my efforts and searched every nook and cranny of the bar. I eventually found a bottle in the shadows of a compartment, and brought it back to Matt.
He took it from me gladly and unscrewed the lid, pouring the rum into a glass. Then, he pinched the stem of a flower from his pouch and slipped his thumbnail down the middle, opening it up. Clear sap trickled out and he squeezed it into the glass. Then, he took a leafy herb and tore off a wide leaf, shredding it before he scattered it in the concoction. It had a light smell and as the aroma drifted to my nose it lifted my mind. Matt curled his hand around the glass and lifted it to his nose, breathing in the scent of the aroma. He swirled it and then took a sip, winced, arched his eyebrows and then nodded.
“Is that going to save him?” I asked.
“I hope so,” he said. He gently lifted Buck’s head and pressed the glass against his lips. The liquid slipped in and Matt had to tilt Buck’s head from side to side to induce him to swallow the liquid. Some of it trickled out and spilled onto the floor, but most of it went inside. My chest tightened as I hoped dearly that Buck would be saved.
“We need to get him somewhere more comfortable. Do you think that you could help me carry him?” Matt asked. I looked at Buck’s bulky body and then down at my own tiny frame and gulped.
“I can try,” I answered. I was already feeling weak from the ordeal and had to force myself to stand. Neither Matt nor I were the strongest, but we struggled to get Buck up, trying to use whatever we could to help support us. We hooked our arms underneath Buck’s body and it was like trying to tip a mattress, but in the end we managed to get Buck on his feet. His weight almost crushed me as I slung his arm around my shoulder and wrapped my other arm around his waist. Matt groaned too as we slowly moved him to the back, to his own room, where we placed him on the bed. We placed him there as softly as we could, but even so he landed with a thud and the mattress creaked.
When I was free of him, I straightened my back and my hands immediately pressed against my lower back and hips as I tried to massage the pain away. I groaned in pain and Matt offered a weak smile. His face was creased with lines of worry for his friend.
“Do you think more Hunters are going to come?” I asked.
“I sure as hell hope not. It took all I had to take care of them,” Matt said. He ran his hand across his chin and his head dropped. He looked defeated and haunted, as though he had given up something of himself in that fight.
“You did well Matt. It was very impressive. If you hadn’t come in-”
“I did what I had to do,” he snapped in a terse voice, his head twisting around to face me. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to bite your head off. I just…I took an oath a long time ago to help people. That’s why I learned from Mom. She told me that we had to take care of people just like we take care of the world. Balance…it’s all about balance…but the Hunters turn everything upside down and make us do things we thought we’d never dream of doing…”
I could sense the anguish in his voice and my heart went out to him. In a way, I thought, I was looking at him for the first time, although perhaps it was more because I had changed within myself that I was looking at things in a new way. I moved closer to him. We were both looking at Buck with worried expressions. I tugged at Matt’s shirt. It was a comfort to be close to him, to know that there was someone else I could count on in all of this. I hoped that he would feel the same way about me.
“Matt I wanted to say thank you again for everything that you’ve done for me,” I began. “Giving me the chance to speak to my parents and then saving my life and just…just being kind. I’m sorry for the way I treated you and how I betrayed your trust.”
“It’s okay Trish,” Matt interrupted, “you’ve said it before. You don’t need to say it again.”
“No, I do,” I pressed my lips together firmly and summoned a steady footing. “I didn’t understand what all this meant until I spoke to my parents, and that was only possible because of you. I didn’t understand my place in the world, but you did. You were honest with me and kind. You shared with me as much as you could and you tried to teach me how everything has a place in nature. You knew before I did that my place was here, and I know that too now. I’m just sorry that I had to hurt you. I don’t know if I can ever repay you for what you’ve done for me. Without you I wouldn’t be here, not in body and not in soul. You’re one of the very few people who have provided me with clarity and direction in life, and you have such an impressive skill. You want to take care of people and make the world a better place. I’m sorry that I didn’t appreciate that at the beginning.”
I reached out and squeezed his hand. As soon as I did so his face lit up so brightly, as though I had flicked the switch to a thousand flickering lights.
“I forgive you Trish,” he said, and when he looked at me I was filled with an overwhelming sense that I knew exactly what was coming next. He tilted his head to the side and leaned in. I wasn’t sure. I didn’t know. Part of me wanted him. I could feel myself being drawn to him, but then there was Jack and so much uncertainty. I had so many things to figure out in my own mind and heart. The easiest thing to do in that moment would have been to kiss him, but I was afraid that it would complicate my world to an even greater extent than it already was. His lips brushed mine in a light caress. Arousal and warmth spiked in my soul, but I couldn’t surrender to this feeling.
Not yet.
I pulled myself away, and as I did so I immediately saw the pain flicker in his eyes, and he went rigid with tension once again. He clenched his jaw and looked away from me, focusing on Buck.
“He’ll need more. I should go and prepare some for him, and more in case the others return needing treatment,” he said in a numb tone. I had hurt him once before by hitting him with a thick branch, but me pulling away did more damage.
“Matt I…” I began, but what words could I have said? He shook his head and left the room. I decided I would stay there with Buck, wondering how I was getting even deeper into complication. I pulled up a chair and sat beside Buck’s bed, wishing that I knew the path to keep everyone happy.
Chapter Thirteen
As I sat by Buck’s bedside my mind was alive with thoughts about the battle he had fought for me. This had been the second time he had come to my rescue. The first had been with Jack and Matt in tow, but this time he had been the only thing standing in between the Hunters and me, and he’d managed to hold them off for long enough for Matt to arrive and aid him. Buck had shown so much stamina and prowess that I couldn’t be mad at him, and I hoped that he would recover. Matt had left before he told me what the chances were of Buck making a recovery, but given his mood I didn’t think it was a foregone conclusion. The room was small and shadows danced upon the walls. There weren’t many personal touches to the room, just a single photo of a man whom I assumed to be Buck’s father.
“Oh Buck, I know you can’t hear me but I do hope you’re going to recover. I couldn’t handle it if you died because of me. This whole thing is stupid, and it’s getting stupider by the second. I don’t know why these Hunters want me. I’m not even that special. I know everyone thinks I am be
cause of my father, but that’s not me. I haven’t done anything in my life to warrant this special treatment. I’m just a girl and I wish that everyone would stop fighting over me. All I want is a nice quiet life and for people to go around without having to be afraid that other people are going to come after them. I’ve already angered Matt because…oh, I don’t know.” I buried my head in my hands and let my hair fall about my fingers like a golden river, groaning loudly. I still hadn’t figured out the specifics of my emotions and what my place in this pack was. Jack had already intimated that I needed to breed with a harem of wolves and that he couldn’t keep me to himself. Did I even want that? Could I be with more than one man? Could I be with one man?
Whenever I thought of romance I always just assumed I’d meet the right person and everything would fall into place, but now that I was part of a wolf pack the previous rules went out the window. I wasn’t living in a human society any longer and I couldn’t hold myself to the same rules that governed them. They needed someone to breed a new generation, but part of me was still beholden to the idea of being faithful to one man. Then again…there was a deep affection in my heart for Matt as well and the way I hurt him hurt me too. It felt as though my heart was split in two already…and then there was Buck. I didn’t know what my feelings for him were yet. Was it just gratitude, or was there something more? My mind was in a whirl and I felt as though I was teetering on a precipice and I had no idea where it might lead.
