I considered calling her to tell her I was in Chicago, but the door opened and my mother came out.
I stood. “Well? Are you okay?”
She held herself up straight and I got the feeling she was trying to be strong. “He’s ordering some tests for later this week.”
“Okay.” I didn’t like that.
“Just to rule things out,” she said, smiling at me. But it wasn’t a reassuring smile.
“Like what things?” I asked as I walked her back to the car and helped her in.
“Just regular things. Say, let’s go to Hendersons for ice cream. Remember when we used to do that when you were a kid.”
I started the car and pulled away from the curb with a glance at her. “Yes.”
“I’d save up all the coins I’d gather for the month and we’d get ice cream.”
It was a reminder of how poor we’d been and how hard she’d worked to support me as a single mom. I wished I was in a position to return the favor and support her fully. I probably could if she moved to South Dakota. The cost of housing was so much less there than here in Chicago. I could get her an apartment not far from me so she’d have her own space.
I decided I’d research that when I got home, but wouldn’t mention it now. I’d wait to learn the outcome of her tests first.
“When do you have to go home?” she asked as I pulled into Henderson’s parking lot.
“After your tests.”
“Oh Cy, you don’t need to stay for that. I don’t need you to hover over me like an old woman.”
I parked the car and reached over to take her hand. “I’m not doing this for you, mom, I’m doing it for me. I’m asking you to indulge me because I love my mom.”
She rolled her eyes, but she smiled and it reached all the way to her eyes.
“Now, can I have two scoops today?” I asked. Growing up, we’d only ever been able to afford one scoop.
“Today you can have three scoops if you want.”
The next couple of days were filled with taking my mom for tests, but not getting any answers. I suggested that we clean up some areas of her house but didn’t tell her about my idea that I’d have her downsize and move near me. It was a trip down memory lane to go through many of the old papers, pictures, and junk from our life together.
The days were full, but at night, Petal always creeped into my dreams. Those green eyes looking up at me with longing and desire. Her cupid bow lips stretching into a smile that was brighter than the sun. I should have never touched her, and yet, I couldn’t deny being glad I had the memory of it. As furious as the sex had been, there was something sweet about it too. That was Petal. Bringing sweetness to everything she touched.
My mother had another appointment tomorrow and then I’d be heading back to Bismarck. I had to decide by then how I was going to deal with Petal. I didn’t want to avoid her forever. I missed chatting with her. I longed to see her radiant smile. But I couldn’t see her if I couldn’t keep my yearning for her under control. I hoped she’d understand and not take it personally. That was my biggest fear. That she’d think I thought something was wrong with her and that’s why I left abruptly and hadn’t been back. The truth was, she was perfect.
10
Petal
It was nearing the end of the week and there still had been no sign of Cyrus. Initially, I’d thought he might be away because he was busy or wanted to avoid awkwardness. But now, it seemed clear that he didn’t plan to come back. Did he get what he wanted and now didn’t need to come by? It was hard to imagine Cyrus being that callous. Was his regret so acute that he couldn’t bear to see me? That hurt too. How could such a strong Navy SEAL be too much of a coward to face me?
Unable to stand it any longer. I packed up some cupcakes after closing on Thursday and headed to April and Jude’s house.
“Petal, what a surprise,” April said when she answered the door.
“I hope I’m not interrupting. I brought cupcakes. Limoncello for Jude, pumpkin cheesecake for you and chocolate chip for Maya.”
“Come in. We’re always happy to have cupcakes.” She frowned slightly as I walked in. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah. I just miss seeing you guys. And I haven’t seen Bertie in forever. He’s probably all grown up now.”
April smiled sweetly. Being a wife and mother made her so happy. I envied her even as I was so happy for her.
“Jude is just finishing giving Bertie a bath. Maya and I are working on homework.”
I followed her to the kitchen.
“Mama, I finished my spelling,” Maya said waving her paper.
“Good for you. You can have a cupcake,” April said, setting the box I’d given her on the counter.
“Chocolate chip,” I said.
“Yay! Thank you, Petal!” Maya jumped up and rushed to the box.
“Did I hear there are cupcakes?” Jude walked in with a freshly scrubbed Bertie.
I leaned over, inhaling the sweet baby scent and kissing him on the temple. “How’s my sweet Bertie?”
“He can’t have cupcakes,” Maya said sitting at the table and licking the swirl of frosting on her cake.
“Not yet,” Jude said. “Would you like to hold him? Then I can have my cupcake. Tell me you brought limoncello.”
I smiled as I took Bertie from him. “Of course. Only the best for my favorite people.”
I walked with Bertie, bouncing him and cooing while Jude and Maya ate their cupcakes, and April poured us a glass of wine.
“I wanted to thank you for inviting me to the Halloween party,” I said.
“Of course,” April looked at me funny. “You’ve always come to the Halloween party.”
“I know I just…” My excuse for being there wasn’t going over very well. Did I just come out and ask why Cyrus stopped coming by to visit with me?
“I told Cyrus how we invented the Halloweentini back in high school,” Jude said.
I silently thanked Jude for bringing Cyrus up.
“Speaking of Cyrus, I haven’t seen him this week. Are things busy at work?”
“Cy went home. He had some concerns about his mom and is there for a few days to help her,” Jude said, stuffing the rest of his cupcake into his mouth. “Petal, you need to mass produce and sell these in grocery stores.”
I smiled. “I’m glad you like them.” But my mind went to Cyrus. I remembered he mentioned his worry about his mother. Now I felt foolish and selfish for taking his absence so personally.
Jude stood and took Bertie. “Come on kids, time for bed.”
“Aw daddy, can I stay up with Petal a little bit.”
He shook his head. “Nope, this is Petal and your mama’s time. Plus it’s a school night. I’ll read you three stories tonight though.”
Maya threw her arms around me. “Goodnight Petal.”
“Goodnight sweetie.”
When they left, I took my wine and followed April to the living room. All the furniture was back in place from the party.
“Did you really come here to thank us for the party?” April said over the rim of her wine glass.
“I came to see my favorite people, and thought I’d thank you as I hadn’t officially. You and Jude had disappeared when I left so I couldn’t thank you and say goodbye.”
Her cheeks blushed. “Yes, well—”
I held my hand up. “A pirate and wench, I get it.”
“And you a sexy witch. All the men, except Jude of course, were drooling over you.”
It was my turn to blush. “It’s silly, I know, but it was sort of nice to have men attracted to me.”
“You’re a beautiful woman, Petal. But you can’t be sexy as Raggedy Ann.”
I laughed. “That would be disturbing.”
“Yes, it would. You know what I found interesting was how Cy was acting. It was like he couldn’t stand to see other men looking at you.”
I laughed at the image of Cyrus grabbing Lyle. “I hope poor Lyle didn’t wet his pants.”
April did a spit take. “What?”
“Maybe you and Jude were off yo ho hoing, but Lyle sort of cornered me making sexual overtures and Cyrus picked him by the neck and tossed him aside.”
“He didn’t?” April’s eyes were bright with humor. “I wish I’d seen that.” Then her eyes narrowed. “So, what’s that all about?”
She seemed to have been fishing when she came to see me at the bakery over the weekend and I’d been evasive. But a part of me wanted to tell her everything. She was my best friend. She’d been open with me when she and Jude got together.
But Cyrus and I were friends, so what was there to tell? And he worked with her and Jude, so maybe I’d make it awkward for him if I told her what had happened between us.
But April was my best friend. I trusted her and I needed to tell someone.
But I wasn’t feeling very brave, so I looked down into my wine glass. “I had sex with him.”
When I didn’t hear a response, I looked up. April’s eyes were wide and I couldn’t tell if it was just surprise or horror.
“With Cyrus?”
I nodded, shifting in my seat as I second guessed having confessed. “The night of the party.”
She let out a breath and smiled. “Wow. How was it?”
It took me a minute to realize she wasn’t angry or warning me away. “Good. Great. Like oh my God fantastic.”
She laughed. “It’s always the silent, broody types that have all the bedroom skills. I think it must be the intensity.” Her brows furrowed. “Why do I get the feeling this is a secret?”
I wanted to be nonchalant. I didn’t want her to think this was a big deal. “It’s not a secret per se. It happened, but it doesn’t mean anything.”
Her brow arched like she wasn’t buying it. “You’re not a one-night-stand sort of woman, Petal.”
I waved her comment away. “I’d been drinking. I don’t know, but Cyrus and I are friends. Afterwards we both realized that it shouldn’t have happened. We don’t want to mess up a good thing.”
She maintained her gaze on me with that arched brow.
“Besides, you did say if Conner hurt me you’d send Cyrus to kill him. But if Cyrus hurt me, you’d have to send Jude and he’d go to jail.”
She didn’t laugh. “I’d send Conner.” She sipped her wine, but I could see the wheels in her head turning as she processed what I was saying. April and I had been friends since childhood, so she knew me better than anyone, and probably could tell that I wasn’t being completely truthful.
“I can totally see you and Cyrus together. At the party, you two crackled with chemistry.”
“It’s not like that really.”
“You slept with him. That’s exactly like that.”
I shook my head. “Cyrus and I are friends. We have been since we met last year. And we had one night of drinking and sexy costumes, but that’s all it was. We’re just friends.”
She frowned. “Who are you trying to convince? Me or you.”
Damnit. Why couldn’t she just accept what I was saying? “If it was more, he’d have told me he was going out of town,” I argued.
“He didn’t tell you?”
“I haven’t seen or heard from him since Halloween.”
Her eyes narrowed and I worried I’d just made her mad at him.
“But I knew he was worried about her, so of course he went to see her. And why would he tell me? We’re friends but that’s it. And that’s why you don’t need to make a thing about this. In fact, if you could not tell Jude, that would be great. I don’t want things to be weird for Cy at work. I know you don’t want to keep things from Jude, but there’s really nothing here.”
April sighed. “I want you to be happy, Petal. As happy as I am.”
“I know. And someday I will be. Someday a man will walk into my bakery and sweep me off my feet.” I smiled, hoping she’d let this thing with Cyrus go.
She reached out her wine glass to click with mine. “Cheers to that.”
That night, I lay in bed feeling silly for having gone over to April and Jude’s to find out what was up with Cyrus. It felt like something a school girl would do. I also felt guilty for being annoyed at Cyrus when he’d gone off to see his mom. I’d even told him to do it, and then I got mad at him for it.
I hoped his mom was well and he was enjoying his visit. I also hoped that when he got back he’d come and see me. It would be hard to hide my yearning for him, but I did value his friendship and knew he needed friends here in Bismarck. April had said Jude was afraid he wasn’t feeling like this was home. So I could push my selfish desires for him aside, and be the friend he needed. With that resolved, I fell asleep.
11
Cyrus
I flew back from Chicago late last night, still not knowing what, if anything, was wrong with my mother. I made her promise to keep me posted. I knew she didn’t want to worry me, but the not knowing was more difficult to handle. It was always better to have a deep knowledge of the enemy than not know anything about it at all.
I arrived at the office the next day before everyone else and spent the morning going over the progress on current cases, as well as new intakes. Once everyone else arrived, we had a staff meeting where Jude caught me up on everything I needed to know that wasn’t in the paperwork I’d reviewed.
When the meeting was done, I headed back to my office to do some background checks for our clients.
“Is everything okay with your mom?” Jude asked, coming into my office.
“We’re waiting on tests.” I kept my head down, and I realized I was nervous that perhaps he knew about me and Petal. Had Petal told April? Had April told Jude? Was Jude going to warn me away from her or kick my ass? I forced myself to look at him, knowing he’d be suspicious if I didn’t. “You seemed to not run this business into the ground while I was gone.”
He flashed a grin. “You were only gone four days. One more day, I might have messed it up.”
I laughed.
“How are you otherwise, Cy?” Jude sat in the chair by my desk.
“Good. Why?” A trickle of sweat ran down my back.
He shrugged. “I worry that Bismarck isn’t becoming home to you. I know you’re not from here and now that I’m busy with April and the kids—”
“I’m not regretting coming here, Jude,” I interrupted him. “I like it here. The business is going even better than we’d planned, my house is coming along. It’s all good.” That wasn’t a lie, although I was feeling guilty about being away from my mother.
“What about women?”
I arched a brow. “You’re not really asking me if I’m getting laid, are you?” I hoped my voice sounded normal and now worried he knew what I’d done with Petal.
His cheeks reddened. “Well, not that specifically, but are you seeing anyone? Are you getting out?”
“Don’t worry about my love life or sex life, Jude. I’m good. All is well.”
He rose from the chair. “Okay. I just want you to be happy here.”
“I am.”
He stopped at the door. “Are you going to see Petal today?”
My stomach dropped. “What?”
His head tilted as his eyes narrowed and I realized my “what” came out a little too guilty sounding.
“Don’t you normally grab a cupcake and coffee?” he asked.
Oh yeah. That. I shrugged. “I’m not sure if I’ll get to it today. I have lots of catching up to do. You were all a bunch of slackers while I was gone.”
“Well if you change your mind, grab me a limoncello one, will you? I’ll be out in the field until this afternoon.”
I nodded and waved him away as I got back to work. The truth was, I’d decided to stop my trips to Petal’s every work day. I accepted that it made me both a coward and an asshole. A coward because I was afraid of my own dick, and an asshole because it was mean to Petal. I’d see her at Jude and April’s dinners and parties, but I just couldn’t trust myself to see her on my
own and not touch her. I’d hoped being away with my mother would put distance between me and Petal and lessen my yearning. The truth was, absence made my desire grow, not dissipate.
So, I focused on business, doing more background checks and hacking investigations. And when I automatically stopped at the time that I’d normally go see Petal, I cursed my inner clock and forced myself to work some more.
The plan was good, except that I couldn’t stop thinking about Petal. Was she waiting for me to show up or had she given up on me when I missed coming this week? Did she even know I was out of town? Maybe it didn’t matter. Maybe some guy had reached out to her through the dating site. Maybe they were dating. Maybe he’d touched her.
Fuck! I growled and threw my pen, pissed off that someone else could be in her bed. I wanted to strangle him. I didn’t care who he was or even if he was a better match. I wanted to throttle any man who touched her.
“Hey Cy, do you have those scans for McMartin?” Conner said from my doorway.
“Did you ever hear of knocking?” I barked out.
Conner’s eyes widened. He rapped on the door frame. “Hey Cy, do you have those scans for McMartin.”
I growled under my breath. “They’re running now. I’ll send you the update later.”
He stood watching me for a moment and I waited for him to ask me what the fuck was wrong with me. Fortunately, he shrugged and walked off.
I checked on the McMartin scan and saw it had a little longer to run. I decided checking our financial report for the month would cheer me up. It was always nice to see how much money was rolling in. I checked my computer but didn’t see the current report.
Annoyed again, I walked out to Dina’s desk.
“Where’s the current financials?”
She jumped at my voice and I realized I was being gruff.
“Ah…I’m waiting for April to review it first.”
“You’re the one that runs them. We can’t sit around and wait for April to stop breastfeeding long enough to do it.”
Friends to Lovers: A Secret Pregnancy Romance (Heart of Hope Book 6) Page 7
