by RJ Scott
Rowan lifted his head, slowly blinking. He eyed the blur of lights they passed. “Sleepy.” Rowan slid sideways and leaned against Gideon.
“What are you—”
“I’m borrowing your shoulder until we get to the hotel.”
Gideon sighed. “Seriously?”
He closed his eyes. “Think of it as making it up to me for all those times you fired me today.”
“Want to be fired again?” Gideon asked.
“And rehired.” Rowan smiled and relaxed a little. It was all a joke, right? Teasing? Gideon needed him. As a PA, as a friend, as…
“You’re heavy,” Gideon said but didn’t push him away.
“Can’t hear you. Sleeping.” Rowan pressed his lips together, appreciating Gideon’s warmth and his solid shoulder. If he wasn’t careful, he would fall asleep for real.
They didn’t speak again until they reached the hotel, Gideon stirring him from his shoulder as he leaned forward to pay.
Rowan breathed in deeply as he stepped out onto the sidewalk and looked up at the starry night sky. The weather had stayed fine all day and even now the December sky was clear, lit with starlight and the large moon.
“Rowan.” Gideon was beside him.
Rowan looked at him and snorted.
“What?”
“No need for a bubble with a frowny face when you’re already wearing one.”
Gideon grabbed Rowan’s arm when he swayed. “How were you on the dance floor until the end?” He sounded tired rather than annoyed.
“The trick is to never stop. You stop. You drop.” Rowan scratched the back of his neck and squirmed to try to free himself from Gideon’s hold. Gideon’s hand was hot through Rowan’s shirt, and the heat was spreading to places it shouldn’t.
Ah. I’m getting horny.
He couldn’t shake Gideon’s hold, giving in with a sigh. He fished his wallet out of the back of his pants. “Keycard,” he muttered and felt through the various slots.
“Do you want me—”
“Aha,” Rowan declared and fought to free the plastic card.
Gideon shushed him.
Rowan pouted. What was he, a child to be scolded?
“Shush yourself.” He chuckled and grabbed Gideon’s loosened tie. Gideon looked good with his collar open, his waistcoat unbuttoned, his jacket over his other arm. There was an easiness about him as if he were just any normal person and it suited him.
A normal guy. A guy who isn’t my boss.
“Come on.” He tugged on Gideon’s tie, toppled slightly, only to be supported by Gideon.
“Who’s following whom exactly?”
“I guess I’ll follow you. After all, you’re the boss.”
Gideon kept hold of Rowan as they went inside.
“A good boss.” Rowan smiled. “I’d follow you forever,” he uttered.
“Forever, huh?” They stopped at the elevators, and Gideon pressed the button more times than necessary. “That’s quite the commitment.” Gideon’s gaze was on the counter above the elevator doors as the car made its way down to them.
Eventually, the doors opened with a clatter and the two of them entered. Rowan leaned in the corner and stared at his reflection in the mirrored panels.
I look like crap.
He closed his eyes and lowered his head, listening to his own breaths. Maybe he should have had more self-control with alcohol, but he had been swept up in the celebrations and forgotten who he was attending with. Despite both of them insisting they weren’t boss and PA for the day. They were there as friends. Kind of.
Rowan cleared his throat as the doors opened and Gideon stepped out first.
“Your room is 314, isn’t it?” Gideon said, following the signs.
“Yep.” Rowan flipped the keycard over in his hand. “And you’re in 330.”
Gideon stopped when he reached Rowan’s room, stood off to the side, making space for Rowan to get to the door.
Rowan slipped the card in the slot and pulled it out. He pushed the handle, but neither it nor the door budged. “Seriously?” He tried again. The lock made a small click and the light briefly flickered green but the door remained locked.
Is it me? Or the door?
“Let me try,” Gideon offered, leaning closer to Rowan.
Rowan let out a startled sound as he caught his breath. Gideon was close, close enough for Rowan to feel the warmth from his body against his own.
“You’re too impatient.” Gideon slowly put the card in the slot then pulled it out. When the door opened at first go, he added, “There,” and held the door until Rowan leaned against it enough to keep it open.
“Thanks,” Rowan said.
I’m so embarrassed.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Gideon rested his hand on the wall beside the door and despite the route of escape into his room, Rowan felt crowded.
Is he doing this on purpose?
Rowan shook his head. “I’m fine. I’m fine.” He blew out a breath then pressed the back of his hand to his mouth. “Nothing sleep won’t cure.”
He lifted his gaze. Gideon was looking at him with a serious expression.
“What?” Rowan asked.
“Nothing. Just wanted to see you to your room. Make sure you were all right.”
He’s being sweet. Too sweet.
Rowan chuckled. “Well, here it is. Or are you waiting for me to invite you in or something?”
“Of course not,” Gideon insisted though Rowan swore color flushed Gideon’s cheeks as he averted his eyes and stared at the carpeted hallway.
Wait. What? What was that just now? Cute.
They stood in silence.
He’s not leaving.
Rowan bit on his lip.
If he doesn’t leave then I’ll…
“Hey.” Rowan gripped the bottom of Gideon’s tie.
Gideon looked at him, and Rowan couldn’t bear it any longer. He wanted to fill the moment, blow away the awkward tension.
“Rowan—”
Rowan arched his neck and pressed his mouth to Gideon’s. He closed his eyes when Gideon pushed back against him.
This is…
Rowan leaned back and gripped the door handle to steady himself. He pressed his fingers to his lips.
What did I…? Why did I…?
He raised his head. Gideon was clearly unsettled.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
“Okay, wow. I am so sorry and super drunk,” Rowan admitted.
I have to play this down. I’m an idiot. An actual idiot.
“I got caught up in the moment, Gideon. You know, all that wedding stuff. The lovey-dovey aura maybe rubbed off on me a little, and now it’s just the two of us and the lingering. You were lingering and being all nice and concerned and…” Rowan couldn’t stop waving his hand in front of him as he made excuses. “Maybe we should get coffee. No,” he added quickly. “I meant to sober us up, not for…” He tilted his head. “You know. We, we, we’re not like that so, not that I’m saying I wouldn’t. I mean you’re an attractive man and…hot, really hot, but…” He met Gideon’s widening eyes that seemed to hold a burning plea for Rowan to shut the hell up. “Oh God, I should stop talking, shouldn’t I?” He clamped his hand over his mouth, but all that did was remind him of the kiss, his lips on Gideon’s or Gideon’s lips on his or…mutual blame.
Gideon nodded. “Please.”
Rowan swallowed hard. He’d messed up, and even if he was maybe drunk enough to forget what just happened by the morning, Gideon certainly was not. “Sorry,” Rowan said quietly. He straightened Gideon’s tie, patting his chest as he flattened the tie against the line of buttons of his shirt. “I’m really drunk. You know that, right?”
“Yes.” Gideon’s eyes shone with the usual comforting warmth.
“I’m not fired, right?”
“No.”
“I should get to bed.” He leaned against the door, pushing it farther open.
“We both should.” Gideon closed his eyes
and crinkled his nose. “You know I meant in separate beds, right?”
And it seemed with that the air about them thinned. Rowan snorted a laugh. Apparently, they were both idiots. He nodded and took a step backward across the threshold. “Night, boss.”
Gideon closed his eyes. A slight smile, one of relief, curled the corner of his mouth. “Goodnight, Rowan.”
Rowan closed the door and as if all his remaining strength left his body, he slid to the ground, his back pressed to the door as he rested his chin on his knees.
He loved his job. He loved working under Gideon. He was happy, content, challenged, and yet, for a split second, he’d given in to temptation. He came so close to upsetting his comfortable world. He could have ruined everything.
I’m never drinking again.
“Can I go home already?” Rowan mumbled against his desk to no one but himself.
The reality of last night’s stupidity hit hard as had the hangover. The day had passed in a blur of paperwork and phone calls as he fought to secure bookings and deliveries in the increasing December panic as Christmas crept closer. And while Rowan silently went through several stages of a full-blown crisis about his actions yesterday, for Gideon it had been business as usual.
Had the alcohol god looked kindly upon him and Gideon had actually forgotten about his misguided affections? Unlikely. Luckily, for Rowan, Gideon was a far more put together adult and clearly had been able to move on, accepting the kiss as nothing but champagne induced insanity.
Kiss. Rowan’s inner voice squealed in embarrassment. We kissed.
The wooden desk was cool pressed to his cheek, and he sighed as he stared at Gideon’s office door, which was slightly ajar.
Gideon’s so cool. Apparently, his inner voice was a high school teenager.
Huffing a breath, he sat up and pinched the bridge of his nose. Even though he hadn’t come in until lunch he was exhausted. Yesterday’s festivities, idiocy, and the early ride home had caught up to him. It was late and if he’d had any sense, he would have already been home, feet up, trashy soap opera on the television, eating chips and salsa, crashing on the couch in a pair of sweatpants. But no, it was almost eight in the evening, and he was still at his desk.
But that’s because…
The main reason was to get a good week or two ahead of himself with work where possible before he took off for the holidays. There was also Jared, one of the employees whose popularity as a boyfriend for hire was almost on par with Darcy’s. Jared’s current client, some Manhattan socialite, had missed her appointment that morning and seemed to drop off the face of the planet for the day. Jared, always the professional, had struggled to hide the mix of irritation and concern in his voice, apparently wired on coffee having tried to work the problem himself. After all, Rowan had plenty on his plate already, and then there had been the wedding yesterday. Though Jared was being sweet and thoughtful, contacting Rowan earlier would have been for the best, giving him longer to track her down.
But I found her, eventually.
She had double booked. The meeting with Jared and a spa day with her girlfriends, and spa had won out. Despite the looming hangover, Rowan had been polite, cheerful, and after some shuffling on both their parts, rescheduled the appointment for three days’ time.
A call would have been nice. He had dealt with many clients and businesses through Bryant & Waites. It would take a lot more than a missed meeting with a boyfriend to break his perfect PA demeanor.
He puffed his cheeks and blew out a breath, eyeing the soft glow inside Gideon’s office. There was one more reason he was still at his desk.
Gideon. He’d been more serious than ever today, and Rowan got the impression it had nothing to do with the kiss. Gideon’s expression when he thought Rowan wasn’t looking was stern and thoughtful, his attention constantly stolen by his cell phone, his brow creasing in deep lines as if he was trying to solve a really difficult puzzle.
Nobody should have to think that hard.
A text message pinged Rowan’s cell phone. With a heavy sigh, he checked the message. It was from one of his moms. He eyed the words on the screen, knew they were written out of love, but he couldn’t help but feel slightly attacked.
Hi, Ro, hope D’s wedding went ok. U can tell us all about it at Xmas. Thought u should know Ava is bringing her boyfriend this year. Remember there’s always room for one more if u want to bring someone. We love you, Moms x
“Bring someone,” he uttered to the empty space. He was thirty-seven, on the line between mid-thirties and late-thirties and apparently that was when he should be thinking of settling down, finding his forever-man, making a family of his own. He scratched the stubble on his jaw and thought maybe he should grow a beard like Gideon. He’d tried before, got to day four and gave up. Hell, he couldn’t commit to growing a beard, let alone having a long-term relationship. Seeing Darcy and Adrian together, he’d admit he’d been a little jealous, but he wasn’t sure that was him, not wedding bliss. Probably. And children? He loved family, the warmth of having people around him. His family were everything. But babies, little beings relying solely on him? He was not ready for that.
Maybe in a decade or two.
Even now, he didn’t feel one hundred percent comfortable with who he was, and where he was in life. He needed to be sure of himself before adding people to the swing that was his life. He’d never stuck with anything for long and being at Bryant & Waites was the most stable and consistent his life had been in a long time.
If I haven’t messed that up. If he fires me for real I have no one to blame but myself.
He thought about how his life had gone so far. Things would always end one of two ways, whether work or hobbies or men. He’d eventually hit a wall, either lose interest, become disillusioned, or conversely, be so invested, so passionate, he’d burn out.
Wow, that spiraled fast. I need sleep. He stared at the text, pondering his reply. His head hurt and he wasn’t in the mood.
Wedding was great. And thanks. See you soon xx
Anything longer and he might come across as annoyed, which he kind of was.
“Whatever.” He hit send, pocketed his phone then glanced back at Gideon’s door. He was done. He wanted his couch, his baggy clothes, and his comfort food. He stretched his arms above his head and got to his feet, ambled toward the door, and wondered if he had enough energy to give a lively knock and bound in to say his goodnights.
No, I do not.
He stopped when he heard Gideon’s voice. Was he still working?
“Mom, I’m really sorry.”
A private conversation? Rowan pressed his hand to his stomach. He already felt guilty about overhearing part of the conversation Gideon had had with his sister while at the wedding.
“It’s just busy here right now. No, no. That’s ridiculous. I’m not seeing Dad. I’m not. Mom. Mom, I’m not lying.” Gideon’s voice was gravelly. He sounded tired. “It’s work. So the only person I’ll be seeing is my PA. Yes, Rowan. The one I told you about. No, he’s not…Mom, he’s just my PA. Yes.” He cleared his throat. “Mark’s son and his wife are still coming aren’t they, with the kids? The new baby? There you go. You won’t even notice I’m not there. You’ll be cooing over the baby.” His voice brightened a little. “Look, I should go. I’ll stop by on New Year’s. How’s that sound? Okay. Good. Bye.” There was a pause before Gideon said, “You can come in now.”
Rowan sighed and pushed open the door. “That’s kind of creepy, you know.”
“Blame your shadow.”
“Shadow?” Rowan glanced down at his feet. “Ah.”
Gideon leaned back in his chair. “Did you need something? I thought you’d be home already. It’s all you’ve talked about all day.”
“Rude but accurate.”
“So?” Gideon pressed.
Sliding his hand into his pants’ pocket, Rowan gripped his phone. “I gather from the phone call you’re making excuses not to go home for Christmas?”
“Complicated?”
“Yes.”
“And the best you could come up was that you were working through Christmas with me?” Rowan quipped.
With a sigh, Gideon leaned his head back. “Yes.” He seemed dejected.
“You lied to your mother.”
“Yes. And my dad,” Gideon added in a weary voice.
I don’t like seeing him like this. There must be something I can do.
Rowan ran his thumb along the edge of his cell. What he was thinking in light of last night was probably ridiculous, and he would understand if Gideon shot him down instantly but…
I want to see him smile.
“In that case, let’s do it.”
“Do what?” Gideon questioned.
“Spend Christmas with me. Come home with me to Maine.”
What am I doing?
Gideon rolled his head forward and wore a confused expression. “What?”
“That way it wouldn’t be a lie.”
“How much did you drink yesterday?” Gideon shook his head. “Because you must still be drunk.”
“I’m not drunk. Not this time.” He cleared his throat. “I’m serious.” He stepped closer.
“I’m not doing that.”
Ah. As I expected. But still, I don’t like seeing him like this. I just need to give him a reason, right?
“Then, how about we make it a work thing so it’s official?” Rowan countered.
Gideon was looking at him as if he was a mad man. “You want to take the accounts to Maine?”
“No.” Rowan thought about the recent text message. Bring someone. “I want to take a friend, companion, whatever, home. I’ll hire you to do it.”
I am an actual mad man.
“So, how about it?” Rowan asked. “Let me hire you. For a discount of course.”
Gideon laughed. “You’re serious?”
“Yes.” Rowan rested his hand on his hip. “You hate lying to them, don’t you? This way you won’t be lying.”
“And you? Why do you need a friend?” Gideon continued his questions.
Rowan’s heart clenched as Gideon emphasized the word. Friends. Just friends. I want to keep working for him so that is all there can be between us. But this wasn’t just for Gideon. Nor for himself.
