by Hamel, B. B.
“We might need to move her. Hell, we might need to leave the damn state if Cosimo keeps coming after us.”
I shook my head and stood. “We’re not discussing this. The tube stays in.”
“Erica. Sit down and think about it. We need to be flexible and ready for anything.”
I turned away from him, shaking with anger. He didn’t understand—how could he understand? This wasn’t his mother he was talking about. Mom was some other patient to him, another patient he needed to care for, but wasn’t emotionally attached to. She was a body, and he thought about her as coldly and logically as he thought about anyone else.
But she was my mom, and I loved her so much it hurt. I couldn’t bear losing her, not after everything that had happened. She was my best friend and the only good person in my life, the only person that cared about me and believed in me, the only person that understood what my father put both of us through.
I couldn’t take risks with her, and he didn’t get it.
“I already said no.” I turned away. “Thanks for lunch.”
“Erica—”
I walked off, ignoring him. I stormed away and fought against tears. The idea that we’d do anything that might put my mother in jeopardy was too much to handle. When I got a little space from him and stormed down the sidewalk, weaving through afternoon traffic and trying not to look anyone in the face, ignored catcalls and homeless guys begging for money, I realized that Gavin might’ve been acting in good faith. He might’ve really been thinking about what was best for everyone, and maybe he thought taking my mom off the machines was the right call.
But it wasn’t right for me, not yet anyway. I couldn’t go down that path, couldn’t let myself picture what might happen if we were wrong. It was too much to bear.
I lost myself in the maze of Philly streets, passed full parking lots, cars jammed along curbs, quaint houses, buzzing restaurants. I found myself slowing outside of a Catholic church with a huge door and a towering spiral. I looked up toward the top and wondered what was up there—if they kept a real bell, or if they used a speaker system like most churches these days. I didn’t hear the footsteps approaching, but I should’ve been paying closer attention.
“Erica, Erica, Erica, my darling, you shouldn’t have run away like that.”
I felt like a spider ran down my spine as I turned. Cosimo stood leaning against a nearby tree, arms crossed over his chest, smiling at me. He had the sort of grin that made me want to scream. It was cocky and confident, but also creepy and horrible all at the same time.
“What are you doing here?” I took a step back toward the church, thinking he wouldn’t follow me, but he wasn’t some freaking vampire. Churches didn’t scare men like Cosimo.
“I followed you, of course. Your little date with the good doctor looked nice, at least until he spoiled it.” He smiled, tilted his head. “What did he say to upset you?”
“Nothing. Everything’s fine.”
He chuckled. “That’s clearly not true.”
“Get away from me.” I decided to make a break for it. He must’ve read my expression though, because he moved first, and stepped into my path. I sucked in a sharp breath, looking around wildly for someone to help me, but the people nearby barely glanced in our direction. We were just another pair of people having a conversation on the street in a city of millions. We were anonymous, we were nothing, and I felt a sudden, crushing sense of loneliness.
“I only want to talk.”
“We both know that’s not true.”
He sighed and spread his hands. “Why do you think I’m such a monster?”
“Because you tried to kill me.” I stared at him like he might burst into flames at any moment. Hell, I hoped he would. “You put my mother in a coma. You want to force me into marriage. You sent a goon to murder Gavin.”
“Yes, well, I did do all those things, I suppose that’s right.” He shrugged a little, as if it was of no consequence. “Even still, you know what I want in the end. I’m not trying to hurt you, not trying to ruin you. I’m trying to take you.”
“I’m not something you can steal away and keep, you psycho.” I shoved my shoulder against his chest and knocked him down a step. He didn’t fall though, and regained his balance by grabbing my wrist. I turned to face him, a snarl on my lips.
“You like your little doctor, don’t you?” he hissed before I could scream.
That brought me up short. I thought of the look in Gavin’s eye when I stood and stormed away. He was strangely hurt, and I knew why, I knew it but couldn’t bring myself to admit it, couldn’t let myself look too closely.
“Let. Me. Go.” I yanked at my wrist, but he only held tighter.
“I’m not an unreasonable man, Erica. I’ll make a deal with you. If you choose to come to me on your own free will, then I’ll leave Gavin alone. I can’t hold it against him, not really. He’s only trying to keep the woman I love safe.”
“You don’t love me,” I snapped. “You think I’m some kind of toy.”
“I can love a toy.”
I kicked him in the shin as hard as I could. He looked surprised when he cursed and lifted up his leg. His grip on my wrist loosened enough for me to rip myself free. I took a few stumbling steps back and nearly smashed into some girl hurrying down the sidewalk. She gave me a pitying glance, looked at Cosimo, turned pale, and kept walking.
“Leave us alone,” I said as I took a few more backward steps. “I’m married to Gavin now, okay? He’s going to pay you— we’ll pay you and— just leave us alone, okay?”
He clenched his jaw and came toward me. I was about to scream when he stopped a few feet away.
“Understand something,” he said, and his voice sounded surprisingly calm, though his eyes looked furious. The disconnect between the two was more than a little alarming. “Gavin is dead if you keep defying me. There’s nothing the two of you can do, nothing you can pay me. I want you, Erica. I want to make you mine, and I’m not going to stop until that happens, or until you and your doctor are both dead. Do you understand me?”
I stared at him, heart beating wildly, breath coming in ragged gasps, and didn’t bother to respond. Instead, I turned and ran.
I ran fast. I sprinted as hard as I could, legs churning, arms flailing. I felt like an idiot and more than a few people stared at me as I flew past them, not stopping at stop signs, not watching for cars. I didn’t care, I couldn’t care. I ran as fast and as hard as I could until I reached the hospital and staggered into the lobby. I stood there breathing hard, gasping for air, until I finally managed to take the elevator up to my mother’s floor.
The room was empty except for Mom. I collapsed on the floor next to her bed and sobbed, sobbed so hard I couldn’t see or breathe. I didn’t hear Fiona come inside, but her arms wrapped around me, she said something to me—but I didn’t hear. She disappeared again, and by the time Gavin stepped into the room, I had calmed down enough to wipe the tears and snot from my face.
He shut the door behind him. “What happened?”
“Cosimo.” The word came out like vomit. “He followed me from the hospital.”
His eyes narrowed. “Did he hurt you?”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “But Gavin, he said there’s nothing we can do. He won’t take money, no matter what.”
“I see.” He didn’t look surprised or upset.
“Don’t you get it?” I asked, fighting my anger and panic. He was so calm, but things were falling apart. Cosimo wasn’t going to stop and he didn’t care that Gavin was a popular doctor. He was going to kill us both, and then finish off my mom, and then nothing would matter anymore.
He was going to get himself killed, all because of me.
“I hear you,” he said, “but I have a plan. Or at least I’m starting to come up with one.”
I let out a bitter laugh. “Your last plan worked out great.”
His eyes narrowed. “You’re safe, aren’t you?”
I ripped the en
gagement ring off my finger. “Marrying you was supposed to get Cosimo to back down, but it only made him angrier.” I threw the ring at him, fighting back tears.
It hit his chest and clinked down to the floor. He stared at me and I could see the hurt in his expression—real hurt, for the first time. I felt horrible as I stepped back and covered my face, the tears rolling down my cheeks again. I was losing my mind from fear, so scared for myself, so scared for Gavin, and I wanted him to leave me, wanted him to give up on me and save himself, because I was doomed either way. There was no reason for him to get pulled down with me.
He bent over and picked up the ring. He looked at it, holding it up to the light, before walking to the nightstand next to my mother’s bed and gently placing it down.
“Put that back on if you want,” he said softly. “Or pawn it, I don’t care. If you want a divorce, we can get a divorce. I’m not like Cosimo. I’m not going to force you into this marriage. But I’m not about to back down.”
“Why?” I asked, shaking my head. “I’m so horrible. And you’re only going to get hurt.”
“Because you’re not horrible, and you don’t deserve this.” He nodded at the ring. “Put it back on and come home tonight. That’s what I want.”
I laughed and felt so pathetic, so stupid. If I weren’t such a coward, I’d tell him off and run away.
Instead, I turned my head and looked out the window.
He left quietly and closed the door behind him.
I cried there in my mother’s room, and I wondered how many more times it would happen, how many more tears I’d shed over this before I got it together and finally did what I should’ve done from the start.
17
Gavin
I halfway expected Erica to disappear, but that night she showed up looking exhausted and wearing the ring. She went straight to her room and shut the door.
That was fine with me. If she wanted to be angry and needed some time to herself, I wouldn’t pressure her.
I poured myself a glass of whiskey, opened the texts from Antoine, and took a deep breath. He’d sent me a single phone number with the name Dr. Chen, and beyond that I was on my own.
I opened the back door and stepped out onto my patio. It was a crisp night and I felt the cold tug at the hem of my scrubs. I sat down on the metal patio chair and typed the number into my phone, then hit send.
It started ringing. I paced, feeling nervous.
“Hello?” The voice was calm, almost bored sounding.
“Hello, ah, is this Dr. Chen?”
“Yes, it is,” he said, like, of course it was. “And who is calling, please?”
“My name is Dr. Gavin Majors, I work at Mercy General. How are you tonight?”
A long pause, and I thought I lost him, but I could hear something in the background—a television playing a basketball game maybe, or it could’ve been a radio.
“Dr. Majors,” he said, sounding skeptical. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”
“I got your umber from a former patient, a guy name Antoine. Do you know him?”
“I’m sorry, I don’t recognize the name.”
“He’s something of a criminal,” I said and laughed, realizing how absurd that sounded. “He told me that you might be able to help me with a problem.”
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what you think—”
“There’s a man named Cosimo,” I said, cutting him off. “He works for the mafia. I don’t know much about him beyond that, but he’s been, uh, pressuring my wife, pushing her into… things she’s not comfortable with. Listen, Dr. Chen, I’m reaching out because I’m trying to get ahold of someone that can help.”
He was quiet again for a short beat. “I’m sorry. I can’t help.”
“Wait,” I said before he could hang up. “I only need a name or a phone number. Cosimo has to have a boss, there’s no way that asshole runs his crew all alone. If you know anything—”
“You have to understand something.” Dr. Chen no longer sounded bored or polite. His tone took on a warning edge that I knew too well. “In my line of business, talking to someone like you is liable to get me killed.”
“I’m not interested in messing with your business,” I said. “I need help, and if you know Cosimo, then you know it’s serious.”
He grunted. “I’m familiar with the man, yes.”
“Then you know the sort of stakes I’m dealing with.”
“Listen, this is beyond what I’m used to. I’m only a doctor, you have to understand. I treat them, but I don’t get involved with them.”
“I only need a name or a number.”
He didn’t speak again, but I could hear him breathing. He sounded stressed, and I could only imagine the sort of pressure he was under. These mafia guys were liable to turn on him at any moment if he even so much as hinted at betraying them. He probably feared them more than he feared anything else—and yet he worked with them.
It wasn’t too hard to imagine a doctor taking on their cases. We treat all people, good or bad, no matter what. It’s part of what becoming a doctor means—all people are my patients, and I took an oath to do no harm, to always care for humans, whether I agree with their choices or not. Chen healed them, probably fixed their gunshot wounds, stitched their cuts, reset their broken bones, but I doubt he approved of what they did.
Though I was sure the money helped ease his guilt.
“Very well,” he said. “But if you use my name, if you so much as hint at even knowing who I am, I swear to you I’ll find you and kill you. If you think I can’t or I won’t, think about the sort of men I deal with on a daily basis. I’ve picked up on a few things over the years.”
“I won’t breathe a word of your involvement.”
“His name is Dante. You can find him at a bakery over on Fifth and South most days.”
“A bakery? Do you have a name?”
“You can’t miss it. Looks like a hipster coffee shop. The place will be filled with his goons, so you need to tread very, very carefully. That’s all I can say, good luck.”
“Thank you—” But he already hung up.
I lowered the phone down and placed it on top of the table. I was going into this blind, but at least I had a lead. I didn’t know if Cosimo’s boss knew what sort of shit he was getting into, or if the guy would even care. Presumably, anyone that had power over Cosimo probably wasn’t a great guy himself. Still I had to try, because I knew it wouldn’t work any other way. Cosimo wouldn’t back down, but maybe I could talk to his bosses and pay them off, maybe I could appeal that way.
I had to try something, at least, because I knew Erica wasn’t going to go for my backup plan.
I stood and headed inside, running the plan through my head. I didn’t notice Erica in the living room until I stepped out of the kitchen and looked up.
She was sitting on the couch staring at a blank TV. She turned and looked at me, and I could see the uncertainty in her eyes.
“I didn’t think I’d come back,” she said.
“I’m glad you did.” I walked over and sat down next to her, but left a little space between us. “I know this is hard.”
“You don’t get it. Cosimo isn’t going to let me go, and sticking around with you— it’s only going to get you killed.”
I smiled a little bit and shook my head. “You know what I thought when my sister got married?”
She looked a little surprised. “No, I don’t.”
“I was happy she’d be someone else’s problem.” I gave a bitter laugh at the memory. “I was deep in med school at the time and barely had time to watch over her anymore, and I was relieved that she was going to move in with her husband and he could help take care of her— or she could learn to take care of herself. I was relieved that she was moving in with her abuser.”
“You didn’t know he was abusive,” she said.
“True, but still, I should’ve seen it. There were signs, even early on. I don’t think he got physically abusive
until later, but there were signs.”
“Come on, Gavin. If you had known, you would’ve done something.”
I nodded, staring into her eyes, and reached out to take her hand. “So you understand then.”
“Understand what?” She looked slightly bewildered as I touched her palm then held her fingers to my mouth. I kissed them, brushing my lips against her knuckles.
“I have to do something.” I tugged her toward me. She leaned over as I leaned down and kissed her softly. “I know about what’s happening with you. I’ve seen it up close. I can’t walk away. I have to do something.”
“I’m not your sister.”
I smiled slightly. “Yeah, and that’s a good thing.”
She laughed despite herself. “I’m serious. You don’t owe me anything. I’m a total stranger to you.”
“Maybe you were at first, but you’re not anymore.” I touched the ring on her finger. “You’re my wife now.”
“That’s not real.”
“It’s as real as we want it to be.”
I kissed it again, and although she might’ve tried to argue with me, I didn’t let her. I pushed her back against the couch and pinned her there, pressing her down with my body, feeling her warmth beneath me. I wanted her so badly it hurt, and my heart raced wildly as I kissed her and she wrapped her legs around me, moving her hips, moaning as my tongue rolled against hers. She smelled like soap and shampoo, and her skin was so soft as I kissed her neck, her throat, held her hands above her head, her breasts raising up, her belly button peeking out from under her thin gray t-shirt.
I moved down and pulled up the hem of her shirt. Her breasts spilled out and I palmed them, kissed her nipples, teased her, slipped another hand down the front of her black yoga pants. She moaned and rolled her hips, and I was wild with need, wild with desire as I felt her soaking spot, her dripping warmth. I teased her with my fingers and kissed her, licking a hard, pink nipple before drinking her lips in again, moving my fingers along her, driving her wild.
Every moan she made, every time she moved, I knew what I had to do. I knew I couldn’t stop this—knew I couldn’t back down no matter what happened. It didn’t scare me, although it should have, but I was used to high stakes. I was a doctor, damn it, and life and death were a part of my daily existence. Patients lived, patients died, and I kept going, a soldier against death, a soldier destined to fight for the living.
