“I’m understand, but I need to be there for her.”
“Well.”
“Betty, I am very sorry for your loss. I liked Vinnie. I wish I’d had the chance to get to know him better.”
“Well, he liked you too. Gave Doreen his blessing.” She sighed. “It’s going to be tough going around here for a while.”
“I’m sure it is. When my father died last year, it was like a dark dream.”
The women were silent for a moment until Lorna said, “Can you give me directions from the airport? Oh, and what is the gate code to get in?”
Betty gave Lorna the necessary information, and Lorna went outside to Anya’s waiting van.
TWENTY-FOUR
Same day
Miami
Lorna made her way out of the maze of roads connecting the massive Miami airport north toward Coconut Grove. She followed Betty’s directions and found herself at The House of Vinnie forty minutes after leaving the airport.
When she drove through the slowly retracting gates, the motion sensor lights came on and illuminated the entire front walkway, gardens, and door.
The large front doors opened, as if on cue.
Betty waited. “You made it. How was your flight and drive?”
Lorna walked in. “Perfect. The directions were perfect.”
“Doreen is still sleeping, believe it or not. She was exhausted from her long drive down here the other night, and she hasn’t gotten much sleep since then.”
Lorna set her baggage down. “That’s good. I’m pretty beat, too. I just got back from Cleveland. It feels like today started three days ago.”
Betty nodded. “I can understand that. Well, let me show you to the guest suite.”
As Lorna unpacked her bag and situated herself in the room, she thought about running a hot bath in the claw-foot tub located in the massive guest bathroom. There was every amenity one could want: thick plush towels, elegant soaps, candles, a radio and phone built into the wall next to the commode, a bidet, and two deep sinks with a solid wall of mirrors.
The overhead lights were on a dimmer, and she set them low. She turned on the radio and found a jazz station out of Miami. She ran the water hot, poured in some lavender bath bubbles, and stripped down.
Once enveloped in the hot water, she sighed deeply. She couldn’t believe she was here, in Miami, having been home for only a few hours. She let her mind wander.
***
Doreen tossed and turned. Her bed sheets were soaked from her sweat. She sat up and wondered where she was.
The darkness confused her.
She put her legs over the side of the bed. It was two o’clock in the morning.
“Shit.”
She peeled off her T-shirt and jeans and made her way into the bathroom, the events of the last twenty-four hours slowly coming into view.
The connecting door to the other guest room was slightly open, and she peeked around into the darkened room. When her eyes adjusted, she saw that someone was sleeping in the bed.
She stepped back slowly and quietly closed the door.
She wondered who was in there.
Doreen ran the shower and stood under the pulsing water for at least fifteen minutes.
She felt nauseated and hungry, over-tired and awake at the same time. Her heart sat like a rock in the middle of her chest.
She felt lost.
She knew she should call Lorna back. It was rude to hang up on her. And she did love her. But she would do that later.
Now, she needed some food.
Then she would go back to sleep.
Later that morning, Lorna, Richie, Eddie and Betty were sitting around the breakfast table talking about the funeral party Vinnie insisted on having.
When Doreen came downstairs and into the kitchen, she did a double take and then froze. She looked at Lorna and mumbled, “When did you get here?”
“Last night. You were sleeping, and I didn’t want to disturb you.” Lorna added quietly, “Nice to see you, too.”
Doreen shook her head, sighed, went to the cabinet, grabbed a coffee mug, and dispensed the coffee. “Why don’t we take a little walk?” she said to Lorna.
“Sure.” Lorna attempted a small smile for the rest of the family as she rose from the table. “See you later.” She said to them.
Doreen led them out a side door and into the gardens that surrounded the property. She turned to look at Lorna. “What are you doing here?”
“Ouch.”
“Well, what the hell? A little warning—”
Lorna cut her off. “I’m not very happy with the way we ended our conversation yesterday. Are you?”
Doreen looked away. “No, but I felt like you were coming down on me, and I couldn’t breathe.”
“I was mad. And for good reason, too.”
“You didn’t even give me a chance. You just started pumpin’ out the bullets.”
“Doreen, really? Bullets? Aren’t you getting a bit dramatic?”
Doreen sneered. “Not really, Lorna. It sure felt like it.”
Lorna shook her head. “I don’t understand. How did you think I would feel, coming home to that?”
Doreen shifted gears and raised her voice. “Look, I had no idea that any of that family history was still at the motel, okay?”
Lorna started to say something, but Doreen escalated. “You just can’t understand that, can you? You know, it’s not all about your motel and—”
Lorna interrupted, matching Doreen’s raised voice. “Are you saying that your history—and let’s not forget about the bones—”
Doreen blew up. “The bones! The fucking bones! How long are you gonna go on about the fucking bones? I didn’t do it, Lorna! My bat-shit crazy grandfather did! I came crawling—” Doreen was spitting now, her face beet red. “I came crawling back to you to and admitted to all those people that I was the granddaughter of a murderer.”
Lorna splayed her hands upward. “And now, that murderer’s legacy has once again risen from the depths!”
Doreen screamed. “I knew this was a mistake living with you. I knew I wasn’t good enough for you, for your dreams, for your way of life! Why the hell did you make me stay?”
Lorna winced at the harsh words and leaned back, away from the heat of Doreen’s anger. “Whoa, wait a minute, it was pretty mutual, remember? You wanted to stay as much as—”
Doreen cut her off again. “Sure, you had me help Milton build your garden. What was that?A payoff? Did you think maybe I owed you?”
Lorna felt the walls closing in. She spoke between clenched teeth. “What are you talking about?”
Doreen raised her arms, turned on her heel, and strode off farther into the backyard.
Lorna followed at a trot. “Doreen! Stop!”
Doreen turned and pointed her finger in Lorna’s face. “No! You don’t get to come down here and keep this shit going. No! You don’t get to do that! Maybe the tables are turned now! Maybe it’s my turn to tell you to leave! Just go!”
Lorna stopped in her tracks. She looked at the woman in front of her. This woman she fell in love with, this woman who had stolen her heart. Her breath caught in her chest. She put her hands out. “Wait. Calm down. Just take a deep breath.”
Doreen turned away from her, sobs wracking her body. “Go away.”
Lorna approached her. “No.”
Doreen crumpled to the ground on her knees, her chin to her chest.
Lorna kneeled behind her, encircling her with arms.
Doreen wailed.
Betty came running down. When she caught Lorna’s eye, Lorna shook her head. Betty stopped, watched for a moment, wrung her hands, then backed away.
Lorna cooed, “It’s all right, honey. I’ve got you.”
Doreen tried to talk between her gasps. “I just can’t … I don’t know if … I don’t belong … I feel so lost.”
Lorna continued to coo. “I know. I know.”
“No, you don’t… you have no idea. I feel
so … stained.”
Lorna held her tighter. “No, you are not stained!”
“I’ve got this … beast following me around my whole life. And just when things start to go well … so well, the monster reaches up and pulls me down again.” She hit her fist on her knee.
Lorna hugged her tighter. “C’mon baby. It’s all right. There’s no beast here.”
Doreen continued to shake.
Lorna rode the waves.
When Doreen’s sobs finally subsided, Lorna pulled Doreen back toward her so Doreen’s back was leaning against her chest. She offered up a crumpled paper napkin. “Here, honey.”
“Thanks.” She blew her nose and wiped at her eyes. She let her head loll back onto Lorna’s shoulder. “Ah God.” Her voice was ragged.
Lorna held her. “Talk to me, Doe.”
“I wouldn’t even know where to start.”
Lorna took in a breath and let it out slowly. “How about I apologize for making you feel closed in.”
“Accepted.”
“And how about I tell you that I am so sorry about Vinnie. I know he was family.”
“Thanks. Yeah…he used to drive me crazy, but I loved him anyhow.”
They sat in silence. Insects buzzed around them, and birds called to one another from high in the trees. Doreen turned around to face Lorna.
Lorna brushed some loose strands of hair from Doreen’s forehead. “You okay?”
Doreen nodded and blew her nose again. She said quietly, “I am so sorry about yelling at you. About the shit that went down at the motel with Georgie. I am so sorry.
Lorna asked, “Honey, why couldn’t you tell me about this on Sunday when we talked, when it happened?”
Doreen lowered her head and studied the grass between them. “I panicked.”
“Why would you panic?”
“Because … of … well, a lot of things.”
“Like?”
Doreen looked Lorna in the eye. “Because I didn’t want you to think less of me. Things were going along so well.”
“Less of you? Why would I think that?”
“My past. My family. The mob. The shame I feel around it.”
“Shame?”
“Yeah.” Doreen pulled blades of grass up and let them fly away in the gentle breeze. “The beast I was talking about, the one I can’t get rid of no matter how many times I try to run from it. It’s my heritage.”
“Honey, it’s not who you are today,” Lorna replied. “Your past is where you came from—you had no choice! But your soul and spirit today, that’s what counts and that is who you are.”
Doreen sighed deeply.
“Do you remember a conversation we had several months ago after you decided to stay on at the motel for a while?”
Doreen thought for a moment. “We had a lot of conversations. Refresh my memory.”
“You revealed a little bit of yourself to me. You told me how you used to run at the slightest inkling of trouble and how you never stayed in one place long enough to see things through. And that if things were going well, you’d purposefully screw it up.”
“Okay. I remember.”
“So?”
Doreen shook her head.
Lorna waited.
Doreen said, “Conflict.”
“Conflict?”
“I mean, my parents weren’t abusive or anything, and we had all the comforts of home. But they didn’t know who I was in my heart.”
“Who were you?”
“I wanted to be a boy; play ball, ride bicycles, build forts, catch frogs, and help my dad work on the car. I liked to take things apart and try to put them back together again. I was fascinated with the little parts of the bigger things, always good at puzzles, know what I mean?”
“I do. You have amazing talents.”
“But I was made to dress up like a little girl, act like a little girl. My mother paraded me around like some little princess. They had this idea about what little girls were supposed to do and act like.”
Lorna agreed. “I know the feeling.”
Doreen looked off behind Lorna’s shoulder, her memories pulling her brows together. “You know, I got sick almost every morning before I had to get on the school bus because I would refuse to dress how she wanted me to dress. I’d be late. And she was embarrassed. In front of all the kids on the bus she’d whup my ass with a fuckin’ spatula for sassing her and being late. It was torture. I’d get teased on the bus. Then I’d puke when I got off the bus. It was a vicious cycle.”
“Oh, honey.”
“I used to dream up these elaborate plans to run away from home. I kept a pencil and paper under the covers at bedtime to draw out the escape routes.”
Lorna smiled. “I can picture it now.”
“And then … when I saw my father get gunned down, so much changed. I was fifteen and ready to hate the world. I lived in a fog until we packed up and moved down to Miami, to Vinnie’s. When we settled in in Florida, I stuck to myself, went to school, ignored everyone, and learned the trades from my cousins. My mother moved up to Atlanta a year later, and I could finally be who I wanted to be. I practically lived in the garage, barely passed my classes to graduate. I didn’t care. All I saw was the open road. I custom built my Harley over the summer, and when I turned eighteen, I hit the open road.”
“So, you just traveled?” Lorna added, “A babe in every port?”
“Well, I don’t know about the babe part. Sex, yeah, but relationships? Not a one really. Oh, they tried all right. But like I explained to you, I could not find my way into it, so I found my way out and left.” She put her head down. “I know I hurt a lot of people. I tried to warn you.”
Lorna realized something. She ignored the comment and said quietly, “You know, honey, you and I are a lot alike.”
“No way! You’re smart, educated, logical. And I’m—”
Lorna cut her off and said matter-of-factly, “While you were busy running from relationships and hardships, I was busy running in place. I hurt a lot of people, too. I compared everyone to Jeanie, and no one measured up. Not a one. And you know what? All the smarts and logic kept me a prisoner. A hostage, just like your family status kept you.”
Doreen nodded. “Okay.”
Lorna continued, “It wasn’t until I bought the motel last year that I was finally able to be the person I kept hidden while growing up. Just because you and I have different backgrounds doesn’t mean we didn’t share the shame and misunderstanding while growing up. I too endured the expectations of being someone my parents thought I should be instead of who I was in my heart.”
“Go on.”
“I saw my parent’s wealth as a badge that they could use to dictate what I was going to do my life. Key word: My!” Lorna narrowed her eyebrows and spoke with rancor. “Be the perfect, well-adjusted daughter. Get consistent high grades, have the right friends, be on all the school committees and teams, date the right boys, go to all the right parties, go my father’s alma mater, become a lawyer. So, when my dad died, it was as if a locked door flew open and yanked me through!”
“And?”
She lowered her voice and found a gentler tone. “I did. I left the only home I had ever known, the only job I’d had since my mid-twenties, and bought the motel. I put all my eggs into one basket and went for it. There was no other way.”
Doreen said, “And then you decided to renovate, and all hell broke loose.”
She nodded. “I found myself in a situation that threatened my very core. It scared me because I knew there was no turning back.”
“I am so sorry. I should never have come in the first place. Or returned, for that matter.”
“But no, you’re wrong! What happened was not your fault. Fate put us together, don’t you see? I would have renovated the tennis court and pool with or without you in the picture. But you being in the picture was supposed to be, don’t you get it? Your history, your journey. It was the linchpin to expose the evil and get rid of it.” She
touched Doreen’s cheek. “We’re very much alike, you and me.”
Doreen nodded slowly.
Lorna leaned in. “I fell for you regardless. I fell for you from the first time I laid eyes on you. You woke up this … this part of me that I’d buried after Jeanie. I wasn’t even sure I had it anymore. You were supposed to be there that day in June. We were supposed to make love in the ocean as strangers. I was supposed to send you away, and you were supposed to come back. And, as far as I am concerned, you’re supposed to stay.”
Doreen kissed Lorna on the mouth. Tenderly and gently. When she pulled back, she murmured, “You think we were put together to help each other heal. Be who we always wanted to be?”
Lorna returned the kiss and took Doreen into a tight embrace. “Yes, I think so.” Then she added, “I know so.”
They sat like that, rocking gently, for what seemed like long minutes. Then they heard the familiar sound of in-ground sprinklers gearing up for a timed spray.
There was one located right between them.
“Oh shit, look out!” Doreen jumped up and grabbed Lorna’s hand. They managed to dash away from the onslaught of water before getting completely soaked.
Lorna stopped and pulled Doreen closer to her when they made it to the patio. She said, “We’re in this together, Doe. Right down the line.”
Doreen smiled, her deep blue eyes clear and her facial features soft again. “Yeah Lorn, we are. Right. Down. The friggin’ line.”
TWENTY-FIVE
The Pagoda Motel
January 9, 1981
Lorna and Doreen arrived back at the motel in the late afternoon on Tuesday. They went their separate ways to unpack and get settled. After throwing a load of wash into the wash machine, Lorna settled down to her mail. There was the usual cascade of bills, magazines, and junk mail. There was a letter from Avril she would read later after dinner and the bonfire that usually followed. She separated the bills and put them in a folder for later inspection. She flipped the pages of The Law Review without really reading anything specific. She got up, studied her empty cupboards and refrigerator, and decided to head to the grocery store.
Ladies of Pagodaville Page 14
