“Oh, um...no, I don’t,” Braden answered meekly. “I’m just really into art.”
“He’s not musically inclined, Miriam!” Fink gasped.
“No, but he’s an artist – a fellow creative – so that’s fine,” Miriam assured both Fink and Braden, who looked like he might throw up. She turned to him. “I’ve got some non-screamo upstairs you might like to try – do you want to check it out?”
“In your room?” Braden gulped. “Uh, yeah!” He nodded vigorously as Miriam led him up the stairs. “It was nice meeting you guys!” he called back to them.
“Hey, behave yourselves up there!” Fink yelled after them. “Each of you keep at least one foot on the floor at all times! No funny business!” He snorted. “And keep the door open!”
Miriam answered by slamming her door shut.
“He seems completely harmless,” Damian commented, grabbing a few more beers from the fridge to hand out.
“Oh, yeah, no one’s getting laid up there tonight,” Fink agreed confidently, taking a swig. “Maybe not ever. I’m getting a really innocent vibe from him.”
“He’s a kid,” Jake remarked. “What does she want with a kid? And one who listens to screamo?” He shuddered.
“Well, he’s like the polar opposite of her ex,” Fink pointed out. “Josh was older, and a jerk. This one’s nice – too nice, maybe – but I bet he’d never cheat on her.” The three of them returned to their movie night.
An hour later, as the movie credits rolled, the guys heard a door open upstairs and Miriam bounded down the steps with Braden in tow. “I’m glad you liked the music,” she told him happily.
“Yeah, Phoenix is okay,” he agreed, “but honestly I’m not crazy about some of the others; they’re just so mainstream now.”
“Foster The People have become somewhat mainstream, and you liked them,” she pointed out, walking him to the door. “I introduced you to some of my favorite bands tonight – whether they’re mainstream or not is no indication of whether or not they’re good. And they’re awesome.”
He shrugged, grinning down at her – he couldn’t have been taller than 5’6”, but he still towered over her. “I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree where music is concerned. So, I’ll meet you here tomorrow night?”“
“Yeah, 8:30,” she nodded. “Are you sure you know how to get back to your dorm from here? I don’t want you to get lost on the way back.”
“I think so – just go back up Oak, right? And then left on Avenue B to the Biology building?”
“Yes,” she confirmed. “That will put you next to Bruce. You should be able to get in the back door with your ID card – you have it, right? You should be fine.”
“I’ll just use the GPS on my phone,” he decided. “So...I’ll see you, then.” He appeared to be struggling internally for a few seconds, before leaning down to kiss Miriam. Jake, Fink, and Damian stared shamelessly as he quickly pulled away, squeaked out a “Good night!” and rushed out the door.
“Well, that was just painful to watch,” Fink observed, as a pink-cheeked Miriam shut the door and plopped down next to him on the couch. “Did you invite him to open mic night?”
“Yeah, Libby wants to meet him. I think she’s bringing a date, too,” she replied, as Fink’s expression turned crestfallen.
“A date?” he cried. “Why? Who? Why?”
“Some guy in one of her business classes, I don’t remember his name. You’ll meet him tomorrow night – Fink, are you crying?” Miriam asked exasperatedly.
Fink whimper-sniffled. “She’s my future wife!” he choked out. “Why is she going on dates with other guys? I’m not dating other girls!”
“You’re not dating her, either,” Damian reminded him. “The girl is hot – she’s gonna go out with whomever she wants to, and apparently, you don’t make the cut. Give it up, man; go find a girl who actually wants something to do with you.”
“Amen,” Jake raised his fist to bump against Damian’s. “Bring a date of your own.”
“I can’t,” Fink said sadly. “I think…I think I’m in love with her, you guys.”
They all groaned, including Miriam. “Well, just behave yourselves better than you did tonight, okay?” she requested of all of them. “I think you terrified poor Braden. I’m lucky he’s willing to go out with me again.”
“He almost pissed his pants,” Jake snickered.
“Well, yeah, you guys were deliberately intimidating!” she complained. “He’s a nice guy, you know – I was up there with him behind closed doors for an hour, and he didn’t try anything. It’s sweet that he’s so much of a gentleman. Please, promise to be nicer tomorrow.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Jake muttered, and Fink and Damian nodded their agreement.
Chapter Seven
September turned into October, and midway through the month, Miriam and Braden were still happily dating. They spent most weekends together, and he occasionally visited her at the lab (she declined to visit his workplace, preferring to never set foot in a dorm cafeteria ever again), and he sent her cutesy text messages several times a day. Jake found this last habit particularly nauseating and had no qualms about telling Miriam to her face, but she just shrugged and said it was sweet.
One Friday night in mid-October, however, the two of them had separate plans – at the stroke of midnight, Miriam would finally reach twenty-one years of age, and the roommates (plus Libby and her new boyfriend Zack, who turned out to be the teaching assistant for her business class) were taking her out on the legendary Fry Street Crawl. Not being much of a drinker, Miriam didn’t think they’d be out for long, but ten o’clock found her napping alone in her room in preparation for the night. Trying to nap, that is – she was too excited about her birthday to actually fall asleep. She’d been lying in bed for hours, tossing and turning to no avail. She sighed and thought that maybe she should’ve let Braden come over after all so they could watch a movie or something before the festivities began, but she decided she had made the right decision. It was good for them to be apart sometimes – they spent more time together than she ever did with Josh, and lately it felt almost suffocating. Not to mention the fact that, while still a gentleman, Braden had begun trying to take things further than she felt comfortable with; she was in no mood to deal with his advances tonight. Besides, they were spending most of the next day together, and her parents were taking everyone out for sushi in the evening, so they would finally meet Braden, too.
The guys had eased up on him a lot since that first night, and even Libby seemed to approve, unless she was just keeping her real opinion to herself to keep from hurting Miriam’s feelings, but that wasn’t really Libby’s way. To her credit, Zack seemed like a good choice, and the guys got along with him; Zack had even started joining Damian and Fink for their daily workouts, although Fink still wasn’t a big fan. He was doing better, though – he’d even gone out on a few dates recently. Damian had finally shaken Shelly off and was meeting up with three or four girls a week, and Jake...well, Jake never seemed to date. Girls would talk to him at Mack’s, but he never went out with any of them, or even tried to flirt back. Everyone just assumed that he still wasn’t over Callie, even though they’d broken up more than six months ago.
Someone knocked on her door, and Miriam straightened her faded blue Wonder Woman
tee shirt before calling, “Come in!”
“I have been listening to you squirming around in here for three hours – please, for the love of all that is good and holy, just get out of bed!” Jake pleaded from her doorway. “Come down and watch TV. You’re driving us all nuts. We just ordered pizza; get up.”
“I guess I should eat something before we go,” Miriam sighed, pulling herself out of bed and following Jake downstairs. “And Libby and Zack should be here soon, anyway.”
“We’re already here,” Libby called from the living room, flipping through the channels on the TV. “Oh, no, there’s nothing good on.” She grinned mischievously at Miriam. “Guess we’ll have to watch this – happy birthday!” she announced, handing a gift bag to Miriam. It was heavy. “These are from Zack and me,” she clarified, as Miriam opened the bag.
“Oh, my god!” Miriam squealed, pulling out DVD after DVD. “You got me a bunch of Eddie Izzard’s DVDs?”
“All the ones we could find,” Libby assured her, as Miriam hugged first her and then Zack.
“Thank you so much!” she cried, immediately popping one of the discs in. “We have to watch Glorious – I haven’t seen it in forever.”
The six of them ate pizza and laughed at jokes told by a man in a shiny burgundy suit and heels until Fink noticed the time. “Ten minutes to midnight!” he announced. “Let’s get going. Cool Beans first, then Riprock’s, then Lou’s – did you eat enough?” he asked Miriam.
“Yeah, I think so,” she answered, as they trooped out the door. “I mean, I don’t drink much, so I’m bound to be a lightweight no matter how much I eat.”
“Well, we’ll cut you off if you look like you’ve had too much,” Libby promised.
They arrived at Cool Beans right at midnight. Miriam gleefully handed her ID to the man at the door before ordering a Blue Hawaiian at the bar. “I’ve always wanted to try one of these,” she grinned at the others.
“Don’t take too long with that, we’re doing shots,” Fink warned, ordering six shots of vanilla vodka for the group. Miriam quickly guzzled the tasty drink as the shots were passed out. She took hers and made a face. “Ugh,” she spat. “I think I like mixed drinks better.”
“I’ll get you a better-tasting shot,” Jake promised, before ordering another round. He placed Miriam’s third drink in front of her. “You’ll like this one,” he assured her.
She tossed it back and grinned. “Butterscotch!” she cried excitedly as the three drinks in quick succession started to take effect.
“And Bailey’s,” he added. “It’s called a Buttery Nipple.”
Miriam giggled, definitely closer to drunk than she’d been when they walked in. “Nipple!”
Jake laughed, guiding her to a chair. “Here, take a break for a few minutes,” he suggested. “We’ll head for Riprock’s soon, and you need to be able to walk across the street without falling down.” He glanced around – Libby and Zack were at the bar with Fink, watching Damian flirt with a cute blonde. The blonde apparently wasn’t interested and loudly told him off, causing him to flee to Jake and Miriam, the others in tow.
“This is becoming a thing,” Damian complained, throwing back the shot in his hand. “I’ve slept with too many Denton girls – everyone has a friend, sister, cousin, or whatever that went out with me and is talking to every girl they meet! I haven’t had sex in two weeks!” For a man with Damian’s batting average, that was pretty bad.
“Cheer up, bro!” Fink patted his shoulder. “We’ve all had our slumps. Look at Jake! Eight months!” Jake glared at him.
“Oh, my god, I’m becoming the new Jake,” Damian realized, horrified. “I need another shot.” He disappeared back to the bar.
“Okay, when he gets back, we’ll move on,” Libby confirmed, finishing her apple-tini and stroking Zack’s arm as he texted, distracted.
Damian returned, still bummed, but very tipsy, and the group set off across the street to Riprock’s.
“Let’s do another shot together – a tasty one,” Libby suggested.
“Buttery Nipples for everyone!” Miriam giggled, and Zack went up to the bar to get the next round. Miriam’s phone buzzed and she dug it out of her pocket. “Ooh, it’s Braden,” she announced, tossing back the shot Zack handed her as everyone else did the same. “He wants to know how I’m doing.” She turned to Libby, unsure. “How am I doing?”
“You’re doing good, sweetie,” Libby assured her. “You’re just a little bit drunk.”
“Really?” Her eyes widened. “I don’t think I’ve ever been drunk before. Just tipsy, right?”
“Right,” Libby nodded. She glanced around, confused. “Hey, where’d Zack go?” She wandered off in search of her missing boyfriend.
Jake had switched to beer, wanting to stay sober enough to watch out for Miriam. Fink had done the same, per an earlier agreement, but he was currently watching Damian, who had been shot down twice since they’d arrived and was now taking his third shot in only five minutes.
“Slow down,” Fink advised him. “None of us is going to be able to carry you home.”
“Then leave me here to die,” Damian replied dramatically, casting his arms out, “because I don’t want to live in a world where I’m the new Jake.”
“Thanks, man,” Jake rolled his eyes, turning to Miriam, who was furiously texting. “What’s going on over there? Still talking to Braden?”
“Yeah,” she answered without looking up from the phone. “He wants to come over when we get back, but I told him to just stay at Bruce.”
“No, uh, birthday sleepover in the works?” Jake asked, scratching the back of his neck and stretching.
“Nope!” She giggled. “He’s not staying over tomorrow night either, but he’ll probably ask anyway.” She leaned toward him and whispered conspiratorially, “He wants to sleep with me, you know.”
“Oh, yeah?” Jake replied, a little bit uncomfortable. “So, what, you don’t want to?”
She giggled again, shaking her head. “No! He’s just a little boy. If I ever do that with anyone again, it’ll be a man – Libby said that’s an important dist-...distanct-...difference.” She paused. “He’s not the worst kisser ever, though.”
“Well, this conversation is not at all awkward for me,” he remarked sarcastically. “I love hearing about my female roommate’s sex life, let me tell you.”
“You’re silly,” Miriam snorted. “But I like you anyway.”
Jake smiled exasperatedly down at her. “Yeah, I like you, too, Drunkie.”
Just then, Libby stormed over and grabbed both Jake and Miriam by the arm. “Come on, we’re going to Lou’s,” she snarled, yanking them towards the exit.
“What’s going on?” Jake asked, glad they’d agreed before leaving the house to pay cash so they wouldn’t have to worry about waiting to close a tab as they moved from bar to bar. “Is something wrong?”
“Oh, everything’s peachy,” she spat, as Fink noticed them and pulled Damian out the door with him. They followed Libby next door to Lucky Lou’s. “I found Zack with some slut’s tongue down his throat, that’s all.”
“What?” Miriam asked, her eyes widening comic
ally.
“He ‘ran into’ his ex,” Libby growled. “And her tongue, I think I mentioned that. It’s over between us – what a jerk!”
“Could it have been an accident?” Damian slurred. “Like she jumped on him and he couldn’t fight her off? That used to be happen to me all the time, before I turned into Jake.”
“Again, thank you,” Jake muttered, annoyed.
They filed into a jam-packed Lou’s. “She’s Miriam’s size,” Libby glowered at Damian. “If he’d wanted her not to be all up in his tonsils, I’m sure he would’ve done something about it. And I’m pretty sure it was premeditated – he’s been texting someone all night.” She barked an order at a terrified bartender, who immediately poured several shots and handed them over. Libby took two, one after the other, before passing the other two to Miriam and Damian.
“Libby, be careful,” Fink warned, handing Jake a beer and keeping one for himself. “I understand you’re upset right now, but you said you’d stay sober enough to take care of Miriam tonight.”
“Don’t worry, I have an Irish-level tolerance,” she assured him confidently. “Comes from my dad’s side – he grew up in London, but his mother was born on a farm in Galway. She had the accent and everything.”
“Really?” Jake asked, surprise evident in his voice. “You don’t…look Irish. Or British, for that matter.”
“Well, my mom’s Armenian – that’s why I look like this,” she explained, gesturing to her caramel-colored complexion.
“Okay, fine, just…be careful, please,” Fink implored her, concerned. Libby actually smiled at him, something she’d never done before.
“That’s really sweet of you, Fink. Maybe you’re not such a creep after all!” She patted his shoulder.
Fink beamed at Jake. “You hear that? Not a creep – this guy!”
“Yeah, she’s a little mixed up right now. You’re still a creep, trust me,” Jake informed him. He glanced down at Miriam, who was now swaying somewhat. “Let’s ease up on the shots, okay? It’s going to be a pain to get these two home.” He nodded at Damian, who wobbled a little, too, and Miriam, who chose that moment to pass out. Jake caught her before she could hit the ground and Fink ran back to the bar for water. “Okay, new plan,” Jake announced, gritting his teeth. “Time to go home.” Fink returned with a glass of water as Miriam’s eyes fluttered open.
Love Thy Roommate Page 6
