Fragile Longing

by Reilly, Cora

  I wasn’t really scared of him. I wasn’t even sure what I felt. A whirlwind of confusing emotions. Was he going to say he was sorry? Because I definitely deserved an apology.

  “You caught me off guard. I expected to see you and not . . . not this version of you.”

  This version of me. It wasn’t what he’d wanted to say. “I thought you’d like it.” The moment I uttered the words I wanted to take them back. It was such a weak thing to admit. I hated showing weakness in front of him, especially after his freak-out just now. Mom had taught me to be prideful, not this cowering, wanting-to-please-everyone slip of a girl.

  “Change it back, Sofia. Before the engagement party. I don’t want photos of us together with you looking like . . . that.”

  I pressed my lips together. Tears of anger and embarrassment threatened to burst forth, but I held them back.

  The door opened and Samuel stepped in, his eyes narrowed. “What’s going on here?”

  I could have cried from relief. I just wanted out of this situation and away from Danilo to clear my head. It was difficult to think straight with him so close.

  “Nothing,” I blurted. Of course, my brother didn’t believe it. He stalked inside, his glare locking on Danilo. “The rules haven’t changed. You shouldn’t be alone with my sister before you’re married to her.”

  Danilo’s smile was dangerous. “Thank you for the reminder.”

  I used their alpha plays to slip out and rush upstairs. It took every ounce of self-control to call my hairdresser and ask her for a last-minute hair appointment the next day, then I burst into tears. That’s how Anna found me fifteen minutes later.

  She sank down on the bed beside me, stroking my head. “Danilo didn’t like your hair?” she guessed.

  “He hates it.” My throat was raw from crying, but at least the heavy feeling had turned into a small flame of indignance.

  “Fuck him.”

  I rolled on my side, giving Anna a bitter smile. “Language, Anna.” I mimicked Santino’s warning growl.

  “What are you going to do?”

  I shrugged. “I have a hair appointment tomorrow.”

  Anna’s lips thinned.

  “I know you would probably keep it to spite him, but I don’t want trouble on the day of my engagement. I want the party to be perfect. Pissing Danilo off will only ruin my mood as well.”

  “It’s your decision, Sofia, but don’t let him push you around. It was okay to cut him slack after the thing with your sister happened, but he should be over it by now.”

  “Men and their pride, you know how it is.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Don’t get me started.”

  Overnight, the small flame of indignance in my chest turned into a roaring fire. I was angry at Danilo for his reaction, but even more than that, I was absolutely furious that he was allowed to follow his blonde obsession and then dared to freak out because I’d colored my hair.

  I wasn’t a very rebellious person, had never been, but I felt the need to show him that he couldn’t push me around. Maybe I was young and not Serafina, but that didn’t mean he could act like an asshole.

  “Back again?” my hairdresser asked curiously. I’d colored my roots only a couple of days ago. I could already see her gossip radar springing to life.

  I gave her a cheeky smile. “I’m feeling like more change.”

  Her eyebrows rose. “Not back to your original hair color?”

  My eyes darted to the photo of a model with a cute bob cut and bangs. I’d never had short hair, and never really considered it. “I want that haircut.”

  She followed my gaze, her lips parting in surprise. “Are you sure you want me to cut so much of your hair off? It’ll take a while for it to grow back. You know how men in our world prefer long hair . . .”

  “I know,” I said lightly, feeling almost high from my small act of rebellion.

  My stomach did a little flip when she cut about fifteen inches off my hair, but once the blonde strands fell to the ground, it felt as if a heavy weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

  When she was done, my hair reached my chin in the front and ended a bit higher in the back. I was surprised how much I liked seeing myself with bangs, even if I had to stop myself from blowing them away from my forehead. I looked cute. Better yet, I looked nothing like Fina anymore. The cut would have looked even better with brown hair but that would have to wait until my next appointment, so Danilo didn’t think I had colored it because of his order.

  Samuel did a double take when I slid into the car. Still, it was better than the reaction he’d had two months ago. Now, it was more surprise, less horror.

  “And?” I asked.

  He looked relieved. “Better.”

  I supposed that was a compliment where he came from.

  Mom and Dad also looked as if a weight had been lifted off their shoulders now that I wasn’t Fina’s spitting image anymore. Dad even pulled me into a one-armed hug and pressed a kiss to my temple. “I hoped you’d dye it back to brown. I really miss your hair color, but this cut is something else, I have to give you that, ladybug.”

  “Something else?”

  Dad chuckled. “Well, it takes some getting used to.”

  Mom touched my shoulder. “You look like a French runway model, sweetheart. Don’t expect men to understand that.”

  I laughed.

  “Does Danilo know?” Samuel asked.

  I pursed my lips. “I didn’t think he’d be interested in my hairstyle.”

  Samuel gave me a look. He’d probably gathered that Danilo’s pissed-off state the previous day had been caused by my blonde hair.

  I barely slept that night, too excited about my engagement party and Danilo’s reaction to my haircut. I had a feeling he’d loathe it, especially because I defied him. While part of me still wanted to please him, my angry and frustrated side had won out.

  A fact that pleased Anna immensely judging by her grin. “Your mom’s right. You look French and sophisticated, but also cute. The look would be perfect if you’d start smoking those long, stylish cigarettes.”

  I snorted. “No, thank you. I don’t think a fashion statement is worth risking my health.”

  Anna rolled her eyes. “I didn’t ask you to become a chain smoker. But sometimes a smoke can be a nice touch.”

  “No, thank you.” I’d very rarely smelled smoke on Anna, but I’d never actually seen her smoke.

  Anna helped me put my makeup on because my hands shook too much for an accurate eyelid line. I didn’t want to overdo it and end up looking like an Egyptian princess. People would be talking about my recent hair change anyway. I didn’t want to give them additional ammunition against me. When they looked at me, I wanted them to be slack-jawed.

  Once my makeup was done, Anna helped me style my hair with a straightening iron, especially my bangs since my natural curls caused some havoc. I’d chosen a rose-colored combination of a strapless bodice and a tulle skirt that flowed down to my knees like an elegant petticoat. I loved the dress and felt stunning in it, and I had to admit it looked great with my shorter hair because it accentuated my collarbones and throat.

  Anna grinned when I turned around to give her a full view of my dress and the fluttering skirt.

  “You look like a princess. If Danilo’s jaw doesn’t drop in awe, that’s his problem.”

  I kissed her cheek. “Thank you.”

  Anna slanted a look at her watch, her eyes growing wide. “Okay, time to make myself presentable.” She slipped out and I stepped up to the mirror.

  I carefully touched my hair. I didn’t look like Fina anymore, and yet not like myself, either. I was caught somewhere in between, still adrift, trying to find my way back to myself. The blonde would have to go eventually.

  A knock made me jump.

  “Come in,” I said.

  Dad stepped inside and froze when he spotted me. He shook his head as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. “When did you grow up into a beautiful
woman? Didn’t I tell you to stay my little girl forever?”

  I laughed. “Maybe you should have locked me into a tower.”

  He came over and pulled me into a hug. I took a deep breath, trying to catch a whiff of smoke. Dad had been smoking on and off since Fina’s kidnapping. He kept trying to quit but it usually never lasted longer than a few months.

  “Maybe.” He pulled back, but wistfulness lingered in his gaze.

  “Still two years,” I reminded him.

  He touched my cheek. “I know. Now, we should really go downstairs. The first guests have arrived, and your mom is keeping them entertained with drinks and hors d’oeuvres.”

  We linked arms and headed downstairs. The soft hum of conversation drifted out of our living area. It was a big space, a combination of dining and living room. The catering staff had removed most of the furniture from the room and pushed the rest to the side to make room for high tables and a buffet. Beautiful flower arrangements in pale rose and bold pink matching my dress decorated the tables.

  The moment Dad and I entered the room, a hush fell over the crowd and their eyes focused on me. Mom gave me a proud smile from across the room, which made me lift my head a bit higher. She’d taught me to show strength and elegance in public, and I wanted to do just that.

  Still, some of my poise wavered when my gaze landed on Danilo. He stood beside his cousin Marco, his mother, and Emma. The latter gave me the encouraging smile that I needed before I met Danilo’s eyes again. His expression was unreadable, despite his polite smile. It was the standard gentleman mask he displayed in public, but deep in his eyes I caught the hint of disapproval, maybe even anger and shock. He hadn’t expected me to defy him.

  Dad squeezed my arm as he led me toward Danilo. The only one who looked less than happy about the events was Samuel. He was glaring daggers at my soon-to-be fiancé. Whatever went on between those two wasn’t my business.

  When Dad and I stopped in front of Danilo, my heart was pounding. I hoped my nerves didn’t show on my face. Danilo pulled a small parcel from his pocket and met Dad’s gaze. “I’m asking for your daughter’s hand in marriage. Will you entrust her to me?”

  It was the official phrasing. Your daughter’s hand. It was probably the same thing he’d said when he got engaged to my sister. He didn’t even have to change any words.

  “I do,” Dad said. He and Danilo looked at me, then Dad released me.

  Danilo extended his hand, palm upward. I put my hand in his and met his gaze, wishing I could read his mind. Danilo startled me when he lightly stroked his thumb over the back of my hand before he slid the engagement ring on my finger. He didn’t try to kiss me, even though I wished he would. It would have been highly inappropriate. He did, however, tug me to his side and very lightly rested his palm on my back, a sign that I was his and we’d soon belong together. Being so close to him felt good despite how angry I’d been with him. I waited for Danilo to remark on my haircut, but he remained the poised gentleman to keep up appearances.

  After we’d accepted the congratulations of the other guests and they swarmed around the buffet, Danilo turned to me. “You kept the blonde.”

  “I did,” I said. “I like it, but I decided on a new haircut so I wouldn’t look like a bad replica of anyone.” A hint of cattiness rang in my voice, surprising me and obviously Danilo.

  His eyebrows twitched, but he simply nodded. “That’s your decision, of course. I, however, prefer you with long, brown hair.”

  How could he keep up this polite act when he was obviously pissed? “You don’t deal well with change, I get that. But don’t worry, I like my brown hair better as well. I’ll change the color when I feel like it.”

  His eyes narrowed. “You’re young. I might have frightened you yesterday, which is why I’m going to pretend that you didn’t act like a petulant, rude child just now, but I expect more from you.”

  I blinked at him in astonishment. Maybe I had acted a tad childish, but his condescension definitely didn’t make me want to meet his expectations.

  As if the matter was settled for him, his gaze moved to Samuel who gave a terse nod. I felt Danilo becoming tenser.

  Dad cleared his throat, then tapped his knife against his wine glass. “We have another announcement to make. Danilo, would you?”

  Danilo dropped his hand from my back and took a step forward. Confused, I raised my eyebrows at Anna, who just shrugged. Usually she got the hot news first and passed it on to me, but this time even she seemed to be clueless.

  “It is with great honor that I’d like to announce that our families, the Miones and the Mancinis will further our bond. Samuel will marry my sister Emma the same summer as my wedding to Sofia takes place.”

  Surprise shot through me. Samuel smiled tightly and headed over to Emma. Samuel gave them another one of his tight-lipped smiles before he put a hand on Emma’s shoulder. She was smiling brightly but it wasn’t honest. I knew because I’d learned the art of fake smiling from an early age. I didn’t understand why she wasn’t happy about marrying my brother. Samuel could be a bit of a moron, especially when emotions were concerned, but he was a good guy.

  “A clever deal,” a low female voice muttered spitefully, but I couldn’t detect its source. Frowning, I turned to Danilo. He had a murderous glint in his eyes.

  Now that I paid closer attention, I noticed that quite a few guests were whispering conspiratorially, thinking nobody would notice because many others were congratulating Emma and Samuel.

  “The poor girl is so lucky.”

  “What about him? He needs an heir.”

  Danilo pressed his hand against my back, firmer than before, his eyes thunderous as he led me toward his sister and Samuel. I understood his anger. From the whispers, everyone considered Emma lucky to have landed a match like Samuel, or any man really. They made it sound as if she were less because she was in a wheelchair.

  I gave her a bright smile and leaned down to hug her. “I’m so happy for you two.”

  “Thank you,” she said politely then pulled back a few inches to look into my eyes. “I’m sorry our announcement hijacked your special day.”

  I laughed. “I didn’t even think about that. Don’t worry. I don’t mind.”

  In fact, I was relieved the announcement had cut through the argument between Danilo and me.

  I turned to Samuel and wrapped my arms around him.

  I grinned. “You’ll finally settle down. Congrats.”

  His expression loosened slightly. “I never thought I’d marry the same summer as you, ladybug.”

  I flushed, my eyes darting to Danilo, who must have heard Samuel’s use of my embarrassing nickname. Samuel chuckled but sobered immediately when the next guest congratulated him in a less-than-honest way.

  I stepped back and allowed the other guests their turn. Danilo was talking to Dad and Uncle Dante, so I snuck away toward Anna. She used the distraction to grab a flute of champagne. I clucked my tongue. “Your parents don’t want you to drink alcohol.”

  She took a deliberate sip. “Hmmm . . . delicious.” She flashed me a grin.

  I rolled my eyes at her. “You’ll get in trouble if they find out.”

  “It’s a special day.” She nudged my shoulder. “Are you mad that they turned your engagement into a double announcement?”

  Why did everyone think that? I wasn’t generally keen on being the focus of everyone’s attention, I only wished for Danilo’s attention. Or had wished for it. “No. I’m actually relieved.”

  Anna nodded, but her expression told me she was mulling over something else.

  “What?”

  “When did they decide to give Emma to Samuel?”

  I shrugged. “I think Dad, Dante, Danilo, and Samuel made the arrangements yesterday. They had a meeting then.”

  Anna pursed her lips. “Could be. They didn’t waste any time to announce it, that’s for sure.”

  Something in her voice was off, but I didn’t get the chance to ask her abou
t it because Danilo appeared at my side. “We need to take a few photos.”

  I put my hand in his outstretched palm, giving a polite nod in return. Despite my best intentions to give him the cold shoulder, I felt the familiar flutter in my belly as he closed his fingers around mine. I couldn’t switch my feelings off, even if Danilo wasn’t quite the prince I had hoped he was. I followed him through the French doors to a spot on the terrace that had a beautiful view of the gardens.

  Danilo wrapped an arm around my hip and presented my hand with the engagement ring to the camera. The photographer snapped one photo after the other. I risked a peek up at Danilo, and his eyes met mine for the briefest moment. He didn’t look angry anymore. He looked almost confused. Too soon, the moment was over, and we turned back to the camera, playing the dream couple that we’d hopefully one day become.

  It was the last summer before I’d be married. I’d seen Danilo only once since our engagement, last December at the Cavallaro Christmas party. He’d commented on my brown hair, which almost made me regret my choice to dye it back, even if I’d missed my hair color. Apart from that, our interactions had been sparse like before, but I managed to distract myself with schoolwork and the preparations for our wedding. Most importantly, I stopped searching for articles about Danilo and his blonde conquests. In my mind, he’d stopped, and I wasn’t keen on finding images that would prove me wrong. I wanted to enjoy my life without constantly worrying about Danilo.

  “So, you really can’t stay longer than the weekend?” I asked Samuel again as we drove along the narrow road that led to the Cavallaro lake lodge. Anna, Emma, Leonas, and I would spend a few weeks of the summer holidays up there. It was the first year Anna and I would be at the lodge without our families. Anna’s younger sister was staying in Chicago with her parents, and Samuel had business to attend to, so he’d only drive me up and spend a night before returning to Minneapolis.

  Danilo was driving Emma to the lodge, which was why I hadn’t chosen my usual lake style of shorts and a top. Instead, I was wearing a beautiful summer dress to impress him. He would also be spending the night before returning to Indianapolis for work.