Fragile Longing

by Reilly, Cora

  Overcome with jealousy and anger, I decided to make him realize he had a desirable woman at his side, one who’d be his wife soon enough.

  For once, I wanted to be the one he looked at with desire. The problem was that I wasn’t sure what to do. Then a chance presented itself in mid-January of my wedding year.

  Samuel mentioned that Danilo was throwing a huge birthday party at his lake house. Marco was organizing it, a last huge birthday bash before Danilo became a married man. When I found out it was a costume party, a crazy idea formed in my head.

  I called Anna immediately.

  When I told her about my plan, she fell silent. “You take my stupid-decisions theory a bit too seriously.”

  “I’m not joking. I want to confront him. I want to hold a mirror to his face.”

  “By wearing a blond wig and a slutty costume and trying to get him on the hook? What would that accomplish?”

  “That he’ll realize I’m sexy too, that he’ll look at me and really see me.”

  “But he won’t see you. He’ll see a costumed blonde chick.”

  “Anna,” I whined. “Least of all, we’ll get the chance to attend a cool party. I deserve a bash before I become a married woman.”

  “I have a bad feeling about this. Not because of the party, but because I know you won’t like how Danilo will react. He won’t feel guilty when you reveal yourself after you kiss. He’ll only get angry. That’s how men in our world handle situations like that.”

  “Will you help me?”

  She sighed. “Let me come up with a plan. We can hardly ask our parents to allow us to attend.”

  “That would defy our incognito mission.”

  Anna snorted. “You watch too many gangster movies.”

  “As if I have to,” I muttered.

  “How far from the Mancini lodge is your family’s lodge?”

  “Fifty miles? Maybe a little less. Do you think we could stay there?”

  “Let me see what I can do. We can pretend we need a girls’ weekend in your lodge, and then we sneak off to the party.”

  “Carlo and Santino won’t let us leave their sights.”

  “Don’t worry about Santino. I’ll handle him. I’ll give you a call once I’ve ironed out the details.”

  In usual Anna fashion, she did indeed handle everything. Anna had a way of getting her will in a subtle way. I wasn’t sure how she’d convinced her parents that she needed a weekend in the woods with me, but they agreed and that meant mine did too, and so Anna and I met at our lake house on the weekend of Danilo’s birthday party. Samuel was staying in the Mancini lodge to party the weekend away. Of course, I wasn’t invited as Danilo’s fiancée. Heaven forbid girls had fun.

  We arrived at the lodge on Friday afternoon, which gave us a day to prepare for the party on Saturday night.

  I had Carlo and one of my parents’ bodyguards with me, while Anna came only with Santino. It was ridiculous that I had more protection than the Capo’s daughter, but since the thing with Serafina, my parents and Danilo were uber-protective.

  Fresh snow covered the treetops and the roof of the lodge and crunched under my boots as I headed toward the front door. Santino’s car was already parked in the driveway.

  Anna sat in one of the plush armchairs in front of the stone fireplace, her legs curled under her. She smiled when she spotted me. “Santino made a fire for us to warm up.”

  We hugged and I sank down on the armchair beside her while Carlo carried my bag upstairs. Santino stepped into the living room, his expression verging on murderous. He gave me a curt nod before he headed back out.

  “What did you do?” I asked.

  Anna waved me off. “He’ll calm down eventually. Don’t mind him. We need to focus on you and how to dress you up. You still sure about doing it?”

  I nodded. “I’m going to confront him.”

  “You can confront him without playing a blonde chick and kissing him first . . .”

  I ignored the comment. I was determined to go through with it, even if Anna considered it a stupid plan.

  The party was set to start at eight, but Anna assured me it was uncool to arrive among the first guests, so we headed out from the lodge at eight. Santino was driving us, and he hadn’t said a single word.

  His anger worried me. What if he told anyone about our plan? My parents would be disappointed, and I’d be grounded until my wedding day. Though growing up in the mafia as a girl you were pretty much grounded for life anyway.

  “Are you sure my bodyguards won’t notice I’m gone?”

  “I told them I’d take the nightshift. They’re watching TV in the guard house. As long as you two stay out of trouble, we should be fine,” Santino snapped.

  I gave Anna a look. She obviously hadn’t revealed the details of our plan to him. He thought we wanted to party.

  I’d chosen a Catwoman costume. The leather cat mask covered the entire upper half of my face. Strands of the blonde wig trailed down my shoulders to entice Danilo. I hoped the mask would cover up enough to keep Danilo from recognizing me. I doubted he’d ever looked at my face for long enough to really notice the details, but it was still a risk. Maybe he wouldn’t even have recognized me without the mask. He’d never looked at me longer than a few seconds, if at all. I’d put on thick fake lashes and bright red lipstick, to entice and distract him since I’d never worn anything like it before.

  He’d see the long blonde hair and be drawn to it. Then he’d smell Serafina’s favorite perfume. She’d left the bottle in her bathroom when she’d run away, and I’d taken it as a small reminder of her. Today was the first time I wore it myself and it felt strange. “How do I look?” I asked Anna.

  She sighed. “Not like you.”

  Not that Anna looked like herself. She’d dressed up as the wife of Chucky, the killer doll with a bright red wig and scary makeup. She was completely unrecognizable, which was necessary if we wanted to stay undetected long enough. If the Capo’s daughter showed up at the party, the news would spread like wildfire. Santino had refused to wear the matching Chucky costume. Instead, he was dressed all in black. At least he had a skull mask to cover his face, but that was the extent of his cooperation.

  “That’s what I was aiming for.”

  “I know,” Anna said. I could tell that she had more to say but was probably trying to word it in a way that wouldn’t hurt my feelings.

  “Say it.”

  “I just want to make sure you stay in control of the situation. You want to confront him, set rules, and make it clear that his behavior hurts you. Hold a mirror up to his face so he realizes how messed up his actions are,” she whispered so Santino couldn’t hear us.

  It sounded easy when Anna laid our plan out. She was a planner and had no trouble getting her way most of the time. I hated conflict and wanted people to like me.

  “Don’t worry. We went over our plan a million times. I’ll stick to it.”

  “All right.” But I heard the doubt in her voice.

  My worry that we wouldn’t be allowed to enter the party had been unfounded. Santino was well-known in our circles and got us in without a hitch even though the bouncers didn’t know who we were. They probably suspected we were society girls that Santino wanted to get lucky with. I’d never been at the Mancini lodge and it felt strange entering the place in disguise when it would be one of my homes in only five months. Our wedding was set for June, two months after my birthday, so I had time to finish school.

  As suspected, the lights were dimmed, except for a few disco globes and spotlights that bathed the rooms in different colors. The party wasn’t just happening inside. A large number of guests had gathered outside to smoke, lounge in the hot tub or risk pneumonia in the freezing lake.

  I leaned closer to Anna. “Do we have to congratulate Danilo? It’s his birthday party, after all.”

  Anna shrugged. “I doubt anyone pays attention to etiquette here. Have you spotted him yet?”

  “No.” I scanned the gu
ests. Most of the men were sparsely costumed like Santino, but the women had gone all out. The back of one guy reminded me of Samuel and I quickly angled my body the other way. Samuel would kill me if he found out I was here.

  Santino hovered close to us, arms crossed over his broad chest and his no-doubt pissed face covered by his skull mask.

  The music was so loud that the floor seemed to vibrate under my heels. I had never been at a party before, and I doubted I’d ever be allowed to attend one officially. I gave Anna a wide-eyed look when a naked girl raced past us and dashed down the path to the lake. She smirked, giving me an I-told-you-so look. Santino’s expression on the other hand conveyed that he wanted to kill us.

  I leaned over to Anna. “He looks pissed. Are you sure this is a good idea?”

  She waved me off. “Don’t worry. I can handle him.”

  I wondered what exactly Anna had used against him. Santino didn’t strike me as a man who would let a teenage girl tell him what to do. But Anna refused to tell me. Technically, she wasn’t breaking our pinky swear by keeping a secret because she wasn’t lying outright. I wished I’d thought of that when we’d made that promise many years ago. Then I’d have stipulated different terms. My curiosity was killing me.

  I looked around, not sure what to do. Anna linked our fingers and dragged me over to the bar on the patio. I shivered from the cold. Anna handed me a drink. I sipped at it and grimaced. It was beer with a strange lemony note.

  Another glance around confirmed Danilo wasn’t nearby. I touched my mask again. Still safely in place. Few people wore actual face masks. Even Danilo would recognize me without a mask though.

  Anna nudged me, and I followed her gaze. My stomach sank. Danilo and his cousin Marco stood off to the side of the large wooden patio, talking to two girls. Naturally, Danilo was with a blonde—again. Always with blondes. Always with women who resembled Serafina but couldn’t hold a candle to her beauty. They were less, a copy of the original.

  Less.

  So was I. Not what Danilo wanted.

  I was the consolation prize, would always be.

  Indignation rose in me. He’d never given me a chance to show him I was more than second best, more than a consolation prize.

  I shoved down those thoughts and nodded to show Anna that I’d spotted him. He was only talking to the girl, but I doubted that was where it would end. I took another sip from my drink, considering what to do. Was I brave enough to approach him? To play this out to the end?

  Danilo was dressed in a SWAT uniform, no mask or makeup, which made him easy to spot. His cousin had opted for a Joker costume.

  “This is your chance,” Anna shouted into my ear when the two girls headed back inside the house. “They’re probably taking a bathroom break, so you need to hurry.”

  I nodded, suddenly overcome with nerves. I’d never flirted with anyone, unless my failed attempts to flirt with Danilo counted. “They could be returning soon, though, and what about Santino?”

  He leaned against the bar next to us, glowering but keeping watch. He hadn’t touched any alcohol yet and probably wouldn’t.

  Anna smiled coyly. “He can’t split himself in two, and I’m his priority. I’ll head to the restrooms. Maybe I can even chat up those girls and hold them up.”

  “If people recognize you, you’re going to be in a whole world of trouble.”

  “Don’t worry. I won’t get caught.”

  Anna turned to Santino and nudged his arm. He leaned down so she could reach his ear. He glanced between me and her, his eyes hardening, then he gave a sharp nod. Before they left, he walked up to me. “Don’t move a fucking inch. If I don’t find you right in this spot when I return, there’ll be hell to pay.”

  I swallowed and nodded. God, he was scary as hell. I didn’t know how Anna could enjoy teasing him so much.

  Anna winked at me, then she and Santino went in search of the restrooms. I righted the blonde wig, then paused. I gathered my courage by taking another sip of my drink before sauntering over to Danilo. His cousin nudged him, and then Danilo’s eyes locked on me. I tensed, worried he would recognize me. I didn’t even want to imagine the amount of trouble I’d be in. I had some difficulty walking elegantly with my high heels on the wooden boards of the patio and hoped I wouldn’t faceplant.

  His posture changed, becoming alert and almost eager. Without my brown hair, my resemblance to Serafina was even stronger. I wasn’t quite as tall, and my facial features were a bit different. The copy. Not the original. Always the copy. But I knew I’d be close enough to her looks to attract Danilo. The use of Fina’s old perfume would only add to the illusion.

  I swayed my hips as I moved through the crowd. I didn’t even feel the cold anymore. My blood was pumping through my veins, making me feel hot all over.

  Danilo wasn’t the only man checking me out, and I couldn’t deny that it boosted my ego.

  When I stopped in front of him, my heart was thundering. Danilo scanned my tight leather pants and corset that shoved my breasts up. Since he hadn’t really looked at them, he’d hardly recognize them now. I almost laughed at the thought. He definitely didn’t recognize me. He’d never undressed me with his eyes like that. Hell, he usually didn’t show a flicker of interest in my body.

  He was interested now. His smile was dark and confident. And he had every reason to be confident. He looked utterly sexy in his SWAT uniform.

  “Hi,” I said, making my voice deeper and sultrier. The tone sounded strange to my ear, but it had the intended effect. Danilo shifted closer, that smile becoming even darker. It sent a shiver down my back. He looked like the big bad wolf about to devour Red Riding Hood. Something a little unhinged flickered in his eyes. This wasn’t the Danilo I got to see, not the sophisticated, cool gentleman. This Danilo was dangerous.

  Danilo didn’t say anything, only smiled in a way that made me feel like his prey. Men in our world were careful when they interacted with me. I was the daughter of an Underboss and the future wife of one—I’d never been confronted with open hunger like Danilo’s before. Even though it scared me, I wished he’d look at me that way one day, and not a copy-cat version of Fina. “I’m—”

  Danilo cut in before I could introduce myself with my fake name. “It doesn’t matter. Names are irrelevant. This is about tonight, not tomorrow.”

  I nodded quickly, feeling my cheeks heat at his rebuff. At least, that meant he didn’t care about the women he met at clubs. He forgot them the moment he was done with them.

  I wondered which Danilo was the real deal. Which was his true self? The restrained gentleman or the ruthless predator? I feared it was like Anna had told me. The gentleman was his public image, the one he needed to portray. But this version of him, right in front of me, the dangerous bad boy was his true self.

  Danilo stepped closer and leaned down so I could hear him better over the music drifting from the speakers above the bar and our heads. “Was there a reason why you came over to me? You seemed to have a purpose in mind.”

  I swallowed, overwhelmed by his presence. “I want to dance.” Good. That was part of the plan.

  “Dance, hmm?” He pulled me toward a clearing off to the right of the patio where lights and heaters had been set up. The bass droned even louder here, and a crowd of people was dancing wildly. I didn’t recognize anyone. Danilo pulled me against him, molding our bodies together. We’d danced with each other before at social functions, and he’d always kept an appropriate distance between us, made sure his hand was high up on my back. He didn’t now. His hand was on my lower back, and I could feel every inch of his strong, muscled body pressing against me. I felt like a marionette in his hold. His breath pressed into my ear. “It doesn’t look as if you want to dance with me. Maybe you should return to the bar. The cat’s only a kitty after all.”

  He’d noticed how stiff I was. Of course, he had. He was a Made Man. Panic rose in me. What should I do now? Anna would probably say this was the perfect moment to confront him, to reveal
my true identity and give him a piece of my mind, but even as I went through the plan in my mind, I realized I wouldn’t be able to pull it off. I didn’t want to, not yet. In theory, the plan had seemed easy, but with Danilo so close, my brain couldn’t function. I wanted to keep dancing with him, wanted his unwavering, dangerous attention. It was thrilling and terrifying at the same time.

  Anna and Santino were still gone, which meant neither of them could interfere. I would handle this myself.

  Even though this Danilo unsettled me, I was still drawn to him. I wanted to keep playing this game of seduction I’d never be allowed to entertain if I were me. I wanted—needed—to win him over as this wanton, sexy vamp version of me. He’d finally see me as more than the undesirable consolation prize. He’d see my worth, and maybe then I could stop feeling so insecure.

  I shook my head and tightened my hold on his shoulders. “No. I love dancing with you. But it’s too crowded for my taste. I prefer less people.”

  Danilo moved back slightly and smiled knowingly as if I’d told him a secret. I wasn’t sure what kind of message he’d received, but it seemed to please him immensely.

  Danilo gripped my hip as he leaned down to my ear, his breath hot against my skin. “Good thing that I know just the right place where we can be alone.”

  “Alone?” I repeated dumbly.

  Danilo chuckled into my ear. “I want to fuck.”

  I was stunned by his demeanor, by the vibe of dominance and aggression he gave off, by his words. He’d always been a gentleman around me, always in control. He hadn’t even wavered a second when I’d flashed my boobs at him, but to this blonde girl he was completely different. His words shocked me to the very core.

  Half dazed, I nodded.

  “I need you to say it,” he murmured.

  Say what? was my first thought. Then I understood. He needed me to express my consent verbally. My consent to fuck.

  I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. Was this how it always went?