Fragile Longing

by Reilly, Cora

  My mother exchanged a look of surprise with Anna.

  “Why don’t you show us an example, so we’ll know what to look for?” Mom said.

  I approached the dresses to my right and pulled out an ivory-white off-shoulder dress with long sleeves. I stared at the dress, felt the silk-like material, and knew I needed to try it on immediately. “Like this,” I whispered.

  “Try it on,” Anna urged, practically shoving me toward the changing room, as if she could sense it might be the dress.

  I didn’t dare think I could have found my dress on the first try. That seemed like fate, and so far, fate hadn’t really been kind to me or my family.

  The saleswoman joined me in the cabin to help me dress, then went to fetch a narrow underskirt to keep the fine, flowy skirt away from my legs so I wouldn’t step on it. There wasn’t a mirror in the changing room, and yet the dress felt perfect already, as if it had been made just for me.

  The moment I stepped out from behind the curtain, Mom and Anna stopped what they were doing and watched me. My heart pounded wildly as I made my way toward a small pedestal and the surrounding mirrors.

  When I saw myself, I had no doubt that I’d found my dress. The fabric was airy, a mesh of fine layers. The off-shoulder design was daring. Lace trimmed the bodice that wrapped around my body and dipped low to reveal my shoulders, collarbones, upper arms, and down to the swell of my breasts. The slight sweetheart neckline accentuated my chest. The sleeves ended in the middle of my forearms, and the full skirt flowed elegantly around my legs.

  “Perfect,” Mom gushed.

  Anna nodded. It was probably the first time I’d ever seen her speechless.

  The saleswoman appeared with a simple, elegant veil that she attached to my head with a jewel-studded hair piece.

  Mom sucked in a deep breath when the veil fell down my face. If Fina had gotten the chance to walk down the aisle, she would have worn a veil similar to this in style as was tradition in our family.

  “Danilo will be blown away,” Mom whispered.

  “I love it,” I said simply.

  Anna touched my bare shoulder. “Then you should get it. You’re the bride, and all that matters is that you love it . . . and yourself.” The last words were said very quietly.

  I smiled. “This is my dress. I don’t need to try on anything else. I love myself in it.”

  I hadn’t seen Danilo since that night, nor had I seen Anna since we’d gone shopping for my wedding dress. I spoke to Anna on the phone almost daily, but Danilo had stopped inquiring about my health after another clipped reply from me shortly after the dress shopping. I didn’t want his concern, because I wasn’t sure if it was honest or driven by guilt.

  I needed time to come to terms with what had happened and find the necessary strength to harden myself against the feelings Danilo evoked in me. My crush on him hadn’t magically disappeared, but I’d promised myself that I wouldn’t give up myself for this infatuation anymore. With my parents, I’d witnessed what true love was, a constant give and take. So far, Danilo hadn’t given but I needed him to. I wouldn’t make another move. It was his turn.

  I walked out of the bathroom and into the bedroom where Anna was putting makeup on at my vanity. She and her family had arrived in Minneapolis yesterday. It gave us the chance to get ready together for my eighteenth birthday party—one of the most important dates for a girl in our circles.

  Anna turned to me when I entered, and her mouth fell open. “Wow! What the hell are you wearing?”

  Anna only cursed around people she knew well and trusted, people who wouldn’t tell on her. I loved that she knew I was one of them.

  I glanced down at myself. “A dress. At least, that’s what the saleslady said.” I grinned.

  Anna got up, rolling her eyes. “That isn’t a dress. That’s a liability.”

  “A liability?”

  She walked around me, checking me out like I was a piece of meat. “You’re a risk to any man with a heart condition.”

  I snorted. “Right.”

  I was thrilled with Anna’s reaction. When I’d first seen the dress in my favorite boutique, I’d thought it would look perfect on Anna or Fina, but then I’d gathered my courage and decided it would look good on me, too. And it did. I’d never worn anything as daring before. It was cut low in the back, dipping down to the dimples right over my ass. Beautiful, intricate Swarovski-crystal chains held the fabric together. It hugged my body like a second skin. The neckline was high, reaching my collarbones, which only added to the allure. The dress had a long slit on my left side, revealing more of my leg than I usually showed. When I’d first put it on, I hadn’t been sure I could pull it off, but now I was glad that I’d bought it. I looked fabulous.

  “Danilo will lose his mind when he sees you.”

  I smiled at her, but we both knew it was fake. I’d tried to avoid thinking about seeing Danilo. It would be awkward.

  “Will you be okay?”

  I gave a resolute nod. I’d promised myself I’d keep my composure around Danilo. I wouldn’t embarrass myself again.

  “Let me do your makeup. You should look spectacular.”

  I followed Anna to the vanity and allowed her to wield her magic. Once she was done, my hair fell down my shoulders in smooth ringlets and my eyes seemed bigger due to the fake lashes she’d glued to my lids. I’d never worn fake lashes to our social gatherings before, but I loved how they accentuated my eyes. They weren’t too bushy or extravagant like the ones I’d put on for the Catwoman costume, but they added a nice touch.

  I grinned. “It’s perfect.”

  Anna looked gorgeous in a dark purple dress.

  “Anna, the guests are about to arrive,” Valentina called from downstairs.

  “My presence is required to greet your guests,” Anna said with a hint of annoyance. For as long as I could remember, Anna had to take over representative tasks. It was just something that was expected from a Capo’s daughter. “How come it’s not even my birthday but I still feel like the hostess?” She grimaced. “You must hate being friends with me. I really don’t mean to hog all the attention.”

  I grabbed her hand and squeezed. “Anna, you’re the Capo’s daughter. People will always look at you if you’re at a party. I don’t mind. I know you don’t like it. It gives me time to compose myself before I head down for my big entrance.” I winked at her.

  “Anna!”

  Anna rolled her eyes before she slipped out, leaving me alone in the room. I checked my reflection again. I liked what I saw. Over the years, open comparisons to Fina had become less frequent, but I knew some people still compared me to my sister. But today, maybe for the very first time, I felt confident enough that I didn’t mind. I wasn’t less than her, definitely not a consolation prize.

  I snatched my favorite purse—a small clutch with a silver chain so I could throw it over my shoulder—and left my room to head downstairs as well. The door to my right flew open and Leonas stalked out, almost bumping into me.

  “Careful,” I warned.

  “Whoa!”

  I flushed. “Nice suit,” I said to cover up my reaction.

  Leonas smiled smugly.

  “Leonas!” Valentina whisper-shouted, clearly at the edge of her patience.

  “My presence is required,” he said with the same annoyance Anna had displayed earlier. They always insisted they were complete opposites and fought like cat and dog on a daily basis, but they shared many character traits.

  Leonas strolled toward the stairs, as if he had all the time in the world. Valentina’s tone had suggested that wasn’t the case. Shaking my head at him playing it cool, I took a step to move down the hallway when Samuel stepped out of his room. Originally, the plan had been for him to move to Chicago after Fina’s wedding and work under Dante for a few years before he returned to Minneapolis to assist Dad. But after the kidnapping, he and Dad had decided his presence was required here for our protection. While he already owned a mansion a few houses
down from ours, he wouldn’t move there until after he married Emma. He froze when he saw me. “Sofia,” he said, almost as if he didn’t recognize me.

  “Yes?” I asked.

  He walked over to me, studying me from head to toe. “When did you grow up so much?”

  I couldn’t help laughing. “It must have happened in the last three to five years I suppose.” I barely stopped myself from saying ‘while you were busy living in the past’. I didn’t want any conflict today.

  He chuckled but a hint of wariness remained in his gaze. “Part of me wished you’d stay the little kid I could call ladybug.”

  “You can still call me ladybug when no one else is around. And it’s a good thing I grew up or my wedding to Danilo in two months would be a problem.”

  Samuel’s eyes hardened and his lips thinned. “Two months,” he repeated as if he’d forgotten how soon the wedding was. Occasionally, I caught myself shocked by the looming wedding day. I used to look forward to my wedding day, but now I leaned more heavily toward dread.

  “Don’t forget about your own wedding,” I teased to lighten the mood. Samuel would marry Emma only two weeks after my wedding.

  As usual, Samuel’s face became guarded when I tried to talk to him about Emma. I didn’t push him. Fina had once mentioned that he rarely talked to her about girls. He was just very private with these things.

  I’d often caught myself thinking about Fina these last few months, almost as much as in the days after she’d run off with Remo Falcone.

  “Sam,” I began hesitantly.

  Wariness entered his blue eyes.

  “Do you still talk to Fina?”

  His face closed off, but I grabbed his hand before he could walk away.

  “Please, Sam. I need to talk to her before my wedding. I need closure before I can start this new phase in life.”

  Samuel looked away from me. “You really think that’ll make things better? I found that it only complicates things.”

  “So, you’re still in contact with her?” As far as I knew, he hadn’t seen her since he’d attended her wedding in Las Vegas five years ago.

  “We should go downstairs. Mom and Dad are already waiting.”

  My fingers tightened around his wrist. “Sam, please. As an early wedding present to me.”

  Sam sighed. “I haven’t talked to her in months. And you know very well that whenever I did, Dante was aware of it. I won’t betray the Outfit for Serafina, not when she’s part of the Camorra now.”

  “Maybe you can give her my cellphone number so she can call me if she wants? It’s not like I could tell her anything of importance. I don’t know anything about business.”

  Samuel looked at me for a long time. “If someone finds out, it could cause a stir. Danilo will be majorly pissed. Not that our parents or Dante will be much happier.”

  “They won’t find out.”

  “I’ll give her your number. Now, we should really head down.”

  I squeezed his hand. “Thank you.”

  Samuel cupped my face and kissed the top of my head. He held out his arm and I set my hand on his skin, then let him lead me down the stairs. The soft buzz of conversation drifted up. The foyer was already filled with our family and arriving guests. Anna and Leonas stood dutifully beside their parents to welcome the guests while Bea hovered a few steps behind them, looking bored out of her mind. Mom and Dad were at the forefront of the welcoming party with the Cavallaros right behind them. It was tradition for the Capo family to welcome the guests as well.

  My eyes drifted to the back of the foyer where Danilo and Emma appeared, probably because they’d used the wheelchair-accessible back entrance.

  Danilo didn’t notice me at first. His attention was on my parents and Dante’s family as he went to greet them. The smile Anna gave him bordered on impolite, then she sent me a warning look. Her worry was unfounded. Even if I’d failed at my self-set plans before, I wouldn’t fall into the trap of my past behavior today.

  Samuel touched my back lightly and I jumped. I’d forgotten about his presence. He quirked one eyebrow quizzically. I needed to get a grip. No one could find out what had happened. Samuel had already been out of his mind with worry and anger because he thought I’d tried to attend the party. If he knew what had really happened, he’d lose it—and most likely try to kill Danilo.

  “Let’s go.”

  I nodded. But then Emma noticed me and grinned. Of course, Danilo followed his sister’s gaze. I braced myself for the inevitable. His eyes met mine and flared with emotion. Surprise? Shock? His gaze roamed my body as if it were a revelation before he schooled his expression back to its usual cool mask.

  A flicker of triumph filled me. His shock was like a balm for my anxiety. Still, I felt a hint of wariness, and my palms became sweaty. Even now that he looked like the perfect gentleman again, I couldn’t forget his demeanor from that night.

  Anna was practically x-raying me with her eyes from across the foyer, and I found strength in her gaze. I’d promised her I’d be strong, and more importantly, I’d promised it to myself. This time I wouldn’t crack.

  Over the years, there had been several long periods of time when I didn’t see Sofia. I’d barely thought about her once we went our separate ways. This time, everything was different, though. Since I’d dropped off Sofia at their lodge after our encounter at the party, I couldn’t stop thinking about her.

  It was mostly worry for her wellbeing but not only that. For the first time, I saw her as more than a girl who took her sister’s place. She was a young woman with curves that had attracted me. There was no denying it.

  Guilt, again, had been a very prominent companion when I replayed what had happened. When I’d met Pietro and Samuel seven days after the party in Chicago for Leonas’s initiation, I’d briefly considered telling them. Until the wedding, Sofia was theirs to protect. Even if I hadn’t known it was her, I’d broken my vow, the codex upheld by generations. What I’d done was inexcusable.

  As I saw Sofia come down the stairs, looking absolutely mind-blowing in a tight, yet elegant dress, I wished I could turn back time. I’d spent so much time regretting the past and what was lost that I hadn’t focused on what fate had given me.

  Sofia was gorgeous beyond measure.

  “You still have another two months before you can look at my daughter like that,” Pietro warned, shaking my hand harder than necessary.

  I clenched my jaw as I smiled. “Don’t worry. I’ll honor Sofia the way she deserves.” It was what I’d promised myself after the party. I couldn’t undo what had happened, but I’d try to do better, and I hoped Sofia would give me the chance. The way she avoided my eyes gave me little hope of that, though. The present I’d brought her dug into my upper thigh through my pocket.

  When she and Samuel stopped in front of us, everyone’s attention shifted to us.

  Sofia’s smile was bright, but her eyes didn’t reflect the same exuberance. They were cautious, no sign of the shy infatuation of the past. Samuel released her and gave me a sharp nod before he greeted a few of the Captains. I lightly touched Sofia’s hip and leaned in to kiss her cheek. “Happy birthday, Sofia.”

  She tensed under my touch but didn’t move away.

  “Thank you,” she said formally. I searched her eyes, but with dozens of bystanders it was difficult to create a private moment.

  “Can I have a moment alone with you?” I asked quietly. Usually, I’d have to ask her father first but after his yes, Sofia would be obligated to give me the same answer. I wanted this to be up to her.

  She ran a tongue over her lip nervously, drawing my attention to her mouth. I’d practically fucked her against a tree, but I hadn’t kissed her yet. I’d remedy that once we were married—if she let me.

  “If my father agrees,” she said. I turned to Pietro, and he gave his consent. None of the guests would feel offended if I whisked my fiancée away from them for a moment. She could accept their birthday wishes later.

  Sof
ia led me toward her father’s office. I opened the door for her and lightly touched her back to motion her in. The feel of her skin awakened a primal desire in me, but I shoved it down.

  Sofia shied away from my touch. Her body brimmed with reluctance at being close to me now that we were alone. If not for the public setting, she would have probably taken flight. I closed the door, my chest tightening at the wariness in her beautiful eyes.

  “I apologized, Sofia. I thought that had settled things.”

  She shook her head, pressing her lips together. Her lack of communication frustrated me. I wasn’t used to getting the silent treatment, and I hated mind games. Then something occurred to me. Maybe she didn’t remember my apology? I tried to remember the night. I wasn’t good at apologies but even if I hadn’t said the actual words, Sofia must have realized I’d expressed my sincere apologies in other ways.

  “It’s fine,” she said quickly, but it obviously wasn’t.

  I stepped toward her and took her hands in mine. She didn’t pull back but didn’t relax, either. “I wouldn’t have touched you if I’d known it was you.” The actual words I’m sorry were too difficult for me to say. It was a bad habit I couldn’t shake.

  Sofia looked up at me with a tight smile. “I know.”

  I wasn’t sure what to make of her reaction. Frustrated by my own inability to communicate properly with her, I took out the small box with her present, hoping to salvage the situation that way.

  “This is for you,” I said as I handed the small box to her.

  She took it and opened it. I’d chosen an intricate golden necklace with a diamond-studded teardrop pendant. Ines had told me that Sofia had had her eye on this particular piece for a while. “It’s gorgeous. How did you know?”

  “Your mother told me.”

  Sofia nodded.

  I took out the necklace. “Should I help you put it on?”

  She turned around and lifted her hair, holding her breath when my fingers brushed her skin as I fastened the necklace. She turned around. “And?”

  “It looks perfect on you.”