Fragile Longing

by Reilly, Cora

I bent and hugged Emma.

  “Are you okay?” she whispered.

  “Always.”

  I straightened and held out my hand for Sofia. She embraced Anna before taking my hand. Anna gave me a tight smile, warnings flashing in her eyes. I ignored her subtle threatening tactics.

  “Are you ready to go? With your family coming over for dinner, we should be back in time for you to meet the staff.”

  Sofia nodded. She waved at Emma and Anna then followed me. I squeezed her hand, searching her face. “How was lunch?”

  “Good. Nobody tried to interrogate me.”

  “They probably hoped you’d share tidbits without prompting.”

  “There isn’t really much to share,” Sofia mused as she met my gaze.

  “Yet,” I murmured. “But I’m willing to change that whenever you’re ready.”

  She tilted her head but didn’t say anything. A small part of me regretted that I’d kept my control last night.

  The drive passed mostly in silence. Sofia seemed lost in her thoughts, and I wasn’t used to having to work for a woman’s attention like that, even if Sofia was more than worth it. “I want to show you the city tomorrow after breakfast. Indianapolis isn’t a tourist magnet, but there are quite a few things to do.”

  Her brow furrowed adorably. “Sure.”

  Fuck, I wanted the giddy, infatuated girl back. This cautious version made me feel out of my element. Maybe that was what she wanted. Sofia was clever.

  Dinner with Sofia’s family was a pleasant affair as usual. Even Samuel suppressed the lingering hostility between us. After they left and the staff finished their shift, we were once again alone. I gestured at the fireplace. “Would you like me to light a fire? We could have a glass of wine.”

  “I’m kind of tired,” she said. “I’d like to go to bed, but if you want to stay up, I don’t mind.”

  I got the feeling she’d prefer if I stayed downstairs so she could fall asleep alone, but I wouldn’t allow her to put more distance between us.

  “I’ll join you,” I said, setting my hand on her back as we headed upstairs. She didn’t pull away, and I didn’t exactly get the impression that she loathed my touch. Maybe she wanted to hate it, but I doubted she actually did.

  I loosened my tie as soon as we entered our bedroom and dropped it on the bench in front of the bed. Sofia eyed me curiously as I began unbuttoning my shirt. I had no intention of hiding in the bathroom whenever I had to change. We were married, and while I wouldn’t touch Sofia unless she wanted me to, she’d have to deal with me being in different states of undress in her presence.

  Sofia moved toward the window and looked out over the grounds. Then she surprised me by reaching for the zipper at her back and pulling it down. I followed as inch after inch of her smooth skin came into view. She turned around, not looking my way, and casually shrugged out of her dress, letting it pool to the floor as if she undressed in front of me every day.

  Despite her played ignorance to my attention, the faint tinge of pink on her cheeks betrayed her. Fuck, I couldn’t take my eyes off her in her red lace underwear. Red suited her perfectly. She ran a hand through her hair then slanted a look at me. Her expression was probably meant to be blasé, but I noticed the nerves flickering in her eyes. I had to hold myself back from crossing the room and pulling her against me. Instead, I calmly continued unbuttoning my shirt and shrugged it off before I unbuckled my belt and stepped out of my pants.

  Sofia watched me for a moment, then she slipped into the bathroom. I took a deep breath before I followed her. “Do you mind if I get ready as well?”

  Sofia had her toothbrush in her mouth and shook her head. I stopped at the sink beside hers and began brushing my teeth. I watched her eyes travel down my body in the mirror. I had trouble not looking at her, especially with the way her nipples puckered under the thin material of her bra. She finished before me, and when I followed her into the bedroom a little later, her back was to me as she pulled her nightgown over her head. She was wearing only those tiny silk panties beneath it. My cock sprang to life. I didn’t bother hiding my arousal as I got into bed beside Sofia. She wanted proof that I desired her and if getting an erection just from watching her in nightwear wasn’t enough, I didn’t know what might be. I stretched out on my side, facing her. There was an arm’s-length between us. Sofia draped the blankets up to her shoulders before she looked at me.

  She seemed at a loss for words, and so was I. I hardly knew my wife. I reached out and cupped her face. She didn’t pull back, but she didn’t move closer to me, either. She simply watched me, as if she was trying to figure me out by merely looking. Most days I hardly understood myself.

  “I want to kiss you,” I said in a low voice.

  Sofia swallowed audibly but leaned forward and gave me a quick peck before she withdrew from my touch and turned on her back.

  That wasn’t the kiss I’d envisioned, but I’d take whatever closeness Sofia was willing to allow.

  She glanced at me. “I need time.”

  “You’ll get all the time you need, Sofia. I’ll take what you’re willing to give, just never mistake my patience as disinterest again, because if it was up to me, your body would be mine tonight.”

  She shivered and a pleased smile flitted across her face before I turned off the lights.

  “Good night,” she whispered.

  “Good night.”

  I listened to her rhythmic breathing. This time she fell asleep without crying.

  Maybe I could do this. Maybe I could fix whatever my thoughtless actions had broken.

  I woke with Danilo’s body pressed against me. I wondered if he did it on purpose, but I didn’t mind. I kind of liked waking up with his warmth at my back.

  Danilo used our second day as a married couple to show me around Indianapolis as promised. He took me on a gondola ride in the city center, and the gondolier even sang for us. Unfortunately, he got many Italian words wrong which led to a few very awkward wordings. I had to stifle laughter at some of his mishaps because I didn’t want to offend him.

  Danilo’s mouth twitched, and he leaned closer. “I had hoped this would be romantic. Alas.”

  I giggled, then covered my mouth with my hand. Danilo looked pleased as he put his arm around me and pulled me closer until I was resting in the crook of his shoulder. I relaxed against him as the gondolier bulldozed through one Italian love song after the other.

  “One day, I’m going to take you to Venice so we can have a romantic boat ride.”

  “That would be wonderful,” I gushed, forgetting my new-restrained self for a moment.

  Danilo took my hand and kissed my palm, the same gesture he’d used after the party.

  After our tour through the city, we had an early dinner at a modern French restaurant in our neighborhood where I enjoyed a delicious bouillabaisse. It was still early in the evening when we returned home.

  “I’m going to take a swim. Would you like to join me?” he asked.

  I shook my head. I’d promised to call Anna. “I’m going to read a bit.”

  He nodded, but I caught the hint of disappointment in his expression.

  Once Danilo was gone, I took out my phone and called Anna. She picked up after the second ring. After I told her about our day, she said, “He’s trying, I have to give it to him. He’s probably worried about blue balls.”

  I snorted. “I doubt he’s worried that I’ll make him wait forever.”

  “Will you?”

  I crossed the living room and stepped out on the terrace. “I don’t know. It’s not like I haven’t been thinking about being with him. Before the mess at the party, it was all I could think about.”

  “Someone’s horny,” Anna said dryly, making me laugh.

  “I just know I’ll get emotionally invested if I allow closeness.”

  Anna cleared her throat.

  “Even more emotionally invested. I don’t know if I want to risk that yet. Danilo says he desires me, and I believe h
im, but the thing with the blonde girls still unsettles me.” I sighed. “I don’t know.”

  “As long as you’re not sure, don’t do anything. If you want to have sex with him because you feel like it, then do it, but if you’re doubting it, stay away. Buy yourself a Satisfyer or another toy to keep the hormones in check.”

  “You are impossible,” I hissed.

  “I’d lend you mine but that would be awfully strange and unhygienic.”

  “Oh, be quiet!” I laughed.

  “What? A girl needs to keep herself entertained!”

  “As if you don’t know how to stay entertained.”

  Anna laughed. We chatted a couple more minutes before we ended the call, and I went to the swimming hall. Danilo was just drying off. I watched his muscles flex as he ran the towel over them.

  Before he could see me, I hurried back to the house.

  I was already in bed when Danilo came upstairs and got ready for bed. It was close to midnight, and I wondered what he’d been doing since his swim. He looked tired.

  “Is everything okay?” I asked.

  He startled, as if he’d forgotten about my presence. He perched on the edge of the bed. “I talked to my sister. She had a little freak out and I had to calm her down.”

  “What happened? Is it because of the wedding?”

  Danilo stretched out on the bed in his low-cut boxer-shorts. “The wedding is twelve days away, and I’m worried that giving her hand to Samuel is a mistake.”

  I put down my book and scooted closer to Danilo. He was glaring up at the ceiling. I touched his bare shoulder. “I know Samuel can be difficult, but he’s a good guy. Emma won’t have to be worried he’ll mistreat her.”

  “I’m not worried about that,” Danilo said in a low, threatening voice. The promise of violence flickered in his eyes.

  “Okay,” I said slowly.

  “Emma’s worried I forced Samuel into the marriage and that he doesn’t want her.”

  I bit my lip, remembering the conversation I’d overheard a while ago. “It’s the truth, though, isn’t it?”

  Danilo’s head swiveled toward me. “What do you mean?”

  “I know about the deal between you and my brother. You marry me if he marries Emma.”

  Danilo sat up and leaned closer to me. “Did you tell Emma?”

  “Of course not. I didn’t want her to feel what I felt when I found out.”

  Danilo sighed. “I tried to give Emma the future she deserves after Cincinnati dropped her as if she was worthless. It had nothing to do with you, Sofia. I would have married you either way.”

  “Because I’m a Mione and part of the wider Cavallaro clan.”

  Danilo didn’t say anything for a while. “That’s not something you can hold against me. I could hardly have chosen you at the age of eleven because I wanted you. You were a kid in my eyes. I followed the rules.”

  “I know.” I sighed. “But the deal between you and Samuel still feels icky.”

  Danilo stroked my arm gently, but the touch was enough to make my body take notice. “Do you think I don’t know that? That’s why I didn’t want you or Emma to find out. Our world can be harsh. Sometimes it’s better not to know every detail. But you need to know that I’m glad I married you.”

  I swallowed. “Do you want me to talk to Emma? Without mentioning the deal, of course.”

  “Maybe it would help.”

  “Then I’ll give it a try. I’ll call her in the morning and see if she wants to have lunch.”

  “Thank you, Sofia.” He leaned forward and kissed me lightly, but his lips lingered against mine, as if he hoped I might deepen the kiss.

  And I wanted to. His scent and warmth fogged up my brain. Instead of giving in to my body’s longing, I nodded and pulled back. This night, for the first time since the party, I dreamed about sleeping with Danilo. As with most of my fantasies, my first time happened in front of a fireplace with flames flickering in the background. I wasn’t sure why I’d chosen this fantasy as my favorite, but it played on repeat.

  I met Emma for lunch the next day at Danilo’s parents’ house. Her mother was having brunch with a few friends, so we had privacy. Despite my attempts to convince her that Samuel’s coolness had nothing to do with her and was just him being his usual idiotic self, I wasn’t sure if I got through to Emma. Like Danilo, she was good at hiding her emotions. I could only hope that Samuel wouldn’t mess up like Danilo . . . unless he already had. I had no idea of knowing since neither Emma nor he shared anything about their past encounters with me.

  In the following days, Danilo seemed more determined to get closer to me, but he also displayed remarkable patience at my keeping my distance. He often touched my lower back when he led me somewhere, took my hand, or gave me one of those lingering kisses that made me want to surrender to him. I enjoyed those small touches and felt myself longing for more with every passing day. Still, I kept my distance.

  I grew more relaxed around Danilo and began to find my way around the mansion and Indianapolis. My first meeting with the Captains’ wives went surprisingly well, mostly thanks to Danilo’s mother Adelina, and my introduction to the heads of the charity for disabled children was a full success. I even got along splendidly with the staff in my new home, though they were still restrained in their interactions with me.

  The only thing still dimming my happiness was the distant politeness between Danilo and me. It wasn’t the exciting giddiness I’d wished for as a newlywed. This time it wasn’t Danilo who was responsible for our restrained encounters. I could tell he wanted more closeness because he was always touching me and leaning in closely to talk to me, but he accepted my boundaries.

  I was torn between gratefulness and impatience. My pride kept me from allowing more, as if I needed to keep him waiting for far longer to make up for the years of longing I’d suffered.

  Danilo’s cursing caught my attention, so I stepped out of the bathroom of my old bedroom. It was the day of Emma’s and Samuel’s wedding in Minneapolis. Danilo and I had flown in only this morning because of a late-night meeting Danilo had to attend in Indianapolis. We were staying with my parents and it felt strange to be back in my childhood room as a married woman with my husband. Though the room held no sign of childhood, I felt as if I had been catapulted back to my younger self in my old surroundings.

  Danilo was tugging at his tie, glowering at his reflection in my vanity. He had to bend slightly to see himself.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “It’s crooked,” he bit out.

  Raising my eyebrows, I approached him. The tie looked perfectly fine to me, but Danilo had been in a mood all morning. “Let me,” I said, even though Danilo was better at binding ties. He dropped his arms and straightened.

  “Is this because your sister is getting married to my brother?”

  Danilo grimaced. “I can’t believe she’s getting married today. I know she’s a grown woman, but to me she’s still the little girl I want to protect.”

  I smiled. “That’s why Samuel doesn’t like you very much. You took away his little sister.”

  Danilo chuckled, his arms coming around me. “Yeah, he and I have the same protective streak. But I’m not giving you back, either.”

  My breath hitched at our new closeness, and my fingers curled around his tie.

  Danilo searched my eyes.

  Kiss me, I wanted to say but I stayed mute.

  Danilo lowered his head slowly, giving me all the time in the world to pull back. His warm breath brushed my lips, and my heart beat so quickly that I was worried it might burst through my ribcage.

  Of course, I’d heard girls whispering about kissing. That it could be a magical moment that filled your belly with butterflies. When Danilo’s mouth touched mine, it was all that. My body warmed, and a flock of butterflies went on a rampage in my stomach. But that wasn’t even half of it. I’d never thought a kiss could make my core clench with desire, could make me so aroused that my panties stuck to my
throbbing skin, but Danilo’s lips om mine managed that. He massaged my scalp as he tilted my head while his other palm rubbed circles on my back. And his mouth and tongue . . . My mind was spinning as my tongue followed his lead. He kissed me without hurry, a languid, savoring kiss, as our tongues discovered each other.

  Danilo pulled back to suck on my lower lip. My breathing grew heavier as our mouths slid over each other, as his tongue teased and stroked in a way that made me want to feel it in other places.

  When he finally broke the kiss, I was dazed and panting. My panties were soaked, and I wanted nothing more than to get some relief. Danilo’s eyes seemed to have darkened and his chest was heaving. He glanced at his watch and shook his head.

  “Damn it. It’s time for us to head out. Your family will be waiting for us in church.”

  How could he be so controlled, how could he not want to rip my clothes off? Part of me was glad, the part that remembered our last encounter and clinging to my pride, but the part my throbbing core led had other plans. Still, I stepped back, nodding. I knew my face was flushed.

  Danilo grabbed his jacket from the chair at my vanity. That’s when I noticed the bulge in his pants. Triumph shot through me. He slanted a look at me as if he was trying to see how I was dealing with our kiss.

  Gathering my courage, I went over to my suitcase and grabbed a fresh pair of panties. Mine felt sticky and I wouldn’t feel comfortable wearing them at the wedding, but under different circumstances I would have hidden that fact from Danilo to spare myself the embarrassment. After seeing his arousal, however, I wanted him to know I wasn’t unaffected by the kiss.

  Danilo’s eyes never left mine.

  I flashed him a coy smile. “Just give me a sec to change, okay?”

  His gaze flickered over the panties dangling from my fingers and his nostrils flared, his eyes darkening even more. “Go ahead.” His voice was little more than a rasp.

  Almost high with giddiness, I retreated into the bathroom. I didn’t close the door. Reaching beneath my lavender cocktail dress, I tugged down my soaked panties. Danilo hadn’t moved from his spot in the center of my room, and it thrilled me that he was watching me.