by Julie Kagawa
“I...” Taken aback, I staggered away from her, mind spinning. She waited, her gaze never leaving mine. “That’s not something you can just drop on me, Firebrand.”
“I know.” Ember’s voice was gentle. “But... I need more than the Sallith’tahn, Cobalt. If I have to choose between instinct and love, I’m going to go with love. That’s my choice, and I can’t be with someone who can’t return my feelings. So, I have to know. For both our sakes. Do you love me?”
“I... I...don’t know,” I stammered. “That’s not something I have much experience with, Ember. Hell, I spent my whole life thinking that dragons can’t feel that human crap. That it wasn’t something we could do.” I sighed, putting a talon over my eyes, resisting the urge to dig my claws into my skull. “I don’t know what you want from me,” I growled. “I would give you everything, but I don’t know if I can...feel that way.” Raising my head, I glared at her. “Just because you say dragons can love doesn’t mean I know what the fuck it’s supposed to feel like. Is wanting to be with you not enough? Is accepting you as my Sallith’tahn, the dragon I’m supposed to be with for the rest of my life, different than the human’s idea of love? I don’t know. Hell, maybe this is love, after all. Maybe...” I faltered and had to sit down for a moment. “Maybe I do.”
Ember squeezed her eyes shut. “When you’re sure,” she whispered, her voice strangely thick, like she was holding back tears, “when you figure it out, come find me again. But for now, please accept that I love Garret, and I don’t want the Sallith’tahn coming between us.” Opening her eyes, she met my gaze without hesitation or doubt. “I want you to move on, Riley,” she said. “Find someone else who is worthy of you. Who can give you their whole heart. You deserve it. And I...can’t give you that. I’m sorry.”
Numb, I took a step back. I thought I would be furious, maybe homicidal. I thought I would want to find a certain human, blast him to cinders and scatter his remains across a hundred acres of nothing. I thought I might want to snarl profanities at Ember, the soldier and the whole damn world. But right then, I just felt hollow. Empty. Like someone had carved a hole in my stomach and there was nothing left but a vast, yawning pit.
Ember, watching me closely, swallowed hard at my silence. “Riley...”
“Is that all?” My voice came out flat, and she winced. “Are we done here?”
Ember bowed her head. “Yeah,” she whispered. “I guess we are.”
Spinning around, I strode back to where I’d left my clothes on the hay bales by the door. Not caring what Ember thought at the moment, I Shifted to human form and began pulling them on, feeling the dragon’s sorrowful gaze on my back. And though the vindictive side of me rejoiced at her grief, wanting her to feel the same pain, I knew I couldn’t leave it like this. If she went into St. George territory with the soldier and never returned, the guilt would kill me.
After drawing my shirt over my head, I paused, then addressed her over my shoulder, not quite able to look her in the eye. “Be careful out there,” I told her softly. “I know you can handle yourself, and you don’t need me, but this is still St. George we’re talking about. Come back safe, Ember.”
“I will.”
There was more I wanted to say, questions I wanted to ask, arguments and protests wanting to burst forth, but it didn’t seem to matter now. I stepped through the frame into the late-afternoon sun and closed the door behind me, hearing the hollow thump echo all the way to my soul.
I’ve lost her.
I slumped against the wall, feeling numb inside and out. Ember was gone. She had truly chosen the soldier, to the point that even the life-mate bond meant nothing to her. How she could resist the pull of the Sallith’tahn was a mystery; I had no idea how she could just ignore that instinctive knowledge that we were supposed to be together.
But she had. And she’d made it perfectly clear where we stood now. Just being with the soldier wasn’t enough, it seemed. She wanted to sever the Sallith’tahn completely. I was willing to wait for her, to let her be human until she realized how very short their lives truly were, but even that wasn’t enough.
Move on, she’d told me. As if I could. As if this wouldn’t consume me from the inside, tear me to pieces little by little every time I saw her.
No. With a mental shake, I pushed myself off the door, hardening my emotions. I couldn’t fall apart now. Over a dozen hatchling dragons still waited for me beyond the yard. Trusting me to keep them safe from the massive storm brewing on the horizon. Talon was coming for us. I had lost my Sallith’tahn, but I was still the leader of this resistance, still responsible for dozens of innocent lives. I wouldn’t fail them.
So be it.
Goodbye, Ember. I stepped away from the barn and forced myself to move, to walk toward the farmhouse without looking back. Maybe someday, when this war is over and the soldier is gone, you’ll look to me again. And maybe... I can learn to love like a human, as well. But not now. Raising my head, I walked a little faster. I’ve been distracted for too long. Talon is coming. I have to look out for my own now, and make sure that, whatever the organization throws at us, we’re still alive at the end of it.
EMBER
In the cool darkness of the barn, I listened to Riley walk away. Listened to his footsteps fade into silence and curled my talons into the wood to stop myself from going after him.
I staggered across the floor to sink down in the corner, curl into a ball and put my head under my wing, shutting out the world as the realization stabbed me like a knife.
Cobalt is gone.
I started to shake. Hot tears welled in my eyes, spilling over to run down my scales, and I let them come. I didn’t regret my decision. It had to be done; Riley deserved to be with someone who could give themselves to him completely, who wasn’t in love with someone else. And I couldn’t truly be with Garret until this Sallith’tahn issue was finally put to rest. I knew I had done the right thing, for all of us.
But I could still feel the awful ache of loss inside, a gnawing emptiness that hollowed me out, making me feel empty and cold. I loved Garret with everything I had, but I couldn’t deny that it was Cobalt who made my dragon side stir and come to life. He understood me in a way a human never could. He shared my love of flying, my fascination with shiny things and the heat surging within that sometimes felt like it could consume me. Things only a dragon could comprehend.
And now, he was gone. I had let him go, so we both could be free. But that didn’t mean it hadn’t killed me to do it. To see the look on his face, stunned and devastated, when I said I didn’t want to be his Sallith’tahn any longer. It had taken everything I had to keep talking, to force myself to say those words. A few minutes of falling apart where no one could see it didn’t seem like too much to ask.
After several minutes, I heard the barn door open and close, and quiet footsteps, not Riley’s, rustled across the straw. Instinctively, I curled even more tightly around myself, pressing tail and wings close to my body. I didn’t know if I could face him right now, either. I hadn’t told him about the Sallith’tahn, what it meant, why Cobalt was supposed to be my life-mate. I’d meant to, of course. There just hadn’t been a good time.
“Ember.” His voice was calm, but it still made me wince. His footsteps stopped right beside me, close enough to touch. “I brought you a change of clothes.”
Warmth fluttered through my stomach. Even angry, he was still thinking of me, knowing I didn’t have my Viper suit anymore. Or maybe he just wanted to get on the road as soon as possible, and I was slowing him down. Either way, I needed to Shift, but I wasn’t going to do it with Garret standing there.
“That’s fine,” I said from beneath my wing. “Just leave them on the ground. I’ll change back in a minute and meet you outside.”
I waited for his footsteps to walk away, but he didn’t move. “Are you all right?” he asked, surp
rising me. It wasn’t a routine question; he seemed genuinely concerned. Or maybe I was just hoping he was.
“Yeah,” I mumbled. “I’m okay.” I just drove off my Sallith’tahn, my life-mate. Cobalt might never speak to me again. And I don’t know how angry you are with me for not telling you. “I’m sorry, Garret,” I said, grateful of the wing barrier between us, flimsy as it was. I didn’t want to see his eyes and whatever anger, disgust or sorrow lay within. “I meant to tell you earlier, and I know it’s an awful way to hear it now but...” I took a quick breath. “There’s this thing called the Sallith’tahn. It’s the Draconic word for life-mate, though you already know that.” Garret didn’t say anything, and I didn’t dare peek up to see what he was thinking. “It’s not something we choose, or initiate ourselves,” I went on. “It just happens. But when a dragon finds its Sallith’tahn, they’re supposed to be together for life. Or that’s how it always was, before Talon, anyway.
“But,” I went on quickly, “I don’t want to be with someone because instinct says I should. I want to choose who I want to be with. And I... I don’t love Riley.” For some reason, my voice broke, and fresh tears trickled down my scales at that statement, but I forced myself to say it. To really acknowledge the truth, to myself as much as anyone else. Riley was a fellow dragon, a best friend and my Sallith’tahn. We would always be connected, and I would always consider him one of the most important people in my life. But I didn’t love him. Not like I loved Garret.
“So,” I finished. “That’s the Sallith’tahn. That’s the thing between me and Cobalt. What I’ve been feeling...ever since I met him, really. It’s messed all of us up for a long time, but I finally told Riley...that I wanted to be with you.” Still no answer from the human above me, and I closed my eyes. “I love you, Garret,” I whispered, clenching my talons in the straw, “but I don’t know if the Sallith’tahn will ever go away. If it doesn’t, I might always feel that connection toward Cobalt. I don’t know if you can accept that, but...it had to be said. I don’t want any more secrets between us.”
There was a moment of hesitation, and I wondered if he was going to walk away. If this life-mate thing was too weird for him to handle.
With a rustle of straw, the soldier knelt at my side. His hand came to rest lightly on my shoulder, sending a ripple of current through my whole body. “Is that why you’re hiding from me?” he asked in a soft voice.
“I’m not hiding,” I answered, still not uncurling.
He tapped a finger gently against my wing. “So, you’re telling me that you’re a dragon, and you might feel dragony things from time to time.”
I lifted my wing a bit and peeked up at him. He gazed back, not quite smiling, but there were no hints of anger, disgust or jealousy on his face. Hope fluttered, and I uncurled a little more, folding my wing to my back again. “So, you’re okay with this?”
“I wouldn’t say I’m happy about it,” Garret answered calmly. His fingers gently traced a wingtip, making me shiver. “But I knew there was something between you and Riley that I didn’t understand. Something only another dragon would get. I’d already accepted that when I made my decision to stay.” His gaze rose to mine, and a resigned smile finally tugged at his lips. “You can’t be completely in love with a dragon and expect anything to be normal.”
The heaviness weighing me down vanished, and warmth spread through my whole body. I sat up, and Garret put a hand on my neck, his gaze never leaving mine. “I’m here, Ember,” he said. “Dragon or human, it doesn’t matter to me. Whatever form you’re in, and whatever comes of it, I’m not going anywhere.”
“Dammit, Garret.” My eyes watered again, and I blinked hard. “Don’t say things like that when I can’t kiss you without biting your lips off.”
This time, his smile seemed to banish the shadows from the barn. He rose, brushing straw from his jeans, and I stood, as well. Things were far from okay, and the situation with Cobalt was an open wound on my heart, but he was free. And Garret had chosen to stay. Maybe now the three of us could finally move forward. And hope that time would heal the terrible scars we gave each other.
“Tristan has a place for us to meet,” Garret said, returning to the task at hand. “It’s halfway between here and my old chapterhouse, not too far, but we’ll have to move fast. Are you ready to go?”
I nodded. “I’ll meet you outside.”
DANTE
“Hello, Mr. Hill. We’ve been expecting you.”
A table of about fifteen dragons looked up at me as I entered the room. All older than me. All important. Some I recognized instantly. Mr. Roth, the Chief Basilisk, Mace, Lilith. Dr. Olsen and his team were present, as well, and the scientist bowed his head as I passed, approaching the table.
Fifteen sets of ancient dragon eyes watched as I took my place beside Mr. Roth. A few weeks ago, I would have been nervous, maybe even terrified, to be facing this many older dragons on my own. But that was before I knew who I was. Before I had the power of the Elder Wyrm herself at my disposal. I was not just some nameless hatchling; I was the heir to Talon, the son of the most powerful dragon in the world. No one here would dare challenge me.
Excitement and elation fluttered within. I was close. So close to finally achieving my dream. Just one more step to the top, and freedom. Everything I wanted was almost in my grasp. There was just one last thing I had to accomplish.
An old dragon rose from his seat, scarred and grizzled with a glass eye that glinted in the dim light overhead. “The Night of Fang and Fire is nearly upon us,” he said in a low, gravelly voice. “It is time to strike the final blow against Talon’s enemies and wipe them out for good. Commanders...” He gazed around the table. “You know why you are here. Are there any final questions before we begin?”
“Sir.” I rose from my seat. “If I may?”
“Mr. Hill.” The old dragon blinked his one good eye and stared at me. Clearly, he was surprised, and maybe a little annoyed, to have his meeting interrupted. But he only bowed his head and motioned for me to go on.
“I have a request, sir,” I said calmly. “If the targets have not already been determined, I would like to be in charge of leading the attack against the Order’s Western chapterhouse in the United States.”
“The Western chapterhouse,” the dragon repeated. “I don’t see why not, but is there a particular reason you want that target, Mr. Hill?”
“Yes,” I replied simply. “There is.” He waited for me to go on and, when I didn’t, gave a quiet huff.
“Such as?”
“My reasons are my own, sir,” I said as politely as I could. He grunted, obviously not pleased but not wanting to argue with me, as I’d suspected. “But this chapterhouse has given me, and Talon, a lot of grief in the past. Suffice to say, I want to make certain it’s destroyed.”
GARRET
“Ember.” I reached over and gently shook the girl beside me. “We’re here.”
She stirred and sat up in the passenger seat, taking a moment to scan her surroundings. It had been a long drive from the lone farmhouse in the middle of nowhere, and the scenery had certainly changed. Now large buildings, intersections and traffic replaced endless fields and open sky, unusual for the farmlands of Idaho but not for a city like Reno, Nevada. It was late evening, and the sun had nearly set behind the distant looming mountains. Headlights lit the roads and streets, horns blared and swarms of people meandered down the sidewalks.
I repressed a sigh. Another large, crowded city. I missed the brief respite of the farm; despite the many noisy teen dragons sharing the house, you could still walk outside and hear nothing but birds, insects and the wind in the trees. It reminded me of my old chapterhouse, isolated deep in the Mohave Desert, a sanctuary from the rest of the world.
“What time is it?” Ember asked, turning back to me.
“Eighteen forty-five,�
� I answered, and at her slightly bewildered look, added, “Quarter to seven.”
She nodded and gazed through the windshield at the restaurant on the edge of the parking lot. “He’s meeting us at seven-thirty, right?”
“Yes,” I answered. “Though knowing Tristan, he’s probably already here.” I’d contacted my former partner almost immediately after arriving at the farmhouse, though I hadn’t known whether I’d hear from him again. After what had happened with the Patriarch, I wouldn’t blame him if he wanted nothing to do with me. Once I’d sent the message, I’d wondered if Tristan himself was all right. I might have defeated the Patriarch in battle and destabilized St. George, but from what I’d heard from Ember, it was Tristan himself who had shot and killed the leader of the Order. He wouldn’t be punished for it; I knew that at least. The Patriarch had broken the rules of the duel, confirming his guilt, and Tristan had acted accordingly. But it was still a heavy weight to bear, executing the man the Order revered above all others.
To my surprise, he’d responded within minutes, insisting we meet face-to-face. Reno was a good halfway point, and an unassuming restaurant, surrounded by witnesses, was a good spot for both of us to know we weren’t being set up. We were still enemies, on opposite sides of the war, and I couldn’t drop my guard.
Ember checked the pistol strapped to her waist, pulled her shirt down to conceal the holster and glanced at me. “Ready?”
I nodded. “Stay alert,” I told her. “I know you’re aware of what we’re up against, but Tristan is still part of the Order. We can’t expect him not to turn on us.”
We walked across the parking lot together and ducked into the restaurant. Inside, the hostess smiled brightly as we approached, not noticing the way we both scanned the room, searching for enemies.
“Good evening,” she greeted us as we stepped up to the podium. “Two?”
I shook my head. “We’re supposed to be meeting someone here,” I told her. “St. Anthony?”
