by Gerald Lopez
“It is gonna get crazy!” Don said, and chuckled.
“Alex and I will be on the water,” I said. “We need a group waiting by where we think the first grouping of trees on land will be.” I looked toward the boy nuns.
“We can handle it, Sir,” Sister Joe said.
“Yeah, two of us there,” Sister Randy said, “and two of us at the second point.”
“Sister Mack and I will take the second point,” Sister Joe said. “Don’t start making out with Sister Vaughn and miss something, Sister Randy.”
“I’m not stupid like that,” Sister Randy said.
“Neither am I,” Sister Vaughn said.
“I’ll be there to keep them honest,” Bella said. “And I have a pink basket to match my boa, that I’ll bring filled with treats to eat. That way we’ll keep our energy up”
“I’ll go with you,” Bean said.
“What about food for us?” Sister Mack said.
“I’ll go with you two and bring my goody-filled basket with me,” Randall said. “It’s bigger than Bella’s, and not pink.”
“Hey,” Bella said. “I used to pound people to the ground while wearing pink—there’s nothing wrong with pink.”
“Duuude!” Sister Mack said. “I thought it was you, but I kept thinking—no way! This is wrestler Jack Bella Gumm—he had that pink bubblegum lucky boa that Miss Suzette gave him years ago.”
“Oh my God!” Sister Randy said. “My pops and I went to one of your matches—the one where you beat the tar out of that guy Juvie Banks. You tag teamed with Nick Boar. Hang on—shit!” he looked at Nikki. “It’s freakin’ Nick Boar! “How did we not know?”
“No way!” Sister Joe said. “There’s no way that we have been in the presence of not just Bella Gumm, but Nicky Boar. This is incredible!”
“You all must’ve been kids when we did the wrestling circuit,” Nikki said.
“Your routine was ah-mazing,” Sister Vaughn said.
“Stop with all the fan sheee-it,” Don said. “We’ve got more important things to plan.”
“Sorry,” Sister Mack said. “I just can’t believe it’s them.”
“I know,” Sister Randy said. “And we ate with them—too cool. Pops is gonna be so jealous when I tell him.” He chuckled.
“Y’all better not eat so much that you have to poo and miss the moonbeam,” Antoinette said.
“We’ll be sure to bring some toilet paper and a shovel,” Randall said.
“Pete, Don, and I will keep our eyes on the downtown area,” Braeden said. “Sometimes things will happen there.”
“We can also be available in case we’re needed by anyone,” Pete said.
“Sounds good,” I said. “We need to be sure to exchange phone numbers.”
“Layton, I’ll meet up with you at Poppy’s Chicken Ranch restaurant and bar before nightfall,” Granny said. “It’s positioned to give us a perfect view over the water.”
“And everyone in town will be there including Jorri and me,” Nikki said. “Still, it’s where we need to be.”
“Bogie and Antoinette can go to Calvary point and climb one of the big trees there, where they can keep an eye out for any signals from the second point people,” Granny said. “I just need someone to keep an eye on them in case of anything.”
“I can do that,” Julio said.
“I’ll give Buck a call and see if he and Ginger can join you,” I said.
“The more people with us the better,” Bogie said, “in case those stupid ghosts come after us. And I want a can of that holy, blessed beer to take with me.”
“We’ll get you some blessed holy bottled waters,” Nikki said.
Alex’s phone rang.
“It’s a text from Miss Lucy,” Alex said. “Something’s happening near the pier downtown.”
“What?” Sister Joe said.
“Is it another ghost appearance?” Jorri said.
“Yes and no,” Alex said, looking down at the text. “It’s not one ghost appearance but several. Three to be exact, Layton.”
“Shit!” I said, then noticed everyone was looking at me.
“Layton hates the number three,” Alex said.
“You’re in a threesome with two totally hot guys,” Sister Mack said. “How can you possibly hate the number three?”
“I’d be happy to make that a happy foursome if it helps,” Sister Joe said.
Pete was looking down then he spoke.
“Something completely new and different is happening downtown,” Pete said. “Poppy himself, of Poppy’s restaurant just texted me, and he said even the old-timers are confused.”
“We need to get over there now,” I said to Alex.
“I’ll drive you there on my scooter,” Pete said. “It has a sidecar.”
“We’ll be back soon, I hope,” I said. “Everyone rest, visit with your wrestling superstars, or fans—or do whatever.
“You folks need to be extra careful if the old-timers are worried,” Jorri said. “There’s not much they haven’t seen. So this must be big.”
Chapter 23
Three Again
AS ALEX AND I waited up front for Pete, I put my arm around him and gave him a squeeze.
“How are you doing, babe?” I said.
“Good,” Alex said. “I’ve been getting some great pictures. I’m glad Forrest and Chip will be moving in with us.”
“Me too,” I said, then kissed Alex’s cheek.
“We’ve been running into ghost pirates, and we’re gonna be on an actual treasure hunt tonight,” Alex said. “Our lives are sort of ‘out there’, you know.”
“Oh yeah,” I said. “Hey, don’t forget we’ve also met some ex superstar wrestlers, a few cute boy nuns who have experience dealing with possessed people, and an ex organization agent granny drag queen.”
“Makes you wonder what else is in store,” Alex said. “It will be nice to spend some time at home after this adventure.”
“Yeah, but won’t it be a little too quiet?” I said, then smiled.
“Quiet is good,” Alex said, as Pete drove up in his scooter.
“Ready, guys?” Pete said.
“Yeah,” Alex said. “I’ll sit in the sidecar so I can take pictures. Just give me a minute to get myself situated.”
“No problem,” Pete said. “You guys are kind of having a crazy first visit to the key. When Charity has the babies you should bring them by. Everyone will love to see the kiddies.”
“I have no doubt we’ll do that,” I said. “I’m thinking we’ll probably even be back before that to visit. Actually, your family—you, Don, and Braeden sort of remind me of our family. It’s nice to know there are others like us that are making things work for them.”
Camera in hand, Alex made his way to the sidecar where he could easily take pictures of the people and surroundings.
“We’re a happy family and we look out for one another,” Pete said. “That’s what it’s all about, right?”
“Yeah,” I said. “You situated, Alex?”
“Sure am, thanks.”
I got on the scooter behind Pete and wrapped my arms around his waist.
“Hang on,” Pete said. “I’m gonna have to make my way through a thick crowd.”
Pete was able to maneuver around pedestrians and bicyclists, but it still took a while to get to our destination. Before entering the downtown area, Pete turned right, and we were on a street with a view of the water. Crowds of people stood to the side of the road with mouths open in awe.
“Are those what I think they are?” Alex said, while snapping pictures.
On the water in front of us were three ghost ships—two flew pirate flags, the other had a flag with a cross on it. They loomed large over downtown, but had no real weight to them since they were transparent.
“What does the cross flag on that one ship represent?” I said.
“That’s the church’s ship that carried the Russian treasures,” Pete said. “We’ve seen something like this before
, but with only one pirate ship—the second one is new.”
“The church ship’s flag would’ve made it obvious who they were and what they carried,” I said. “Talk about a target on their back.”
“There are three ships,” Alex said. “Your favorite number, Layton.” He chuckled.
The ships seemed to tremble in place, flicker in and out of view, then disappear. But then the crowd in front of us started running our way.
“What’s going on now?” I said.
“I don’t know,” Pete said. “Let’s see.” He drove onward while the crowd rushed toward us.
“They’re running from something,” Alex said.
“But what?” I said.
Pete drove down a side street to the left, and after a block or two, turned right onto the main downtown street. We were headed toward the pier. I took out my phone and got a call through to Diesel.
“It’s crazy, Layton!” Diesel said. “The craziest thing I’ve ever seen and there’s no stopping it.”
Chapter 24
Plucked!
WHEN WE WERE heading up the street toward the pier, Pete slowed down his scooter and stopped someone who was next to us.
“What’s going on?” Pete said.
“It’s Abigail!” the man said. “And she’s mad!” He ran past us.
“Who’s Abigail and what’s happening?” I said.
“I have no idea what’s taking place,” Pete said.
There were too many people everywhere, and we couldn’t keep going forward or around them.
“It’s too crowded,” Pete said, “we need to park and walk.”
“Agreed,” I said, then patted Alex’s shoulder to get his attention.
Pete parked and secured his scooter, then we rushed forward, fighting through a wave of people heading toward us. We passed Poppy’s Chicken Ranch restaurant and bar, and a buxom, red-haired waitress wearing a cropped T-shirt like Bambi had worn and short-shorts, ran up to Pete.
“Babette, what’s wrong? Pete said. “What’s going on?”
“It’s Abigail and Rhona!” Babette said. “You have to save ‘em. Remember all they’ve done for us.”
Babette grabbed Pete’s hand and urged him onward. They ran ahead, with Alex and me on their heels. The two finally stopped in front of a heavyset man dressed in a white T-shirt, white pants, and a chef’s hat. Alex nudged me then pointed upward.
“Holy clucking cluck,” I said looking left.
On the pier across the street from us was a two-story tall chicken. She held an old woman in her beak and was swinging her around. To the right was another two-story chicken but she was calmer and had no one in her beak.
“What the hell are those?” I said.
“The one on the far left side is Abigail,” Babette said, “And she’s got Lady Momma in her mouth.”
“Abigail’s the meanest damn chicken of the lot, and she’s got my momma in her beak,” the chef said, then looked toward the chicken, raised his fist and yelled. “Put my Momma down ya mean mutha clucker! I swear I will put you straight in the Fry Baby—do ya hear me, you dumb mutha clucker!”
“The pirate’s ghosts possessed them, just like they did with the dogs that time,” Babette said, then addressed the chef. “It’s not their fault, Poppy. Remember, Abigail helped you pick the lottery numbers one time and you won two grand.”
“I’d ring her neck, but nothing seems to work against those ghost possessed cluckers,” Poppy said.
“Layton!” Someone yelled from the crowd. “Layton, come quick!”
Sassy came into view, grabbed my hand and began pulling me forward.
“We’ll do what we can to help, Poppy,” I said, before following Sassy. Alex and Pete were right behind us as we rushed forward toward where Diesel’s hotel was located.
“We need to call Forrest, so he can get a handle on the crowd,” I said.
“He’s been on the phone with Diesel!” Sassy said, yelling so I’d be able to hear her over the crowd and several loud screams. “Miss Lucy heard something was happening on land so she asked me to come check things out while she’s taking it easy on the yacht.”
I spotted Diesel in front of the hotel, and something else I didn’t expect to see. Lily May was standing on top of a wooden bench on the sidewalk with a rifle in her hand. Timmy, Ralph, Gloria, and the hotel desk clerk were there too.
People across the way were screaming and trying to get out of the way of the giant chickens or they were busily snapping pictures of them—the idiots.
“Lily May’s determined to take those giant, possessed chickens out,” Diesel said.
“Your spouse is a former military sniper,” I said, then noticed a puddle directly underneath Lily May.
“My daughter’s also a lunatic whose water broke just seconds ago,” Gloria said.
“I blessed the bottled water then poured it over the bullets, Lily May,” Timmy said, “they’re good to go.” He handed the bullets to the desk clerk who stood by Lily May.
“Good thing Timmy’s an ordained minister,” Ralph said.
“Are you sure two bullets are enough, Mrs. May?” the desk clerk said as he gave her the bullets.
“There are just two chickens, right?” Lily May said, then shot the guy a look that meant business. “Thanks for the loan of the equipment, you’re on my good side now.”
“Thank you,” the desk clerk said.
I had to chuckle at the whole exchange.
Lily May was taking aim when her mother stopped her.
“Listen to me, girlie,” Gloria said. “If you shoot that chicken and take it out, the old lady in her beak will fall to the ground and probably break her neck.”
“She’s right,” Diesel said.
“The pier’s not that far above the water,” I said.
“Lady Momma, jumps off the pier at least once a year at our ‘Jump off the Pier Festival’,” Pete said. “She’ll survive falling into the water, no problem.”
“Then get the chicken looking over the water,” Lily May said, then grunted.
“The baby’s not coming, is he?” Diesel said.
“Nah,” Lily May said, “he just kicked that’s all.”
“The kid’s wanting to take the chicken out himself,” I said, and chuckled.
Lily May chuckled too.
“Abigail knows me,” Pete said. “I can get her to the edge of the pier, just keep an eye on us.”
“Will do,” Lily May said.
Alex looked at me. “I have got to get a close up of that chicken.”
“Go,” I said. “I’ll be here.”
As Alex left, he turned around and took some pictures of Lily May.
“This is insane!” Gloria said. “A pregnant sniper whose water just broke, standing on a bench with a rifle in hand ready to shoot at two plus-sized chickens!”
“Sounds like a normal day to me,” Ralph said from the corner. “Hell, seeing Lily May without a gun in her hand earlier was truly disturbing.”
“You do have a point there,” Diesel said.
“Where’d y’all find the rifle?” I said to Sassy.
“The hotel owner, who’s also the desk clerk, had one, thank God,” Sassy said.
“Layton!” Lily May said.
“Yes, Ma’am,” I said.
“The baby’s got me slightly off balance with his extra weight,” Lily May said. “Hold me steady from behind.”
“You got it,” I said.
“Ralph let me lean on your shoulder for this shot,” Lily May said.
“Girl,” Gloria said. “You don’t know what kind of kick that rifle might have. The force of it could send that baby flying outta you.”
“I took my panties off after my water broke,” Lily May said. “Y’all just be ready to catch the lil soldier if he comes ‘flying outtta’ me.”
We were all in position now. I was behind Lily May to keep her steady, Ralph was at her side, and Gloria, Diesel, and Sassy were below, in case a little someone de
cided to make an appearance. Timmy was praying to the side. It really was insane.
“The chicken’s almost in position,” Lily May said. “Everyone at the ready.”
A loud gunshot filled the air then another. There were cheers in the crowd.
“She took the chickens out using only one bullet on each,” the desk clerk slash hotel owner said. “Amazing.”
People turned our way and cheered toward Lily May.
“The baby didn’t come out, did he?” I said.
“No, thank God,” Gloria said. “But I think I heard him laughing at us.”
“Oh, Mama, you’re so crazy,” Lily May said.
“Me!” Gloria said. “I’m crazy? Have you looked at yourself? Lord, I can use a good, stiff drink. Only one, because I have to be on the alert to deliver my grandson.”
“I’m sure someone in the crowd will treat you to a drink,” Lily May said, then turned to the crowd. “Who wants to treat my Momma to a drink?”
There were a ton of replies from the people.
Lily May held the rifle out to the hotel desk clerk slash owner.
“After that, I can’t part you two until this is all over,” the desk clerk slash owner said. He blushed when Lily May gave him a kiss on the forehead.
If it’s one thing that made a sniper like Lily May happy it was having a rifle in a no gun zone. Ralph and I gave Lily May a hand down from the bench and she thanked us.
“I need to get cleaned up,” Lily May said. “Thanks for the help, boys.”
“Any time,” I said.
“It was an honor,” Ralph said.
Before she left, Lily May gave both of us kisses.
“That was a surprise,” Ralph said. “The goddess is warming up.”
“Don’t get used to it,” Diesel said. “She’s just happy to have a weapon in her hands.”
Diesel followed Lily May inside, while Ralph and Timmy went with Gloria to get a drink. The hotel owner went to get some supplies to clean off the wooden bench.
“Having fun yet, Layton?” Sassy said.
“Oh yeah,” I said. “We’ve got plenty to catch up on.”
“Here comes Alex,” Sassy said. “What say you boys buy me a drink while we catch up. Providing we don’t run into any more giant animals or ghostly apparitions.”
