by Linsey Hall
Hurry! Romeo said. Poppy is hungry and Eloise wants to join the fight up there, so I don’t have all day.
I raced over to the raccoon, eyeing the possum and badger. As usual, Poppy the possum wore a flower behind her ear and looked at me with just a slight tinge of judgement, while the badger shifted eagerly on her feet, ready to go to war.
Romeo, looking like a furry masked bandit, gestured with a little paw. This way. Through here.
He turned and sprinted down an even narrower alley, and I followed. Buildings had been built over the alley, hiding it from the sky. So that was why I hadn’t seen it from up above.
“We must be going right under the fight,” I said.
Yep! Romeo trundled along in front of me.
Eloise made a disgruntled noise from behind me, and I swore I heard her mutter, Pity.
“Did you just talk, Eloise?”
She didn’t respond. Maybe I’d imagined it, but I didn’t have time to dwell on it now. Instead, I sprinted through the darkened corridor.
“We’re headed toward the castle, right?” I asked.
Yep. Just a shortcut.
“I can’t believe I’m trusting a trash panda,” I said.
Of course you should trust me. I’m your divinely ordained sidekick. All Dragon Gods get one, and you were lucky enough to get me.
He was right on that, at least. Bree had a trio of pug dogs, and Ana had a trio of cats. I had the Menacing Menagerie.
And I’ll take trash panda as a compliment, thank you very much, Romeo continued. Trash and pandas are both delightful.
I grinned. “Of course it was a compliment.”
The little raccoon liked trash so much that he rejected his standing invitation into the Protectorate kitchens in favor of rooting through the garbage for treasure, as he called it. Poppy and Eloise were always by his side, of course, and I suspected that it was actually Poppy who ran this show. Eloise was the muscle and Romeo the charm.
Almost there, Romeo muttered as he careened left, down another narrow tunnel.
Ancient Edinburgh was full of these creepy underground spaces, but if these critters could help me win this race, I’d take it. Romeo seemed to know all the ins and outs.
“Hey, Romeo, you know how to get into the castle?” I didn’t know what to expect when we reached the final obstacle on this course, but I had to guess that breaking in was a requirement.
He glanced back over his shoulder. The toilets. Duh.
I grimaced. “Toilets?”
Yep. Ancient toilets. Just a straight drop through the castle walls. Like a little tunnel.
Holy fates, this raccoon was nuts.
There’s a few of them, but the widest drop chute is the one to the left of the main gate, around the side and under the tall tower.
“Fantastic.” He didn’t seem to register the sarcasm in my tone.
Nearly there. Romeo hurried out into a wider alley, and I followed, Poppy and Eloise at my heels.
Here. Romeo stopped abruptly next to a big dumpster, pressing his hand to it.
“The dumpster?”
He glared at me, seeming to not even realize that he’d touched it and was now petting it lovingly. Eloise and Poppy sidled up to it as well.
No, silly. He pointed up. The ladder.
I looked up, spotting another fire ladder. This one, however, looked like it had been built two hundred years ago and then survived a whole lot of fires afterward. Barely survived.
“Um, Romeo, I don’t think I can climb that. It’s got pieces missing.” I pointed to where the ladder had rusted through. “That thing is deadly.”
Romeo looked at me with big, innocent eyes. I didn’t realize you were a wimp.
I scowled at him, stifling a laugh at the subtle prodding.
You should do it, he continued. Try to win the prize. It might be a lot of trash.
Poppy and Eloise shifted excitedly.
“Doubtful.” But I did need to find a way up onto the roof, and fast. The castle was on a higher elevation than the Grassmarket, so racing across the rooftops made sense. We needed to make it to the stairs that led the rest of the way up to the castle on the cliff.
“What are you doing on the ground, you idiot?” Lavender’s voice echoed from above.
Damn it, she must have pulled into the lead.
Eloise stood up on her hind legs, growling.
“I knew you couldn’t hack it.” Lavender laughed.
Hot tar boiled in my chest, frustration following on its heels. Lavender was done fighting the demons, and she was getting a move on. No way I was going to let her beat me.
This had gone from just stay alive and don’t be an idiot to I will crush my enemies under my boot in about two minutes flat.
“Fine.” I looked at Romeo. “I’ll haunt you if this ladder kills me.”
He bowed. I’d be honored.
Another laugh bubbled in my throat as I stuck the hilt of the sword between my teeth and bit down. It was freaking hard to hold it like that, but I needed both hands to climb and I really didn’t want to lose my new toy. I didn’t dare stick it through my belt for fear that the electric blade would shock me.
I reached up and grabbed the rusty ladder, then began to climb.
Good luck! Romeo shouted from down below.
I was going to need it. The ladder was so rickety under my hands that it could break any moment. As quickly as I could, I scaled upward. Near the top, the thing creaked and shifted. My heart jumped into my throat and my palms turned sweaty.
Oh fates.
I scrambled up faster, frantic to reach the top. I was nearly there when the ladder shrieked and groaned, the anchors in the wall breaking free of the stone. I clung to the metal as it bent away from the building, the movement torturous and slow. Finally, the top of the ladder touched the building on the other side of the alley, swinging me over the narrow street below.
My stomach lurched as my palms sweated and my feet dangled.
Never trust a trash panda.
2
Sweating, muscles aching, I slowly climbed onto the other side of the ladder so I was at least on top of it. As I made my way to the wall, the metal shifted, rusty flakes falling down like reddish-orange snow.
My heart thundered and my breath came short.
Thank fates I was near the top. I grabbed a windowsill and climbed on, then shimmied up. As soon as I flopped onto the rooftop, I let the sword fall from my mouth and rubbed my jaw. Damn, I was sore.
“Hurry!” Bree’s voice flowed from the comms charm. “Lavender is getting ahead.”
I scrambled to my feet, catching sight of Angus, Carl, and Lorence fighting another group of demons. Lavender had left them behind, and frankly, I didn’t blame her. They weren’t outnumbered, so they should be fine.
I turned to follow Lavender and made a running leap to get across the narrow alley. I pushed my muscles as hard as I could, ignoring the burn. She was nearly to the edge of the Grassmarket, at the section where this neighborhood butted up to the cliff upon which sat the castle. There were narrow stairs leading up to the front of the castle, and no way I could let her get there before me.
For some reason, she’d stopped right at the edge of the roofs and seemed to be staring at the flight of stairs that led upward.
Why the hell wasn’t she racing forward? She was almost there.
A roar split the night, making the hair on my arms stand on end.
Holy fates, that had to be why she wasn’t going forward.
Whatever was blocking her path sounded big. The Protectorate had to have used a spell to hide this from humans. We were in the supernatural neighborhood, but the castle was near the Royal Mile, where humans could go. And this monster had to be right next to it, from the sound of his roar.
I pushed myself harder, joining Lavender at the edge of the roof. I stared at the steep flight of stairs that led upward to the Royal Mile and the castle. It was bordered on one side by the building upon which we stood,
and on the other side by the cliff upon which the castle sat. A huge monster loomed on the stairs, his body roughly human shaped and seeming to be made of stone. His eyes flared bright orange, like flames.
He raised a massive rock hand. Red glowed in his palm, like fire or molten lava.
“Oh fates. Duck!” I dived for the ground as the giant released the blast of fire.
Lavender followed, lunging to the ground alongside me. The flame plowed toward us, surging overhead. The heat was so close that it burned my forehead, and I buried my face in my arms. The creature roared again, the noise cutting through the thundering sound of my heart.
I raised my head to steal a peek, able to spot the top of the monster on the stairs. He raised his hand, which was beginning to glow a faint peach color.
“He’s recharging.” I scrambled to my feet and looked around for a plan.
Lavender joined me. “So, we’re cooperating on this?”
I looked at her, incredulous. “I don’t like you, Lavender. But I don’t like him more.”
“Fair enough.” She turned back to the monster. “I tried to hit him with a rubbish bin earlier, but he was too fast.”
So I needed to slow him down, then maybe she could nail him.
I spied a heavy rope that led up to a flag hanging from a pole overhead. It was a massive blue and white Scottish flag, and I really hoped people didn’t get pissed when it hit the ground. I ran to it, then grabbed the rope and sliced through it with my electric sword.
“I’ll yank him down, and you hit him with something heavy,” I said.
Lavender rubbed her hands together. “I can do that.”
I sidled up to the edge of the building. It was a fifteen-foot drop to the stairs below, which continued up higher to where the stone monster stood. “Distract him if you can.”
“Got it.” She raised her hands, and her magic fizzed on the air.
From the street below, a bicycle rose, then flew up the stairs, shooting toward the monster.
He dodged it, narrowly avoiding a strike to the middle. Lavender kept the bike floating, making it dart around his head like an annoying fly. He was fast enough to avoid it, but it distracted him.
Gripping my rope and sword, I jumped down onto the stairs below and raced upward. He was so distracted by the bike, which kept bopping him on the head, that he didn’t even see me race around his legs with the rope.
Once I’d made a complete circle, I darted up and pulled hard, my muscles straining. The rope tightened, yanking his feet out from under him. He crashed to the stairs below, landing hard.
He thrashed, trying to free himself, but he was awkward and slow. Lavender’s magic surged hard, and a massive trash dumpster rose up from the street below and hurtled toward the stone monster. He tried to roll out of the way, but the stairs were too narrow.
It landed on him with a thud, and he lay still.
I grinned, then turned and sprinted up the stairs. I was heading into possible human territory, and had to keep a low profile. For this obstacle course, the Protectorate would have created barriers around the castle so the humans couldn’t see us use magic, but I still needed to take a left at the top of the stairs and go about fifty yards up the Royal Mile in order to get to the castle. The street would be bustling with shops and bars, and chock full of humans.
Fortunately, with my black leather and pink T-shirt—and matching lipstick, of course—I would blend in nicely.
Except for the electric sword.
The thought almost stopped me in my tracks.
I didn’t want to give up my new toy.
Crap.
I didn’t slow my pace—Lavender was right behind me, after all—but I did look down at my beautiful new sword.
Double shit.
It definitely looked magical. No way to pass it off as a toy or prop, and I didn’t need the attention. A frown tugged at the corner of my lips as I looked for a place to stash the sword. There were no good hiding places on this stairway, and odds on it being there when I came back to get it were slim.
But I didn’t really have much choice, did I?
There was a little gap between two walls on my right, so I shoved the sword inside and kept running. I could hear Lavender coming up from behind me and didn’t pause.
When I reached the top, the Royal Mile looked normal. Loads of people bustled up and down the street, ducking into bars and late-night shops that sold all manner of trinkets and souvenirs.
It took everything I had to slow my frantic pace, but part of this job was stealth. A few people looked at me curiously, brows creased.
Oh crap, did I have blood on my face?
Quickly, I scrubbed at it again, hoping that I got the worst of the demon blood off. If I looked like the bad end of a horror film, the human cops might stop me. Then I’d definitely lose.
I was already doing so much better than I’d expected. I was neither dead nor totally embarrassed. I didn’t want to ruin my streak.
As quickly as I could, I strode through the crowd, cutting up toward the castle. I got fewer weird looks, so I had to assume the demon blood was off my face.
A quick glance behind showed that Lavender was hot on my heels. Behind her, Carl, Lorence, and Angus appeared at the top of the steps.
Crap. I turned back and hurried faster, resisting a full-out run.
The castle loomed ahead, a monstrosity of stone and age that perched on a rock outcropping that sat in the middle of the city. From this side, the Royal Mile led up to it in a graceful slope. On the other three sides were cliffs, one of which led down into the Grassmarket.
The moon gleamed on the empty courtyard in front of the castle, and as soon as I stepped onto it, the sound of the bustling street below faded. I turned, and the scene of the street behind me was no longer clear. I was looking through a hazy barrier and couldn’t really see what was going on out there. The street looked almost empty, in fact. Which meant they couldn’t see me, probably.
As I’d thought, it’d been protected against human eyes so we could use magic.
Except there was no moat for me to manipulate, which would have been really danged handy.
Lavender stepped through the barrier a moment later, her gaze triumphant. She didn’t even bother to look at me, just strode up to the massive wooden gate, her hands raised. Her magic swelled, and she directed her hands toward a huge iron cannon that sat in the courtyard.
Ah, crap.
The cannon lifted off the ground, wobbly at first. Then it picked up speed, shooting toward the castle gate.
Miserable witch. She was going to break the gate. It was probably ancient as hell and a historical artifact, and she was just going to smash it. The cannon slammed into the gate, shaking the wood.
I scowled, then turned, looking for another way in. Even if she smashed that thing right in front of me, I wouldn’t follow her in on principle. But it wouldn’t take her long to get through the gate with her method, so I’d need to be fast. I’d started this thing not wanting to die, and now I wanted more. I wanted to win. And maybe rub it in her face a tiny bit.
I searched the castle wall, hurrying around to the left. I was nearing the edge of the courtyard where it ended and the castle wall continued on, built right at the edge of the cliff. It looked like the cliff itself became the castle wall.
Please let there be some kind of entrance.
I could try to scale the wall, but it was pretty smooth. There weren’t a lot of handholds. And there were no other entrances near where I was standing. I looked out over the castle wall that was built at the edge of the plummeting drop.
My gaze caught on a dark hole that was about level with my waist. It was at the base of the stone castle wall, right over the open drop down the cliff.
Understanding flared.
Romeo’s toilet chute.
I eyed it, considering.
Oh fates, was I going to do this?
I looked around for any other option, but there was only smooth wall loo
ming over top of me. My heart thundered as I approached the dark hole.
Just a peek. A sniff.
I mean, the thing clearly wasn’t in operation anymore, right? I saw no stuff trailing down the cliff wall. In the medieval period, it would have poured right out and down the cliffside.
It was definitely big enough for me to fit through. And I wanted to win this.
Gingerly, I climbed onto the jagged cliff wall. I could just shimmy out there and climb up through the chute, as long as the interior walls had a few handholds.
Carefully, I climbed up to the chute’s entrance—or exit, depending on your perspective. I shook my hand to ignite the magic in my lightstone ring and stuck my hand into the hole. I thrust my head in after, holding my breath, and looked upward.
The chute went all the way up, sandwiched inside the castle walls. It was narrow enough to prop myself up inside the walls, but not too narrow, and some of the sides had jagged rocks for handholds.
Tentatively, I sucked in a bit of air.
Stale, but not so bad. It definitely hadn’t been used in centuries, and surely they’d tossed some water down here to clean it out, right?
I sure hoped so.
Because I really wanted to win.
I didn’t waste any more time debating—just started shimmying up through the chute, propping myself up in the little tunnel and climbing.
Claustrophobia began to close in on me about halfway up when the chute narrowed some more, but I sucked in a shallow breath and kept going. I imagined winning.
Actually, I had to win.
Because if I lost and was found stuck in a medieval toilet, I would definitely fail at my goal of not dying of embarrassment.
In the distance, I could hear Lavender’s cannon slamming against the castle gate. Good, she was still at it. I pushed myself faster, ascending like a chimney sweep. Frankly, I’d prefer that this was a chimney.
