“You’ve met him,” she whispers. “It’s Tyler.”
His name hangs between us as my hand automatically clenches around hers.
Jealousy is searing hotly through me, eating away at me as I think of Tyler, touching her...
Being with her.
I swallow thickly as I nod, dropping my eyes to our now entwined hands, our fingers tightly wound together, as I reply, “He seems like a great guy.”
“He is,” she replies softly. I stare at our hands, my eyes stinging as I hear her ask, “What about you? Do you have anyone special?”
Raising my eyes to hers, I watch how her eyes change as I reply quietly, “Yes, about two years after meeting you, I met Sharon. She was hired as the band’s stylist and travelled with us.” Not knowing why, I add on, “I got to know her really well before we dated and it helped to ease the loneliness of touring.”
“Excuse me?” I hear our server interrupt politely.
I’d completely forgotten that we were sitting in a busy restaurant.
I’d been so totally and completely absorbed in Cass...
Like we were the only two people in the world.
“I have some specials to tell you about this evening,” our server continues cautiously, glancing nervously from each of our faces, when neither one of us responds.
As the server recites the specials to us, I don’t listen. I don’t really care about the food, instead I focus on forcing myself to release Cass’s hand. It’s hard to let her go, but both of us are in different places, with different people.
The past is the past.
As soon as I let go, I watch Cass’s stunningly beautiful face as my heart silently screams, - I’ve been so lost without you.
The server places our menus in front of us as she continues to talk but my heart is breaking...yearning for things that fate had taken away.
As the server finishes her recited speech, I quickly interject, “I’m ready to order. How about you, Cass?” I suggest, wanting to only spend these few precious moments with Cass and fuck the pretense of being here to eat. I want the server gone, never to come back, leaving me alone in this tiny escape from the world, with only Cass.
Because I know this is all the time that I will ever be allowed with her and I selfishly wanted every single second of it to just be the two of us.
Cass nods her head quickly and I know she’s feeling the same way as me, wanting desperately for the world to leave us alone, going on to exist...
But without us.
We place our order immediately, both of us waiting impatiently as the server promptly produces the bottle of wine we ordered and goes through the ordeal of opening the wine, serving me a little to taste before topping us both up.
It seems to take forever.
Then, finally, the server is gone, leaving us surrounded once again in our cocooned silence. Looking into her eyes, I desperately wish I could read her mind.
Are you lost without me too? – I ask her silently. My heart throbs, aching. I shouldn’t even be thinking these things.
But I can’t help myself.
“Are you happy?” I ask instead, my voice cracking as I break the silence. I selfishly hope that she isn't happy with him. It's completely beneath me, and also very selfish of me to wish this, but it's hard seeing her after all this time.
Especially, to hear her talk about someone else.
Startled, she looks across the table at me as she struggles to reply, “I’ve accomplished a lot in my career.”
“That’s not what I mean,” I murmur.
She swallows, takes a sip of her wine before she replies softly, “Tyler is great. Before him I never had much of a life outside work but he has brought that to me, taught me to slow down, to enjoy life. He treats me well and he’s in love with me.”
I pause for a moment, her words breaking me apart even though she has not directly answered my question once again.
I hesitate, my heart seeming to be beating loudly in my ears, before I ask, “Do you love him?”
Her eyes widen and she takes another sip of her wine, her hand shaking as she places the glass on the table. I watch her swallow her wine, then swallow again, before she responds with, “I do love him.”
My already bruised heart feels as if it has been kicked again.
“How about you? Are you happy? Are you in love?” she asks softly.
I contemplate my answer before I reply.
“Sharon is good for me. She’s hard-working, honest and puts up with me,” I avoid answering whether or not I’m in love with Sharon because the truth is, I don’t know anymore. Since seeing Cass again, I feel as if my whole world has been upended. I’d thought what Sharon and I had was love but now sitting across from the woman who has haunted me, made me wonder why she had avoided me all these years only to find out the truth - looking across the table at her - only wishing to be able to touch her somehow, is making me question everything Sharon and I have.
Our first course arrives interrupting our cocoon, cutting off our deep conversation.
I watch as she picks up her fork and I take the cue and pick up mine. As we pick at our salads, we remain quiet. For me, I’m contemplating and questioning everything that she has said.
Contemplating and questioning everything that I’m feeling.
Trying desperately to talk myself out of asking her to leave him and be with me.
If only for another night, - I silently reason with myself, - to see if I could get her out of my blood. I know it’s my desire for Cass that is overwhelming my thinking because I could never cheat on Sharon. It’s not the type of guy I am so I force myself to refocus and will myself to remain quiet.
As our salad course is cleared, the silence is heavy and so thick that I decide it may be best to change the subject to the marketing campaign Cass has before her.
“Tell me a little about your ideas for my upcoming announcement to leave my band for a solo career,” I prompt.
As Cass begins to tell me of her plans, I watch as she becomes animated talking about her job, telling me in elaborate detail the step-by-step process she believes will work the best in getting the word out in the best light possible.
After she finishes, she’s quiet for a few seconds before she asks hesitantly, “Tell me, why did you decide to leave such a successful band?”
Smiling, I reply easily, “I love my band. I will be forever grateful for the opportunity and being a part of it, but the down side is always having to think of others and adjust my life to co-ordinate my schedule with my band mates. I find myself wanting a break after over five years of touring. I want to write and release my own record during that break before I tour again, but this time touring only when it suits my schedule. Plus, I have many songs that I’ve written, songs that are personal to me, that I want to record on my own album. I think when I first brought it up the guys were a little angry, but perhaps more scared than anything, of doing something without the security of the band’s success. But now that it’s happening, they are starting to see how they are now free to do their own thing as well and they have forgiven me.”
“It takes guts to walk away from something so successful to try it on your own,” she compliments me quietly.
I smile softly at her words. She has the ability to make me feel as if I’m walking on clouds.
Our main course is placed in front us and as we start to eat, I find myself relaxing further, watching how the candle light catches the highlights in her hair, causing it to shimmer. I remember the feel of it, surrounding me as she leaned forward over me, grasping my cock to slide herself down onto to me.
I shift in my seat as I begin to harden once again.
She had felt so right...so perfect, - pulses heavily through my brain.
She’d completely blown my mind that night when she had placed me so deep inside of her, using me to take her pleasure as she lifted and lowered herself onto me. I can still visualize how her beautiful, voluptuous breasts swayed in her mo
vements, her back arching as she took me deeper, because that vision had stayed with me all these years.
Taunted me...
Made me wonder if I’d ever feel that way again.
“When do you plan on making your announcement?” I hear her ask, drawing my attention away from my memories.
“In a month,” I reply softly.
She takes a bite of her food and I watch as she chews, lightly licking her lips. Everything about her is so unbelievably sensual to me.
“Well, we will certainly be cutting it close but I can be ready in that time frame,” she says as she lays her fork beside her plate. I watch, envious of the wine, as her lips open slightly, taking the liquid into her mouth. I shift as I swell again, my cock persistent in taking over my brain as I silently wonder how it would feel if she opened those beautiful lips of hers, to slide them down around the shaft of my cock.
My cock jumps, pulsating.
I force my eyes to my plate and concentrate on cutting into my steak.
God, I wish... my mind silently trips.
God, I wish we could go back somehow. I know I would have fallen in love with her.
My knife slips, causing me to drop it, the clatter against the plate reverberating through me as my eyes burn.
“Here you go sir,” a server is instantly back, a knife wrapped in a napkin, in his hand.
Taking the knife, I murmur, “Thank you.”
I place the knife next to my plate as I’ve lost all desire to eat. Laying my fork next to it, I look up and over at Cass. She’s pushing her food around on her plate as well.
“This morning, you didn’t let on that we knew each other but yet you were so angry,” she murmurs.
Sighing, I reply, “I didn’t know at the time that you and Tyler were a couple and you looked like you had seen a ghost.” I fall quiet and then add, “I was angry because I thought you had avoided me, but I still didn’t want anyone prying you with questions on how we met. Not until we had a chance to talk.”
She nods, giving up on the effort of eating as well, she lays her fork down as she admits, “I'm not sure how to tell him.”
I remain quiet, not having any suggestions to offer her...
Other than my heart screaming silently for her to leave him.
To be with me.
The server returns, asking if everything is okay with our food as his worried eyes scans each of our plates. But food isn’t what either of us have on our minds. We both reply, assuring him it was delicious but that we are full. The server quickly removes our barely eaten food, passing the plates to a busboy before turning back to us to inquire into whether we want dessert. We both decline. When he presents the bill, I quickly reach out and take it.
“Let me at least pay for half,” I hear her plead.
Shaking my head, I hand the server my credit card, impatient to have the bill settled so that we will be left alone again.
Clearing my throat, I ask hopefully, “Would you like to go for a walk?”
Holding my eyes, her desire to walk with me is clearly evident, but she replies uneasily, “I’d best get home. Tyler is waiting for me.”
My stomach twists, as if it’s turning inside out, at her words.
I hold her eyes, wanting her to change her mind but also knowing that I have someone to go home to as well, I remain quiet.
“Ummm...thanks for dinner,” she says quietly, and then she’s pushing her chair back, stepping away from the table before I have a chance to help her.
I immediately shoot to my feet, unwilling to let her walk out of the restaurant alone, not wanting this time with her to end, even though I know I have to let her go as soon as we step through the door.
I follow close behind her, wanting to place my hand on the small of her back, wishing by that small gesture I could show the world that she was with me.
That she was mine.
But she loves and belongs to someone else.
As we step outside, she turns to face me. The gentle breeze blows a strand of her hair across her face and I want to reach out and tuck it back behind her ear.
But I’m not allowed to touch her.
“I’m glad we had a chance to clear the air. I think our working relationship will be all the better for it,” she says quietly.
I nod, watching her hair move in the enviable position against her breast.
A pulse beats deep, low in my belly.
“I’ll see you tomorrow?” she asks.
I nod, unable to raise my hand to hail a cab for her because I don’t want this small piece of time with her to be over. Instead, I watch, feeling this unstoppable, gravitational pull towards her, as she raises her hand to hail one. My heart is hammering, my stomach roiling as I step forward and open the door for her. Without conscious thought, my hand reaches out for hers, wrapping tightly around it, hanging on, never wanting to let go. She stops abruptly, her glance coming up to mine, and I can feel that she feels the same way as me. I don’t hesitate as I pull her into me, wrapping my arms tightly around her, my body instantly on fire as I finally absorb the feeling of her in my arms again.
I drop my head, tucking my face into her neck, concentrating on breathing deeply...
Inhaling her scent - all of her, as my heart breaks.
“It’s so very good to see you again, Cass,” I whisper into her neck. God, I love the smell of her, the shape of her - the feel of her.
I hear her ragged breathing, feel her arms come around me and I squeeze my eyes shut.
Yes. This feels so good, - I silently acknowledge. Despite everything, I want her to feel like this is where she should be.
Where she belongs.
We stay like this, just feeling for several moments until I know I have to step away and release her. Prying my arms from around her, I force myself to step back. She keeps her face averted from me as she turns to climb into the taxi. As I shut the door behind her, I feel hopelessness spear through me.
For me, nothing has changed.
If anything, I only want her more than I ever did before.
Why does she have to be happy with someone else? - my mind and body both scream at me silently.
Chapter 6
Cass
Wiping my eyes, I force myself not to turn around as the cab pulls away from the curb.
After giving the cab driver my address, I sink back heavily against the seat and close my eyes.
The feelings racing through me right now are indescribable.
Unescapable.
Sitting across from him tonight, watching him as he spoke, the timber of his voice flowing into and around me...
Absorbing the feeling of his hand grasping mine, silently praying that he will never let me go even as I know it’s wrong.
What a feeling it had been...
Several times throughout dinner, my mind had recalled how it had felt to be with him. It had been so very hard to allow the cab to pull away, to not ask Borden to take me home with him.
My heart silently weeps as the LA scene blurs past my window and I wish we could go back to that one night.
To feel his tongue between my lips, – and I forget to breathe.
Shakily, I force myself to breathe steady breaths.
The drive to Tyler’s house is over much too soon and I contemplate asking the driver to take me somewhere – anywhere - for a ride so I have time to collect my thoughts.
To relive tonight over and over before I have to face reality.
Before I have a chance to ask, I notice Tyler looking out the window as the cab pulls up to the curb. The curtain quickly drops back into place as I sigh heavily. I pay the cab driver and slowly exit the car, feeling a heavy weight on my shoulders. I stand for a moment in the driveway, collecting myself as the driver pulls away, leaving me alone, standing there.
I’m at a loss of what to do, how to begin this conversation. I know Tyler is anxious to know what happened tonight, but I’m dreading having to look him in the face. To give him the good new
s, knowing that shortly after the good news that I have to follow it up by telling him the truth about Borden and I having a one-night stand.
After the past couple of emotionally charged hours, I don’t think I have the strength to deal with telling him about Borden and me tonight because I’m not sure how he will react. While we both have pasts, pasts that could never be changed, at least I didn’t have to work or deal with any woman from Tyler’s past.
The door swings open, ending my reprieve, as Tyler anxiously steps out.
“Cass?” Tyler says with concern.
As his face comes into focus, lighted by the outside entrance light, I feel guilt swirl through me.
“Cass, are you okay? Did something happen with the account? Did Borden change his mind?” he asks, his eyes now anxiously roving over my face.
Shaking my head, I look into the face of the startling handsome man who loves me, and I open my mouth to tell him everything but all that comes out is, “No, Borden didn't change his mind.”
His relief is evident as his shoulders drop, his anxiety about losing a major account immediately released.
“So? Do we still have him? He liked your ideas?” he asks eagerly as he steps closer, putting one arm around my shoulder to guide me into his home.
Our home...I silently correct myself.
Looking around, I suddenly feel as if this is the last place I want to be. I’m feeling displaced...like I’m someone different from the person that left here this morning, happy and convinced that I loved this man.
Were you in love? – my mind silently mocks me.
Shaking that thought away, I manage to murmur, “Borden is okay with all of our ideas.”
A wide-smile splits across his face before he leans down and places a swift kiss on the top of my head as he squeezes me tight to him.
“I knew he would love you,” he whispers into my ear. “This is going to change so many things for us, Cass. Just wait and see,” he continues as he straightens, releasing me. “Let’s get a drink.”
“Tyler...” I say, stopping him in his tracks as he turns to head to the kitchen.
Book Two: Inescapable, #2 Page 6
