"No, but you went out with her. That's huge. I'm so proud of you."
Proud. Proud. I repeated the word on a loop in my brain. I tried to remember the last time someone had told me they were proud of me. I came up empty, while my heart now puffed with pleasantries and goodness.
"So, tell me how it went."
I shrugged as I held onto that word—proud. "It was good, I guess. I was kind of a dick to her, but—"
"Why were you a dick?"
"Because I wanted her to leave."
"And why's that?"
A heavy sigh escaped my lungs as those feelings of good evaporated from my pores. "Because, Doc, I was drunk, and she doesn't deserve to spend her time with a piece of shit like me. And yet, I couldn't make her leave, no matter what I said to her. She wouldn’t go away. So, we went for a walk and ended up at my place."
"Wow. Lots of highs and lows, huh?" And there she went, writing again.
"You could say that," I mumbled. "It was like ... like a yo-yo or some shit. One second, I didn't want her to leave and the next, I was two seconds away from shoving her out the door. And it was like that all fucking night until we ... uh ..."
"You can say whatever you want in here. You know that." Then she added, "Whatever you're comfortable with."
"I fucked her," I admitted, shoving a hand through my hair.
"And?"
My eyes widened as the corner of my mouth lifted in a smirk. "What the fuck, Doc? I never pegged you for a perv."
She laughed easily. "I'm not asking for details, unless you want to give them for whatever reason. I'm asking, how did it make you feel to sleep with her? What happened afterward?"
"It was nice," I admitted quietly. "And she stayed over. I've never had a woman stay over, so ...," I shrugged before repeating, "It was nice."
"That's great, Blake." Her tone was so soft and genuine, but there was something else that lingered there, between the letters and words. Sadness? Jealousy?
"Yeah, it was," I scoffed, diverting my gaze toward the window and Derby Square. "Until my mom called the next morning and reminded me exactly why I can't have nice. I can't have good sleep and good sex with a woman I like, because I have priorities and other shit going on. And then," I snickered, shaking my head, "there was the crap with her cross ..."
There was a pause in the good doctor's scribbling. "What about a cross?"
"I found her cross in my house. It must've broken off her neck or something. How the fuck am I supposed to take that shit?"
Leaning back against her chair, Dr. Travetti eyed me studiously. "What do you mean, how are you supposed to take it?"
"Doc." I thrust a hand toward the coffee table between us. "The goddamn thing was just laying in my living room. I can't even think of when it would've fallen off, but there it was, just waiting for me to fucking find it. That can't mean anything good … right? Like, that's gotta be some bad omen bullshit right there."
"But I thought nothing means anything," she reminded me, a hint of challenge glinting in her eyes as she fiddled with the tip of her pen. "Everything is coincidental and meaningless."
"Well, yeah, but I mean ..." I cleared my throat and clasped my hands. "I'm just saying that, um ..." What the fuck was I saying?
I pressed my lips shut and studied my hands. The lines of ink, some of them faded, and the creases of my knuckles. My fingernails and palms. There wasn't anything inherently interesting about them, about the ink injected into layers of my skin or the lines coursing across my palms, but they were a distraction and I appreciated them for it.
"Blake?"
"Yeah." I traced the back of one hand with a finger. Round and round a raven's eyeball.
"I thought you didn't believe in signs."
"I don't," I insisted, but it was weak. My voice, my assurance, my resolve to denounce faith and all that comes with it—weak.
"Then, why are you shutting down?"
I glanced up at her from studying a speck of dirt beneath a nail. "Because I'm just thinking, if there were signs and there was some fucking god out there trying to tell me something, I might be convinced that this is one."
"I see," she replied with a nod. "And what do you think he'd be trying to tell you?"
"To stay the fuck away from her," I retorted without hesitation.
Dr. Travetti nodded astutely before narrowing her eyes. "Maybe. But let me ask you this, Blake. What are you going to do with it?"
"The cross?" She nodded, and I continued, "Well, I have to give the thing back to her, right? I mean, it obviously means something to her, so I have to find a way to give it back."
"And if you hadn't found the cross, would you be so inclined to see her again?"
I considered that for a moment. Would I? The sex was good, the sleep was great, but would I have found her for a round two? Would I have found her at all, to talk or to have a drink? There was no doubt in my mind that the answer was no, and I didn't have to say so. The two-lettered word was written plainly on my face and Dr. Travetti nodded.
"Okay. So, maybe the cross really is a warning, you could be right," she agreed, nodding. "Or maybe it's something else.”
“Oh, yeah? Like what?”
“Maybe it’s an invitation."
***
"Jake, buddy." I held out his backpack. "Come on, let's go."
Jake's resolve to pace the living room angrily continued, despite my pleading. "Not going. Not going today."
"Why aren't you going?"
"Miss Thomas is sick. She's not coming back. Miss Thomas is gone."
I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. Since picking him up from daycare Monday evening to waking him up this morning, I had heard about nothing except for how Miss Thomas had left school early. She had a sinus infection and had realized too late that she wasn't well enough to handle the likes of my brother and his pals. And that would have been fine, if Jake could handle change. But if one tiny thing was thrown off in his life, the turmoil was horrific.
"Miss Thomas isn't gone, Jake. She just needs to stay home for a couple of days while she gets better. She'll be back soon."
He shook his head fervently. "She's sick, she's gone. Never coming back. She's gone."
"Goddammit," I muttered under my breath, quickly realizing that the likelihood of him going to daycare today was slim to none. Our parents were both out all day, and he couldn’t be left unsupervised. I’d have to watch him, which was fine, but what about work? I had three appointments today and couldn't cancel unless it was a real emergency, and was this really an emergency?
I considered the question, and then threw Jake's backpack on the couch. "Fine, don't go," I relented as I headed to the door. "Come on.”
“Where are we going, Blake?”
“I don’t care if you don’t go to school,” I told him, “but then, you're coming with me to work."
***
"What the hell is this, Blake?" Gus, my boss, crossed his arms and side-eyed my brother as he watched Daniel Tiger on his iPad. "This isn't Bring Your Brother to Work Day, man."
"I didn't have a choice. It was either that or call out." My eyes met his as I sat in my stool. "Which would you have preferred?"
Gus fought an eye-roll with a heavy-leaded sigh but didn't say anything. I was his cash cow, his protégé, and there was no way he'd prefer that I took the day off.
"So, what's he gonna do all day, then?"
"You're looking at it."
"This is it? He's just gonna watch shit on that thing?"
I frowned and squinted my eyes, defense bringing my blood to a steady bubble. "Yeah. That's it."
With another sigh and a shake of his head, he made his exit, murmuring as he walked away, "He better not get into stuff, Blake, or I swear ..."
“Knock it off, Gus.”
“I’m just sayin’, Blake. I like your brother, but I gotta run a business here.”
“Uh-huh," I mumbled under my breath, and got ready for my first client.
As pr
edicted, Jake kept to himself as I worked. He sat in the corner of my station, watching his videos and eating Goldfish crackers, and the only time he interrupted my work was to announce that he needed to pee. My clients didn't comment on his presence, but I noticed their questioning stares, glancing in the direction of the grown man with a Mickey Mouse t-shirt and iPad playing children's shows. More than once I wanted to tell them to mind their own business and to keep their eyes to themselves, but I bit my tongue and did my job.
The day went smoothly until we were ready to close, and the front door opened. Celia announced she'd handle it as I continued to clean up, and I listened as Cee went up front.
"Hey, is Blake around?"
That voice. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, feeling my lungs swell and deflate like it'd been days since I last knew what air was.
"Uh, yeah, one sec," Cee answered questioningly, and she stuck her head into the back. "Hey, Butterfly Tattoo Chick is here."
“Oh,” I replied sheepishly. “Okay.”
“Why would she be here?” she whispered.
"I dunno,” I lied, my throat rough and my voice graveled. “You can send her back.”
"Or you can come up front."
I glanced over my shoulder and caught the glare of suspicion coming from my friend. "Send her back here, Celia."
With one last narrowed glance, she told Audrey to come back. I heard her footsteps before I saw her. Light and delicate against the dingy tile. I forced indifference into my veins as she walked toward my station, and then Jake looked up from his videos.
"Oh! Oh!" His face lit up instantly, emanating with an endearing exuberance. "Blake! Audrey's here! Audrey came!"
How he remembered her name, I didn't know, but I turned to face the object of his excitement. I studied her soft gait and her blonde hair, curled at the ends to trail over her shoulders and back.
"I see that," I answered under my breath.
"Hey, Jake!" It was as if I wasn't even there as she addressed my brother with her full attention. "I didn't expect to see you today. What a nice surprise!"
He jumped up from his seat, rushing toward her with urgent concern. "Audrey. Blake is working, but you can watch Daniel Tiger over here. You gotta be quiet. Blake likes it quiet, so shhh." He pressed a finger to his lips, as though he wasn’t the one shouting just two seconds ago.
"Oh," she lowered her voice to a whisper. "I'm sorry. I didn't know. Thank you for telling me."
"I got Daniel Tiger over here, Audrey." He hurried back to his corner of the room and patted his seat. "You can be quiet and watch Daniel Tiger over here."
"Okay, that sounds great," she whispered. "But can you just give me a minute? I need to talk to your brother about something, okay?"
"Blake is my brother. We look the same because we’re twins."
"Twins are so special, aren't they?" She grinned sweetly.
With their exchange happening before me, I felt like an intruder. But I couldn't look away. I watched them interact in a way I'd only seen my brother behave with me, and I sat there, stunned. At her ability to treat him like an equal, like there wasn’t a damn thing wrong with him. And I continued to stare, even as Cee walked in and took a seat, obviously curious and eavesdropping.
"Special, yes," Jake agreed, nodding adamantly. "Special. I like Special K. I eat it sometimes for breakfast when I'm running late."
"It's a great cereal," she agreed. "Good for you, too."
Jake nodded. "Yeah, yeah. Audrey, I got Daniel Tiger over here. You can be quiet and watch Daniel Tiger with me over here."
"You know what, Jake? That sounds great, but can you just give me a minute?” Audrey asked again, gently reminding my brother of why she was there. “You go watch Daniel Tiger, while I talk to Blake and then I'll be right over." She smiled kindly, so patiently, and he nodded fervently.
"You'll be right over in just a minute," he repeated, and she nodded her clarification. Satisfied, he headed back to the corner of the room to grab his iPad, and Audrey turned to me.
"Hi, Blake," she said in nearly a whisper, as though we were exchanging secrets. As though we ourselves were a secret and the world was constantly trying to listen in.
"Hey, Audrey."
Suddenly shy, she smiled bashfully and lowered her hypnotic blue gaze from mine. "I feel bad for showing up here unannounced."
"Yeah, it's no problem. You actually caught me at a good time," I gestured toward my paper towels and bottle of disinfectant, “I was just cleaning up for the night.”
"Oh, okay," she replied, sighing with relief. "I don't feel so bad then."
Something moved behind her and my trance was broken. I shifted my gaze to look at Cee and the scrutiny in her eyes. Suddenly, I didn't like her being there and seeing this, this moment that was somehow private and personal, and I stood up abruptly.
"You wanna step outside with me for a second? I need some air," I suggested.
Audrey's eyes lifted back to mine, looking startled as she nodded. "Yeah, sure."
"Jake," I said, "sit right there. I'll be back."
I turned to lead the way and Cee finally spoke, "You're gonna leave me alone with your brother?"
"He's fine, Cee. Just pretend he’s one of your kids," I muttered and left the shop with Audrey on my heels.
Outside in the evening air, I sucked in a deep breath, filling my lungs and preparing my mind with the cacophony of cars and pedestrians surrounding us. Then, I turned to her, so spotless and perfect in her white coat.
I pointed to where I knew there'd been smudged stains against the stark white. "You had it cleaned."
She looked toward the spot I was referring to. "Oh, yeah. I just picked it up this morning." Her face turned and her smile zapped my chest. "Good as new."
"I'll give you the money for it."
"Oh, jeez, don't be ridiculous. It's fine."
I opened my mouth to protest, to insist that she take my money or my life or my anything she desired, but before I could make a complete ass of myself, she filled the air with her voice.
"So, I-I think I left something at your house, and I ..."
"Oh, right!" My hand pushed into a pocket to wrap around the delicate silver chain. I pulled it out and opened my palm. "Here."
The breath she released seemed to ease any bit of tension from her shoulders. "Oh, thank the Lord,” she whispered, before meeting my eyes and saying, “Thank you.”
“You're welcome. I found it in my living room.”
“I was so worried it was gone forever,” she admitted quietly, staring at the necklace in my palm.
“Well, um, you could've just bought another one. I mean, they’re probably a dime a dozen, right?"
Her lashes drooped lower to her perfectly rosy cheeks as she stole the delicate silver from my hand. "It was my sister's."
I shut my stupid mouth and hung my stupid head. "Fuck. I'm sorry."
"It's okay. You didn't know."
I gestured toward her balled fist. "The chain was broken, but I took it to a jeweler yesterday and had it fixed."
The shushed admission struck her momentarily dumbfounded. She blinked for a moment and swallowed hard before opening her hand and silently inspecting her sister's sacred cross.
"Thank you," she whispered, her words ridden with emotion.
"Yeah, it's no problem."
She lifted her eyes back to mine. "I guess you don't have to pay for my dry cleaning after all. You've already done enough."
“Yeah, I guess so.”
She nodded silently, then lifted the cross from her palm. I watched as she undid the clasp, new and strengthened with the better parts I’d paid for, and pulled it around her neck. Moments passed with her hands behind her neck before she laughed uneasily, and asked, “Can you help me with this? My nails are too long and I’m having a hard time gripping it.”
“Oh, uh, yeah. Sure.”
With a smile, she turned around, passing the ends of the chain to me with eager hands, and my f
ingers brushed hers as I took them. Sharp, electrocuting zaps of energy passed from my fingertips through my nerves and directly to my heart. Every ping and every surge ground my teeth and locked my jaw, as she lifted her hair from her shoulders and I clasped the necklace. My hands dared to linger a moment, barely grazing the nape of her neck, and my eyelids drooped at the reminder that I had kissed her there. I knew the taste of her flesh and the sound of her moan. I knew the flavor of her kiss and the wetness between her legs, and the thought pulsed in my groin and sent my hands away from the necklace to hang at my sides.
“Thank you.” I heard her voice through the echo of my beating heart, and she turned to face me with a smile, her fingertips touching the cross delicately.
“Yeah,” I replied, choked. “You’re welcome.”
“I guess we can go back inside now.”
“Oh,” I answered, taken aback. “I, uh … I thought you were just stopping by.”
Audrey shrugged, her smile stretching her glossy pink lips. “I was. But I promised Jake I’d watch Daniel Tiger, and I really like that show.”
***
Audrey hung out with Jake while I cleaned my space, collected my tools, and packed the autoclave to disinfect. She kept him company, kept him smiling as he reiterated the two episodes they had watched together. Every time I glanced their way, I tried to figure her out. I’d catch myself staring, entranced by her smile and confused by her desire to spend time with me. Jake, I could understand. He was sweet and endearing, but I had done everything in my power to force a hatred in this woman and I wasn’t getting through to her. She was resilient, and she was beautiful.
After the two episodes had been watched, Audrey glanced at her watch and announced she needed to get going. She gave Jake a kiss on the cheek as he wrapped her in a suffocating hug, leaving me with only a smile and jealousy. Where was my kiss? Where was my hug? I watched her back as she walked toward the door with a big, stupid grin on my face, because I couldn’t remember another moment in my life in which I’d been jealous of my brother.
The moment she was gone, Celia was ready with an interrogation, sitting at the front desk with a simpering smirk plastered to her face.
Warrior Blue Page 15
