by Franca Storm
Until recently. Maybe I’d been in some odd state of shock right up until a week ago, because now the cold, hard reality of it all has finally hit me. Painfully.
I’m pregnant. Me. In a few months, I’ll be a mother. Holy hell!
I’d never wanted children. Never. For goodness sake, up until I’d met Dan a few months ago, I’d resigned myself to a life alone. So, with that being the case, children certainly weren’t practical.
How is someone like me—with my issues—going to raise a child? I can barely step outside the front door as it is. A million scenarios have been running through my head where the child will need to leave the house. Where I’ll need to take him or her out. What if the child gets sick and needs to go to the hospital? It will need to socialize with other children and have those play dates I’ve heard about. And how about when it’s old enough to go to school? I’ll have to take it, possibly even go to its games, parents’ evenings. I’ll need to take it shopping for clothes and school supplies.
Oh my God. What the hell am I going to do?
I don’t want my child to end up like me, so I’ll have to make sure it socializes. But that means I will have to as well by default.
Shit. Shit. Shit. This is just too much. What was I thinking? How come I didn’t realize any of this sooner?
I know I’m not alone. Dan is here with me. But I can’t burden him with all of those things. We’ll have to share the parenting. That’s what people do, right? Fifty-fifty? Shit. Who the hell knows?
Speaking of Dan, his reaction to the pregnancy has floored me completely. He’s been wholly on board. Excited. For a man known in the media as a playboy and a serial womanizer, who would have thought that he would’ve been so overjoyed by the news that he would now be tied down? Although, from the way he’d talked about Isabella’s deception surrounding her pregnancy, there had been some signs that he had wanted a child. When he’d spoken about it, I’d felt how cut up he’d been when he’d found out it wasn’t his.
But, even if he wanted kids, this is still extremely fast. We’ve only known each other for a few months and now I’m having his child?
Shit. I’m really freaking out here.
“Babe?”
I almost jump out of my skin as I hear Dan’s voice through the dark, still house suddenly. I release the curtains and spin around to face him. He’s making his way down the stairs in nothing but a pair of boxers. He’s rubbing his eyes tiredly, his hair is disheveled and wild from sleep.
“Did I wake you?”
“Kind of. I felt you weren’t there.”
Wow, that is one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me. He crosses to me and takes my hands in his, looking me over with concern.
“Is everything okay? Is the baby—?”
I flash him a reassuring smile. “Everything’s fine.”
His brow furrows and I can tell that he doesn’t believe me. He’s seeing right through me as usual. Damn him and his insane perceptiveness. “You’re upset about something. What?”
“I…it’s just really hitting me now,” I say, gesturing to my baby bump.
He smiles, amused. “Really? Wow, you have the longest delayed reaction known to man.”
Normally, I would laugh at his humor, but I just can’t right now. My mind is running through a hundred different scenarios of why this is a bad idea. Why me being pregnant and being anyone’s mother is so very bad.
“You’re freaking out?”
Of course I’m freaking out. “Why aren’t you?” I snap.
He squeezes my hands to get my attention and probably in an attempt to distract me from my freak out. “I think it’s partly because I’ve already been through this before when I’d thought Isabella was pregnant with my child. I’ve already had to wrap my head around it before. But it’s also because I love you, Em. I knew I wanted to be with you for the long haul before we even found out about this. While it is fast and if we’d had a choice I would have waited a couple of years, it still fits within my plans for us, you know?”
Oh God. I’d expected him to admit to me that he was actually feeling like I am and that he’d just hid it from me for fear of upsetting me, or something. But, no. He really wants this.
“Someone like me, with my issues, isn’t cut out to be a mother, Dan.”
“What do you mean?”
“I can barely step outside my own house. So many things involved in raising a child require me to be around people in all sorts of situations. I can’t…how can I…oh my God….” I pull my hands from his, unable to stand still now. I need to move around. I begin pacing the room, walking up and down, shaking my head as I try to figure this shit out and find some sort of solution. “I can’t do this,” I murmur. “I can’t…I’m not cut out to be a mother. This is all wrong…so wrong.”
He crosses to me, blocking my path and forcing me to stop pacing.
“Em, you’re thinking about too much at once here. All the worst case scenarios. Life doesn’t happen that way. It’ll be one step at a time. One bridge to cross every now and then. And I’ll be here for all of it. You won’t be doing this alone.”
“What if the kid gets sick and it needs to go to the hospital? What about taking him or her to school? What about socializing with other kids? Parties? Shopping? Day trips? Family holidays?”
“Whoa. Slow down, babe. Just slow down.”
I blow out a frustrated sigh. Why is he so calm? I try to move past him, but he grips my arms, holding me tightly and forcing me to look up at him.
“You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. You’ve overcome so much in your life. So many obstacles. So much fear. And you’re still standing. You’ve made it work. And that is exactly what we’ll do when the baby comes along.”
“But—”
“You let me in, despite everything. You didn’t think you had anything to give. You thought you’d be some sort of drain on me, I remember you saying. You thought you’d pull me into the shadows with you. But you don’t see what I do. You are my ray of light, Em. Your personality. Your innocence. Your independence. Your tough-as-nails streak. The way you care. The way you try at everything you do. And our relationship couldn’t be stronger, could it?”
“I…yeah…that’s true, I guess.”
“It is true. You brought me out of the shadows, Em. My comfort zone. When the baby is born you’re going to love him—or her—so much that nothing else will matter. Just like what happened with you and me, babe. We both had to leave our comfort zones in order to be together and make this work. But it was different to what you’ve been used to in the past with people pushing you too hard, forcing you to do things. We both wanted to do it, because of how much we cared about one another. I swear to you, the same thing will happen with our kid, Em.”
God, he’s good. He’s actually managed to quell my freak out, to ease a lot of my fears.
“One step at a time?” I murmur, still absorbing his words and thinking this through.
“That’s right, angel.”
I nod. “Okay. That I can do.”
He wraps his arm around me and leads me towards the stairs. “Come. We’ll talk more about it upstairs. We’ll go through your concerns, one by one, and figure it all out.”
“It’s two in the morning. Aren’t you tired?”
“I’m wide awake now, babe.”
“I’m sorry.”
He pulls me into him and says, “Don’t be. I’m glad you told me, Em. I hate it when you keep shit from me. This is important. Besides, if you’re not sleeping, neither am I.”
“I hope you still feel that way when the baby’s screaming all night long.”
He laughs. “I’m looking forward to it.”
I nuzzle against him. “You’re so sweet. I love you so much.”
“I love you too, angel,” he says, kissing my hair as he leads me back upstairs to bed.
Chapter 23
~Daniel~
“Dan, I’d feel a lot better if you woul
d just tell me where the hell we’re going,” Em says, her voice a desperate plea from the passenger seat.
Even getting her into my car without telling her where I planned to take her was a task in itself. It took us three tries to actually finally leave the house. The first time, she ran back inside to grab her sunglasses. The second time it was her hat. The third time was a scarf that she pulled up to just below her lips, covering the only other visible part of her face that her hat and sunglasses couldn’t. She’s wearing baggy jeans and a black wool coat that falls just below her ass, done up right to the collar.
For the last ten minutes of the drive she’s been silent. I’ve watched her fiddle with her hands in her lap, her knees vibrate anxiously, her fingers adjust her hat, sunglasses and scarf half a dozen times. Aside from the paparazzi incident, I’ve never seen her so anxious.
“Do you trust me, Em?”
“Yes, of course, but—”
“But nothing. All you have to do is trust me here and you won’t be so anxious.”
“We’ve left Harlson and we’re approaching the city,” she tells me, glancing around erratically.
“We’re not going into the city.”
“Okay,” she breathes in a relieved sigh. But in a flash, her anxiety is spiking again. “Then…where?”
“To the suburbs.”
“What? No, Dan! I can’t!”
I lay my hand on her thigh. “You can. This is a surprise, Em. A surprise you’re going to love.”
She shakes her head vehemently. “They can’t see me,” she mumbles. “I can’t let them see me.”
I slide my hand up her thigh slowly, teasingly. She squirms in her seat and her eyes lock with mine briefly as I look between her and the highway. I settle my hand between her legs and stroke her pussy through her jeans with my thumb. A little moan of pleasure escapes her. God, I love how she responds to my touch. It’s so easy to turn her on. And those little noises she makes get my cock hard like nothing else.
Every time I touch her and play with her like this, she forgets all else. She leaves her own head and gives into sensation. She gives herself over to me so completely. She is all kinds of hot. No woman has ever turned me on like she does. I never thought the day would come when I’d get as much pleasure out of giving as receiving. Fuck me. This woman has done things to me that no one else has. She gets me off in so many ways. Ways I would never have thought possible. With Emma, all bets are always off. I fucking love her for that.
My thoughts wander to things that they shouldn’t. Fucking her in the car later. Her on her knees in front of the driver’s seat, sucking me off. Stop. Stop. Your job is to calm her down right now, not to take it that far. Even right now when I can barely see an inch of her skin, because she’s wrapped up so tightly, she still turns me on and makes my cock stir. It’s her energy, just being around her. I’ll never get tired of her. Not in this lifetime.
I tease her just enough to redirect her attention from her fear, but I keep the intensity at a low simmer. I don’t want her too worked up. We’re almost at our destination now. I don’t want her uncomfortable, walking around in soaking wet panties when we get there. That would probably backfire spectacularly and make her even more ill at ease.
My hand leaves her pussy and trails up her arm, to her shoulder, her neck, her hair. I caress her lovingly and I can feel her eyes on me and hear her little moans of contentment. Music to my ears.
I pull into our destination and bring the car to a stop. As I switch off the engine and turn to Em, I smile as I see she hasn’t even realized I’ve stopped the car. She’s awash in a haze of pleasure. I withdraw my hand and sit back against my seat.
“We’re here.”
I brace myself, because I know what her initial reaction is bound to be. But she doesn’t know the whole story yet.
She peers through the windshield and I see her eyes widen in shock. Her gaze snaps to mine. “A mall? No fucking way,” she hisses. “You promised you would never force me like this. You promised you wouldn’t try to fix me, Dan.”
“No one’s in there, Em. Look around. The parking lot is empty.”
“It’s closed?”
I shake my head, grinning like a damn kid in a candy store. “Nope. It’s open. To us. Just us. At least for the next four hours.”
She frowns, confused. “What?”
“No one else will be inside, except the store clerks, but they won’t bother you. They’ll only address me.”
She grins from ear to ear. Her gorgeous eyes sparkle with excitement. “You’re serious?”
“Yep.”
“Oh my God! How did you do this?”
I rub my fingers together. “Like I told you before, money can buy you a lot of things, including four hours with just the two of us inside that mall.” I unbuckle my seatbelt and push open the car door. “So, are you ready to shop, babe?”
“Yes!” she shrieks, excitedly. “I can’t believe this! Wow!”
***
As I approach Em who’s sitting where I left her, on the bench circling a decorative waterfall in the mall lobby, I smile with amusement as she devours her sandwich. She’s always had a good appetite, but since she’s been pregnant she’s enjoyed food even more. After all, she is eating for two now.
This area is just beyond the food court where we picked up the sandwich as well as the burger that’s waiting for me on the bench beside Em. The food court was a little too much for her. All the vendors were open with a couple of people manning each place of business. I counted just under twenty people in total. Em couldn’t stand the idea of sitting on display among the tables positioned in front of them all. I’d noticed this place just around the corner that’s out of sight of all of them, as well as the clerks in the stores on the second floor just beyond the escalators. She’s been fine going into the stores though.
She seems more able to cope when she’s dealing with one person at a time. I realized that people don’t have to engage with her to make her nervous and anxious. It’s the very idea of them being there at all.
“Hey, babe. Sorry about that,” I tell her, sliding in next to her.
I’d snuck outside for a quick smoke. Em has been amazing with quitting. She hasn’t slipped up once. It’s like a switch was flipped inside her as soon as she’d found out she was pregnant. I’ve been trying to quit too. For the baby, as much as for her. I don’t want her to be around smoke, or to tempt her by smoking in front of her. But I’ve been having more trouble quitting than I’d imagined I would. From what I’ve observed with Em, she’s more of a nervous smoker. It wasn’t really part of a lifestyle thing for her. For me, it is much more of an ingrained habit, making it harder to kick. At least I’m already down to two or three a day. That’s an achievement in itself and a far cry from the pack I used to burn through before.
“No problem,” she says, between mouthfuls of her sandwich. She picks up my burger and places it on my lap. “Eat,” she orders me.
I laugh at her bossy tone. “Yes, Ma’am,” I respond, tucking into my burger.
Her gaze rakes over me for a moment and she smiles to herself.
“What?”
“Dan, I know you didn’t really go to the bathroom.”
“Oh, shit. You can smell the smoke, can’t you? I’m sorry.”
She waves her hand dismissively. “Don’t be. It’s really sweet that you’re trying to give up for me and the baby. But you need to do it for yourself, or it will be too hard. Don’t worry about me in this. I don’t mind it.”
I’m about to say something, to argue with her that I mind her seeing it, but she seems to sense my discomfort and gestures to the many shopping bags at her feet. “I’ve never shopped so hard-core in my life. You’re spoiling me here, big time.”
“This is nothing. We’re not done yet, Em.”
“If you let me pay, then we can continue. If not, then I’m going to have to cut it off.”
“Aww…don’t spoil my fun.”
“This
is fun for you? Clothes shopping with a woman?”
“You make it fun. I love seeing that excitable look on your face. The way your eyes light up.”
She smiles. “I can’t believe you did this. You arranged this whole thing for me. It’s the most incredible thing anyone has ever done for me. Thank you, Dan. Thank you so much.”
I wrap my arm around her and pull her in close. “You deserve it. You’ve been through a lot lately. I wanted to cheer you up and make you smile again.”
Truth be told, the reasons for doing this were more than that. After Em had told me about how she usually went about shopping and the limitations of that, I hadn’t been able to get it out of my head. She shouldn’t have to live like that. And I knew I had the power to change that without forcing her from her comfort zone too much. The very fact that she managed to come here with me like this, to leave the house today, despite her resistance and her obvious fears, was a big step in itself. I’m not sure she even realizes it. She always downplays her accomplishments. She focuses more on her faults. It upsets me, because I know a lot of it is due to the people she had around her back in the city. The way they made her feel inadequate, because of her issue.
Also, after our talk a few weeks ago about her concerns with being a mother that all stem from her inability to be around people, I wanted to show her that there are ways to make it work. Taking her shopping in an empty mall is a demonstration of that. She needs to know that things can be done and that we can find a way around her limitations, because I have the resources to make that happen.
Seeing the look on her face today, seeing her so carefree and excited, has been more than worth it.
I devour the rest of my burger and look over at Em. She’s already finished her sandwich and she’s dabbing her mouth with a napkin.
“So, I think we should hit the baby store we saw earlier. Get some things for the nursery.”
“Dan, it’s not even built yet. Don’t you think we should wait a while?”
