I don’t have to tell her to come with me. She does anyway, and I take it as a sign I’ve gotten my point across. She bites my shoulder, muffling her scream as my release rips into my words “No one but you.”
No one but you.
No one but her, never before, never again. My commitment runs deep, and there’s no end to it. She’s inside me, wrapped around me like a tumor. There’s no way to cut her away without cutting into me. Without killing me.
***
When we join my family for dinner, we’re both calmer. Mirabelle greets Alayna warmly, as does my father. The latter doesn’t please me, but I remember the rooftop—I’m with Alayna, she’s with me. My father is not a threat.
My mother’s her usual self—drunk and bitchy. For the most part, though, she’s manageable. Celia’s the one I’m most concerned with. I steal a few glances at her throughout the evening. She’s unreadable. She’s good.
By the time dinner arrives, I’ve relaxed considerably. Whatever Celia is planning, there won’t be a scene. Not here, anyway. I may even get away without speaking to her at all tonight. Maybe there actually is a God.
I’ve just taken my first bite of duck crepes when Warren strikes a conversation. “I’m very sorry to hear about your Plexis deal,” he says around a mouthful of steak au poivre.
We’d bantered business earlier, but nothing personal until now.
“You win some, you lose some.” Though I’m still disappointed with the loss of Plexis, I’m in the process of getting the company back, thanks to Alayna. It’s too early to share this type of news with others, so I don’t mention it.
Besides, there’s another plan I’ve been toying with, a plan that might insure me some leverage, but a lot needs to line up if I’m to pursue it. Part of that includes information that I can only get from Warren. “Is GlamPlay still looking to buy into Werner Media?”
Warren shrugs. “They’re toying with me. Haven’t made up their mind.” He takes a swallow of his wine. “It would be a great advantage for both corporations, but I can’t quite convince them of that.”
I nod, digesting the information. Pierce Industries has heavy influence over GlamPlay. They’re a company I’ve considered purchasing for a while. For my plan to work, GlamPlay needs to buy shares in Werner Media first. I’ll have to get Norma to see how we can make that happen.
Meanwhile, I need to shore up my own investments in Werner’s company. “How much is GlamPlay looking to buy?”
“Thirty percent is on the table. Any more than that would put me at a liability.”
“Of course.” With the ten percent I already own, plus the thirty percent that GlamPlay could own, I would be at forty percent total holdings. I’m not sure that’s enough. “Is the portion on the table from your shares or from the other investors?”
He offers me a grin. “All from me.”
It leaves Warren with forty percent as well. It’s a risky move on his part, leaving himself with less than fifty percent of the ownership. But he’s right that GlamPlay will bring benefits that will increase the overall worth, and as long as he has the majority shares, he’s in a good position.
So I just need to make sure he doesn’t have the majority. I’ll need to convince another investor to sell. Another star that has to align.
As if he can read my mind, he says, “Are you interested in further investing? Bishop is looking to sell his two percent. Great time to buy. Prices are going to go up if GlamPlay invests.”
Bingo.
“I’ll have my people contact Bishop tomorrow.” This idea of mine is working out better than I thought. The prospects excite me for many reasons, not the least of which is because it’s a version of the game. Making good business deals always is. Just like chess. It’s strategic and secretive and often manipulative, but much more ethical. Work is where I exercise my need to play. It’s thrilling.
But not as thrilling as life with Alayna. I tuck away the newfound information and turn my attention to her. Loading my fork with a piece of my crepe that doesn’t have any mushrooms, I offer her a bite. Her lips slide along the silver, and all I can think about is how beautiful she looks when her lips curl around my cock.
“Divine,” she says.
“I could say the same thing.” I’m not subtle about my meaning.
Madge reddens and clears her throat. I guess I’d spoken louder than I’d meant to. Oh well. Maybe this will make her forget her silly ideas about me marrying her daughter. Though whether it does or not, I’m not really concerned.
Talk turns to Mirabelle’s pregnancy. The whole table joins in. It’s hard to ignore the excitement of a new baby. I know this from experience.
Also from experience, I recognize the tension in Mirabelle’s voice when she suggests hyphenating the baby’s last name to Sitkin-Pierce. It’s a ridiculous idea, and I know she’s only saying it for my mother’s benefit. Even more ridiculous is how my mother makes Mirabelle think she needs to say it.
“It’s not the same.” At least Sophia isn’t encouraging the idea. “Sitkin-Pierce is not Pierce. So the bloodline continues, but not the name.”
It’s that one statement that makes me fear for this conversation. If I know my mother—and I do—it won’t be pretty. I watch the pieces line up for the accident that I’m certain is about to take place: Adam reminds us that Chandler could have a Pierce child. My father slips in his doubt that Chandler really is a Pierce.
Then Sophia says it, the thing I’ve been dreading. “Hudson and Celia’s baby could have been both.”
It’s at this moment that I realize how my lack of emotion has enabled me to survive a life with my mother. Her drunken antics, her caustic comments, her cold indifference—none of it has ever fazed me. They’ve skimmed off the surface of my shields, leaving only faint scuffs and shallow dents.
Now, though, with Alayna in my life, my armor is down. And I feel every hit.
I’m angry. She has no right. She’s not only hurting Alayna but Mirabelle and Celia. Probably the Werners as well. While my mother can’t know all the memories and pains that she dredges up with this casual statement, she isn’t so ignorant as to not realize its inappropriateness.
I plan to say something, but I want to be in control of my rage before I do. I’m unused to having to rein in emotion, and it takes me a minute. Meanwhile, it’s my father who speaks out. “Not this again, Sophia. Really? Goddammit, I won’t listen to this.” He tosses his napkin down and stands. “Thank you everyone, I wish I could say it has been a lovely evening, but, well, I’ll leave it at that. I’ll take care of the bill on my way out. The rest of you stay and enjoy. Order dessert. As for my wife, I’m not going to invite her to rot in hell, as I probably should, because I think she already lives there. At least hell is where anyone who spends time with her feels like they’ve been sent.”
My father’s outburst surprises everyone. For me, I find that within the surprise is lucidity. Jack hasn’t had the emotional shelter that I have had. Perhaps I’ve placed too much blame on him for my mother’s behavior. Maybe it’s her that drove him to infidelity in the first place. Maybe the situation is more complicated than I’ve realized. Even with all my study, I couldn’t realize how easy it was to get hurt and be hurt in a relationship until I was in love with someone myself.
Sophia’s unaffected by his departure. “What a drama queen.” She takes a bite of her food. “I was merely pointing out that we had a chance at a Pierce grandchild and now it’s gone.”
Adam makes a snide remark, but I don’t pay any attention. I’m collected now. I’m ready to have my say. “I could have a child with Alayna.”
Admittedly, the main purpose of my comment is to goad my mother, but it doesn’t change its truth. I’ve never given much thought to children except for that brief moment of time that I almost became the father of Celia’s baby. I’ve had no desire to continue my line, and, to be fair, I’m sure my mother had understood that about me. It’s likely encouraged the notion that her one and
only chance to have a Hudson Pierce child has slipped away. Babies were not in my future.
Now, with Alayna, it’s suddenly possible.
Without looking at her, I sense her astonishment. She’s not the one I meant to shock, and I feel a bit guilty. This should have been a conversation first discussed in private. A second rush of fury washes over me at being put in this position in the first place. I smother it by focusing on my plate, taking another bite of my dinner.
Despite the unfortunate timing of my declaration, it hits its mark. “Are you talking marriage and children already? It’s early for that, Hudson. Incredibly early.”
“Oh Mother, don’t be so old-fashioned. You don’t need to be married to have children.” I take a swallow of my wine. “And what Alayna and I are discussing is frankly none of your business.”
Sophia’s eyes narrow. “You brought it up.”
“I was stating that I could father a child, and that would continue both your precious bloodline and your precious name.” I’m calm, in control, even as I reveal myself. “And the only person I could ever imagine wanting to have a child with is Alayna.”
Before when we were with my mother, my relationship with Alayna was a ruse. Though much of what was supposed to be pretend was actually very real, this is the moment where Alayna has to know exactly how sincere I am about us. Because I’m very serious.
After everything my mother has said and done this evening, it seems it’s this pronouncement that has caused the most tension.
“Hudson, I…” Alayna stiffens at my side, and I’m afraid I’ve gone too far. Scared her off. For the first time, it occurs to me that she may not be as invested in me as I am in her.
No, I can’t think about that. She’s probably just uncomfortable with all the eyes pinned on us.
I place my hand on her leg to reassure her—to reassure me—and apologize with my eyes before turning to my mother. “The point is that you need to let the past go, Mother. There is still a future to look forward to. For all of us.” For me and Alayna.
I turn my focus back to my girlfriend. As my hand strokes up and down her thigh, I tell her with my eyes words I wish I could say. Our future is bright, Alayna. You are the only one who matters to me. I’m with you. I love you. Always.
My gaze is locked with hers, so I notice her eyes fill. God, please let those be happy tears.
She excuses herself to use the powder room.
My mother barely waits until Alayna’s out of earshot before she starts in. “Well, look, Hudson. You scared her off with your talk of a future. She’s smart enough to know there’s no such thing with a man like you.”
“Oh, stop it,” Mirabelle says. “If anyone scared her off, it was you.”
Warmth spreads through my chest. I do have a great kid sister. This isn’t a revelation, but rather a reminder. I’ll have to remember to tell her thanks sometime.
As for everyone else, I’m ready to be done with them. I wipe my mouth with my napkin and stand. “Actually, Mother, powder room is our code for DTF.”
Mirabelle and Celia gasp while Adam tries to hide a laugh. Chandler even looks up from his phone, his eyes wide in admiration.
I cross to my mother’s chair, and before she can ask what it means, I say, “Google it. You’ll learn something.” I bend to kiss her cheek. “Happy birthday, Mother. Perhaps next year you can manage to make it through the meal without running anyone off.”
“You’re charming as always, Hudson,” she says, her words drenched in sarcasm.
“Aren’t I?”
As I head to the bathrooms, I hear Chandler laughing as he explains to my mother, “It means down to fuck, Mom. He means he’s meeting Alayna for a booty call.”
I’m still smiling when I make it to the restrooms. I use the facilities, taking time to clean up a bit from our earlier tryst on the roof. When I leave, I notice Mirabelle heading into the women’s restroom. And Celia heading out.
She sees me and starts toward me. I realize that this is it. I can’t avoid talking to her any longer.
Fortunately, she doesn’t look angry. A tiny smirk rests on her lips. It’s playful. As if she’s going to scold me, but that’s all.
I’m hopeful.
“So…?” she asks.
I glance behind her toward the women’s room, afraid Alayna may walk out any minute, or that I’ve already missed her.
“She’s still in there,” Celia says, guessing at my worry. “She’s fine. Now spill.”
I run a hand through my hair, wishing I’d dealt with this earlier. “I’m sorry. I should have called you.”
“Probably.” She folds her arms over her chest. “Did you decide you needed more time with the game, then?”
It crosses my mind that I could let her believe that. I could explain that this time with Alayna is just a chance to further gain her affections. That doesn’t sit right, though. Not only will it cause more problems in the future, but I don’t want to lie about my feelings anymore. Especially my feelings about Alayna. “No, the game is over. This is…this is real.”
Her brow furrows. “Are you…? I can’t tell if you’re kidding or not. Did you…”she pauses as if she can’t believe the question she’s about to ask “…fall in love with her?”
It’s a betrayal to say it out loud to someone before telling Alayna, but it’s necessary. “I did. I am. In love with her.”
The scene is surreal—Celia and I discussing love in a nonclinical context. She’s as baffled by it as I am. “But you’ve never—”
I cut her off. “No, I haven’t ever. It’s the first time. I’m…I’m…” I don’t have the words for all that I’m feeling. It’s partly why I haven’t reached out to her before this.
“You’re speechless.” Her eyes are wide but also bright. She lets out a laugh. “God, I’ve never seen you like this.”
“Neither have I.”
“Wow.” She brings her hand to cover her mouth, suppressing another awkward laugh. “I’m so surprised. Forgive me if I seem flustered. I’m just really, really surprised.”
“You’re not the only one.” My eyes dart back to the restroom as another woman goes in. Alayna still hasn’t emerged.
“And she’s in love with you too?” Celia calls my attention back with this question.
This I don’t hesitate to answer. “I really think she is.” I know she is. There’s not a doubt in my mind, and I want to shout it from every rooftop.
“I think you’re right. The way she looks at you…” Celia sighs. Then her eyes crinkle in distrust. “You promise you aren’t trying to pull one over on me? You really feel something for her?”
It’s funny how she’s as suspicious of me as I am of her. “I promise. This is the real thing.” Now, the most important thing. “Which is why I can’t play this game anymore.”
I brace myself for her reaction, holding my breath as I wait.
“Of course not.” Her expression says she’s appalled that I even mentioned the game. “I mean, I knew you were into her, but I thought it was just sex and that’s why I was pushing you to keep playing. I had no idea it was serious.”
I’m not sure what she’s saying. “Are you…okay…with this then?”
“Why wouldn’t I be? You mean because of the scheme? Is that why you were so distant during dinner? Did you think I’d be upset about this?”
It’s my turn to be shocked. “You’ve never been one to drop an experiment.”
“No, I haven’t. But this is a totally different situation.” She bites her lip. “I’m worried it’s too late though. We’ve already pushed her too far.”
I tense. “What do you mean?”
“In the bathroom just now. She…” She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. “It’s probably nothing, but she cornered me. Verbally attacked me.”
My stomach knots. I’d thought I’d eased Alayna enough regarding me and Celia, but apparently I haven’t. “What did she say?”
She shakes her head dismissively.
“It doesn’t matter what she said exactly. But she was possessive. It seemed to be a repeat of behavior straight out of her file. I think she may already be relapsing.”
I don’t believe this in the least. Alayna’s issues all stem from my own secretive relationship with Celia. It’s a natural response, not a relapse. “I’m not concerned about it.”
“You’re not concerned? But if she needs therapy—”
“If she needs therapy, I’ll get it for her. What she really needs is reassurance.” I can see that Celia is skeptical. “Look—you’re the ex-girlfriend in her eyes. Isn’t it common to have some jealousy in that arena?”
“Yes. I suppose you’re right. Forget I said anything. She loves you, and she’s protecting what’s hers.” She dabs at the corner of her eye, and it’s then I notice she’s teary. “I’m sorry; I wasn’t prepared for all this. I’m a little flustered.”
I’m equally unprepared. I’d expected lashing out and defiance. Not tears. I place a hand on her upper arm. “Celia…are you okay?”
She waves a hand at her face. “I’m fine. I’m touched. Jesus, what’s going on with this world? Hudson Pierce falling in love, and me getting touched by it. Who would have thought?” She looks down at her shoes. “This is a good thing, though. Surprising, but good.”
The relief that fills me spreads through every fiber of my body. I’d been convinced Celia would not approve of my recent emotional developments. She was as die-hard about the game as I was.
Wasn’t she? Or had I simply assumed she shared my own commitment?
I remember back to the night she told me she was still holding out for a man to sweep her off her feet. It was five years ago, possibly six. I haven’t thought about it in some time, and now I wonder if she’d been holding onto that desire all this time. And if she has been, what’s the reason that she hasn’t looked for it? Is it me? Have I been holding her back, keeping her bound to this ridiculous romance-free notion of a life?
Fuck.
How many times have I ruined this woman’s life? Can the mess I’ve made ever be undone? It’s small retribution, but I give her the permission that I suspect she’s waiting for. “Maybe it’s time for you to let love in as well.”
Hudson Page 24
