by R. S. Elliot
Anything to stop the awful, clenched feeling in my heart.
Chapter Eighteen
Mia
I cried the whole elevator ride down to the ground floor, blessedly alone in the little metal box that ferried me to and from the Carrier floor every day. My job had turned from a much-needed blessing to daily, slow torture, and the presence of Aiden in my life had gone from an exciting new possibility to a constant reminder of my own failings. What an awful turn my life had taken since I was eighteen and full of promise. This hadn't been the future my father had wanted for me, or the one I had envisioned for myself, or the one that Aiden had turned me loose to go pursue. This was an empty shadow of what adult life should be, and I had no idea how to turn the whole thing around and make things go my way.
Most of my co-workers had already left, and I didn't care about the few stragglers left in the building who saw me rubbing my red eyes and runny nose. They probably didn't even know my name and wouldn't remember me tomorrow. I was no one at Carrier, just an old girlfriend Aiden had hired out of pity and fallen into bed with against his better judgment. And we were nothing more than that, nothing more than employee and employer with a little colorful history between us; he had made that abundantly clear. I felt physically flayed by his words, like I needed a long soak and bandages to recover from them. How could he be so callous when just last week he had been holding me tenderly in his arms and calling me baby like he meant it? None of it made sense. But it probably had something to do with the scene I’d made in my bedroom the next morning.
I hadn't heard another word from Jack, and I had deleted all of his missed calls and messages as soon as Aiden was gone. Still, I had spent every night since then home alone looking over my shoulder or lying awake in bed, terrified at any sound from outside or creak from within my apartment. I had no idea where Jack was hiding out or how he had gotten the information on me he had. What seemed clear was that he had access to some intimate place close to my own apartment, maybe even right next door or across the street. The thought was enough to paralyze me with fear. This had gotten out of my control, and I knew I had to go to the police. But what would I tell them? What could I prove? I didn't exactly have a lot of evidence linking Jack directly to the stalking since I destroyed most of his messages. Would the cops blame me for not acting fast enough or for letting it go on so long and encouraging Jack's behavior with my silence? Would my friends support me if I asked for their help after I had diminished and brushed off their concerns for so long? I hoped that Crystal would be there for me no matter what, but a nagging voice in the back of my head told me that I didn't deserve her help and that this was my problem to fix on my own.
I was still trying to untangle my emotional threads as I cut through the parking garage. The garage under the Carrier building was echoing and empty at a normal time of the workday, but especially after office hours. It was the fastest way through the building to my subway stop on the opposite block, but now it felt forbidding. I had been staying later and later in an attempt to spend less time in my home, which had started to feel like a treacherous, unsafe place ever since that photograph was slipped under my door.
I swore quietly to myself as I searched for my metro card in my messy handbag, then sighed heavily as I heard footsteps rapidly approaching me from behind. Aiden had come to tell me something else that would mix me up inside and make me feel even worse about myself, no doubt.
"I just want to go home for the night," I began, turning to face him. "Can we please talk about this some other ti―"
A gasp ripped through my throat as he grabbed both my wrists and squeezed hard enough to bruise. Not Aiden. Jack, wild-eyed and pale, looking like he had just crawled through hell to get me and had every intention of dragging me back down with him.
I took a deep breath and opened my mouth to scream, but Jack seemed to anticipate this. He clamped his hand over my mouth, nearly smothering the life out of me as he pressed me against the nearest car. I thrashed and writhed, but I had reacted too slowly. Shock had prevented me from throwing a punch the instant I saw him, and now he had the upper hand. He crushed his body weight against me, squeezing my face with his fingers as he hissed at me between his teeth.
"I cannot believe you made me come out here and get you myself. You've really got some nerve, Mia. What happened to you? You used to be so sweet, and now you're spreading yourself around like the office slut and being a bitch to me for no reason."
"Jack," I shrieked as loudly as I could around the rough hand covering my mouth. I clawed at his fingers ineffectually, but the harder I fought back, the harder he squeezed, until I feared I might pass out. Panic coursed through me, making me tremble with fear.
"Stop fighting me. We're leaving."
"No!" I screamed, managing to wrench my face out of his grip for a moment and strike him hard in the gut with my elbow. I tried to flee, but Jack dragged me back by my upper arm, making me cry out in pain. My head slammed against the car when he seized me by the throat, strangling a sob in my throat.
"So what I fucking say, Mia―"
"Hey!"
The voice echoed, sharp and commanding, through the empty garage. I threw my eyes over Jack's shoulder to find Aiden at the other end of the parking lot, looking harried and shocked. I screamed his name, and he sprinted over to us, throwing all caution to the wind.
Jack was distracted long enough for me to pull an arm free. I clawed at his face with my nails, kicking him over and over again in the shins and trying to knee him in the groin. I desperately tried to remember everything I had been taught in my self-defense class and gave myself over to blind, panicked rage. I wanted to kill him for everything he had done to me, for making me feel so afraid, and for showing up here and grabbing me like I was a pet who had run away from home.
In an instant, Aiden was on him, dragging Jack off of me by the collar of his jacket and throwing him on the ground. Jack was taller than Aiden and had always struck me as imposing, but now he was on the ground, ineffectually trying to shield his face as Aiden pummeled him with blows.
The world came rushing back to me in a surge, shaking me from my terrified stupor. Jack, the imbecile, had completely lost it and was on the ground. Aiden was here, beating the life out of him. The two halves of my world had collided, violently, and I was left standing in the rubble. It was my worst nightmare come true, but somehow, it was cathartic. With all that awful tension and expectation broken and all my dirty secrets out in the open air, I was emboldened.
And I was pissed.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I screamed at Jack, who was making a vain attempt to crawl out from under Aiden. He had given up on fighting back and was trying to run away now, wiggling out of the jacket Aiden had grabbed, but Aiden wasn’t relenting. He had all the leverage in the situation.
"Mia, the car," Aiden panted, and slid his keys across the concrete to me. I threw my eyes wildly around the parking garage until I located his car parked nearby.
"I’m calling the cops," I continued and fumbled my phone out of my purse as I darted into Aiden’s car. I snatched up the keys and revved the engine, wanting to get as far away from Jack as quickly as possible. I wasn’t interested in sticking around and trying to restrain him while we waited for the cops to show up. I wanted out of this life, out of all my fear and my ugly ties to him.
"911, what is your emergency?" asked the operator on the other end. My heart beat wildly in my chest as I wheeled the car out of its parking spot, and when I opened my mouth, no sound came out. I had to do this. It was now or never.
Aiden was standing over Jack, panting and looking strained and surprised with himself. I threw open the passenger door as I rolled past, and he hopped in without having to be told, slamming the door behind him. Jack was only just pulling himself up off the ground, swearing a blue streak, but I didn’t look at him. I couldn’t. I had to get out.
"Mia―" Aiden began, eyes wild, but then stopped when he saw I had the phone to my ear.
A sickly sweat had broken out over my forehead, and I kept turning in slow circles in the parking garage, looking for a way out.
"Ma’am?" the operator asked.
Aiden’s eyes searched my face, and I swallowed hard. Then I found my voice.
"I’ve just been attacked by my ex-boyfriend. He’s been stalking me for months, and I want to report him.
Chapter Nineteen
Aiden
I made Mia pull over as soon as we were out of the garage and swapped places with her so she could curl up in the passenger seat and relay the details of her attack to the operator. I drove her straight to the police station, holding her hand almost the entire way. Whatever strife we had between us, we had entirely set it aside in the wake of the violence. I was sure we had a long conversation ahead of us when this was all over, but for now, getting through the ordeal of the police station and getting Mia safely home was all that mattered.
The officer who took her statement at the station tried to make her as comfortable as possible, nodding sympathetically and fetching her a paper cup of water when she got choked up, but I could tell the whole experience was a miserable one for her. She looked exhausted, on the verge of collapse, but I held her hand tightly under the table as she held her back straight and shared details about Jack's history and behavior. With every new fact revealed, my stomach sank lower into my gut, and the rage burning in the back of my mind flamed brighter. I had no idea Mia had been put through such hell by that entitled asshole, and I couldn't imagine the courage it took to tear herself away from him and throw him out the first time, much less dodge his calls and avoid his harassment for months afterward. She seemed so weak and so strong at the same time, and I wanted nothing more than to scoop her up in my arms and make sure she got a good night's rest after all this.
We were in the station for longer than either of us wanted to be, sharing and verifying our eyewitness testimony and signing paperwork. Afterwards, we were both tired and starving and didn't know how seriously to take the police officer's promise to go after Jack and make sure he answered for what he had done. The cards of justice didn't always fall in favor of the innocent, and I knew that even with my own testimony, Mia's report of a jealous stalker might be minimized as a woman's overreaction. I seriously hoped the NYPD had advanced beyond their prejudices and was willing to take this seriously, especially with the bruises on Mia's throat and the split lip I had been nursing since the garage.
Afterwards, I led her out to the waiting car and opened up the passenger side door for her. I slid in beside her and watched her sitting there, arms wrapped around herself, looking worn down to the bone.
"Where am I taking you?" I asked softly.
"Anywhere but home."
I wordlessly nodded and turned on the car. My place it was.
Chapter Twenty
Mia
Aiden's condominium was larger than I could have imagined, with wall-to-wall windows in the living room that overlooked the glittering skyline of New York at night. If I hadn't been so wrung out, I would have appreciated it more, but all I could do when he shouldered open the door for me was stare. I hadn't argued when he drove me straight to his house. I didn't want to be alone, and I didn't want us to go back to my house where my privacy had been violated and where we had fought after a night of passion. His condo was safest, a neutral place we hadn't occupied together yet.
The lights came on automatically when we stepped inside, illuminating a kitchen made of sleek marble and burnished stainless steel and a low-profile living room furnished with elegant pieces in neutral colors. The condo was beautiful, but in the way a home goods showroom is beautiful. There were almost no personal effects in sight, no mess or quirks to alert guests that anyone actually lived there. It was pristine, a beautiful monument to sleek ergonomic design, a lived-in tomb.
"Please make yourself at home," Aiden said gently. He had been nothing but gentle since the garage, and he hovered around me from a safe distance as though worried coming too close to me or moving too far away might result in harm. "Are you hungry?"
"Not particularly," I said, leaning awkwardly against one marble-topped counter. There was a whole espresso machine on the kitchen island and a couple of high tech kitchen gadgets scattered around that I didn't know the names of. They looked almost entirely untouched.
"Me either," he admitted. "Nerves shred my stomach."
"You were nervous? In the police station?"
"For you."
He said it so simply, as though caring for me was the most natural thing in the world. Suddenly, it was hard to look at him, and I cast my eyes down onto the floor. The hardwood gleamed, so dark a brown it was almost black. I felt like the cavernous condo might swallow me up. It felt so different from Aiden's comfortable, warm presence and our known history together.
"God, I'm tired," I murmured. Whether to myself, or Aiden, or the air, I wasn't sure.
"You can stay here tonight," he said, taking a few steps towards me. "In the guest bedroom."
I ignored the smell of his skin under his all-but-faded cologne and the scent of detergent clinging to his clothes and gave a tight nod.
"I'd appreciate that."
Aiden wordlessly led me through the stretching hallway of his condo, past bathrooms as big as my bedroom and a room dedicated entirely to personal exercise equipment. The condo was outfitted well beyond what any one person would ever need, and I was sure it had more than one guest bedroom. I wanted to huddle close to him in the dim light, maybe to hold his hand, but I reminded myself that no matter what happened at the police station, we had fought that morning. He had told me to keep my distance.
"Will this work for you?" Aiden asked, swinging open a door to a guest bedroom so crisp and clean it looked like I had just walked into a hotel. Tastefully arranged pillows sat on top of a clinically white bed, and there were matching mahogany bedside tables on either side of the room. There was, of course, an attached private half bath.
I stepped into the spacious room, trying again not to stare.
"Absolutely. Thank you again for everything. You didn't have to stay with me all day."
"I wanted to. I didn't want you to have to go through it alone."
Aiden stood looking at me, his mouth open and poised to say something more, but then he took a step back into the hallway. The door frame separated us with me standing in the light of the bedroom, him in the shadow of the hallway.
"There are pajamas in the bottom drawer of the armoire and toiletries in the bathroom. Shout if you need anything at all. I'll see you in the morning, and we'll decide what to do next."
I pressed on a smile, not wanting him to go to bed with me looking vaguely distraught in his mind.
"Sounds great. Goodnight, Aiden."
"Goodnight, Mia."
Then he was gone, his footsteps echoing down the hall to some distant room I hadn't seen but could only imagine.
The bed was deliciously comfortable, and the loose silk pajamas left out for guests was made of some of the softest material l had ever felt in my life, but I couldn't fall asleep. I lay awake in the dark, tossing and turning fitfully. Now, it wasn't the fear of an intruder or of being secretly photographed that was keeping me awake. It was the knowledge that Aiden was sleeping only a few doors down, alone in a big empty bed and probably wondering what to do with me. I ached to fix things somehow, to decide what I wanted from him and lay it out clearly once and for all. I wanted to know our rules and our boundaries and stick to them. But all I did was want—his closeness, his reassurance, his skin.
I made myself stay in bed for another fifteen minutes until I threw off the covers and softly padded down the hallway. Aiden's door had been left slightly ajar, probably to hear me if I called out for him, and I knocked gently against the wood. The door swung open partially, and I could see Aiden's shadowed form drowsily lifting his head off the pillow and ask,
"Mia?"
I laced my fingers in front of my chest. "Sorry. I, um...I coul
dn't sleep."
Aiden wordlessly lifted the covers to his bed, and I crept over to him in the dark, letting the door swing shut behind me. The sheets and his arms embraced me in one gentle movement, and soon I was nestled against his chest, one hand curled up under my chin. Immediately, every tight muscle in my body relaxed. I was safe. I was home.
Aiden cautiously stroked my hair, so lightly that he probably worried he was going to cross some sort of boundary. But I leaned into his touch, urging him on.
Then I lifted my head and kissed him softly on the mouth. The worries of the day, the memory of Jack's hands around my throat, and my fears of being rejected all fell away when he slid his arms tighter around me and kissed me with slow, sure feeling. All the indecision I had felt laying in bed vanished. I knew what I wanted. I wanted Aiden.
I rolled on top of him, my breasts pressed against his bare chest through the cool silk of my shirt, and explored his mouth with my tongue. His hands drifted up to thread through my hair, becoming more insistent as my kisses became heavier.
"I'm so sorry I didn't tell you," I said, sliding my knees on either side of him. I pulled away for a moment to catch my breath and look into his shining eyes. "About Jack and the pictures and―"
"Hush," he said, and wrapped his fingers gently around the nape of my neck to pull me in for another passionate kiss.
Within a minute, we had shimmied out of our nightclothes and were moving against each other under the thin sheets, chasing each other's kisses with little nips and sighs. Aiden was entirely receptive to my every touch, running his mouth along my body with hungry adoration. He moved inside me, slow and steady, and I rolled my hips against him in an attempt to slow down, to savor every moment of this as though we would never get it again.
