Skulduggery 8: Building a Criminal Empire

by Logan Jacobs

  “So how much are we getting from them for the whiskey?” I asked.

  “One hundred and twenty gold per barrel,” Dar said with a grin. “Can you believe it?”

  “Shit, they really must have been desperate,” I laughed. “That’s fantastic. How many barrels did they want?”

  “Three,” Penny said. “But they said to make sure we come to the race and stay in touch, so if they need more before it’s all over, we can make another delivery to them, and they’ll make us another payment.”

  Three barrels of whiskey meant even more money than I had anticipated. But if the entire city was going to the Golden Lake Race, and if they all planned to get drunk, then it made sense that the caterers wanted to make sure that they had plenty to keep everyone in good supply and in good spirits.

  “And you already made the delivery?” I asked.

  “Yeah, Leif here helped us with the barrels,” Dar said. “So that’s all taken care of, and now all we need to do is just show up and enjoy the show.”

  “I appreciate your help,” I told the big man.

  “Happy to do it,” Leif said with a shrug.

  “We left the other gladiators in that human neighborhood,” Penny explained. “We housed them with a couple different human families and gave them plenty of coin so they wouldn’t be a burden.”

  “We know you wanted them to go ahead and start training the humans how to fight,” Dar said, “so the best way for them to do that is if they stay there.”

  “I agree,” I said but then glanced at Leif.

  “Well, I was going to stay with one of the families,” the big gladiator said, “but then Dar and Penny thought it might not hurt for you all to have a little extra muscle with you today, just in case anything goes wrong.”

  “Especially since Ava’s not with us right now,” Dar added.

  “No, I think that’s a great idea,” I said. “You’re a good man, Leif, and if it’s alright with you, I actually think I’d like you to stick around with us instead of training the humans here. I think you’d be more useful with us.”

  “I’ll do whatever you think is best, Wade,” the big gladiator said. “I’m just happy that there’s a point to my work now. And that I’ll get paid for it. And that I don’t have to worry about getting killed today-- or at least, if I do, it’ll be on my own terms, and it’ll have a purpose, you know?”

  “I completely understand,” I said. “Good to have you with us. Now, if we’re all armed and ready to go, how about we go ahead and head out?”

  “Lead the way,” Penny said. “We’re right behind you.”

  After I locked the apartment behind us, we headed back out into the streets and then moved in the direction of the lake. The closer we got to the lake, the more we started to see other people, and I wondered if they all had the same idea to show up to the race early for the best seats.

  As we approached one of the main roads through the city, I started to hear shouts and laughter from up ahead, and I glanced at my friends. It sounded like there were a hell of a lot of people around the corner, and even though they might all just be on their way to the race, it made me nervous that I couldn’t see what was happening.

  “When we go around the corner, let’s split up,” I said. “I want us to stay in a line so we can see each other, but let’s spread out across the road.”

  “Do you think there’s going to be trouble?” Penny asked. “I mean, if we’re spread out, then we’ll be able to get away faster if anything happens, so… do you think something’s going to happen?”

  “It might be nothing,” I said, but then the shouts around the corner grew louder. “But if it is, let’s just make sure we stay alert and prepared, okay?”

  “You got it,” Dar said.

  “I’m tall enough that I should be able to see anything that’s going on,” the big gladiator said. “But Wade, I guess you can, too.”

  “Hey, is that supposed to be a crack at Penny and me?” Dar demanded.

  “Yeah, you don’t have to rub your height in our faces, you know,” Penny said. “Dar and I can’t help that you and Wade are like fucking giants compared to us.”

  “Holy shit, Penny,” Dar said as he stopped mid-stride to turn and look at her. “Are we… are we on the same side for once?”

  “Don’t get used to it,” the pixie said with a toss of her bright red hair.

  “You two are thieves,” I laughed, “so you don’t need to be able to see what’s happening in order to get a sense of what’s going on.”

  “Very true,” Dar sniffed.

  “Alright, Penny and I will stay on the left side of the road,” I said, “so Dar and Leif, you two fan out to the right. If everything is okay, we’ll meet back up in the middle and keep going toward the race.”

  The shouts all grew louder from around the corner, but I couldn’t tell what the people were shouting. It almost sounded like they were booing someone, but for all I knew, they also could have just been shouting about the outrageous price of bread.

  “And if it’s not?” Penny asked. “I mean, if it’s not okay?”

  “Then we turn back around and come up with a plan,” I said. “Ready?”

  My friends nodded, and then all four of us turned around the corner.

  The street was packed with people, and they all seemed so excited that I thought for a second they might have already started drinking. But as we split up and started to move forward into the crowd, I realized that everyone was headed in the same direction, and they all pressed forward like a wave toward whatever was in front of the crowd.

  When I passed a street lamp, I pulled myself up onto it just enough to see in front of the mob of people directly before us, but all I could see was more people that lined both sides of the street. Everyone was shouting at something in the middle of the street, and a few people even threw rotten vegetables, but I couldn’t see what the object of their ridicule was.

  Instead, I hopped back down and pushed forward through the crowd again. The people were so tightly packed together that I had to shove my way through them, but I really wanted to see what was happening, so I just continued to elbow my way forward.

  When I had almost reached the front of the crowd, Leif suddenly appeared on my right, and he immediately waved to Penny and Dar, so then they pushed their way toward us, too.

  “I found out what’s going on,” the big gladiator said once we were all together in the middle of the mob.

  “Well, that’s good, because I can’t see shit,” Penny sighed. “What is it?”

  “So you know that elven general who just had that big party thrown for him because he killed all those wild orcs?” Leif asked.

  “Yeah, we’re familiar with Tevian,” I said. “What about him?”

  “Apparently, he’s on his way out,” the gladiator replied.

  “Um, what exactly does that mean?” Penny asked.

  “I hope you mean that he’s on his way out in a coffin,” Dar snickered.

  “Nah, I just mean he’s been disgraced,” Leif said. “I just heard an elf say that he’d been found unfit for command.”

  “Ooh, did the elf say why?” Penny demanded.

  “He seemed to think that Tevian had lost his mind,” the gladiator said. “Something about how the general saw people who weren’t there and how he killed an elven trader in his total paranoia that someone was out to get him.”

  “Aye, but that’s not the only reason that he’s been told to leave the city,” a dwarf said beside us, as he turned to nod at me.

  “Do you know something else?” I asked.

  “I know that bastard lied about how he defeated the orcs,” the dwarf growled. “Otherwise, mah cousin wouldn’t have been attacked by a horde of the wild fuckers when he tried to come into the city late last night.”

  “Say what now?” Dar gasped with exaggerated drama as he put his hand to his chest.

  “Mah cousin belongs to a trade caravan,” the dwarf explained, “and they tried
to enter the city last night, but they were attacked by a band of wild orcs.”

  “Did they make it inside?” Penny asked.

  “They did, but barely,” the dwarf replied. “And even when the soldiers shut the gates on them, the orcs still tried to break down part of the city’s walls.”

  “It sounds like they were really on a rampage,” I said and forced myself not to smile.

  After all, my friends and I were the only ones who knew that the orcs had gone on a rampage because of the elves’ own temple wine, and I didn’t think that anyone else needed to know that little detail. And I sure as shit didn’t think that anyone else needed to know that I had been the one who had the Thief’s Guild steal and then stash the wine somewhere for the orcs to find.

  “Aye, a rampage is a good word for it,” the dwarf said. “The soldiers drove the orcs off with arrows, but the city elders were… well, they wouldn’t be too happy about any of that, would they?”

  “Oh, you mean that they wouldn’t be happy that they paid Tevian to get rid of their wild orc problem, threw a party for him when they thought he did, and then found out that he hadn’t actually gotten rid of their problem at all?” I grinned. “Yeah, I’d say that might upset a few people.”

  “I’m surprised they wouldn’t want to just kill him,” Penny said. “Isn’t that the kind of thing people get executed for?”

  “You must be new here,” a halfling woman said as she pushed herself forward to join us.

  “Why do you say that?” Dar asked.

  “Because otherwise, you’d know that the city authorities don’t exactly like to get their hands dirty if they don’t have to,” the halfling woman replied.

  “Besides, that bastard is a fookin’ general,” the dwarf added, “so that would mean a lot of paperwork if they wanted to execute him.”

  “It’s easier for them if they just kick him out of their city,” the halfling woman said.

  “Isn’t it worse to be exiled in disgrace?” Penny asked. “I mean, for the elves, anyway.”

  “Oh, aye,” the dwarf laughed, “but that’s just another reason for them to kick him out instead of kill him.”

  “Thanks for the information,” I told the dwarf and the halfling woman. “Enjoy the race today.”

  “Oh, I will now,” the halfling woman said. “After all, it’s not every morning that you see an elven general have to leave the city in disgrace, so anything that happens the rest of the day is just a bonus.”

  “Fair enough,” I said. “Well, I don’t know about you all, but I sure would like to get a look at this bastard before he’s driven out of town.”

  “Hell, yes,” Penny said. “How about it, Leif? Do you think you can clear a path forward for us?”

  “No problem,” the big man said with a grin. “Just stay behind me, and I’ll get us to the front.”

  The massive gladiator hunched down a little, squared his shoulders, and then just plowed his way forward through the crowd. Anyone who didn’t get out of his way fast enough was knocked off to the side, and after a few people hit the ground, everyone else took notice and jumped out of our path.

  It was nice to have a gladiator on the team.

  When we reached the front of the mob a few seconds later, I didn’t see Tevian at first. Instead, I just saw a cart loaded down with the night elf’s possessions, but it was driven by a dwarf, not by Tevian himself, and it was pulled by a mule instead of one of the horses that all the elves prized so highly.

  Leif pushed forward again, so we were able to move along the edge of the crowd beside the cart instead of behind it, and that was when I finally saw Tevian.

  Or at least, what looked like Tevian.

  The night elf walked in front of the mule-driven cart, and I realized that part of the city’s punishment for him was that he had to walk instead of ride his way out of town. But it wasn’t the fact that he was walking instead of riding that caught my attention.

  Instead, it was the fact that the proud night elf looked like someone had melted some sort of honey all over him and then glued feathers all over him with the sticky substance. His blue skin was covered with the honey and feathers, and even his turquoise and silver cape was stained red with the juice of rotten tomatoes.

  “What the fuck is that?” Penny swore.

  “Ah, that’s a Gold City special,” Leif replied. “Anybody who gets kicked out of the city gets the same treatment, even though I’ve never seen them do it to an elf before.”

  “But what is it?” Dar asked.

  “They cover you with molasses and then throw feathers all over you,” the big gladiator said. “Any time they want to humiliate someone here, that’s what they do.”

  “Holy shit,” the pixie thief said. “This shit is like a dream come true. This is the best day ever.”

  Even as she said the words, more people in the crowd threw rotten tomatoes at the night elf. Most of them missed him, but one landed squarely on his jaw. As it rolled off his face, it left behind a bright red stain on the feathers that were glued to the molasses on his cheek.

  I half-expected Tevian to turn on the crowd and try to kill them all with his magic, but then I noticed the elven soldiers posted along the main road and all the way up to the main city gate at the end of the street. If Tevian tried anything like that, he would be attacked by his own kind, and as angry as he was, I didn’t think he wanted to piss off the heads of the whole goddamn empire.

  Somehow, this time was even better than the first time that we’d seen Tevian disgraced and forced to leave a city. Maybe it was just because it was the second time, or maybe it was the final touch of molasses and feathers that made his defeat all that much sweeter.

  But even though I knew he was on his way out of the city, I couldn’t resist rubbing it in his face one last time. After all, Tevian had done everything in his power to stop us every step of the way, and lately, that had included trying to kill us.

  “Have a safe journey, Tevian!” I called from the crowd.

  Immediately, the night elf whirled toward the sound of my voice, scanned the mob, and then locked eyes with me.

  “You fucking bastard!” Tevian shouted. “That’s the bastard from the marketplace! That’s the human who--”

  “Yeah, yeah,” one of the elven soldiers at the edge of the crowd cut him off. “The human who used magic, right? You told us all about it, remember?”

  “I wasn’t lying!” Tevian said and then turned back toward me. “Look at him, he’s right there! He’s right--”

  I ducked back into the crowd and pulled Dar and Penny with me, so there was no chance that the night elf would see any of us again.

  “He was right there!” Tevian shouted. “I swear by the Ancients, he--”

  “Save it for someone who cares,” the elven soldier said. “Now, either get moving, or I’ll fucking make you move.”

  “I’m a goddamn general,” the night elf said. “You can’t just--”

  “You might be a general once you get to the other side of those walls,” the soldier laughed, “but while you’re in this city, you’re nothing but a liar and a disgrace. Now, pick up the fucking pace.”

  Tevian gave the crowd one last desperate scan, but even though we could see him through the swarm of bodies in front of us, he couldn’t see us, so he spun back around and started to march toward the city gates again.

  We followed along with the crowd until we escorted him all the way to the main gates. As soon as he reached them, the dwarf hopped down from the cart, and Tevian was allowed to climb up into the wagon and take the reins of the mule.

  The crowd launched a few more tomatoes at the back of his cart, and just as a few birds started to circle above the night elf’s head, the gates closed behind him and blocked him from sight. Once Tevian was gone, the crowd started to break up, but most of them headed in the direction of the lake, so we just joined the general flow of people who were all headed to the race.

  “Good riddance,” I said.


  “And good timing,” Penny said. “If you hadn’t set things up so the orcs drank the wine, Tevian might have just gotten a slap on the wrist for the death of that elven trader.”

  “Well, I figured that there was no way the elves would let him stick around if they didn’t think that he had done the job they hired him for in the first place,” I said. “I’m just glad the orcs took the bait. We got lucky.”

  “Do you think we’ll have to face Tevian again?” Dar asked. “I mean, do you think we’ll see him again?”

  “I sure as shit hope so,” I laughed. “Don’t get me wrong, I like to see him disgraced and exiled just as much as anybody, but he deserves to die for everything that he’s done. And I wouldn’t mind if I was the one who made sure that happened.”

  “The empire is big, but it’s not that big,” Penny said with a shrug. “Besides, we have a quick way to get from one city to another, so I have a feeling we’ll run into old Skeevy-an again at some point.”

  “And the next time we do, we’ll do more than just humiliate him,” I said. “I can promise you that much.”

  We were close to the lake now, so we just kept moving along with the crowd toward the stands that had been set up to watch the race. It didn’t look like we were going to arrive early, but since we’d been delayed by the sight of Tevian’s exile, I didn’t mind. We would still be able to take care of business during the race itself, and it was worth it to have seen Tevian leave the city in even more disgrace than when he had left our own hometown.

  Suddenly, just as we were about to enter the stands, the air filled with the bloodcurdling sound of elven battle horns.

  Chapter 21

  I reached for the war hammer that was slung across my back, and I saw Penny and Dar both reach for their weapons at the same time. But before I could even grab the handle, I noticed that Leif hadn’t moved at all. In fact, no one else in the crowd seemed the least bit bothered by the noise.

  “Um… isn’t this the part where everybody in the city shits themselves?” Dar asked. “You know-- battle horns, bloodthirsty elves, all that good stuff?”