* * *
“What’s got you in knots, McNally?” Willard asked. The old cowboy took a T-post driver to a pole and glanced over at Jess.
“I’m not in knots.”
“Sure you are. You’ve been staring at that fence wire for a good five minutes. You can’t tighten fencing by watching it.”
Willard had accompanied him to do a fence check in preparation for a cattle drive that included Rebel Ranch guests. They’d move the cattle from the back of the ranch to the seeded grazing paddock with native forage closer to the barns.
Jess wiped the sweat from his face and adjusted his gloves. Willard was right. He’d been caught up thinking, and he wasn’t paid to think about Kate during work hours. Yet his gut had been churning for the last twenty-four hours, since he’d found out about her plans. He’d seen Kate battered, bruised and in pain, and he sure didn’t want to see her put her life on the line again.
He twisted the fence wire into a Z with his pliers, starting at the top and going to the bottom. Then he stood and looked over at Willard. “What time is it?”
“Nearly dinner, and Chef Luna has pulled-pork carnitas on the menu tonight. I think I smell them already.”
“Sorry to miss that, but I’ve got an appointment after work.”
“More for me.” Willard rested his arms on the post and looked over at Jess. “How’s that wooing coming along?”
“You practice being random or does it just come naturally?” Jess asked.
“I guess it’s not going so well,” Willard muttered. He picked up the T-post driver and shoved it in the back of the UTV. “We’re done here. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow. Maybe whatever’s eating at you will have passed by then.”
“See you tomorrow,” Jess mumbled.
Dust billowed along the trail as Willard took off in the vehicle, and for a minute, Jess simply stared out across the land. He’d been orderly and deliberate in the last few months, since returning to Rebel. How had everything gotten out of control?
Jess mounted his horse and headed to the stable.
After a quick washup, he grabbed his hat and wasted no time heading into town to his mother’s house. She opened the door on the first knock, her face brightening. “Jess, did I know you were coming?”
“No. Is this a bad time?”
She adjusted the ends of the scarf around her neck and checked her appearance in the hall mirror. “I’m out the door shortly for choir practice, but I always have time for my favorite son.”
He couldn’t help but smile as he followed her into the living room. “This won’t take long. I tried to reach you last night, but you didn’t answer. Nicole said you were at mahjong.”
“Oh, yes, sorry. It lasted much too late. I started chatting with Magnolia Parker about her new grandbaby and lost all track of time.” She turned. “Why didn’t you leave a message? I would have called you back.”
“I wanted to talk to you in person.”
“Uh-oh, this sounds serious. Let’s sit down.” She perched on the couch and looked at him expectantly.
He couldn’t sit. The pent-up energy inside him was ready to explode. Instead, he paced back and forth on the braided rug before facing his mother. “Kate is donating a kidney.” Simply uttering those words was painful and caused a domino of unspeakable aches inside his chest. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“She asked me not to. Kate wanted to be the one to tell you.”
“Mom, I moved back home to take care of you. I think I should have been let in on the discussion.”
“Jess, you’re a wonderful son, and I appreciate everything you do for me. However, it’s not your job to take care of me. Nor was it your job to take care of your father.”
“Maybe if I’d been here instead of in Montana, I could have done something. Maybe we wouldn’t have lost Dad.” Jess clenched his hands at his sides as he spoke, all the while struggling to keep the emotions bubbling inside him at bay.
His mother’s eyes rounded. “Oh, my, is that what’s been keeping you up at night?”
“I left Oklahoma because he and I didn’t agree on my future. I shouldn’t have let that keep me away. If only...” He shook his head, unable to finish the thought as anguish choked him.
“Your father was a proud and stubborn man. I’m sorry he never admitted that he was wrong. But he was, and he knew it. Both you and Nicole had the right to your own futures, not the ones he’d planned for you. Just remember that he believed you both could do anything, and he wanted the best for you.”
“Yeah, I realize that now. Much too late. I should have come home more often. Been here for you both.” A searing pain shot through him at the admission.
“Is that what this is all about? You believe that you let your father down? Is that why you want to keep tight control on my life?”
“I love you, Mom.”
“Yes, and I love you too. But we’re human. These mortal bodies will fail, and it certainly won’t be your fault.” She sighed. “While I admit I long to be around to see you marry and see your first child, I’m also at all times ready for a greater calling. One that doesn’t include this life on earth.”
“Don’t talk like that. You’re way too young to leave us.”
“Perhaps, but as we know, life isn’t always fair.” She paused. “Now, maybe you can explain to me why you don’t think Kate donating a kidney is a good idea.”
He couldn’t answer. Couldn’t tell her what he felt, because he wasn’t sure.
“I can make an educated guess,” she said. “Perhaps you think it’s not a good idea because Kate is the woman you’re in love with.”
Jess’s head snapped up at the words. “No. I’m not in love with Kate. I’ve been very careful not to cross that line.”
His mother nodded slowly, as though considering his words. “I can see you have your mind convinced, but I’m not sure your heart understands the rules, dear.”
Had he been lying to himself? Was he denying how he felt so he wouldn’t get hurt again?
“Jess?”
He didn’t know what to say. Kate was sacrificing to save his mother. What if something happened to her? To his mother? Surgery had no guarantees.
He loved them both too much to consider losing either of them.
Jess swallowed. He loved Kate. The thought hit him like a rolling bale of hay. He ran a hand over his face.
“So, this really is news to you?” his mother asked. “That you’re still in love with her?”
Pain, like a punch in the gut, hit him at her words. “Kate’s not sticking around.”
“Maybe if you ask her to, she will.”
“How I feel isn’t going to change her plans.”
“You don’t know that. You’re both older, and, I hope, a lot smarter.” She paused. “Does she know how you feel?”
No. Kate didn’t know how he felt, because up to this very moment, he hadn’t had the courage to admit to himself that for the second time in his life, he was in love with the woman who held the power to break his heart.
Chapter Eleven
Kate opened the front door to find all of her brothers on the stoop. She offered a sigh of exasperation and leaned on the door jamb while looking at the handsome faces of Mitch, Reece and Tucker.
Though she’d called and spoken to each one individually, they’d still decided to respond with a group effort. She’d expected kickback. They were her brothers, after all. But did it have to be so early in the morning?
“I can’t begin to tell you how good it makes me feel to have you all on my doorstep at 7:00 a.m. on a Saturday.” A yawn escaped.
“Were you sleeping?” Reece asked.
“No, but it’s my day off.” Her gaze assessed the trio again. “It’s your day off too, and you have families who want your attention.”
“Bug, we’re here be
cause we have a few items to discuss with you,” Mitch said. He wore his eldest-brother, serious-business face today.
Kate groaned. “You guys are going to have to stop this. You have your own families to deal with.”
“Let me point out the obvious,” Tucker said. “You are our family.”
“Fine.” Kate unlocked the screen and walked to the kitchen. Why fight the inevitable? She would always be the little sister, and her turning thirty hadn’t changed their overprotective natures.
“Where’s Bella?” Tucker asked, glancing around.
“Probably on the window ledge in my bedroom planning world domination.” She grabbed a can of Dr. Pepper from the fridge as she stepped into the kitchen. “Help yourselves.”
Reece reached in, took three bottled waters and passed them out to his brothers.
When Kate put a package of store-bought sandwich cookies on the table, Mitch looked from the package to her. “It’s 7:00 a.m.”
“If you were expecting breakfast, you’re at the wrong house. I’ve come a long way, but eggs and I are still not on speaking terms.”
“You drink soda for breakfast?” Reece asked.
Kate glared at him. “Are you guys really here to evaluate my dietary habits?” She pointed to her shiny, new, stainless steel slow cooker on the counter. “Because I’m actually a changed woman. I have appliances, and I know how to use them.”
Tucker’s brows lifted. “It does smell awfully good in here, now that you mention it.”
“Chili in the slow cooker. Tonight’s dinner.”
“I’m impressed,” he said.
“Wonderful. Now tell me why you’re here,” Kate said. “I don’t mean to rush you or anything, but I have important plans with Olive at nine.”
“Who’s Olive?” Reece asked.
“Jess’s niece. We have a riding lesson.”
“That’s great, Kate. You know, we’ve been hearing great things about the equine program from our guests. Those gals you hired are top-notch,” Reece said.
“Thank you.” She held the praise from Reece close. It meant a lot. Perhaps she was making a difference at Rebel Ranch.
“So...” Mitch said. Hands steepled, he glanced at his brothers. “We’re here to talk about the kidney-donating thing.”
“Yeah,” Reece burst out. “You gave us a heads-up on the phone, Kate.” He ran a hand over the dark shadow of beard on his face. “That was kinda below the belt, don’t you think?”
Kate dropped into a chair and frowned, because they were right. She had taken the cowardly route. “I’m sorry,” she murmured. “That was the chicken way out. But I won’t be changing my mind about the surgery. I am absolutely certain this is what I’m supposed to do.”
“Susan McNally is a good person,” Mitch agreed. “The Rainbolts are beholden to her for the many times she stepped in quietly behind the scenes after Mom passed. That doesn’t mean you owe her a kidney.”
“This isn’t about paying a debt,” Kate said. “This is about how sometimes you just know you’re on the correct path.”
When Reece opened his mouth in protest, she held up a hand. “I’ve done the research. I’ve even had a session with a former donor and a counselor. I’m going into this with knowledge.” She took a breath as she searched for the words. “In the end, it was in the quiet moments that I knew this decision was absolutely right.”
The only sound in the little kitchen was the measured ticks of the wall clock. Kate didn’t dare look at her brothers. Would they continue to push back against what she knew she should do?
“Kate, you’re all we have,” Reece finally murmured.
“And you are all I have. But after thirty years, surely you’ve realized that I’ll never be the Rainbolt who plays it safe.” She took a deep breath as the shadow of grief blanketed her. “Playing it safe provides no guarantees anyhow. We know that.”
“Isn’t that the truth?” Tucker reached across the table for the cookies and shoved two in his mouth.
Kate immediately regretted her words. Her brothers were silent at the subtle reference to the loss of the youngest Rainbolt sibling, Levi, in an auto accident and the untimely death of Tucker’s first wife.
“I’m sorry, Tucker,” she said softly.
He shrugged. “Apology not necessary. You’re right, Kate. There are no guarantees, but that doesn’t mean we are going to worry any less about you.”
“Does this mean the three of you are going to support my decision?”
Tucker pointedly met the eyes of his big brothers. “I believe we’re moving to that place.”
“I checked the schedule and noticed you’re taking a week off,” Mitch said. “Does that have something to do with the surgery?”
“No, the tentative date for the surgery is September. I’m going to spend a few days with my friend, Franny. You remember her. The barrel racer who was here for the hoedown.”
Mitch took a long swig of water before he spoke. “Are you thinking about going back on the road? Back to the rodeo?”
“No way,” Tucker said. “Not a career path for a woman with one kidney.”
Kate pulled back her frustration. Here they were, treating her like a kid again instead of a woman who understood the impact of her decisions. “If I returned to the rodeo, it would not be in the arena.”
“That’s good to hear,” Mitch said.
“No plans have been made, dear brother. I’m going to hang out with Franny to simply take a break and evaluate things.”
“While you’re evaluating, please remember that we want you to stay in Rebel,” Reece said.
“I appreciate that,” Kate said a little more gently. “I’m exploring all my options.”
“Is this about TJ?” Mitch asked. “This exploring-your-options stuff?”
“That’s part of it. I’m reevaluating my life. Don’t tell me you all haven’t come to a crossroads a time or two in your lives?”
Tucker, Reece and Mitch each gave a slow nod of agreement.
“That’s where I am,” she said. “I’ve spent my life on a quest to find answers, and I’m beginning to realize that I’ve wasted too much time. My father, my flesh and blood, didn’t care enough to stay. All this time, I wanted to believe there was a deeper reason.” She shrugged. “There wasn’t.”
“I like to be kinder to the old man,” Mitch said. “He didn’t have the ability to care enough.”
“That’s quite the spin,” Kate said, unable to prevent the bitter tone that underlined her words.
“It’s the one I can live with. I try to remember that his departure taught us all a valuable life lesson. Compassion. Toward each other and others. Rainbolts know what it’s like to be on the outside looking in, and that’s why we will never treat others like we were treated.”
“I can agree with that,” Kate said. “Which is why I’m donating my kidney to Susan McNally. Compassion toward others. As you said, it’s something others didn’t always have for us, because we were the kids left behind.”
Just saying the words was enough to tighten her chest as she recalled the hard times they’d gone through together. Kate looked at each of her brothers and found herself remorseful. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up the past.”
“This conversation is long overdue,” Reece said. “We’ve all been pretending that if we don’t talk about the past, it didn’t happen. But it did. Clearing the air is a good thing.”
“Reece is right. We need to talk. Then we need to move on,” Mitch said. He paused and looked around the table at everyone. “Confession time.”
All eyes turned to Mitch.
“After the twins were born, I hired a private detective to check on Dad.” He ran a hand over his face. “All those years in law enforcement, I could have looked into it, but I was afraid to. Afraid of what I might find. Suddenly, whe
n I had my own children, their heritage and the legacy that would be passed down to them became important. The fact that we have no family except each other hit me hard for the first time since Mom died.”
“What did you find out?” Kate asked. She gripped the edge of the table, waiting for his answer.
“Not a thing. It’s been twenty-two years since he took off. That trail is cold.”
“Nothing?” Kate murmured. “No records anywhere?”
“Nope. I can verify that.” Reece cleared his throat. “I’ll admit, I checked too. Paid for those online database searches, and I asked a friend in the Oklahoma Bureau of Investigation to take a peek. Nothing. He wasn’t a veteran, and he didn’t have a criminal record, so he managed to fly under the radar.”
“The man doesn’t want to be found,” Tucker said.
“Or maybe he died,” Mitch said solemnly.
“I don’t want him to have passed,” Kate said. She bit back tears as her thoughts swirled. What she wanted was the chance to find out why he left. To find out why he couldn’t be her father.
Reece inched closer and put a big hand over hers. “More than likely, he’s sitting on a beach in Mexico.”
“The fact is, each of us was touched by Mama’s death and Daddy’s defection, but it doesn’t have to rule our life,” Mitch said. “One thing I learned in sessions with that therapist is that life isn’t like movies. It’s not fair, and there is no guarantee of happily-ever-after on this Earth. What is promised is our eternal happiness.”
“Easy to say,” Kate said.
“Maybe. Or maybe you should consider the fact that you had something that no other little girl had.”
Kate cocked her head in question. “What’s that?”
“Three fathers,” Mitch continued. “Three voices in your head warning you that if you missed curfew, even thought about picking up tobacco, sneaking into a club with a fake ID, or any other rite of passage, your three dads would know. Know and lower the boom faster than you could say ‘You’re ruining my life.’”
Laughter bubbled up, and Kate released it and let go of the tension that had held her rigid. “You do have a point.” She sucked in a ragged breath. “Which is probably why my most memorable act of rebellion was toilet papering Pastor Young’s house.”
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