by Natalie Ann
She had to bite her tongue from making some comment about him doing a lot of things for fun in life. It wasn’t the time.
“I wonder if you still hold a grudge after all this time even though you act like you don’t.”
He just stared at her and she wondered if she went too far. “The only grudge I hold is that I lost the relationship I had with my father over something I thought was stupid and silly. But I wasn’t about to do or be something that someone else wanted if it was going to make me miserable. No one should have to do that.”
“No. You’re right. I think we are both examples of people who might be considered selfish to some. I left here because I wasn’t happy.”
“The difference is your parents supported that decision and stood by you. They helped you out when you needed it. My mother was the only one who supported me and helped me half the time behind my father’s back. That’s not healthy.”
“No. It’s not. I feel like I’ve never had one healthy or normal relationship in my life outside of my family.”
He looked at her and opened his mouth, nothing came out, so he shut it. “Same here.”
26
Seeing A Doctor
“Mom,” Taryn said, hugging her mother when she came into Taryn’s apartment early on Tuesday morning in mid-August. “Am I happy to see you.”
Her parents had gotten in late last night and went right to Trevor and Riley’s house where they were going to stay for a few weeks. Her mother had always been an early riser so she shouldn’t be surprised with the seven a.m. visit while she was baking before she went to the park.
“Same here. Look at you all chef-like getting to work. It looks like you’ve been at it for hours.”
“Not really. I made the cupcakes last night and am just baking the cookies this morning.”
Her mother looked at the spread on the island. “What kind of cupcakes are those?”
“Gingerbread and then a batch of chocolate. Chocolate and vanilla sell out fast, but I’ve found when I do these specialty ones, they go even faster.”
“I’d go for the gingerbread myself over the chocolate,” her mother said.
“Most adults do, the kids for the chocolate. I’ve got a dozen of each for the park and they are easy to frost once I whip it up. The mini ones will go downstairs. I’m doing chocolate cookies with peanut butter cup pieces in them too.”
“For the park?” her mother asked eying the batter. “You know your father and I love chocolate and peanut butter.”
“A few mini ones for downstairs with the gingerbread cupcakes. I’ll put these mini chocolate ones aside to frost tomorrow for Kennedy. A dozen cookies for the park and the rest are going to be delivered to Trevor’s for dinner tonight.”
“That’s my girl,” her mother said.
Her mother was going to cook dinner tonight and she’d said she’d come over. Logan and Kennedy had to work but had plans for a family dinner on Saturday.
“I know everyone’s favorite.”
“You do. You were always good about that.” Her mother walked over to make herself a cup of coffee and then took a seat at the island. “What’s this I hear you’re seeing a doctor?”
She wanted to wring her siblings’ necks. She hadn’t planned on telling her parents, or at least not yet. She wasn’t hiding it as much as, why get them involved when it was going to end soon anyway?
Bruce had his seventh treatment yesterday and Justin would be with his father today and tomorrow. Though Justin said they seemed to have things more under control, the side effects of each treatment were lingering longer. Everyone was thrilled there was only one more to go.
Well, maybe not her.
Nope. Because she had a sneaking suspicion she might actually be pregnant and that it’d happened on their first time.
Every other time they’d been together, they’d had no problems with the condom. And though she’d gotten her period, or thought she did, last month, she’d done some research and found it was common for women to spot the first month. Since it’d only been two days and lighter than average, she just hadn’t thought much of it.
She should have.
Last week she’d gotten a little queasy twice on odd scents. She couldn’t even remember what caused it, but it wasn’t like it was something she’d only smelled for the first time.
Then this morning when she was in the shower and the water hit her breasts, they’d hurt so bad she’d gotten tears in her eyes.
She was about a week late with her period again. If it wasn’t for the other symptoms, she might have just brushed it off. But she couldn’t this time.
She was trying not to work herself up until she took a test. One she planned on stopping to get on her way home after dinner with her parents tonight.
“You mean I’m friends with a doctor,” she said , grinning.
“Justin Cambridge,” her mother said. “And I hear it’s more than friends.”
“Not sure if your ears are big or Kennedy’s mouth is bigger.”
“Now, now,” her mother said. “You know it’s just girl talk. Kennedy only mentioned it last week and it slipped at that.”
“How is that?”
“She wondered if I’d get a chance to meet Justin while I was here and I asked who that was. There was silence on the other end and then she swore. I don’t think it was intentional on her part.”
That was something at least. “I’m not sure what we’ve got. If Kennedy told you who he was she probably explained the situation too.”
“She did. Your father knows Bruce and I’ve known Linda for years. In this area you can’t not know who is who when someone owns a business like that and your father was the chief.”
“Of course not.”
“That’s too bad about Bruce. How is he doing?”
“He had treatment yesterday. Only one more to go in two weeks. Then I think he’ll have radiation after. We don’t talk about a lot of the actual treatments. I think Justin needs to get away from it at times.”
“That’s wrong of you, Taryn.”
“What?” she asked, looking up from dropping the cookie dough on the sheets. “What is wrong of me?”
“If he is telling you he needs to get away from it, then he’s lying and I would have figured you’d know that by now. This is an emotional time in all their lives and it sounds like he is the one taking it all on his shoulders. Sometimes those shoulders are going to get weak and he’ll crumble down to his knees.”
“I don’t think that is going to happen with Justin. He’s calm in the storm and everyone knows it. He doesn’t have that great of a relationship with his father. He’s here for his mother and sister.”
“All the more reason he might break.”
“You’re not making any sense, Mom.”
“Open your eyes, Taryn. If something happens to Bruce, do you think Justin will have regrets or carry the guilt around with him for not doing enough? For being the one that should have seen it coming or holding it together and didn’t? Maybe losing the chance at trying to reconnect with his father.”
She hadn’t thought of it that way. “He said everything is going well with his father. There is a scan scheduled the week after his last treatment and they met with a radiologist last week.”
“I’m glad to hear that. But that doesn’t change the fact that what you think is a distraction that you’ve got with him might be more.”
No shit, she wanted to say, but wouldn’t. “I don’t know what it is. We do talk about his father when he brings it up. We kind of set ground rules in the beginning. He’s been very clear he is going home when this is done. His time is coming to an end. I’m not even sure he’ll stay for all the radiation treatments. He’s got a life he put on hold in Rochester. A job too.”
This all sounded good coming out of her mouth. How could it not when she’d heard it enough? Not just from Justin, but words she’d been repeating when she was alone.
“Sounds like he has one here too,” her
mother said.
“I’m not going there and you shouldn’t either. He’s got enough upheaval in his life and I’m not adding to it.”
Too late, she almost slipped and said out loud. Then told herself to cut the shit. She had no idea if she was pregnant or not. Could just be her breasts were tender because she was going to get her period any day. Yep, maybe it was that.
Or not.
That damn devil on her shoulder was having a field day with her life lately.
“Why don’t you have him come to dinner on Saturday.”
“Why don’t I not,” she said. “That might be pushing it a little.”
“You’ve been seeing him for over two months by the sounds of it. And you know damn well I grilled Kennedy and talked to Trevor last night too. You brought him to Max’s party.”
“That was different. This is family and it’s more intimate.”
“It doesn’t have to be,” her mother said. “You’ve met his family.”
“Again. That was different. I met them first when I brought a cake over to help with my business. I’m sure Kennedy told you how I met Justin.”
Her mother laughed. “She did. You never said it was him that stitched you up at the ER.”
“Why would I?” she said. “At the time I was just the idiot that tried to kick a knife so it didn’t land on the pavement tip down. Instead it went into my leg.”
“Or you could call it fate.”
“Don’t go there,” she said again.
She started to put the ingredients in the bowl to make her frosting. Her mother was sipping her coffee and then said, “So how is the baking business going?”
Taryn was glad for the change in subject. “It’s going great. I’ve had several jobs already. I’ve got a few wedding consults lined up for next summer.” Which would still be fine if she was pregnant. Urgh, need to get that out of her head!
“That’s wonderful. And you’re selling out at the park daily too, I hear. I’m very happy for you.”
“I am. I love it. I said I wouldn’t bake daily, but I find that I am. It’s not that hard to plan it and Logan said, as long as the office work is done, don’t even count hours. I’ve given up arguing with him. Or telling him to adjust my pay.”
“Don’t worry about it. Logan is smart and knows what he’s doing. He trusts you and that makes a difference. This job is probably nothing you are used to doing.”
“No. If you mean it’s easy, then yes. I’m more a bookkeeper than an accountant, but have talked to him about having me take on some more tasks. I’ve got new software coming that will make things faster for me anyway, giving me more time on my hands.”
“Time to bake for the park too,” her mother said. “It seems to me you’ve got the best of both worlds.”
“I suppose I kind of do.”
If only she could figure out how to get that in her personal life.
27
Pull Away
Justin walked up the stairs to Taryn’s on Friday morning at eight. He hadn’t seen her since the Sunday before. Monday he’d stayed and had dinner with his mother after his father’s treatment. Only one more to go, but this last one knocked his dad out and he slept more than he was awake Monday and into the night. It was a peaceful dinner that his father didn’t partake in.
Tuesday was more of the same. Most of the vomiting was under control. Though the meds were working better than without, at this point, his father still got sick on the second day, but just once or twice, keeping to his bed and drinking, but not eating much.
Taryn was at dinner with her parents on Tuesday and he just went home and ate alone in his apartment after picking up food in the restaurant.
Wednesday had been a repeat of his day with his father and then his time at home. He’d been talking with Taryn, but she hadn’t suggested they get together and he wasn’t sure if she was busy with family or just pulling away since he wasn’t going to be here much longer.
They hadn’t talked much about that either. Just briefly.
The problem was, he didn’t want to pull away even though he should. They’d have to address this at some point. The big old elephant in the room.
Guess he wasn’t ready to yet.
But he worked last night and had to again tonight and was off on Saturday and hoped they could spend some time together.
For now, he’d take this little bit of time this morning if he could and she knew he was on the way with coffee he’d picked up.
“Morning,” she said when he walked into the living room and saw her at work already.
“Morning to you too,” he said and gave her a kiss. “Do you ever sleep? I’m starting to wonder if you sleep less than me.”
“Nah. I’m out by ten most nights and up at six lately. That’s more than enough sleep. More than most get too.”
“Yeah, but I bet you are in your kitchen working until eight at night.”
She smiled at him. “Sometimes. Not always. It’s not like there is much to watch on TV or things to do. I’m in a good routine now where I’m baking things the night before and prepping after dinner. By the time I get up in the morning, it is just finishing touches or quick bakes.”
“What are you doing this morning?” he asked, looking at the red velvet cupcakes on the counter next to what he suspected were vanilla ones.”
“Those are for the park. Just need to frost them. I’ve got oatmeal raisin cookies to go downstairs for Kennedy with little mini cupcakes. The cookies are ready to start baking now. They don’t take much time. Just a small batch.”
“None for the park?” he asked, reaching his hand into the batter. She slapped it away, but he bypassed her and got some anyway.
“No. I don’t think they’d be a big seller. But since you’re here I can send you home with some. Maybe it’d be a good snack for you working tonight.”
“I know what would be a good snack to hold me over,” he said. “But you’re busy.”
“I am. Sorry. But you’re off tomorrow, right?”
“I am. Do you have plans?”
“Kind of. But you could be included. I haven’t wanted to say anything and have you feel pressured.”
“What’s going on? Something with your family?”
“Yeah. They are having dinner at Trevor’s tomorrow night. You’re invited, but I understand if you don’t want to go since my parents are there.”
“It’s fine,” he said. “Why would you think I wouldn’t want to?” She shrugged and he said, “Taryn?”
“I didn’t want you to think it was more than it was.”
“I don’t,” he said but could see where he might feel that way. Did he avoid having her at his parents’ for dinner? That was different though in his mind with the tense relationship he had with his father.
This went back to them trying to figure out what the hell they were going to do in a few months. He’d promised Saranac Hospital his time until the end of September. His father would still be having radiation, but he had to give them some timeline and that was the best he could do and felt it was fair for everyone. They hadn’t mentioned anything yet on how their hunt was going for a permanent ER doctor and he hadn’t asked. Why would he?
“Then if you don’t mind, I’ll let my mother know you will be there. Don’t worry. I explained our situation to her. I guess Kennedy had slipped and told her about you a week ago and she was quizzing me on Tuesday morning.”
“Slipped?” he asked. “I had no idea what we had was a secret. Unless you didn’t want to explain it’s just temporary.”
She dropped her head down when he said that and he wished he didn’t. It was almost a force of habit that he had to stop.
“It wasn’t that. If they weren’t here there wasn’t a reason for them to know about it. As you said many times you’ll be going home. But they are here and I planned on telling them myself.”
It made sense to him. “And since Kennedy did, you were on the defense?”
“Something like that. An
yway, it’s all good. She knows where we stand and if you want to go to dinner, that’s great.”
He nodded. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Not sure. You seem a little off.”
“Just concentrating on my cookies. Don’t want to burn them,” she said, grinning.
He got up and moved closer to her, pulled her in his arms and held her. The urge was too great and knowing what they had was coming to an end soon, he wanted all of her he could get.
Taryn was trying damn hard to not cry in Justin’s arms.
Yep, she was off because she was pregnant and she wanted to tell him but couldn’t. Not when he said once again how temporary what they had was.
She wasn’t stupid, he had a right to know, but after her conversation with her mother the other day, she realized that maybe she should be talking to him more about his life and what he was going through.
Telling him about the baby was only going to put more weight on his shoulders. He didn’t need it now any more than she did.
They’d figure it out. As he’d said months ago when the condom broke, they were adults. Had he told her to let him know if she was? Yep. And at the time, she’d told him she wasn’t because she didn’t think she was. Now she worried he might think she’d been lying.
“So did you want to do anything tomorrow before we go to dinner at Trevor’s?” she asked moving out of his arms. She went and got tissues and blew her nose. “Damn allergies seem to be getting to me lately.”
He laughed. “I had a sneezing attack this morning myself.”
Good thing he bought that. “Fall is normally my worst season even though I find it the prettiest season in Lake Placid.”
“Many feel that way. As for plans on Saturday. I don’t know. It seems we don’t do much other than going out to eat. I heard a bunch of people at work talking about the Church Street Market Place in Burlington. I know it’s a two-hour drive and we have to be back for dinner.”
