by Natalie Ann
Her parents had been good about not saying much to her about her relationship with Justin and she was grateful for that but knew the time would come to an end with that.
They were leaving before Justin returned and she knew they’d be upset that she wasn’t going to tell them about the baby in person. Justin needed to be told first and that was the way it’d be. She’d get too many questions that she had no answers to right yet.
“Have you even talked about it?” her mother asked.
“We have. He’s brought up trying to be long distance. With our jobs I just don’t see how that would work.”
“If he is willing to, then why not try?” her father said. “Unless you’d rather not. What do you feel for him?”
“Taryn doesn’t like to be questioned about her relationship with Justin,” Kennedy said coming into the room. “Be lucky she doesn’t bite your head off over it.”
“You mean like you used to do when anyone asked about your personal life,” she said to her sister.
“We are all entitled to our privacy,” Kennedy said, “but if you want to talk about Justin I’m all ears too.”
She didn’t want to talk about it but knew they wouldn’t leave her alone if she didn’t give them something.
“There isn’t a lot to say. I’m sad to see him gone but know he’s coming back. Maybe this is a good test of sorts.”
“Do you think that is why he left?” her mother asked.
“I think he wanted to check his place out and talk to his employers. He was also meeting with colleagues over his father’s test results. He has a life and a career and friends there that he’s put on hold for months. I’m sure there is a lot he needs to do.”
“Or not,” Kennedy said and left the room again. She hated when her sister did that.
“Ignore your sister,” her father said. “She just wants to get you riled up like she always did.”
“I know. She’s trying to get me to say more than I want to.”
“Which brings up the question of why you aren’t,” her mother said. “I know you said this was all in fun, but did it turn into something more?”
If only they knew, she thought, then told herself they would know in time. She could at least be honest with them. “It did. I think for both of us, but I’m not sure if it can work or not.”
“Are you in love with him?” her father asked. “Because when you love someone enough you make it work regardless of the distance.”
“I’ve had a lot of failed relationships,” she said. “For a lot of reasons. Sometimes I don’t love someone enough. Sometimes they don’t feel the same for me. Or we don’t have a lot in common. I’ve never dated anyone five hours away. I just wonder if that is setting myself up for another one to flop.”
“You’re finding reasons for it not to work rather than searching for ways to make it happen,” her mother said.
She hadn’t thought of it that way before. Was that what Justin was doing? Finding ways and she was looking for reasons?
When it was put that way, she had to think maybe he did love her. Maybe he wanted her too.
She just wished she knew those things instead of worrying that the news of the baby would make him feel trapped.
She didn’t want anyone to stay with her for those reasons.
To give up their life and dreams either.
She wasn’t sure what she wanted other than some food.
She stood up. “I’ll have to think about what you’ve said. What everyone is saying. Right now I’m hungry and going to get some food. Can I get you anything?”
“We’re good,” her father said.
She walked into the kitchen and it got quiet fast and she knew she was the topic of conversation between Riley and Kennedy. “What?” she asked. “I know you two are talking about me.” There was no way they could guess she was pregnant. It had to be about her relationship.
“Nothing,” Kennedy said.
“Liar.”
“I told your sister to leave you alone,” Riley said. “Anyone can see that you’re torn. I get it even if they don’t.”
“I don’t know what there is to be torn about,” Kennedy said. “Tell Justin you want to continue with the relationship long distance like he suggested.”
“You’ve been eavesdropping,” she told her sister.
“I didn’t know it was a secret,” Kennedy said.
“It’s not. It’s more complicated than that though.”
“You make things more complicated,” Kennedy said. “For years you planned things out. Then you decided to fly by the seat of your pants and moved away. Now you’re back home and what? Are you trying to plan it all out again?”
“Maybe.”
“Don’t,” Kennedy said.
“It seems like neither has worked out for me in my life,” she said.
“Which is why you just let things play out,” Riley said. “We did and it worked out in the end. You can’t force something or make someone feel or do things they don’t want to. If it’s meant, it is. Trust me, I know. I was the queen of plans and goals and timelines to meet those goals.”
“Yeah. I guess so,” she said, grabbing a bottle of water and an apple on the table that she’d brought over earlier and walked out to sit on the deck.
She had a lot of thinking to do and wished she could talk to someone about it all, but the person she wanted to talk to was five hours away so she’d settle for staring at the water like she did when she was a kid and was conflicted.
34
Far From Perfect
“Your father’s scans look great,” Mitchell Walker said to him on Wednesday afternoon. Justin had gotten a text everything was good yesterday, but Mitchell didn’t have time to meet until after work today.
“That’s good to know. I’m sure my father’s doctor will reach out to him today or tomorrow. I haven’t heard anything yet.”
“He’s not contacting you first?” Mitchell asked.
“You’d contact the patient first and you know it,” he said smiling.
“True. I keep forgetting that. It’s hard when it’s your own family. But yes, the chemo did its job. There is no evidence of disease. Radiation now is purely preventative and I think the twenty-eight rounds is good. He doesn’t need any more than that.”
“I could see my father’s face when the radiologist said it. He wanted to jump up and argue, but I quickly said how great it was that it was less than the six weeks minimum originally quoted as long as the PET scan was good.”
“Hearing it in weeks sounds shorter than rounds. I get that. When is your follow up with your father’s doctor?”
“The day I get back in town. So about a week or so.”
“When are you coming back here?” Mitchell asked.
“I’m going to go talk to everyone tomorrow. I’ve been in touch and told them tentatively I’d be returning permanently at the end of September.”
“I can’t believe the summer has gone by already. At least you were working while you were there rather than pulling your hair out. I know you aren’t one to just sit around. Though I’m sure your family could have used your help at the resort.”
He’d never talked much about his family with friends or coworkers other than they knew about the resort. He wasn’t telling anyone about his shitty relationship with his father. It was no one’s business.
And now he could honestly say he had no idea how that relationship was going to be in the future.
Better than it was but far from perfect.
Then he reminded himself that no relationship, whether it was with family or a woman, was perfect.
Of course thoughts of Taryn were back in his head again.
It’d been four days since he’d been home and they talked or texted daily. He felt like he might be bothering her at night when she would be baking, but she’d said she had wireless earbuds in. He could hear her moving around the kitchen and doing things while they chatted.
“They had things pret
ty covered so not much for me to do other than golf daily. I wasn’t complaining about that.”
“I wouldn’t be either,” Mitchell said. “But if you need anything, you know where to find me. I’ve got to head out now. Guess I’ll see you in a few weeks.”
“Thanks,” Justin said, getting up and walking out. He looked at his watch; he had twenty minutes before he was meeting Tanner for drinks and dinner. Tanner didn’t get back to town until Monday night and then had been busy.
By the time Justin got to the pub they were meeting at, he knew he was still early and Tanner had texted to say he was on the way.
He grabbed a table and ordered two beers to wait.
“Thanks,” Tanner said, sliding into the booth. “I need this. What a freaking day. Can’t even go out of town for a week without some crisis falling on people’s heads.”
“That’s the good part about my job. I walk out and don’t normally have too much to worry about at the end of my shift.”
“Come on,” Tanner said. “You follow up with a lot of your patients, don’t you?”
He did. Some were in the ER a lot, others hardly ever. Those he put from his mind and moved onto the next. Unlike Taryn. He’d never be able to put her from his mind.
“It happens,” he said.
“So you’re back for good in a few weeks?” Tanner asked. “I’ve got time for one more party in your place then?”
He laughed. “Yeah. Have a blast and go all out.”
“So how has that view been for you in Lake Placid?”
Justin paused for a few seconds, remembering he’d mentioned to Tanner earlier on that there was someone. “It’s complicated.”
“How so? Is she wanting you to stay there?”
“No. She hasn’t asked or said that. We went in it with ground rules, but it seems I might not have followed them.”
Tanner laughed. “Oh wow. Did you get attached?”
“Maybe,” he said, smiling.
“There is phone, text, and video sex now if you decided to go long distance for a while.”
“I suggested that.”
“She’s game for online sex. You lucky dog,” Tanner said.
“Not that,” he said, laughing. “The long distance thing. I’m trying to work it out in my mind and how I could get my schedule to allow me to go there a few times a month.”
“She can’t come here?”
“Again, it’s complicated.”
“Does she not like to drive? It shouldn’t be all one way. Unless she has kids or something and that makes it harder.”
“No kids,” he said. “She moved back after being gone for years. She has a new job and is trying to start a business on the side. Wedding cakes and cupcakes. Things like that.”
“Ah. A workaholic then.”
“No more than me. The job she has is flexible working for her brother-in-law. It’s more that she could have things going on during the weekends or just not have a lot of days off in a row.”
“So if you went there she’d be working?” Tanner asked.
“Most likely. But we’d still be together when she was out at night.”
“Dude, you’ve got it bad.”
“Maybe. We’ll have to see how the next few months go. If she’s willing to make it work, I am too.”
“You don’t think she is?” Tanner asked.
“I think she’s more worried it won’t. It’s the type of person she is. She’s looking for the bad or the things to make it fail.”
“Interesting. I’m surprised you could be with someone like that. You’ve always been so upbeat about stuff in life. Things fall off of you like water over Niagara Falls.”
“Taryn is like that too.”
“That’s not the way you are portraying her.”
It wasn’t until he got home that those words played back in his head more.
When he started to see Taryn she was just like him. Maybe she was more so in terms of just taking things day by day.
Matter of fact, that was one of the things he liked about her. How she was laid back and relaxed him.
He was trying to figure out when things changed though. How it went from fun to her crying the night before he left. She was the one who said she could have mature conversations when he was still trying to keep it light. She’d said in the beginning that she’d given up on finding someone and he’d felt bad about her saying that.
Had she fallen in love with him and was afraid to say it though? That maybe she thought it’d ruin what they had going? He’d have no problem hearing it because he could say it back, but since she kept bringing up that they didn’t stick to their guidelines, he wondered if that was holding her back.
Then he realized he’d done the same thing a lot.
He’d almost walked away from her the first night they’d had sex. Thinking that he didn’t want to bring his family drama to what they were supposed to have.
But she’d told him to cut it out and then she took his mind off of his problems.
When the condom broke he thought for sure another set of worries was going to happen, but she pushed it off.
And how many times had he brought up things being temporary? Or missing her when he left? He did that testing the waters to see if she’d agree. Most of the time, she just told him to not talk about it. They had time yet and should enjoy it.
Again, was he making things worse saying those things? Did she not want to bring it up to him because he kept saying he was leaving? Hinting at it?
Were they both messing things up without even realizing it?
But that didn’t explain the past several weeks.
For someone who said they didn’t want to talk about it and to play it by ear, she was almost sad about it rather than enjoying their time.
She didn’t drink much but hadn’t in a few months. He’d tried to get her to have a glass of wine to relax her, but she always said she wasn’t in the mood.
She was emotional when it wasn’t like her.
But she wanted a lot of sex and he wasn’t going to complain about that. He loved touching her, holding her, having her in his arms.
He smiled. Except lately when he loved to play with her nipples she was jerking back more.
“Fuck!”
He ran his hands through his hair. It couldn’t be. She couldn’t be pregnant. He’d asked her point blank a month after the condom broke and she’d told him she’d gotten her period. But she said it’d slipped her mind so now he was wondering if she didn’t get it. If she’d been lying to him.
He picked his phone up to call her and then tossed it back down. No, this wasn’t a conversation to have over the phone. It had to be in person.
He took a few deep breaths. He’d been talking to her nightly and didn’t want tonight to be any different.
Shit, she’d even made a comment last week about not seeing things in front of his face. Was that her hint and he missed it? Could he be that stupid? And why did he have to figure it out? She should be the one to tell him.
He had to talk to her and see if he could find out more without coming out and asking or letting on he knew.
“Hello,” she said, answering the phone on the first ring.
“Hey. Baking?” he asked.
“I am. I’ve been craving something tart so I’m making a vanilla cake with cranberry filling.”
She’d been saying she was dying for or craving things a lot lately. Nothing odd, other than the fact she’d never said that before.
“That sounds good. Beats pickles and ice cream.”
There was silence on the other end. “What?”
“Just a saying,” he said. “When people say they are craving something I always think of weird combinations. That came into my mind.”
“That’s just gross,” she said. “I’m not sure I could mix things like that though I’ve had clients want weird combos before. Sweet and salty are good together. I’d rather eat my pickles on a burger. Just like tonight.”
�
�You had a burger tonight,” he said. “I did too. I met my friend Tanner out for dinner.”
“Yeah. I made two big patties. One for dinner tonight and then I’ll eat the other tomorrow for lunch. I put the works on it then I just wanted to lie down and nap I was so stuffed but had things to do.”
“If you work too much you’re going to tire yourself out,” he said.
“I’m good. I’ve been sleeping an hour later in the morning.”
“That’s not like you,” he said. “Are you coming down with something?”
“I feel great. Just tired. I think it’s the changing of the seasons. But if I need sleep, I’m sleeping.”
She was at least being smart about things if she was pregnant and he almost said that but couldn’t. Soon though.
“So, what do you have going on tomorrow?” he asked.
“Same as today. Baking something in the morning, then going to the park, and coming home and baking while I wait for your call.”
He smiled, some of his anger vanishing. He could be overreacting, but too many things were adding up in his mind and he was rarely wrong. “Do you miss me?”
She laughed. “I think I do. How about you? Do you miss me, or just my baking?”
“Maybe it’s your body,” he said.
She laughed again. “Well, I could say the same about you too.”
“I’ll be back before you know it,” he said. Much sooner, but he wasn’t giving that away either.
“I’ll be waiting,” she said.
They talked more and hung up and he went to his room to pack up what he needed. There was no way he was waiting another week before he saw her and talked about this.
If it wasn’t for the fact she’d be sleeping when he’d arrive, he’d leave and find out.
Instead he sent a text off to Tanner to tell him he was leaving in the morning, that something came up.
Tanner’s response in regards to the view changing just made him want to laugh, but he didn’t bother to reply.
He sent an email off to work apologizing but needing to cancel the meeting for tomorrow, that he was returning home. He was the one that had set it up so he could work out a schedule and have his ducks in a row before he went back to Lake Placid.
