by Emma Tallon
‘Yes, he’s home,’ Anna said, walking back through to the lounge. ‘We’re just in here. Do you want a drink?’ Anna paused and properly looked at Mollie. The older woman looked pale and anxious, unusual for the typically unshakable Mollie Tyler. ‘Mollie, are you alright?’ Anna frowned. Was it the news about Sammy that had her in such a state? Freddie had said they were keeping things under wraps until they’d had a chance to move him, but perhaps Paul had told her already.
‘I’m OK, thank you,’ Mollie replied with a slight wobble.
‘Mum,’ Freddie greeted her with a curt nod. He had gained a grip now and was busy pulling cups out of the cupboard. ‘Coffee?’
‘No, I um…’ Mollie glanced at Anna. ‘I need to talk to you about something. It’s… well, it’s… can we speak alone?’
‘Oh, sure.’ Anna stepped back and shot them both a quick smile. ‘I’ve got to get ready anyway, I’ll leave you to it.’
Freddie frowned as Anna left the room. What could his mother have to say that Anna couldn’t be privy to? They shared everything. There were no secrets between them. He watched his mother with curiosity. He was still annoyed with her for clamming up about whatever her issues were with Jim, but then perhaps that’s what she’d finally come to talk about.
‘Here.’ He gestured towards one of the bar stools that stood by the breakfast bar he was currently the other side of. ‘Sit down, Mum, take a load off. I’ve just brewed a fresh pot.’ He waited until she had sat down and poured her out a steaming mug. ‘So, come on. What’s up? You look like you’ve just walked into the ghost of Hitler or something,’ he joked, trying to lighten the mood.
‘No, that would have been more pleasant,’ Mollie muttered.
‘Eh?’
‘Nothing. Look…’ Mollie leaned her forearms on the breakfast bar and swallowed the dry lump of fear that had formed in her throat. ‘There’s something you need to know. I had hoped that it was something I would never have to tell you. And, to be clear,’ she added, ‘I’m not sorry for keeping it from you.’
Freddie’s eyebrows furrowed together in a deep frown. ‘OK,’ he said warily.
Mollie looked up into the face of her eldest son. The son she was the most proud of, if she was honest. Not that she would ever admit her favouritism out loud. He was so handsome, with his dark hair, strong jaw and bright greeny-hazel eyes. Like all of her children, he had the look of her side of the family, the Irish blood in him too strong to be weakened. She loved him so much that sometimes when she looked at him her heart ached. It was both a mother’s blessing and curse, the depth of the love felt for one’s children. She sent a silent prayer up to the heavens that he didn’t turn away from her.
‘You wanted to know what my issue is with Jim,’ Mollie began, taking a deep breath. ‘Well, it all started a very long time ago.’
‘When Jim went to prison?’ Freddie asked.
‘No.’ Mollie shook her head. ‘A long time before that.’ She turned to look out of the window, her eyes glazing over as the memories all came flooding back. ‘I was very young. Barely just turned eighteen. Back in those days we grew up a lot later than you young people do today. So I was very naïve.’ Mollie’s eyes welled up and she blinked the tears away before they could fall. ‘I’d just started a job as a secretary in this big office near our estate and felt very grown up and flash. I still lived at home back then and my mum was quite strict when I was at school, but then suddenly I was out of school and earning my own money and finding my feet in the world. I started going out with my mate Linda to the local pub on a weekend. And that was where I met your dad.’
‘Yeah?’ Freddie smiled. ‘You’ve never really talked about how you guys got together.’
‘Well, we didn’t get together straight away,’ Mollie said, casting her eyes down. She picked up her coffee and took a few sips. ‘We became friends at first and started hanging out in a group, a few of us. We had a grand old time together, we did. Then, one Saturday night, someone introduced us all to Jim.’ She paused, trying to quell the quiver of resentment in her stomach. ‘Looking back now he was always a bit of a wideboy. But to a young girl like me who hadn’t seen much of the world, he just seemed… I don’t know… Confident, I guess. Sure of himself. Exciting.’ She glanced at Freddie. ‘He took a shine to me and asked me out for a drink. I was flattered. He was a good-looking bloke back then and no one had ever asked me out before.’ She began to twist the coffee cup around on the worktop. ‘I started seeing him and at first I felt like I’d won the jackpot. There I was with my posh job and my nights out and this handsome boyfriend… I just thought Linda was jealous when she started trying to warn me off him. But then everyone else started trying to warn me off too. Even Richard.’ She smiled sadly. ‘I should have listened to him. To all of them. But I didn’t.’ She closed her eyes and forced herself to continue. ‘One day, I realised that something had changed. In me, that is. I was pregnant.’
Freddie blinked and opened his mouth in shock. A cold wave flushed through his body. Where was this story going? He watched his mother’s face grow crimson with shame and her body began to slightly shake. He swallowed. ‘Go on,’ he urged.
‘I was scared. I told Jim, assuming that this was something we would both deal with together. I thought he would do the right thing, stand by me, tell me everything was going to be OK. But when I told him he got angry. He told me we were over, that I was no longer of any use to him and that he didn’t want to see my face again.’ Tears began to fall down Mollie’s cheeks as she was forced to relive one of the hardest times of her life. ‘I got angry too then. I told him I wasn’t going anywhere and that he needed to step up. That it had taken two to get into this position. When I did that, he slapped me round the face, hard.’ Her fingers reached up, in a subconscious gesture, to where he had hit her all those years ago. ‘I had never been so shocked in my life. No one had ever hit me before. He told me if I ever went to him again or told anyone that the baby was his, he’d punch me in the stomach and make sure it never saw the light of day.’
Freddie swore under his breath, the anger building up inside him like a ball of fire. So many questions swirled round in his head but he forced them down. He needed her to continue. He needed to hear the rest of the story before he could respond. He gripped the edge of the counter top so hard his fingers turned white and waited.
‘He also told me that if I told a soul he’d tell my mother I was a whore who slept around and had got knocked up by who-the-hell knew. He knew that she’d throw me out if she found out I was in the family way out of wedlock and that I’d have had nowhere to go. She was a very devout Catholic, your grandmother. After that he walked away and already had the next young girl on his arm by the very next day as if I had never existed. I didn’t know what to do. I called into work sick and stopped going out. I couldn’t tell anyone, I was too ashamed and scared. Eventually one night I went out for a walk. I needed some fresh air. I ended up walking down to your dad’s old gym. He was just coming out as I walked past and came after me. He’d been worried when he hadn’t seen me out.’ Mollie gave a sad smile. ‘I ended up telling him everything. I couldn’t help it, I’d bottled it up for far too long. He just sat with me for hours while I cried, that night. He was so angry. He wanted to go straight over and batter Jim for what he’d done, but I couldn’t let him. I knew if I let him, Jim would follow through with telling my mum out of spite. And then I’d have been totally screwed.’
For a few long moments Mollie turned silent as she thought back to that awful time. Freddie took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, trying to stay patient with her despite the turmoil this was creating inside his head. What had happened to the baby? He needed to know.
‘Mum?’ he prompted eventually.
‘Right, yes.’ Mollie cleared her throat. ‘I spent the next few months trying to prepare, still hiding the pregnancy. With baggy clothes it wasn’t too hard. I went back to work and saved every penny I could, thinking about renting a room somewh
ere and started buying a few bits here and there. Nothing too big, just things I could hide under my bed. Your dad was by my side the whole time, helping me. The best and most loyal friend I could have ever hoped for. I realised then that he had feelings for me, had done for a long time. I realised, too, that I felt the same. But it was terrible timing, so I said nothing. I mean, how could I declare feelings for him when I was such damaged goods?’ Mollie looked down to her hands in her lap and her face flushed an even deeper shade of red. ‘But Jim saw me and Richard going about together and saw how happy he made me, even considering my situation. And even though he’d cast me aside, Jim couldn’t bear to see me happy. He was a spiteful bastard, even then.’ She shook her head and pursed her lips. ‘He went to my mum and told her that I was sleeping about and had got pregnant. Didn’t mention himself in all this, of course.’ Mollie’s grey-blue eyes dulled. ‘She threw me out that night. Had my bags packed for me when I came home. Never spoke to me again.’
Straightening her back, Mollie sighed. She couldn’t bring herself to look up into Freddie’s face. ‘I found a cheap B & B and holed up there for a while. But one night your dad turned up late, all agitated, asking to speak to me. He told me then that he’d loved me for a long time and that he wanted us to be together. I tried to refuse at first, not wanting to drag him down, but he wasn’t having it.’ A small half smile lifted the corner of her mouth. ‘He said he wanted both me and the baby. That it didn’t matter how the baby had come about, what mattered was who was there for it in the long run. Because that’s what a real parent is, Freddie, the person who raises it. And that was who he wanted to be, the father of my children. At that point no one knew I was pregnant and we knew even when it did come out that Jim wouldn’t ever admit to it being his. So, your dad and I got together and pretended as though Jim had never existed.’ Mollie’s hands began to shake. ‘We found a little house and your dad came home soon after with a ring. We got married quickly, one of the best days of our lives. And…’ She swallowed again. ‘And when the baby was born, we just told people he had come early. No one ever questioned it. We were so in love by that point. Love’s young dream. It was just one of those things as far as people were concerned. Accidental baby, quick marriage…’ Mollie trailed off, waiting in dread for the question she knew was coming.
‘And the baby’s name?’ Freddie asked, his voice husky and full of fear.
Mollie forced herself to look up into the horrified eyes of her eldest son. ‘Freddie,’ she whispered. ‘We named him Freddie.’
Forty-Six
Tanya strutted down the busy high street and lifted her face to the sun, breathing in the warm summer air. The sickly sweet smell of sun lotion and various perfumes mixed with the smoky essence of the city that always clung to everything it touched. Tanya smiled as it once more reminded her how much she loved where she lived. The busy chatter of stallholders on the market buzzed over the constant hum of traffic and she nodded to one or two of them who recognised and greeted her. She held her new Furla bag close as she quickly nipped across the road between two cars. She had only been to the bank and the post office, not a trip she would usually break out a new Furla for. But she had picked up something very important today too, and for that she’d decided it was worth it.
Sammy was going to be shocked when she dramatically pulled it out to show him later, but then he was going to be very happy with her indeed. She couldn’t wait to show him. Pulling out her phone she couldn’t help but grin as she wrote out a quick text.
Hey sexy. I have something to show you. Come by my flat when you’re done for the night. I’ll leave the key under the mat. Get naked…;-p X
Slipping the phone back into her bag she laughed and shook her head. If someone had told her even a few weeks ago that she and Sammy would soon be an item she wouldn’t have believed them. But yet here they were. And now she suddenly couldn’t work out how they had spent so long getting here. They were perfect for each other. So long as it all worked out, of course. As the thought resettled in her mind the smile faded slightly, but she pushed the worry away. They’d done it now. And there was no point approaching it with such negativity if they wanted it to stand a chance. Holding her head high she shook her long red hair back over her shoulder and marched onwards towards the front door of her building.
The lift doors opened and for a moment her finger hovered over the number for her floor. She and Sammy hadn’t officially agreed to tell anyone yet, but keeping it a secret was eating her up inside. She needed an outlet for her happiness or else she was going to explode. She pressed the number for Anna’s floor instead and grinned in excitement as the lift doors closed.
Reaching the front door, Tanya breezed through into the flat without bothering to knock. ‘Hello?’ she called out. ‘Anna, you home?’
‘In here,’ Anna called from the kitchen.
Tanya walked through and shot her friend a dazzling smile, full of the promise of gossip. She laid her bag on the floor by the sofa and joined Anna on one of the stools by the breakfast bar where her friend sat nursing a cup of coffee.
‘Do you want one?’ Anna asked, gesturing to the half full pot.
‘Nah, I’m good.’ Tanya straightened up with a little wiggle. ‘I’ve got something to tell you.’
‘I’ve actually got something to tell you, too,’ Anna said. She rubbed her forehead tiredly and Tanya suddenly realised how down and drawn she looked.
Her smile dropped into a look of concern. ‘Hey, what’s up? Are you OK?’ Her news could wait if there was something wrong with Anna.
‘Yeah, I’m OK…’ Anna pulled a sad face. ‘But I have some bad news. Terry, the manager at Ruby Ten, he found Sammy this morning, up in the office. He’d been shot at some point in the night.’
‘What?’ Tanya felt her body grow cold and a wave of ice seemed to wash through her stomach. ‘He, um…’ She heard her voice shake as she spoke. ‘He… where is he? Where was he shot, was it just a flesh wound?’ She felt the hope inside her die as she saw the look on Anna’s face.
‘Tan, he didn’t make it,’ Anna said softly. ‘Sammy’s gone.’
‘No.’ Tanya shook her head. She couldn’t believe that this was true. She wouldn’t. ‘No, he’s not.’ Tears prickled at her eyes and she pulled back away from Anna.
‘I’m so sorry, Tan,’ Anna said, her own tears forming. ‘I know you’ve known him a long time.’
‘No.’ Tanya stood up and shook her head once more with a frown. She sniffed and wiped away the stray tear that fell. ‘No, he’s not gone. Not Sammy. Not him.’ He couldn’t be gone. They had a future together. She was about to tell Anna all about it, that’s why she was here. She shook her head again in disbelief. This couldn’t be happening.
Anna looked away. She’d known it would be difficult for Tanya, but she was surprised at the resistance her friend was showing to the news. It was devastating for all of them, but it had happened and they all had to get used to it.
‘I’m sorry, Tanya,’ she said again. ‘The bullet was to the back of the head. He wouldn’t have felt it and he didn’t see it coming. It doesn’t make it any easier, but… at least he didn’t suffer. We’re all going to miss him.’
Tanya backed up into the lounge and took a couple of deep breaths, placing her hands on her hips as she tried to get her head around what Anna was saying. How could Sammy be dead? He was with her just a couple of days ago, laughing, joking, holding her, kissing her… She closed her eyes as the pain pierced her heart like an arrow.
‘Why?’ she asked, barely keeping the tears out of her voice. ‘Who was it?’
‘We don’t know yet.’ Anna sighed and looked out of the window. ‘Listen, just so you know, Freddie has to move him,’ she said quietly. ‘He couldn’t have him found at the club and he couldn’t make him disappear otherwise he wouldn’t have had a funeral. He’s doing it tonight. No one outside the inner circle is to know anything until it’s done, so that’s between us for now. Mollie, Amy, everyone e
lse is still in the dark. And obviously if you’re questioned for any reason, you knew nothing about it…’
Anna’s voice blurred away into white noise as Tanya’s head spun in horror. They were going to be happy together, her and Sammy. They were going to make a go of it, finally find the peace and happiness in a relationship that neither of them had been able to find before. But now they couldn’t do that. Someone had taken all of that from them. Someone had taken away Sammy’s future from him entirely. Steady, strong, charismatic Sammy. He was larger than life, always filled the room with his presence even when he was silent. How could he just suddenly be gone?
‘…Tanya? Tanya, are you listening to me?’
Tanya focused on Anna and realised her friend was looking at her in confusion. Anna didn’t know. Suddenly Tanya knew she couldn’t tell her. She couldn’t bear the look of sympathy she knew would come next. She needed to be alone, to try and understand why this had happened.
‘I need to go,’ she muttered, backing away from Anna.
‘What?’
‘I just… I need to go,’ she repeated. Picking up her handbag she turned and fled, hurrying out through the door and down the stairs to her own flat.
With shaking hands, she pulled the keys out of her bag and after dropping them twice managed to open the front door. She quickly closed it behind her and walked through to her kitchen, placing her bag carefully on the side. As she leant forward over the kitchen counter she took a deep breath, then another and another. She could feel it coming, the grief. It was going to overwhelm her at any moment and she wasn’t ready for it. She wasn’t ready for any of this.
