“I don’t care what it is. Whatever you need or want, I will do it. Now what is it?”
“I am not as strong as I might appear to be. Can you hold my hand and walk with me inside? Maybe your strength and feisty attitude will flow through me.”
“Are you sure that’s what you want?”
“I am positive. I need it.”
“All right. Don’t be mad at me when you start flipping tables. Remember you said you needed it,” she teased.
“You are so silly. I am ready to go inside now.” I extended my hand to her as we stepped out of the car.
“Let’s do this.” She squeezed my hand.
Skin on skin, flesh on flesh, with our blood pumping, I absorbed the strength I needed to walk with confidence. I tried combing through the Crab House in order to catch sight of Jenna and Dad, and I was instantly blindsided. My diaphragm spasmed and tightened up, preventing me from breathing properly. An agonizing gasp escaped my frame and forced Nakita and me into standing motionless in front of the host’s station.
Two tables down on the other side of the half wall sat the woman who had pronounced me dead five years ago. Mother was in the restaurant, and she had been sitting at the table with my dad and Jenna. Her back was facing us, but I knew it was her. The same woman whom I had pasted on my mirror throughout my childhood. The woman who had verbally, mentally, and emotionally abused me. That woman, the woman who I had been forced to call Mother, was someone I never would have forgotten no matter how she was seated before me. Facing me or not, I’d know it was her, and my stomach knew as well. It automatically began feeling like the bag in a set of bagpipes being vigorously squeezed. I could not breathe. My heart started racing like it was trying to burst through my chest.
“Are you all right? That’s it. You’re not doing this. It isn’t worth it, Candice. You can do this another time.”
Barely audible, I disclosed, “Mo . . . Mother is here.”
“Is this some kind of setup? See, I am trying to keep my cool. I will tear this entire restaurant up, Candice. Just say the word.”
“No, that would give Mother something else to down me about.”
“Why do you care what she thinks? Forget her. That piece of shit told everyone you died. I think you need to suck all this shit up and go over there and scare her ass. A real-live New York version of The Walking Dead on her ass.”
“Stop cursing, Nakita.”
“Just be happy that’s all that I am doing right now. Now are we doing this or not?”
“I am not turning back. I will need your strength on this.” I gripped her hand tighter.
“I’m with you. I am right here. I have your back, Candice, no matter what and every step of the way.” We made strides toward their table.
Directly in hearing range, without communicating it to one another, we simultaneously stopped and positioned ourselves behind the illuminated pillar attached to the half wall that would shield us. The half wall and pillar separated the restaurant with four wide staircases in the middle of two pillars. Upon entrance, the seating area had been set up for single or two-person parties and the other side of that half wall where Dad, Jenna, and Mother had been seated had been designated for larger parties.
“Candice, I think you need to wait for your cue before going over there,” Nakita whispered.
“My cue? What cue?”
“Trust me, you will know. Just listen.”
Following Nakita’s lead, we listened in on what had appeared to be a heated discussion. Mother was speaking, and I saw the tension painted on Dad and Jenna’s face. We tried to overhear what was being said, however, we’d been standing too far away. Adjusting ourselves to take another stab at listening in, we step out from in front of the pillar, and Dad noticed us immediately. He looked as if his eyes might jump out of his head.
“He’s seen us,” Nakita voiced.
“That’s our cue.”
“You damn right it is,” she agreed as we walked down the steps toward their table.
Like a flash, my consciousness, soul, and spirit separated from my body. I was standing in front of myself. My back was facing me. I could no longer hear the words that were being exchanged. I was unable to participate in the conversation, and without notice, a harsh, half-stifled yell escaped my voice box. “You are a liar. I called you. I called and told you and you said I was a disgrace and a liar.” Pain shrieked through me with a terrible intensity. Unable to take any more of it, I tugged at Nakita’s hand and did an about-face and ran straight toward the exit.
“No, Candice, let’s go back in there and jack her up. I know she’s supposed to be your mother and all, but no mother treats her kid like that,” Nakita exploded as we made our way out of the door.
“I don’t even know what happened in there. It was like I was having an out-of-body experience. I could hear and see myself talking, but I wasn’t a part of the conversation. I am so sick of this. I try to be forgiving and honor my parents like I’ve learned to do, Nakita. It’s not supposed to be like this,” I sobbed.
“Candice, honor that bitch? Why? God, Jesus, the disciples, and everyone involved would understand if you choked that trick out.”
“Don’t talk like that.”
“You need to talk, think, and act like that. You have been watching too much church television. Until that man you watch comes to the other side of the television where you sit, his philosophy is irrelevant. I know damn well if it were him, he’d strangle that lady with the love of the Lord.”
“I am so angry and hurt right now.”
“Deal with the hurt later. Wipe those tears and get mad. It will do you some good.”
A long-wailing scream accompanied by harsh lights swirling their way into the parking lot startled us, diverting our attention.
“Why are the cops here?”
“I don’t know. We should stay out here, Nakita. You don’t need any problems right now.”
“Candice, the fire in there is already lit and started. That is why the boys in blue are running up in there. Jenna is in there. We came here with her. We need to make sure she’s all right.”
“Oh, my God, you’re right,” I agreed as we took off running back toward the entrance.
We were stopped in our tracks, unable to get inside due to the patrons on the inside stampeding over one another trying to get out.
“Excuse me, do you know what happened?” I asked a stranger.
“Some big bla . . . I mean, some guy choked a woman.” He brushed past us.
My gut was telling me it must have been my dad that guy was speaking of. Dad was no longer the skinny, frail guy he was when I was a teenager. He now cast a shadow that filled rooms. The shirts that he’d worn on the two occasions I’d seen him fit him perfectly. You could easily see he was athletic and spent a lot of time in the gym.
The more patrons fled from through the doors, the closer we scurried toward the car in order to avoid being trampled over. My mind picked up speed and raced from the unknown. I had wanted to make sure Jenna was all right and hadn’t been in the line of fire. Unable to control the anxiety that consumed me, I grabbed for Nakita’s hand. We latched on to another and headed toward the entrance in search for answers and most importantly Jenna.
“Candice, there she is.” Nakita pointed as Jenna walked in our direction.
“Jenna, are you okay?”
“I am fine. Are you good? I am so sorry you had to deal with that.”
“I’ll live. It was going to take place sooner or later.”
“She said some crazy things after you left and Dad snapped. He almost killed her. No one could get him off her. I couldn’t move or anything. I sat there in a daze, spaced out. Her words cut me all the way through to my soul. When Dad wrapped his hands around her neck, I sat there spaced out, eagerly waiting for her to take her last breath.”
“He killed her?”
“We would be so lucky. That witch is like a cat. She clearly has nine lives.”
“They’re pushing
her out on the stretcher now.” Nakita diverted our attention. Moving closer toward her, our eyes meet, and I was instantly seized by anger as Mother was rolled right past us.
As her stretcher neared us, my heart rate increased, and a sharp tingling in my spine and head caused my heart and chest to feel as if they were contracting. My breathing became a bit constricted as though there was a weight in my chest forcing anger to boil over. The closer she got to us, the more it bubbled over.
“I wish he would have killed you!” I sucked snot down into my mouth and spat in her face.
“It’s about time,” Nakita cheered.
“I don’t know what came over me. I cannot believe I just did that to my own mother.”
“Girl, in my eyes, your mother died when she birthed you. That lady is no one’s mother. She deserved all of it,” Nakita justified.
“Let’s get back to our babies. I think I’ve had enough of this impromptu family meeting,” I said.
Turning to make strides toward the car, to my left a sight no child would have ever wanted to have seen or experienced was displayed before me. Dad had been handcuffed and was being escorted to a police car by two uniformed officers. I became confused with conflicting emotions. One part of me had been upset and disappointed with him. The other part of me grieved because he was my dad. Jenna on the other hand was losing her composure, and my emotions followed suit.
“No, please don’t take him. He’s our dad. He was protecting us,” Jenna whimpered.
“Girls, I love the both of you. I will be fine and will be out before you know it. Get yourselves home. I will be fine,” Dad assured us.
“We love you too, Dad.” Jenna broke down.
At a loss for words, I stood still, gazing helplessly, aching for Jenna, Dad, and myself. Nakita looked as if she too had trouble fighting back her own tears. Jenna was correct: Dad had been trying to defend us. Camilla was wrong. She should have been the one in cuffs, not Dad.
* * *
We were almost home, and our ride back to Connecticut had been a quiet one. None of us spoke. Our thoughts communicated for us. At times, it felt as if we were all thinking the same thing, because we’d look at one another and just shake our heads. Each of us would sniffle here and there, but no real words had been exchanged. I just wanted to get back to see my babies.
All that hate pushed me to love them that much more. There was no way in the world I could imagine doing them how Mother did me. It was ironic that Nakita said the same thing Mother told everyone about me. The sad thing about it was it did feel as though Mother passed the day I was born. As long as I could remember, Mother had never been the caring, loving, and nurturing mom she was supposed to be.
A sudden succession of shrill rings from my cell phone cut the silence in the car like a runaway train. Peering through my purse to locate it, I hesitantly picked it up as Ms. Jasmine’s name flashed across the screen.
“Hey, Ms. Jasmine. Sorry we didn’t call. Everything just happened so fast.”
“That’s fine. I am glad you’re all right. How close are you to being here?”
“Let me check. Hold on for a second,” I said, pulling the phone slightly from my ear. “Jenna, how long before we get there?”
“We are about twenty minutes away.”
“Cool, thanks.” Placing the phone back to my ear, I asked, “Did you hear her?”
“No, she sounded muffled.”
“My bad. We are about twenty minutes away.”
“Tell her to go two blocks over by Mr. Derek’s house, and he will walk you guys through the path over here.”
“Why are you sending us through the secret path to get to your love nest with Mr. Derek Flossmoor?” I jested.
“Don’t get upset, but there are reporters in front of the house and I don’t want them to bombard you girls when you get here.”
“Are you serious?” My voice was elevated.
“Unfortunately, yes. Please don’t get upset or overreact. They cannot get in here. The kids are fine and have no idea what’s going on.”
“Okay, we will be there soon.” I disconnected the call.
“What’s wrong?” Nakita questioned.
“Jenna has to drive over by Mr. Derek’s house, because there are news reporters in front of the house.”
“Are you serious?”
“Unfortunately.”
“Can we get a damn break? We just had to deal with Dad and that witch’s shit. Now this.” Jenna became furious.
“I guess it was bound to happen considering it was a breaking news story. Our little dirty secret is out for the world to judge us. All of this is nauseating.”
“No one in their right mind will judge any of you. If anything, they’ll sympathize with you, because you all were sent to a place where help was supposed to be provided and you were abused. Don’t think like that, Candice. You said yourself everything happens for a reason, so maybe some good will follow this.”
“Yeah, I am convinced both of you have been drinking from the same television preacher. What good can follow this shit? We will be looked at as victims all our lives from here on out. God forbid we want to start a family one day. No man is going to want us. We will be considered used up in their eyes. Maybe I need to cross over.”
“Well, I am accepting applicants,” Jenna said, trying to diffuse the situation.
“I might have to take you up on that offer.” They giggled.
“This is no time to crack jokes. This is serious.”
“Look, Candice, we are already in it. Right now, our best bet is to do whatever it takes to get through it. And if cracking a harmless joke is going to help me from losing the little bit of sanity that I have left, then I am going to take advantage of it.”
“I agree,” Jenna chimed in. She gazed through the rear-view mirror. “However, Nakita, the offer is on the table if you’re serious.”
Chapter Thirty-five
The Past: The Issues That Lie Deep
Nakita
Yesterday was added to one of the craziest days of my life. Candice’s mother needed to be choked out. Deep down inside, when Jenna told us what happened, I was praying he choked her all the way out. She was an evil woman. And the defense attorney had the nerve to be sending me to counseling. That lady definitely needed an intervention. She should have been the one wearing silver bracelets. Jenna said she had spoken to her dad, and that witch was pressing charges against him and they had him in there for attempted murder. Too bad he wasn’t in jail out here. He could have choked Paul out since I wasn’t able to get to him. I wished I had been in my right mind. I would have made sure to do so.
We had been forced to play hide and seek because the reporters were camped out front. None of us planned on sitting in front of somebody’s camera, answering questions about Hope House. They had better go on and find another story to report. We were not where it’s at. It was bad enough that I was going to have to relive all of it in court eventually. I knew we all wanted a way out, but I could assure everyone we had no intentions of coming down a dead-end road.
Ms. Jasmine and I were on our way to meet with my attorney. He said there was a break in the case, and he needed to bring us up to speed. I wasn’t sure why he couldn’t relay the information over the phone, considering he was well aware we had stalkers out front. Thank God for Mr. Derek and Ms. Jasmine’s path to love. We had no idea about that path, but it now explained why she’d been coming in through the back door on some early mornings. I wasn’t mad at her. We all need love. Hopefully I would be able to find, accept, and give it, because after everything I had endured at the hands of a man, I might have ended up auditioning with Jenna. Just thinking about that made me chuckle.
“Are you all right over there?” Ms. Jasmine pulled me from my daydream.
“Yes. I guess I will be all right.”
“I feel horrible about yesterday. Candice’s mother is a real piece of work.”
“She really was. I am surprised I kept my cool. I wa
s proud of and disappointed in Candice though.”
“Why is that?”
“I wanted her to stay for the confrontation. She needed to stand up for herself against that lady once and for all.”
“From what you girls shared, she did stand up to her.”
“She wanted to know why. She could have asked that and cussed her out in another breath.”
“Candice handled it her way. If it had been you, the story may have gone in another direction and Mr. Brown probably would not have been the only one in silver bracelets.”
“I know that is real.” I shook my head.
“I need you to do me a favor.”
“What is it?”
“No matter what happens, I want you to stick with counseling to channel your anger. There is something that is deeper that you need to channel. I am not taking away from what happened to you, because God knows that was awful and devastating. You are a sweet, loving, and kindhearted person, but there is a switch, and when it gets turned on everyone in that path of light is in trouble. Abuse does make one angry, don’t get me wrong. However, deep down inside, I feel there is another layer.”
Listening to Ms. Jasmine caused tears to dismiss my smile. Her words sent me straight to the day Shakita had been taken from me. I had played over and over in my head ways that I could have gone with Aunt Sophia instead of Shakita. I should have died that day, not her. Part of me felt like it was my fault, and I didn’t know why.
“Where did you just go, Nakita?”
“Your words made me think about my twin sister. When she died, everything in me went with her until I met Candice. She reminded me of Shakita in so many ways. There was an instant connection. I vowed to myself to protect her no matter what. I’d prefer them to hurt me and not her. I wanted to be the scapegoat, guinea pig, or whatever I had to be to protect her. When I wasn’t able to protect her, I’d become angrier and angrier. My breaking point was when they got her and I found her on the floor with blood on and around her body. At first glance, I didn’t see Candice’s face. I saw Shakita’s. It was like their faces kept changing places. One minute I’d see Candice and the next she’d be Shakita. It freaked me out and made me boil on the inside. So much so that when she had the twins, I wanted nothing to do with them, because all I saw was the anger that manifested that day and they were the product of it.”
The Case Manager Page 19
