“It doesn’t have to be that way. I apologize, and you’re absolutely right. None of the things that took place at Hope House were your fault.”
“Save the story for your attorney. I don’t want to hear shit else.” She stormed upstairs with me right behind her.
“I cannot believe her at all,” I unloaded as we made our way in the room.
“She has lost her mind. None of this is my fault, and I refuse to stay here and allow anyone to make me feel uncomfortable. I am done being someone’s punching bag. Do you think we can stay with you until I get housing in place?”
“You know you and the kids are welcome in my home. You don’t even have to ask. I have a guest bedroom and never have guests. I would love for you and the kids to come and stay with me.”
“Thank you, Jenna. It will be for a few days. I’ve already spoken to someone about helping me with housing until I get the monies I need for my own.”
“I will help you with everything you need, Candice. I have money in my savings as well. Just say the word.”
“No, thank you. I don’t want to be anyone’s charity case.”
“That hurt, Candice. Why would you say something like that?”
“I just don’t need anyone throwing anything in my face ever again.”
“I am not ‘anyone.’ Haven’t I proven that to you already?”
“Right now, I don’t know what to think about anyone anymore. Matter of fact, we will sleep here until housing becomes available. I will find something for us to do during the day.”
“Why are you doing this, Candice?”
“Doing what? I need to do right and not depend on anyone.”
“I am not the enemy here. I have your back. You need help with Amiya and getting acclimated to her insulin and everything else. I took off work to be here for you and now you’re pushing me away.”
“I am not pushing you anywhere, Jenna. I just need to start doing for myself. I have three kids who depend on me. I can’t rely on anyone else to be what I am supposed to be for them.”
“Where’s this coming from? When did I become just anyone?”
“I just need time to myself. No hard feelings, Jenna. I will give you a call in the morning if you don’t mind.”
“If that’s what you want,” I agreed, trying to hold back a seething avalanche of tears.
Instead of me waiting on Candice’s call that next morning, I had driven back over to Ms. Jasmine’s. By the time I got there, she and the kids were gone. Candice left a note on her bed saying Mr. Bartlett was able to move things faster and she and the kids would be staying in a hotel. Apparently, his ex-wife was a division director for a nonprofit organization, and her specialty was homeless housing. His wife planned for Candice and the kids to stay at a place temporarily until she found permanent housing.
It wasn’t until the fourth night that I heard from her and found out where she was. She even went so far as having her phone number changed. The only person who knew she was doing well or her whereabouts was Nakita. She had called me to inform me that Candice was all right and that she needed that time to clear her head.
I wished I could have said I understood how she was feeling, but I didn’t. The main person who had her back, she treated like everyone else. Alonzo said I needed to see things from Candice’s perspective. All her life, everyone who vowed to love or care for her let her down. The lawsuit was probably her breaking point, and I was caught in the crossfire. I tried to see it his way, but it couldn’t ease the pain. Once Candice came around and explained to me how she felt along with her fear to trust, I began to understand. I had even agreed to attend counseling with her. I wanted for us to see eye to eye and build from there. Of course, the moment things started getting better between us, I almost found a way to put another wedge between us.
“Candice, I think you and the kids should come and stay with me now. You’ve been in this hotel long enough.”
“No, I think this is what I need for a sense of independence. It’s time I learned to do for myself. I am even going to take driving lessons. I have to learn to be a real adult sooner or later.”
“I can teach you to drive, and you can stay with me. I have a spare room for you and the kids. You don’t have to be cooped up in this room.”
“I am fine with it. I am used to it.”
“You don’t have to be. You separated yourself from everyone and they’re sick over it. Amiya was just beginning to get to know Alonzo, and because you’re here, that has stopped.”
“Is that what all of this is about? Alonzo? This is bigger than him. I need this for me and my children. You have your own life. I don’t. I have to depend on everyone for everything to be what I need to be to and for my children.”
“I do understand, Candice. I also want to help you through all of it.”
“When I need your help, I will ask. Just let me do this, Jenna. Eventually I will work things out with Alonzo. Right now this is what I need to do for me. I cannot think about all that other stuff. I am all that these kids have and they are all I have. I need to be their everything, and I cannot be depending on everyone else.”
Two weeks later, Candice and the kids ended up moving in with me. The bugs in the hotel they’d been staying in weren’t happy with them being there. They did everything in their power to make things uncomfortable for Candice and the kids. One morning when she turned on the lights there were a million of them crawling on the dresser where their food was contained. She and the kids left and came to me with the clothes on their backs.
Candice had a surprise for everyone, and all of us planned to meet for the reveal.
Chapter Forty
Giving Heart: It Always Comes Back Around
Candice
There is a saying that trials come to make us strong. I assumed I would soon be made of iron. Nothing or no one would be able to penetrate me. It was as if a bull’s-eye had been placed on my forehead, and everything had been doing its due diligence to take out the intended target. Amiya getting sick was my breaking point. I didn’t think any real mother could ever be prepared for their child being sick, especially when you’re told your child might have a condition for the rest of her life. I was praying to God that it was not so. I refused to accept that as the final answer or solution. In any event, Amiya had been great and we’d adjusted to things. In fact, we had been adjusting to a lot of new things, Alonzo in particular.
He had become a blessing when it came to the kids. I couldn’t even believe what I was admitting to, but it was the truth. What I had come to realize was no matter how much love and nurturing you gave to your children, there was only so much you could do as a single parent. Children needed both of their parents in their lives. I was a woman. I couldn’t teach my boys to be men, period. There were certain tools that I was equipped give them, but I was limited as far as being able to fully equip them for manhood.
After being run out of that hotel shelter by bugs, also known as roaches, we had moved in with Jenna. I’d been completely against the arrangement, because her place wasn’t kid friendly in my eyes. She had a lot of white furniture and carpets and I had young children. Four kids and white furniture was a bad combination. However, I’d refused to go back to Ms. Jasmine’s place. I couldn’t stand the sight of Samantha, and I became afraid of what I might do to her if I were to snap.
I did love Ms. Jasmine to death. It had nothing to do with her. She’d come by to visit me and the kids, along with Judith, Tracy, and Simone. It was Samantha I needed to keep my distance from. Nakita said Samantha better be glad she was locked up, because she would have jumped on her. I knew I was glad Nakita wasn’t around, because I needed the courts to handle my light work.
After all of that had transpired in Hope House, everyone had been deemed a suspect in my eyes, especially men. Counseling had helped me calm down, but it didn’t mean my caution signs were removed. Alonzo had shown me that not all men were weak and abusive. Of course, I couldn’t see any of that in the begi
nning.
“Candice, now that you’re staying here, I think it would be a good time for Alonzo to really get to know Amiya.”
“Is that what all of this was about?”
“All of what?”
“You going out of your way to get us to move in with you.”
“Of course not. I just figured since he lives across the complex, it’d be easier than it was at Ms. Jasmine’s.”
“Jenna, I understand we are staying here, but please remember, these are my kids and I am their mother, not you.”
“I know who you are to them, Candice. I am not trying to be their mother either. I am trying to be the voice of reason. Kids need both parents. You have a man who wants to be in his daughter’s life. Most women aren’t that fortunate.”
“Jenna, I am not ready for all of this. I don’t know him like that and I don’t trust anyone, especially a man with my kids. So back off and let me do this my way. If it’s going to be a problem, we can find somewhere else to stay, because I am not up for this one.”
My attention became completely diverted when the heavy wooden door gave way and Alonzo eased himself past it. Seeing him letting himself inside of Jenna’s condo was the last thing I expected. There was an overwhelming lingering sense of unease trailing behind him with each movement that he made through the front door.
“Alonzo, no. Now isn’t a good time.” Jenna stumbled over her words.
“He has a key, Jenna? So you clearly gave him free reign to come and go as he pleases. Did you bother informing him that we’re here and he should call first?”
“I apologize. I was so excited that you were coming that I neglected to tell him.”
“Interesting. You didn’t forget to drive a nail through me about making sure he is a part of my daughter’s life though. How does that work out?”
“It’s not like that, Candice. I just . . . never mind.”
“You just what, Jenna? You just what? You just have a one-track mind and your focus is on what I should do with my child? Is that what you were going to say?”
“You know, Candice, you can be a really mean person at times. Nakita isn’t the only one who snaps. You have a switch too, I see.”
“Call it what you want. These are my children and clearly I made a mistake bringing them here.”
“Please, Candice. I am certain Jenna didn’t maliciously open her home up in my honor. She genuinely loves you. Before she met you, she talked so much about how she wished she got a chance to meet you. I am also sure she didn’t tell me you were here because she knew I would come over and there wasn’t anything she could say to me to prevent me from coming,” Alonzo rescued.
“Well, I am telling you, as long as I am here, you’re not welcome. I don’t know you like that and you will not force-feed yourself into my daughter’s life. If and when I am ready, I will let you know.”
“Candice, please reconsider and think about what you’re saying. I know you’ve been through a lot, but I am not any of the people who hurt you. If I could fix things and change everything, God in heaven knows I would. I was young and stupid. I hate myself for listening to my parents. The last thing I want is for Amiya to grow up without me. Every child needs both parents in their life,” he justified.
“She has made it this far without you. We are perfectly fine.”
“Yes, you’ve done a wonderful job. I just want the opportunity to do my job. I won’t be able to call myself a man if I don’t take care of my responsibility. I have a daughter, and she needs me just as much as I need her. I am begging you to allow me the chance to be the father I know I can be to her. It can be on your terms. I will even go to counseling if that’s what it will take to show you and to get through this process together. Please don’t deny me her, Candice.”
His words ate away at my heart like a flesh-eating virus. Everything he said metastasized throughout my body and caused me to have a sudden change of heart. I had to take him at his word.
We attended parenting classes and counseling. It was the best thing I could have done. The love that he had for Amiya was the same love that I once had for my own father. It actually forced me to contact my dad in hopes of repairing things. It was all thanks to Alonzo. He was even great with Dylan and Darren and asked if he could adopt them as his own. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it though. Nakita and Jenna said I should consider it, because he wasn’t asking to be with me. He just had love for the boys just as much as he had for Amiya. The same love that I had yearned for my entire life, I’d seen and felt through his interactions with the kids.
Things were better between me and my dad. I was even given the chance to meet my other sisters and their mom. Dad had really been a ladies’ man. I just prayed he was done. He’d laugh when I mentioned it to him. Thank goodness, he’d finally divorced Mother after his release from prison. The courts awarded them joint custody of the twins, and Mother went missing. She appeared to have moved without a forwarding address. Dad had no idea where she could have been and hated the fact that she took the twins away from him. He knew she wanted to hurt him and she did the moment she took the girls away from him. Dad had to hire a private investigator to try to locate her, and he would be seeking full custody of the twins when Mother was located.
I hadn’t seen or heard from her since the Crab House. In all honesty, even though she was my mother, I was all right not seeing or dealing with her. I’d forgiven her for my own sanity, but I couldn’t hold on to what should have, would have, or could have been any longer. It was time that I let go. Unfortunately, I had to undergo a twelve-step program to let go of my own mother. If I were to see her, I would be civil, but the anger and hate that I once had were gone. Yes, she did hurt me to the core, but I had to let go in order to move forward with my life.
As far as the case with Samantha, the court proceedings weren’t long and drawn out like I had thought they would be. We ended up settling out of court in Mr. Bartlett’s office. That was the day I was granted an opportunity to see a different side of Samantha and the person she really was.
“Candice, are you sure you’re all right with this?”
“I am fine, Ms. Jasmine. It is what it is,” I replied.
“I cannot believe she is taking you to court now for custody of Micah.”
“It breaks my heart. I stressed to her that it wasn’t necessary, and I’d allow her to take her son when she moves. She wouldn’t hear me. Samantha thinks I would change my mind and take him from her. That’s what hurts. I’ve wanted nothing but the best for her and all of you. I took Micah in because I couldn’t imagine him going to a stranger.” She teared up.
“Everything works itself out, Ms. Jasmine. She will realize what she’s lost or pushed away eventually. I don’t care how much money they end up giving her, she will never be completely happy. The thrill of getting it is what is driving her right now. I believe when she has it, her eyes will open and that lonely feeling will return. If it doesn’t, I wish her nothing but the best.”
“I am so happy you decided to go to school. You are going to be the best therapist around. You already speak like one. I am so proud of you, Candice.”
“Thank you, Ms. Jasmine.”
“You’re welcome, princess.”
“They’re here,” Mr. Bartlett interrupted.
Squeezing my hand, Ms. Jasmine whispered, “It’s going to work out in your favor. God didn’t bring you this far to leave you.”
“Hello, Ms. Jasmine. Hey, Candice. How have you been?” Samantha beamed.
“Thank you for coming. Please have a seat,” Mr. Bartlett directed.
“Shall we begin, Counselor?” Samantha’s attorney, Kevin Prudensky, asked.
It had to be some kind of joke. Her attorney looked like she’d picked him out of a Cracker Jack box. He had on the loudest royal blue suit I’d ever seen. Mr. Prudensky had the audacity to pair it with a pair of patent leather white shoes. I knew I was far from a fashion consultant, considering I had always worn T-shirts and sweats, b
ut I was aware that his attire was the ultimate fashion no-no. Besides, I thought attorneys wore professional attire.
“Yes, we are, please proceed,” Mr. Bartlett instructed.
“My client is seeking damages incurred while taking residence at Hope House as a result of the negligent actions of Nancy McGivney prior to her death.”
“I read the claim and my client has agreed to give half of everything to your client.”
“All I want is the money. She can keep the other stuff,” Samantha worked in.
“You’re so wrong for this, Samantha. Candice agreed to share everything with all of you. Why are you doing this?” Ms. Jasmine cried out.
“It’s nothing personal, Ms. Jasmine. This is business. What makes Candice so special? We’re just supposed to sit around waiting to see what she’s going to do once she comes into money that doesn’t belong to her?”
“You’re so wrong for this, Samantha.”
“If I am wrong, I don’t want to be right. Now show me the money.”
“It’s fine, Ms. Jasmine. Let Mr. Bartlett handle this one.”
“Ladies, we should get back to business,” Mr. Bartlett redirected.
After going back and forth for three hours we were able to reach an agreement. Samantha didn’t want anything to do with the properties. The only thing she’d been concerned with was the money. We’d agreed with giving her half of the $5.2 million that was left of Ms. Nancy’s estate. I planned to still honor my word and give the girls and Ms. Jasmine money to make sure they were straight. Although Ms. Jasmine refused, I planned to give her money, even if I had to give it to Mr. Derek. It was just sad that things turned out the way they had with Samantha.
God in heaven knew I had no idea what Ms. Nancy was doing. We were all under the impression that she wasn’t aware of what they were doing to us. At least, that was what we made ourselves believe. I was beyond hurt learning she’d allowed it and had been in her right mind when she permitted all of it to take place. Shall we not forget the fact that she heard us crying in agony and turned a deaf ear to our cries? She even went so far as counseling us, saying we had abandonment issues.
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