by Ella Burns
I let go of his hand long enough to outstretch my arms, spinning in a slow circle before stopping. He smiles as he looks around.
“I could see why you like it. Even the air seems to smell better out here. I always thought that was just a saying, but it isn’t.”
I giggle, “Nope, definitely actually a thing.”
We continue our walk in silence for a few minutes, both lost in our own thoughts.
“I wonder what I would have been like,” he finally says, and though his tone is light, I feel the sadness beneath the words. It’s strange how sad that makes me. How much it makes me want to change that, when I consider that only months ago, I would have reveled in his misery. Or did I?
I can’t help but wonder if it’s always been the same, a back and forth, a power struggle and us finding our dynamic. Would we have had such tumultuous years if not for Jane? Maybe not. But somehow, I think if we met under any circumstances, there always would have been a struggle. And I don’t doubt that no matter what else, we always would have found one another.
After all we’ve been through, I know he’s my soul’s fucked up and twisted counterpart. The only man alive who could take what I gave and come out stronger for it. If that isn’t fucking fate, then I don’t know what is.
“What about a doctor or something?” I reply, thinking back to the medical texts he used to read to me. Even now once in a while, I catch him reciting random terms under his breath and I don’t even know if he realizes he’s doing it.
“Doctor?” he asks with scorn.
“Since when do you have a problem with doctors?”
He doesn’t reply and I get the sense there’s something he doesn’t want to say. Despite my immediate desire to push him, I remember I’m trying to make him happy.
“You are good at memorizing, have steady hands, and want to make people feel good. Plus, you’re calm, or more than me, at least,” I say with a wink and he chuckles.
“True, I guess. I don’t think I like dealing with people, though.”
“People do suck,” I agree.
After that, we walk in silence again.
Chapter Sixteen
Branson
The fresh air doesn’t help the pounding in my head but it does make my mind feel clear and certain. We should be a lot more concerned with what is coming next, how we’re not only on the run still but now our pictures are out. But somehow the peace here makes it easy to push those thoughts aside.
Death and suffering shouldn’t exist in such a beautiful place.
I look over to Mia and feel my heart clench. As much as I want to just enjoy this right now, we do need to think about what is next. I need to protect her. The sky is beginning to darken, and I slow to a stop.
“We should start heading back, figuring out what’s next,” I tell her, leaving a hint of remorse in my voice. She sighs but nods and we turn around, going the exact way we came.
“Do you think we could go north, to Canada?” she asks randomly.
“Sure,” I reply slowly. “I don’t care too much where we go. North is as good a direction as any.”
“I always wanted to try poutine.”
“Poutine?”
“It’s like french fries with gravy and cheese curds,” she replies, licking her lips.
I crinkle my nose. “If you say so.”
She smiles and pushes my arm lightly. “Trust me, it’ll be amazing.”
“All right, little doll, poutine it is.”
✽✽✽
It doesn’t seem to take us very long to get back, but the sky gets dark quickly and by the time we are walking through the main part of the park and playground, dusk has set. The peace of the afternoon seems to melt away and I immediately feel on edge. My headache pounds so badly it actually makes it hard to see for a moment. When I blink a few times it helps and the distant lights of the city are visible in the distance, the red vacancy light of the motel down the street to our right.
“Let’s go.” I keep her hand in mind, my eyes moving as we head toward the motel. A few of the regulars hang out in the parking lot, scum I regret we haven’t had the time to take out. Oh well. I have a feeling wherever we go in the world, there will always be pieces of shit for us to take out together. Dark and selfish avengers.
One of the drug dealers eyes us as we pass, but we move quickly to our room, locking the door behind us. We were only here ten hours ago, but everything has changed since then.
Mia immediately walks over to the TV and flicks it on, flipping it over to a news channel where, sure enough, our faces are in the right corner. I’m already digging through the slit on the side of the mattress, pulling out the two pistols we purchased but haven’t used, as well as the rest of our money. I pause as the news reporter begins to speak.
“Police have not confirmed suspicions that the recent string of murders, including a fire outside of town, are related to these two—names unknown. However, they are currently considered armed and dangerous. In just a few moments we’ll share the clip from this morning where Darlene Lugos speaks about her experience.”
I stop listening after that, slamming my hand down on the table.
“Fuck!”
Mia jumps from her perch on the bed but doesn’t say anything. My hands go up to my temples and squeeze in an attempt to release the pressure. It helps briefly and I open my eyes to go for my bag before realizing my pills are in the car.
“Start packing,” I tell her as I grab the keys. “I’ll be right back.”
The trip to the car is blissfully uneventful and even with my shit driving abilities I manage to move it down the block. We got rid of the station wagon ages ago, but there’s no way to know when or if they connect us with this one. I curse my own ignorance of the world. Maybe if I knew more about how this shit worked, I could have kept us safe, hidden. Then again, maybe people who go around killing other people don’t stay hidden for long, no matter who they are.
With the car re-parked, I grab the small prescription bottle and shake it, noting how there’s only a few pills left. I sit there for a moment staring at the bottle and realize there’s no way I’ll be able to get more. I can’t go back to the doctor and even if I could, we don’t have much money left. The doctor told me what would happen if I stopped taking them. Told me it was amazing I didn’t have worse side effects already, a miracle really. The pills wouldn’t cure me but would buy me time and lessen the pain.
Without them….
The realization of what that really means hits me, and it isn’t until I go to try to take out a pill that I realize my hands are shaking. Five pills left. I pop two into my mouth, the bottle with the remainder squeezed tightly in my fist.
I always knew my days with Mia would be limited, but fuck do I wish I had more. I never expected it would be because of something like this. At least I do have enough time to get her somewhere safe, away from this fucking mess and far away from our past.
The pill bottle finds its way back into my pocket along with the car keys. The walk back to the motel seems to take forever, yet no time at all.
“What’s wrong?” she asks almost as soon as I walk back in.
I know I don’t have a talent for lies or deceit.
In two long steps I’m at her side and my lips are on her, the question, forgotten.
Chapter Seventeen
Teddy
His lips find mine and claim them instantly. I’ll never get sick of the way he touches me, possessive, yet with reverence. His hands greedily come up my leg and torso, tugging my shirt over my head.
“I thought we had to pack,” I tease even as I help him pull my tight black jeans down. He rips the last leg off and his hand finds my thigh. His eyes find mine.
“We leave before dawn. First, I need you. My way.”
Something intense shines in his eyes, a need I’ve never seen, and I nod on autopilot. He doesn’t smile but leans down to plant a light kiss on my belly button. His hands move to my panties, pulling them down
carefully and tossing them to the side before he pushes me up so I’m flat on the bed.
I’m so used to being tied when we’re together, I somehow feel more exposed lying here naked like this for him. He looks down on me, fully dressed, his hungry eyes moving up and down my body.
I beckon him with a finger and smile.
Pulling off his shirt, he comes down on top of me and covers me with his warmth. My hands move up and down his torso, trailing the scars dotting it. His mouth finds my neck and that sweet spot that makes me shiver. I press my hips up against him, wishing for more skin on mine.
Nipping one more time, he gets off me only long enough to undo his pants and lie down beside me. I greedily look at him, licking my lips at the sight.
“How can I please you, master?” I ask seductively, trailing a finger down his chest. He smiles lightly but pushes me back down.
“Like this, little doll. Like this.”
He shifts down and comes between my legs, draping one over his shoulder as he spreads me apart.
“Bran—Ahh!”
His tongue rakes up my slit and I can’t keep from crying out when his lips find my small nub. I’ve never had someone’s mouth on me, and it's intimate in a way I can’t describe. I feel wanton and exposed, cherished and debased. I love it.
My sounds must encourage him because he eats me like a starving man, his tongue exploring every fold. I’m lost in a sea of pleasure when a finger slides into me and I unravel right there, spasming over that one digit. His mouth doesn’t leave but gets softer when he hears me whimper at the sensitive area. His finger keeps up its steady motion, only pausing long enough to add another.
“Oh, fuck!”
I’m not sure if I’m coming again or still, but it takes several minutes for me to come down from that cloud. My eyes feel heavy as I feel a light kiss on my thigh before he comes up behind me, pulling me close to him. His hardness presses against my ass and I clumsily try to turn, but he holds me tight.
“Not right now, little doll,” he whispers in my ear, kissing my cheek, “Right now, I just want to hold you and bask in your pleasure.”
Despite wanting to take care of him, I feel the pull of sleep and safety wash over me.
✽✽✽
The sound of a gunshot wakes me.
I’ve generally preferred more sophisticated methods of death, but that is a noise that I would know to my core.
I shoot up from the bed and immediately notice Branson isn’t there at the same instant he comes crashing into the door, blood pouring out of his shoulder. He looks even paler than usual with the red splattered against his skin. He frantically locks the door, peering out the peephole before his frantic eyes land on mine.
“They found us.”
Chapter Eighteen
Branson
Blood pours from the wound in my shoulder but it's mostly numb as Mia frantically wraps fabric around it to slow the flow.
“They were waiting by the car,” I tell her calmly. “I moved it down the block last night and they found it. I ran into the woods and came around back to get here. They’ll figure out where I went soon enough.”
The blood isn’t gushing but is steady when I look down at it. I marvel at the redness and wonder absently if I’m going into shock. I shouldn’t feel this calm, but somehow this just makes sense. My pain has always made sense though, hasn’t it?
“What the fuck are we going to do?” she sobs as she pushes against it.
I look at her face, the few bits of blood splatter somehow the perfect compliment. Her green eyes, though wide with worry and fear, are as beautiful as ever. My heart aches for her, despite her being right here, and I smile as the peace takes hold.
I lift my other arm, reaching out to grab her chin and stop her. Her eyes meet mine, filled with love, and I know it’s the right thing. My life never had any true meaning except for her, anyway.
“If you go now, you can get away,” I tell her and her brow pulls into a frown. “Leave me one of the pistols, I can keep them busy.”
“W-what the fuck are you talking about?” she replies, her voice rising in pitch even as she wipes tears from her eyes. She chokes as she continues, “I can’t believe you’d think I’d actually fucking leave you….”
“Mia—”
“...must think I’m the biggest piece of shit in the world....”
“Mia—”
“...can absolutely get away if we just…”
“Amelia! I’m dying.”
She stops, looking at me with a quivering lip.
“What are you talking about?”
Her voice sounds pitiful and small, so like when she was a child. I take her hand in mine, ignoring my injured shoulder.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you, I couldn’t hurt you like that.”
“Branson, what the fuck are you talking about?” she asks again, pulling away. Her eyes fill with fury and denial. Groaning, I manage to stand, reaching out to touch her face again. I feel the sting of rejection when she pulls back, looking at me angrily. Not that I can blame her.
“I’m sorry, Mia,” I whisper. “The doctor told me last week. Even if we get out of here, I’ll be dead within months.”
“I don’t believe you,” she says, her voice shaky, “You’re just saying that so I’ll go.”
I shake my head slowly, pulling the almost-empty pill bottle from my pocket and handing it to her. She looks down at it blankly. I reach out again and this time she doesn’t stop me.
“No, Mia. I’m not lying.”
She brings her eyes up from the bottle, looking deeply into my eyes, searching for truth.
“The headaches?” she asks, and I nod. She doesn’t ask me more, doesn’t need to. I see the instant she believes, her eyes welling with tears for only a second before she throws herself into my arms with a sob.
My injured arm hangs somewhat limply around her, my other hand lightly petting her hair as I whisper into her ear while she cries. Somehow, I don’t feel sad. If my life was ever to have any meaning, saving her, well, that would be it.
All I’ve ever wanted to do was save her. Now I can.
“Mia, you need to go,” I finally whisper, pulling her away from me. “I’ve been fucked since the day Jane took me, but you still have a chance.”
Tears pour down her face as she looks at me for a long moment before she finally replies, “No,” with a whispered voice.
“Mia,” I say fiercely, “You have to. You can’t—”
She stops me with a touch.
“I can’t live without you,” she says in a whisper. “I can’t, and I won’t. If you die, I die with you.”
“Mia…”
“Maybe we can still make it,” she says, rubbing her face again. Even with racoon eyes, she’s still so fucking beautiful. “Maybe we can and if not, I’d rather go out in a hail of bullets with you than spend even a minute of my life without you.”
“Mia,” my voice cracks and I pull her harshly to my chest, both of us squeezing like we’ll never let go. And I suppose we won’t.
We move automatically to fill our guns, ignoring the sounds building in the parking lot behind us. The longer we wait, the more the cops have time to get ready, but we don’t hurry or even speak. Mia hasn’t really stopped crying, or rather, she’s not actively crying so much as unable to stop the tears from flowing. I’d try to convince her this is a stupid idea again, but I don’t have the fight in me. It’s probably too late now, and she’d never listen.
For her entire life, Mia’s always done what she wanted. Her mother couldn’t stop her, Jane couldn’t, and neither can I. As much as I’ve tried to dominate, to control her, I know the truth now. She is—always has and will be—Teddy, and from now until my last breath, she will own me, heart and soul.
I pause in my actions and put a hand to her arm. She stops and looks up at me, her expression fierce despite the tears trailing down her face. I can't help it and let out a laugh, a real, honest-to-god laugh.
/> “What?” she asks, perplexed.
“Just you,” I say through the laughter, reaching out to take her face in my hands and bring it to mine. “You are fucking incredible and I love you.”
She pulls back still confused but doesn’t take her head from my hands, instead placing her forehead to mine.
“I love you too,” she says, her voice a hoarse whisper.
“I don’t regret any of it.”
She smiles, her hand finally coming up to cover mine. “Me either.”
With my arm tied to my torso and a gun each, we stand and look at each other.
“This is it,” she says, a quiver in her voice.
“You don’t have to do this,” I tell her, and she smiles, sad and pure.
“Yes, I do.”
I don’t hear the words on the bullhorn as we open the door and step out. From our second-floor vantage we look down at the dozens of police spread over the area, guns all pointed at us. It is all so loud, but none of it registers. I turn to Mia, and in her eyes, I see the apology within. Her smile grows and I know she sees the forgiveness and love echoed back in mine.
She raises her pistol and starts to shoot, and I can’t help but stand and watch the passion and chaos play out on her face. She throws her head back and laughs as the cops scramble away and I can’t help but laugh too. She catches my eye briefly and any bit of uncertainty I had left drains out of me. This is how it was always supposed to be.
Teddy and me against the world.
I raise my own weapon and grin.
The sounds come back, but only gunshots. They seem distant.
The blackness is welcome.
✽✽✽
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