by Linda Ellen
“Well, hop in and I’ll take you home. It’s a bit chilly out there to be walking,” T.J. insisted. Upon her moment’s hesitation, he added, “Open the door for them, Helen, and scoot over.”
The girl did as her brother bid, but Louise hesitated for another moment. Quickly weighing the options, she didn’t see any harm in it. Besides, it would be nice to have a ride and be out of the chilly breeze for a few minutes, as she had been running late and had not worn a sweater that morning.
“Okay…we live over at Second and Chestnut,” she acceded as she climbed in, directing Billy to sit on her lap. She purposely avoided eye contact with Helen, as she could feel the other girl’s eyes staring at her with unspoken curiosity about the situation.
A short car ride later, Louise bid them goodbye and the two hurried up the steps and inside.
As they entered the door of the apartment, they found their mother sitting in Willis’ favorite chair, crying.
“Mama! What’s wrong?” Louise gasped, immediately rushing to her, dropping down on her knees and taking her mother’s hand. She feared the worst – had their father been killed in an accident at the factory?
Lilly sniffled miserably, dabbing at her tears with a damp handkerchief. She opened her mouth to try and speak, but no words came out. Louise glanced down, and noticing a letter and some cash on her mother’s lap, she picked it up. Recognizing her father’s handwriting, she glanced at her mother’s face and then down at the letter, reading in a whisper:
My Dearest Lilly,
I bitterly regret having to send you this news in a letter, but didn’t want to spend the money on a phone call. There’s no way to say this gently, so I’ll just say it. They let me go today. Said business was down, but I know it’s probably my age. The new foreman’s a young college boy, still wet behind the ears. He did give me two weeks severance pay and promised a letter of recommendation.
I’m enclosing all but a few dollars I’ll keep for expenses. I’ll stay here and look for another job. My board’s paid up till the end of the month.
Now Lilly, don’t let yourself get all tied up in knots over this. We’ll make it. We always do. Don’t go to pieces on me. You and the kids will be all right. Everything will be all right. If I don’t find something else by the end of the month, I’ll come on home and we’ll go from there.
Your loving husband,
Willis
“Oh Mama,” Louise murmured, meeting her mother’s watery gaze.
“Just when I thought things were looking up…this happens! It’s always something! Why can’t we ever get ahead?” Lilly mewled, covering her face with her hanky and dissolving once again into tears.
Louise wrapped her arms around her mother, her own eyes pooling with tears as they met her younger brother’s. His blue eyes were also filling, bewildered that his parent was so upset about the situation.
Man, when it rains, it pours, Louise mused sadly, gently rocking her mother back and forth and trying to be of some comfort as she wondered how they would keep going if Willis didn’t quickly find another job.
“It’s okay, Mama. We’ll make it. Just like Daddy said. He’ll figure something out. It’ll be okay…” she tried to encourage, but deep down she felt as if a large guillotine was poised overhead.
Lilly nodded, knowing she should pull herself together, at least for her children’s sake. She sat up straight, reaching to pat her eyes dry and straighten her hair. “Yes, you’re right, Louise. This family has been through many tough times. Something will come along,” she mumbled, though deep inside, the old familiar guilt from her secret past rose up like a dark, ominous shadow.
Minutes later, Sonny and Edna arrived home and the family shared a quiet supper. No one even remembered to turn the radio on for a little music. Sonny ate quickly and rushed out, determined to make sure he sold out of his papers. Lilly drifted over to sit once again in Willis’ chair, rereading his letter over and over, while Edna and Louise cleaned up the kitchen, not a word shared between them.
Each Hoskins decided to retire to bed early, but none could sleep. A long night was spent with each one staring at the ceiling, hoping this wouldn’t be a time like the last – when the family had to give up their apartment and beg to stay with relatives until they could get back on their feet.
Lilly lay in her bed, listening to the steady tick of the clock in the other room and feeling like the weight of the world was on her shoulders. Lamenting the seemingly never-ending Depression, she wearily wished they could go back in time to the ‘Roaring Twenties’, when everything seemed wonderful. Money and liquor flowed like water, and the future seemed to be paved with gold. Her husband had been a machinist, skilled at his trade, and his future – their future – seemed rock solid.
Now, she was once again adrift on the Ohio with nothing but a leaking rowboat – and the dam at the locks was straight ahead.
*
Every day after that, T.J. was there in his car, waiting at the curb in front of the school for Louise to emerge at three o’clock. That first day, she had the unpleasant task of explaining to him that she was actually only fifteen. He had merely chuckled and shook his head.
“Well, you sure had me fooled, then,” was all he said to that. Such a different response than Vic… But then, Vic had been much more involved with her… Wincing, she remembered the scathing way he had sneered at her, “I coulda got in trouble ‘cause of you, don’t you know that?” She’d known instinctively that he had meant he had wanted to do more with her than just kiss… She wondered if he had been thinking about, maybe wishing for, or even planning to do more. But what would that matter, she reminded herself. I’ll probably never see him again.
T.J. drove her and Billy home that day, and although his attention made her a bit ill-at-ease, it did feel good to actually be in the company of someone who wasn’t angry with her. From then on, she accepted his rides.
Helen, true to form, ferreted out the details and immediately spread the juicy gossip among their peers of how her twenty-two year old brother had met fifteen year old Louise at a dance, with her passing herself off as older.
Boys began watching Louise walk down the hall at school, giving her looks that made her distinctively uncomfortable. Everywhere she glanced, kids would chuckle and whisper to one another as she passed by. She could hear them whispering behind her in class and she guessed what they were discussing – that she had gotten herself in trouble by a grown man.
Even Eleanor had joined their ranks, miffed that she had been excluded from the secret Louise and Fleet had shared. Louise found that out the hard way one day after school.
“Eleanor! Wait up!” Louise had called as her friend neared the outer door.
The raven-haired girl stopped and turned, but cast a glance around as if to make sure no one was watching. Louise immediately picked up on the other girl’s discomfort. Trying to get past that, however, she leaned in to give Eleanor a hug as she murmured, “Hey…been missing you…”
Eleanor only half hugged back, her eyes unfriendly as she pulled back. “Yeah? Surprised you had time.”
“What do you mean?” Louise mumbled, surprised by the frigid response.
The girl shrugged petulantly, moving back a half step and drawing her books up to her chest in an unconscious air of separation. “I don’t know…seems like you and Fleet had quite a busy summer.”
“Well…we…” Louise began, but Eleanor quickly went on with a sneer, “After the play, all of a sudden the big star was too big for the rest of us.”
“That wasn’t it! I just…I didn’t think you’d approve, I guess…”
“Phhh, yeah right,” Eleanor scoffed, flashing Louise a glance full of pent up hurt. “We used to do everything together, like the Three Musketeers. Then, all of a sudden, it’s just you and Fleet and you shove me out in the cold.” Watching Louise’s expression, she added, “How do you think I felt, huh?”
Louise realized for the first time that was, in essence, what they had uni
ntentionally done. She crossed her arms over her middle, eyes downcast. “I’m sorry…we didn’t intend to…things just kind of happened…”
“Yeah, well…” Eleanor paused, feeling a tiny bit sorry for her friend, but not enough to let her off the hook. “My mom says I can’t hang around you guys anymore, anyway. She says you two are bad company,” she added, although she stopped short of relaying that her mother predicted Louise and Fleet would both end up in Fleet’s family profession.
Louise’s eyes connected with Eleanor’s again, shocked. “Bad company? But…listen El’…I didn’t do that stuff the other kids are saying…we just…”
Raising a hand to cut her off, Eleanor gave a quick shake of her head. “Forget it. I gotta go. I got chores to do at home.”
Nodding numbly, Louise watched her one time friend and confidant turn and hurry on out the door. With a heavy heart and dragging steps, she continued on that way herself.
Louise missed Fleet more with each passing day, but the older girl had graduated and was no longer there in Louise’s everyday life. All in all, school had become pure torture. On top of all of this, she never had lunch money, or new clothes to wear, as hers were hand-me-downs from a cousin that didn’t fit her right and made her feel conspicuous and ashamed.
The family still treated her like a black sheep and it was a feeling that hurt deeply. Well, all except Sonny. He merely looked at her with sympathy, which actually made her feel worse. She felt like a charity case. A redheaded stepchild. Her mother had settled into the habit of snapping orders at her, Edna shot stinging barbs at her every chance she got, and Billy withdrew from her, his lip sticking out in a pout whenever she looked his way. The weekend Willis had been home, he had virtually given her the cold shoulder. This hurt the most…finding she was no longer the apple of her Daddy’s eye. How she longed to hear him call her his ‘Sweet Pea’ once more. Everyone she encountered made her feel like the ‘soiled dove’ they suspected her of being.
Grounded to home as she was, she hadn’t been able to get out and try to see any of the gang, and she felt totally in the dark and forgotten…cast to the wayside. Was Vic still so angry that he didn’t want to see her at all? Were the others disgusted with her? She toyed with the idea of sneaking out to try and see Fleet, or Alec, but the thought of doing yet another thing behind her parents’ backs seemed totally unacceptable. At night, she tried to pray and ask forgiveness for the mess she had made of her life, but her prayers seemed only to rise to the ceiling and no higher. Hopelessness had become her life.
The joy of her enchanted summer as Vic’s girlfriend was slowly fading from her consciousness.
*
One Saturday after the upheaval, someone knocked on the apartment door. Lilly crossed over to answer it, wiping her hands on her apron and reaching for the knob.
There stood Fleet, a tentative smile on her face in response to the closed expression of her friend’s mother.
“May I help you?” Lilly snapped in a tone that made it obvious she wasn’t about to ‘help’ the girl.
“Hi, Mrs. Hoskins…can I come in?” Fleet faltered as Lilly positioned her stout little body in the doorway in such a way that she blocked the entrance. The girl realized instantly that the atmosphere inside the Hoskins’ abode was frostier than she had feared. I guess I didn’t give it long enough…
“Um…is Louise around?” Fleet asked carefully, hoping to get a chance to tell her friend a few things she had found out from Alec.
Lilly drew herself up to her full 4’11 inches and answered, “I know all about the bad influence you were on my daughter. Louise will not be associating with you anymore. You need to just run along. You aren’t welcome here.”
Fleet visibly cringed at the unexpected attack. For a moment, she wondered if part of Lilly’s vehemence had to do with Fleet’s family background. A tiny tinge of anger flared because she knew she wasn’t like that and had determined years before that she would never succumb to the ‘family profession’.
The girls shared a quick look over Lilly’s shoulder – Fleet’s eyes sad, Louise’s tear-filled. Fleet tried to signal Louise to try and get word to her, but she could see her friend had been totally cowed by the restraints her family had imposed. Deciding she wouldn’t do anything to get Louise in further trouble, but would just wait and bide her time until an opportunity presented itself, the older girl swallowed nervously and nodded respectfully to Lilly, as she turned to go on her way. She knew it would do no good to argue or explain. What could she say? ‘I’m sorry I helped my best friend deceive everyone?’
Pausing at the outer door to look back, she caught the angry look on Lilly’s face before she firmly shut the door to the apartment. Fleet sighed sadly and hoped there would be a time when she would catch Louise outside. She also thought of her own mother, who had merely laughed and thought the girls’ shenanigans were amusing. Both extremes seemed somehow wrong…
*
As the days went by, the money situation grew tighter and tighter for the Hoskins’ family. Willis stayed in Bowling Green, much to his wife’s chagrin, following up leads and promises of possible employment. He truly didn’t want to give up and come back to Louisville, knowing the job market was shut tight as a drum to men of his age, and even young men across the city filled the ranks of the unemployed. Things like a good work record, skill, and years of experience had ceased to matter.
One night T.J. came to the apartment and knocked on the door. Louise was horrified when she looked up from some mending and saw who stood at the open portal. She wanted to run and hide. What would her mother think of this? Surely it would not bode well that she seemed to be cozying up to yet another older man. However, to her everlasting surprise, Lilly invited him in!
“Hello young man,” her mother seemed to purr as she stepped back and allowed him entrance.
“Hi T.J.” Billy greeted, looking up from his homework.
Speechless, Louise could only stare at her mother and wonder at her uncharacteristic behavior. Lilly seemed almost nervous, her hands fluttering about as she indicated for T.J. to take a seat – in Willis’ chair. The girl wondered if she imagined that her mother was purposely avoiding her gaze.
“Thanks,” he murmured as he made himself comfortable.
Not knowing what to say, Louise mutely glanced from him to her mother. Lilly sat down in another chair, one hand rising to pat into place her perfectly coiffed bun, and offered as an explanation to her daughter’s unspoken question, “This young man has helped me several times, offering me a ride in his car as I walked along from the market with groceries. He tells me he is the brother of one of your classmates…isn’t that right, Louise?”
Louise nodded, still dumbfounded.
“Well, he asked if he could come over and pay his respects. As a matter of fact…his father paid me a visit and asked if his son might be allowed to court you…” she added, resorting to the old-fashioned term from her girlhood in the late 1800’s.
Louise’s eyes widened. “Court me?”
Lilly went on hurriedly, “Yes…and I must say I appreciate the fact that he has been above board with his intentions…and quite helpful and generous…” she paused awkwardly, as if not wishing to divulge too much.
Louise swallowed dryly. Intentions? Generous? Court me? Good heavens…does Mama want to marry me off like…like used goods or something? Does she really think I went and got myself in trouble? Her heart pounding, she remained totally at a loss.
“But Mama…” Louise began, only to be interrupted by Lilly, “Why don’t the two of you go to get a malt or something. It’s all right. I’ll let you off of restriction for the evening.”
Louise didn’t realize that Lilly, normally an extremely proud woman that wanted no one knowing her business, was in mortal fear of being unable to keep the family afloat financially. During Mr. Blankenbaker’s visit, she had reluctantly agreed to at least allow her daughter to date his son, after the older man had made the generous offer to ‘
loan’ them some money to tide them over. She had steadfastly refused to entertain the idea that what she was doing amounted to wholesaling her daughter. Instead, she comforted herself with the knowledge that many of her friends had ‘farmed out’ their children once the Depression had set in, sending them to outlying farms as what amounted to ‘indentured slaves’. To her way of thinking, this wasn’t that bad…
T.J. stood up, sporting a large satisfied grin, and helped Louise put a sweater around her shoulders. Before she knew it, she was in the car with him, heading toward the malt shop. Her head felt as if it were spinning.
*
Things happened quickly after that.
T.J. began coming by the apartment every evening, taking Louise to the picture show, or over to his home. He lived with his parents and was the oldest of six siblings. His father made Louise extremely uncomfortable, as he seemed to leer at her whenever she was around, and made comments about her ‘attractive legs’. His mother was a sour faced, extremely unfriendly person, who Louise privately thought of as ‘Madam Pickle Face’. T.J.’s youngest brother Rory, a boy of about five, grated on Louise’s nerves, as he was spoiled rotten and insisted on his own way in everything.
Louise felt as if she was on a train speeding toward oblivion, and she didn’t know how to make it jump the track. Truthfully, she wished she could just opt out of the whole situation, but for some reason, it seemed to please her mother for her to keep company with T.J., so she continued. At least it took her mind off of lamenting her misery over Vic and wondering where he was, and it was a way to occasionally get out of the house and do something different. Each time she was out with T.J., she would be on constant alert, hoping to see one of her friends…but that never seemed to happen.
As the days went on, Lilly mellowed out and no longer acted angry with Louise. Matter of fact, she began treating her with extra sweetness, almost as if she hoped for something in return…
