by Holly Hook
“No!” I scream. I can’t take any more.
I can't take any more. I let go.
Slide down the deck of the ship and towards the water. Isabel’s mother and sister are gone, crushed under war and horror. Meanwhile, Isabel’s been taken to the Hub, where she will live forever knowing what happened to them.
Like me.
I close my eyes. I’m going into the water.
“Julia!”
A hand grabs my wrist and I stop, crying out. My feet dangle over the water only feet below. The ship’s about to go under, taking thousands of souls with it.
“Hold on!”
Someone’s calling my name.
Simon.
I look up and he’s there, surrounded by gold and clutching my arm with both hands.
“Don’t let go,” he breathes. “Put your foot on the rail. Hoist yourself up. Hurry.”
I struggle to put my foot up, and I’m climbing up towards Simon. I slip once on the ice, but then I’m up in his arms and we’re falling through the abyss of light together.
Chapter Eleven
We crash on the floor of the Main Chamber. Warmth envelops me and Simon pulls me so close that I can’t breathe again. But I don’t care. We’re away from the Wilhelm Gustloff and the horrible screams of pain.
“Julia. Why did you go in there without me?” He's full of horror. He runs his hand through my hair and I press my face up against his chest. I’m shaking. No. I’m sobbing.
“I had no idea.” I’m saying it over and over. I can’t stop. “Isabel…I had no idea.”
“She doesn’t talk about it much.”
“Whoever sank that ship murdered kids!”
“I know. It was beyond disgusting.”
I don’t know how long I sit there, curled up in Simon’s arms on the floor of the Main Chamber. It could be forever. It could be a minute. I don’t know. Time doesn’t actually flow here. I'm just glad he's here. Isabel must have gone and gotten him when I went through.
At last, I calm down enough so that Simon can loosen his grip. He looks at me, an apology in his deep eyes. Guilt creases his features. He doesn’t need to speak for me to know what he’s thinking. If he’d just stayed with me today, this wouldn’t have happened.
“Julia, I was out all day trying to find another member of the Timeless to go in there so we wouldn’t have to. So you wouldn't have to. I didn’t think you and Isabel were talking. I didn’t think you’d find the gateway to the Gustloff. But when she came and found me me, I knew. I had to go and pull you out of there.”
I slow down my breathing. The screams are fading now, but I know they’ll be there when I go back to sleep tonight. They’re waiting to grab at me and rip me apart.
“And you didn’t find anybody who would help us.”
He shakes his head. “No one is willing to. All the other Timeless are too worried about what could happen if we upset the flow of history. I really hoped it wouldn't come down to this, Julia.”
“I wanted to have you come along with me. I didn't want to do this behind your back.”
“It's not your fault. I wasn't around. You had no way to ask me.”
“Why didn't you tell me where Isabel was from?” I ask. “I mean, I know Monica burst in and all this morning—”
“Because it's not easy for me to talk about. And I don't trust many with my secrets. Those I do, I swear to silence.”
I look up. Isabel's standing there. She looks frail now in her black hoodie, sad, small. Her proud stance is all but gone now. She's the shell of the girl I saw on the Wilhelm Gustloff, hollowed out and ready to break.
I’m shaking and losing it again. I can’t find the strength to stand up from the floor. “Isabel, I couldn't get them. I tried.”
She swallows. “I didn't think you could. It's okay. We can always try again, now that you know what you’re going to deal with. The gateway won’t go anywhere.”
“Then why did you send me into that without a warning?” I blink away tears.
“So you would understand.”
I can't help but feel a flush of anger rising up in me. “Understand what? What it’s like to be on a sinking ship? I wouldn’t know anything about that. Why didn't you just tell me where you came from and what happened?”
“That's not what I wanted you to understand,” she says. “Julia, have you ever heard of my tragedy? Ever?”
I stand up, keeping my hand linked with Simon's. He’s silent now. I'm surprised he's not yelling at her for having me go in there. He should be, but this is my conversation with Isabel. “I've never heard of the Wilhelm Gustloff, if that's what you mean. Didn't a lot of ships sink in the war?” Only when I speak do I realize how insensitive that sounds, but it's too late to take back the words.
Isabel winces. Hardens. “That’s what I wanted you to understand. Everyone knows about the Titanic. Everyone remembers you. Few even know about my ship.”
Simon leans close and speaks in my ear. “Over nine thousand people died in the Gustloff’s sinking, Julia. That's six times more than the Titanic. It was the deadliest sinking of a ship in all of history.”
"And the most forgotten," Isabel adds.
“What?” My anger dries up and I'm suddenly cold again. “How come I've never heard of that if it's true?” Dumb question. I saw how many people were trapped on that ship. How many drowned below decks or froze in that icy water. I have no doubt that what Simon's saying is right. Those kids...
“Everyone was fair game in World War Two,” Isabel says. “It was the end of the war. Millions had already died by then. No one cared when yet another ship went down. And we were the bad guys. We had it coming.” Her shoulders slump and she looks like she wants to sink through the floor to the universe beyond.
“But those were children!” Well, a lot of them. Isabel's father, on the other hand...“Not all of them were…you know…”
“I'm not proud of what my government did back in my life,” Isabel says. “Well, I used to be...at first. But when I became Timeless, I learned the truth.” She turns away like she can’t face ud. “It turned out that I was the villain all along, that my father was a monster. It tortures me every day to think of what he must have done when he left home, to think of what he was. I know you saw him, Julia. I can tell by the way you looked at me when you returned. That's my real tragedy.”
“I...” I don't have any words. It's bad enough to come from such a horrible event, but to learn that your father's an evil murderer who probably killed babies at some death camp? That's so much worse. “I don't know what to say, Isabel. I'm so sorry.” I hope, for her sake, that she never found out the details.
“It's okay,” she says in a tone that says, no, it isn't. “If you had brought my mother and sister back and left my father, I would have understood. I would have been glad. I know. It's a terrible thing to say.”
A hole opens inside of me, but part of it is full of relief. Isabel isn't a Nazi supporter. At least, she isn't now. “No. It's not okay. None of this is. What sank the Gustloff?”
“A Russian submarine,” Simon fills in for her. I've almost forgotten that he's there. “Torpedoes. Isabel's people were evacuating eastern Europe to escape from the war.”
So I was right. All those families were running from something after all.
“It was near the end of the war. The Russian army was advancing. They wanted to kill us all,” Isabel says. She looks somewhere distant, somewhere painful. “ had to escape to Germany however we could. You don't understand what that army was doing to people like me when they found us. Just imagine.”
I can imagine. I've read too much history to picture anything less than hellish. It must have been pretty horrific for those people to want to cram into that ship like that. “And you call yourself the bad guy.”
“There were a lot of bad guys in that war, on all sides,” Simon tells me. “A lot of us Timeless wish we could go back and stop it from happening in the first place.”
“And we
can’t, can we?” I ask. I’m trembling. I’m never going to forget that panic, that smothering terror. “After all, it’s such a horrible thing to save millions of peoples’ lives, isn’t it?”
“It’s not that simple,” Isabel says, turning to face me. “We don’t know what tampering like that would do to the future.” There's uncertainty in her voice. Isabel doesn't believe a word she's saying.
I shrug. “It never is, is it? But do you know what?”
“What?” she asks. We stare at each other, linked by a cord of pain.
“I’m going to go back and try again. And I won’t stop until I pull your mom and sister out of there and hide them somewhere safe, the way Simon did with me. And then you’re going to do the same for my brother and my father. I’m tired of watching everyone around me suffer and die.”
* * * * *
I’m afraid to sleep that night, even with Simon curled up next to me.
It’s not just because of what happened earlier today. Or where Time all meets, since the clock doesn't tick in the Hub. It’s partly because Monica’s right on the other side of the wall, and I hear the low sound of her favorite alternative station playing. One of her drawers opens and closes. She must be up late doing homework. I don’t know. I haven’t gotten a chance to talk to her today.
I feel like I'm leaving her farther and farther behind.
“You doing okay?” Simon asks, pulling me closer.
“As okay as I can.” Who am I kidding? Monica’s not the reason I’m staying awake.
“I wanted to tell you about Isabel, but she swore me to silence about where she was from. She only told me her past because she knew where I came from, and that I might be able to help her. And even then, she was very reluctant.”
“I would, too, if I had that father.” I’m willing to guess that she sent me in to find out for myself because she couldn’t muster up the courage to say it. And by the way, Julia, my dad’s a sadistic Nazi. Literally. And I used to think that was okay.
If I were Isabel, I’d rather die than tell anybody that.
“When Isabel and I met, I realized we had a lot in common,” Simon goes on. Then he catches my glare. “No—we never did anything romantic. She was with Frank at the time, and besides, all I could think about was you. We both had someone left behind that we wanted to save. No member of the Timeless had ever tried to save someone else’s family before. It’s forbidden to put someone in the wrong time on purpose. If the other Timeless find out, I’m not sure what they would do. Or what Time itself would do. But Isabel and I decided it was worth the risk. She’d save you first, and then I’d find a way to save her family. We’d never tell anyone else. I had her pull you out of 1912 the first time. From there, I took you to Nancy.”
“Have you tried going in after Isabel’s family yet?” I have to know. If she saved me, we owe her, even if she isn’t able to rescue my family.
“Three times. Each time, I failed. The first time, I couldn’t even find them before the first torpedo hit the Gustloff. The second time, I did find them, but I got trampled and lost track of them. The third time, Isabel’s father shot me.”
“He shot you?” My disgust for Isabel’s father deepens even more. Of course he wouldn’t have a problem shooting anyone. It’s probably something he got used to.
Simon lifts his head. “Well, to be fair, I was trying to snatch his youngest daughter and take her to that rift I came through before it disappeared. Even if he’d missed, I don’t think I would have made it in time. All I could do was lie there and heal while he took her back and ran away. People were staring at me and screaming. I suppose golden blood isn’t something they saw every day.” Simon lets his head thud back to the pillow and sighs. “Saving her family is proving impossible.”
“And how did you get back to the Hub each time? Nobody would have been able to pull you out of there. Isabel can’t.”
“I had to swim. There was another open rift on one of the rescue boats, back in one of the storage rooms. I forgot which one. It was horrible, being back in that cold water, even if it couldn’t kill me.”
“I know the feeling.” Note to self: remember the exit.
Simon yawns. “Why don’t we get some sleep? We have a lot of planning to do tomorrow. With both of us helping Isabel now, we might be able to pull this off.”
I do the same. I’m catching his drowsiness. I look at the clock. It’s almost eleven. “Okay. Love you.”
* * * * *
I jolt out of bed. My father and my little brother both sleep in their cots next to me, unaware that they’re both in danger.
I don’t bother to change out of my night gown. I don’t know what time it is, or how long I’ve got before the collision.
I have to run.
The door creaks behind me as I bolt out. My father mutters something, but I can't stop for him. It's a long way to the front of the ship.
I run down the long hallway, feet hammering against carpet. There's no one up at this hour. Most people have gone to bed. The stairwell to the top is so distant.
Footfalls get louder behind me. I look back.
Frank.
He darts after me with jackets flapping around him. His face is red with the effort. He's run after me for some time. And I can't miss the glint of the knife in his belt like he's some kind of pirate let loose on a cruise ship.
The stairwell curves up ahead and I run up it, heart pounding. It's dry, but it won't be much longer if Frank catches me.
I go up another stairwell, and another. Past a smoking room for the men and past barstools. I burst outside and into the frigid night air. I'm at the bow of the ship, and there's nothing but darkness beyond the bow. The iceberg's out there, and we're creeping closer. If I can just--
“Hey!”
My shout echoes into the night. I stare up at the crow's nest, which is high above me, pointing at the stars. There's no way they're going to hear me down here.
I have to climb up there. But how? I don't see a ladder.
The door bursts open behind me and I know what's about to happen. I won't go down without a fight. I turn and--
“Julia. Wake up.”
Simon's there, shaking me. I'm back in my room.
“What--?”
“You were tossing and turning,” he says. He glances at the clock. “Was it...that dream again?”
“I wouldn't say it's a dream.”
“You know what I mean.”
I follow his gaze towards the clock. I'm not surprised. Once again, it's 11:39 p.m.
“I can't believe this,” I say. “I can't be having another one of those nightmares.”
“That doesn't make sense,” Simon says. He kisses me on the temple. “Frank wouldn't try to stab you. Well, he could, but you wouldn't die from it, so why would he try? And besides, neither one of us can go back to the Titanic.”
“I was my past self in the dream,” I say. “I was trying to stop the Titanic from hitting the iceberg in the first place. That doesn't make sense either. And isn't Isabel going to go in there for us?”
“True,” he says. “You can't go back from being Timeless. At least, I've never known anyone who has.”
I'm not sure if that makes me feel better. “I don't get it,” I say. “It was like I was there, just like with those 2:20 nightmares.”
I turn over to face Simon. Maybe I should start staying up later.
* * * * *
The school day drags. All I can think about is getting to Independent Study to start looking up anything we can about the Wilhelm Gustloff before we go back in there. Clearly, we're going to need a plan for getting Isabel's family out of there other than dragging them out. We need floor plans. A timeline of the event. Anything.
Simon licks his lips while he turns on his computer in final period. “Let's have the Gustloff be our next presentation in here. So we don't get in trouble for not doing our work.”
“Good idea.” Mr. Iris has no idea just how much research material we really
have.
But when we do a search, there aren't a lot of sites that give us much information about Isabel's ship.
Four, in fact.
That's it.
Four, compared to the thousands of sites dedicated to the Titanic. The rest are just footnotes.
Simon winces next to me. I know what he's thinking. It's not fair, and Isabel's rightly furious about this.
“I can't believe we can't find any floor plans of this ship,” he says as the hour draws to a close. “How are we supposed to get Isabel's family off this thing safely when we don't know where we're going? We don't even know when the lifeboats launched.”
“You know it better than me.”
“Not by much. I can't believe Nancy doesn't have a book about this.”
“I checked this morning for one. I even asked her about it.” Even Nancy, the biggest ship expert in town, didn't have much to tell me about the Gustloff. It sank in World War Two and killed thousands of people. That was all she could tell me.
Simon keeps scrolling down the web page and making disgusted faces. “Come on. I don't care that Hitler toured the ship once or that it was named after an assassinated Nazi leader. I just want the timeline of the sinking...oh, it's here.”
I check the clock. We don't have much time left. Simon and I touch heads and read together.
“So if the captains had just left the ship's lights off, the submarine might not have even spotted them that night,” I say. “Wow. What a stupid mistake.”
He sighs. “There usually is one.”
The bell rings, and we have to pack up. Mr. Iris orders us to turn all the computers off for the weekend and waves us out of the room. I want to ask Simon if we can do a mind trick on him to stay longer, just this once, but I hold back. There's no reason we can't find more information elsewhere.
“Well, we don't have much to go on,” he says. “There aren't any books about this ship in the library, either. Trust me. I scoured the shelves.”
“There might be some online,” I say. “I don't have to be at Happy Rabbit's today. Maybe we can head back to my house and--”
