Well, it’s better that I know for sure now that Bram’s nothing but a lying, cheating playboy. It’s better that I know now before I give him any more of my heart. I know the children will need to be able to see him in the future, but I’m happy to leave the decisions on how much and when up to the judge. I don’t trust myself to be fair to him at this point. If it wasn’t for the fact that the twins love him so much, I’d be more than happy to never see him again.
But I miss him so much.
No, I miss what I thought he was.
Shit. I’m arguing with myself again. I need to find something useful to do before I go insane.
I need to go back to work. Abbie and Archie will start kindergarten soon, and with that in mind I spoke to my shift supervisor yesterday and arranged to go on the day shift permanently at the hospital. With a little help from the before and after-school programs, I’ll be able to manage even after Rhona goes back to Scotland. Bless her heart, she’s promised not to go before we’re all ready. She is legally able to stay up to six months and she’s vowed to stay every second of them if that’s what we want.
The thought of being without the elderly lady who has so quickly become a friend and mother-figure to me makes tears roll down my cheeks again. I really have to get a freaking grip.
Just then, Mrs. MacThomas comes into the kitchen and pats my arm comfortingly as she waddles past on her way to get the kettle going.
"A cup of tea is the cure for everything" is announced by Rhona at least once a day. I know she’s about to say it now as she fills up the kettle and I’m not disappointed.
"How are ye, lovie? You’re looking a bit peely wally."
I know that ‘peely wally’ means something to the effect of ‘sickly’, because she’s said it to me a lot lately.
"I'm fine, thank you, Rhona." I can tell she doesn’t believe me, but all I can do is say it and try to believe it.
Time has a way of messing with your mind. A minute is sixty seconds, no matter which way you say it, but it can feel like twice that long or half as short. Time can make the heart grow fonder, as they say, or it can drive a wedge between the people spending time apart. It can heal all wounds, or it can cause a rift. Time can be a bitch or your best friend.
I’m riding that wave. One minute I’m up, the next I’m down. My moods are all over the place and I know the twins are affected by it and I hate it. Poor Mrs. MacThomas is knocking herself out taking over responsibility for the kids as well as doing much of the cooking and cleaning. I just don’t have the energy, but I really am trying. My heart just isn’t in it.
It’s been a week now since Bram went back to New York. He video-chats with the kids every night before their bedtime but I stay away. The sound of his voice hurts my heart. I want to ask Rhona if he’s asked about me, but I also don’t want to know the answer. Yes or no, it will hurt, so I don’t ask.
I met Jace Beavers, my attorney, today. He’s just as I remembered him, young and earnest. I’m glad I hired him. I can tell his main interest really is what’s best for Abbie and Archie. A court date has been set for two weeks from today. I was afraid I’d have to tell Bram, but Jace assured me that he’d contact Bram’s lawyer directly. That’s both a relief and a disappointment. I kind of wish I had a reason to contact him. It’s been hard listening to his voice talk to the kids during their nightly video chats. He’s never missed calling to tell them goodnight once since he left.
I wonder if he misses me like I miss him. I’m still angry at him, and I’ll never forgive him, but that doesn’t stop me from wishing things were different.
Starting back to work tomorrow will be good for me. I’ll have somewhere to focus my mind that doesn’t involve Bram Carter. It struck me last night that I’ll be seeing Mitch again. I don’t even care. My life with him seems a lifetime ago, yet it wasn’t even two months ago.
Time sure is weird.
33
Bram
I went with Kat to the hospital after she passed out. The medics that arrived with the ambulance were great, but there’s a chance the baby she’s carrying is mine, so I insisted she get fully checked out by a doctor. For once, she didn’t put up much of a fuss. I get the feeling that the pregnancy has only just become real for Kat.
“You can’t drink while you’re pregnant, Katrina, and you sure as hell can’t starve yourself.”
We’re alone in the emergency room waiting for the doctor to come back with some test results.
“I love how you’re taking care of me, Bram, thank you.”
“Oh my God, Kat, I’m not taking care of you. I’m taking care of what potentially is my baby. Even if it’s not mine, that baby deserves a decent chance in life. A chance it won’t get if you starve it of food and drink your breakfast instead.” I wait a second to let that sink in, then get right to the point. “While we’re here, we should see about doing a paternity test. I have no idea if it’s even possible at this point, but we might as well find out.”
“You can be a real prick, you know that, Bramble Carter? I don’t think I will do a paternity test just yet. I know it’s yours and that should be good enough for you. Now get out of my room, I don’t want you here anymore if you’re going to be like this.”
“You can’t have it both ways. You can’t say I’m the father then refuse to let me be part of things.”
“No, Bram, you can’t have it both ways. You’re saying you might not be the father, but you want the rights of a father. Get out, and don’t come back until you’re ready to acknowledge your baby.”
I leave reluctantly, but I can get the answers I need somewhere else. The first thing I need to do is find out when it’s possible to do a paternity test, and then I need to find out how to make her take it. I have to know if that baby is mine.
Back at the office I wolf down a pastry and a cup of coffee, courtesy of my assistant, Andrew, who keeps hovering. The guy has really been a huge help to me, and I know I can trust him completely, so I tell him to close my office door and have a seat.
“I saw Katrina Rutherford. She’s definitely pregnant and claiming it’s mine. I guess you overheard that much when she was here.”
Andrew nods sympathetically before offering his advice. “You need to see Mr. Berners and find out what your rights are here. Would you like me to make an appointment? Your schedule for the afternoon is pretty light. I, uh, well, after hearing what Ms. Rutherford told you, I thought you might need some space.”
He really is worth his weight in gold. “Thanks, Andrew. Yes, go ahead and see if Caleb can see me as soon as possible. At least get him on the phone. I need to know exactly where I stand here.”
Andrew is up and headed for his desk before I even finish my sentence. I need to call Mrs. MacThomas. No, I’ll wait until I have a better idea what the hell is going on.
While I’m waiting, I fire up Google and do a quick search on paternity tests. I’m deep in the results when Andrew buzzes in through the office intercom. “Mr. Berners on line one for you, Mr. Carter.”
“Caleb, thanks for taking my call. I’m in a real mess and I could use your expertise. Long story short, Katrina Rutherford is claiming she’s pregnant, and she’s saying it’s mine. Bottom line is, it’s a possibility, but I’m not at all sure that I’m the only possibility. Now, I’ve been doing some research online and found this paternity test they can do now, before the baby is born. Everything I read on it says it’s safe, so I need Katrina to take one of those, and I need it yesterday. Is there any way we can make that happen?” Discovering this online has made me hopeful that the question of paternity can be resolved fairly quickly. I can’t imagine my life being in limbo for nine months, or however long Kat has left before giving birth.
“Well, Bram, yes, I am aware that there are so-called ‘non-invasive’ paternity tests available these days but forcing a woman to have one is tricky. One of our associates was involved in a case very similar to yours, and the courts were reluctant to order the test. It will require a le
gal battle if Ms. Rutherford doesn’t willingly agree to it. It could still take months, I’m afraid. But if you could talk her into it, we could have the results back in a week.”
A week. Fuck. That could mean that I don’t even have to tell Tessa there’s a possibility I fathered a child with Kat. If the baby isn’t mine, I can wash my hands of Katrina Rutherford and get on with my life, the way I’d planned before she dropped this bomb on me.
“Okay, Caleb. I get it. Let’s proceed as if Kat is going to say no, which I’m sure she will. Do what you need to do, and I’ll try to talk some sense into her. I’m not holding my breath, though.”
Well, that sucks. Some of the excitement I felt at finding out about the in-utero test has faded now that I know it still might take months to get her to take the damn thing. I’ve got to put my energy into figuring out how I can convince her to do it without the court injunction.
I put off calling Mrs. MacThomas. I really don’t want to tell her what’s going on just yet, and I for sure don’t want her to let Tessa know. I need to get a better handle on what I can expect to happen here before joining these two parts of my life together.
Kat needs to take this test. I just need to figure out how to get her to agree. I’m clueless, but one thing I do know about Katrina, and that she likes a lot of attention. Remembering the old adage about catching more flies with honey, I decide to change tactics. Anger and threats have done nothing so far except make her dig in her heels. Let’s see what dinner and asking nicely will do. The thought of spending more time with her, and having to act like I like it, is sickening, but I’ve got to give it a try.
She picks up immediately when I call.
“You win, Katrina. If this baby is mine, I want to be part of its life. Let’s have dinner tonight and talk about how we can make that work.”
“I knew you’d come around, darling. Take me to the Rainbow Room. I have a dress I’ve been dying to wear, and if I don’t wear it soon, it won’t fit.”
The Rainbow Room is way too public. The last thing I want is more pictures of me wining and dining Kat to make their way to Tessa.
“How about my place, instead?” I know she’ll jump at this, because I never, ever bring women I date to my home, and she knows it. Seeing Tessa there the other day must have really made her see her as a threat. As predicted, she jumps at it.
“Ooh, Bram, that’s perfect. An intimate dinner at home. Send a car for me at seven.”
God, she’s practically celebrating already. I don’t know how I’m going to pull this off, but I have to. My life with Tessa and the kids depends on it.
34
Tessa
Mrs. MacThomas has been a lot quieter than usual lately. I chalk it up to missing Scotland and being in her own home, but I’m not sure. She’s very evasive when I ask her about it. One thing she isn’t though, and that’s stingy with her time and energy. I don’t know what I’m going to do without her. I’ll miss her company as much as everything else.
Work today is dragging unbearably. I love my job but every spare minute I have, my heart and mind are pulled back to the kids, and from there, to Bram. I still haven’t talked to him since the day I made him leave. I’m really glad he still video-chats with the twins every night, but I miss him.
“Hey there, bestie. I haven’t seen much of you lately, you okay?” My best friend Nicki puts her arm around my shoulders. The worry in her voice causes me to burst into tears, and she quickly ushers me into an empty exam room.
“Hey, hey, Tess, what’s up? Come on, you’re worrying me. What’s going on?”
“Oh, Nick, I don’t even know. I’m just so confused about everything and he had to go and get engaged and I know I cry a lot, but lately that’s all I do, just cry all the time and it’s not fair to the twins. What am I going to do?”
Nicki held me and let me cry it out. It felt good to be able to not have to be strong for someone for once. When I’m reduced to a bundle of sniffles, she pulls back and looks me straight in the eyes.
“Okay, babe, how about you try telling me all that again, only this time add in some words that make sense, okay?”
I laugh harder than is probably called for, but I need a laugh.
“Well, okay, let’s see. You know my brother Roman and his wife died, and I went to Scotland to get my niece and nephew.” I pause to gather the bits of the story together. So much has happened so fast, it’s hard to know how best to tell it.
“Turns out, Roman and Mary decided that they wanted me and Bram, that’s Mary’s brother, to both have guardianship of Abbie and Archie. And by that, I mean they want us to live together if possible and raise the kids together.” At Nicki’s shocked look, I add, “I know, right?” before continuing.
“So, Bram and I started out saying no way, of course. I mean, I only just met the guy and then found out I’m expected to live with him? Besides that, I’m aware of his reputation in New York. He’s considered one of the city’s most eligible bachelors and doesn’t he know it. Mary used to show me pictures online of him at big fancy parties, always with some tall blond model type on his arm.” Katrina popped into my head and I banished the image before Bram joined her, kissing like in the photos, and continued trying to explain it all to Nicki. “I was already not liking the man but meeting him and finding out how full of himself he is, I knew right away it would be impossible to do what Roman and Mary wanted.”
“Wow, that’s, well, that’s a lot for someone to ask. I mean, how?” Nicki throws her hands up in the air at the thought of it all.
“Yeah, I know, right? But we had to tell them in Scotland that we’d do it, or they wouldn’t let us take the twins. So, we signed the papers and brought the kids here. Well, to New York.”
“Why did you go to New York? I’ve been wondering that. I assumed you’d bring the kids straight back here.”
“Oh, that, well, it was Bram’s plane, and he had to get back to work to do some stuff, but he promised he’d fly us here, only the days kept passing and he never did.”
“Back up, there, sister. It was Bram’s plane?”
“Yeah. I guess I forgot to mention he’s filthy rich. He owns his own jet for business, I guess, and he lives in this really swish apartment in New York City. In the Dakota Building, where Lennon and Yoko Ono lived, it’s amazing.” Nicki is clearly impressed, but I don’t want to get bogged down in admiration of Bram and his possessions, so I quickly move on. “Anyway, so, I stood up to him and told him we had to come to Oklahoma City, and he promised, so I wasn’t so mad at him. We, um, we spent some time together and well, long story short, he’s not as awful as I thought he was. At least at the time I thought he wasn’t as awful, but now I know he is, and…”
Nicki held a hand up in front of my face, in the universal signal of shut up for a minute. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, you stopped making sense again. Does spending time together mean what I think it means? Did you have sex? Is he hot? You haven’t told me any of the good stuff.”
“Yes, yes, and I can’t talk about all the good stuff, Nicki, it hurts too much.” Of course I start crying again. This is excessive, even for me.
“Okay, okay, we can skip that for now. So, you guys got close, then what? He changed his mind?”
“Then I found out he’s seeing someone else. Someone that he got engaged to the day after we first made love. So that’s why I came home, and I brought the kids, of course. Now, I just have to try to get sole custody of them. But I feel guilty about that. I feel like I’m letting my brother down, but surely if he knew all this, he wouldn’t still expect me to live with him. I can’t believe he would. But the kids love their uncle, and he is so good with them, so like it or not, I’m stuck with Bram Carter in my life until the kids are grown. I just hope it quits hurting this bad sometime soon.”
“You poor thing. That’s quite a story. It sounds like you care more for this guy than you’re admitting, am I right?”
I nod. I don’t trust myself to speak without sobbing again, an
d I’m sick of crying.
“So, where is he now?”
“He’s back in New York, with her, I guess. I don’t talk to him.”
“I’m so sorry, Tess. After Mitch, this is the last thing you needed. Men can be real assholes. What can I do?”
I look at my best friend in the whole world. She’s really my only friend, if by friend you mean someone you can always count on.
“You’re doing it, already, Nick. Thanks for letting me talk, and cry it out. I’d better get back out there. Come over for dinner this weekend and meet the twins.”
“I’d love to.”
I feel better for all of about five minutes, then my phone dings that I have a text. It’s from Bram and he wants to talk.
35
Bram
I gather up my courage and text Tessa that we need to talk. I’m more than ready to start my life moving forward again, but the past few days have been rough, especially yesterday.
Last night was my dinner with Kat. She showed up at the apartment, dressed to kill. Yeah, she’s sexy and I once even thought she’s beautiful, but I don’t feel anything for her now except contempt at how she’s trying to manipulate me into marrying her, or at the very least letting her name me as her baby-daddy. I had to give an Oscar-worthy performance, though, to keep that contempt from showing. Unfortunately for me, I have zero acting skills. My goal that night was to convince her it’s in her own best interest to do the non-invasive in utero paternity test, and I failed pretty miserably.
I had hired a chef to fix the meal. I’m actually a pretty decent cook, but I didn’t want to be completely alone in the apartment with her. Having a chef and a couple of servers around took care of that nicely. Once inside the apartment, Kat walked around like she owned the place. I honestly think she believes she’ll own it soon, as Mrs. Bramble Carter. No fucking way. Watching Kat here only reminded me of the last woman I allowed in. Tessa. The two women are worlds apart. I hate to think how Tessa would feel if she knew Kat’s here.
Because of Them: Heartfelt Romance Page 16
