I blinked the memories of that day coming back to me. They deserved to die; however, they didn’t deserve to die painless. That was the one thing Harley and I agreed on every time the date rolled around every year. They got a painless death.
My fingers gripped the bench as I recalled rape after rape, and there was nothing I could have done. Now here I was, and much because of those experiences I have formed this heartless woman. Sex meant nothing to me, but what did scare me were the feelings I was developing for Lucian.
He was waking up a part of me that I didn’t want awoken. I think that was why I really forced him to sleep with those women last night, hoping it would break the bond I was developing with him.
Instead, it lit a fire in me, forcing me to go to bed early—dosed up on Valium—so I didn’t go to the hotel and murder those bitches who I set up with my husband.
As twisted and dark as it was, I wanted him to take knife to the strings that had formed around our hearts. I knew it would hurt, but pain was something I was used to . . . love, however, scared the shit out of me.
So right now, I tried to coax myself into getting worked up. Picturing the women on him, him fucking them. But it didn’t hurt me, it just threw gasoline on the smouldering fire of rage.
Flicking the television on, I wasn’t even listening till I saw the hotel. The same hotel that I had lured Lucian to was on the news.
36
Chapter 36
Haylee
I hated the police nearly as much as I hated my parents. The police in my experience are wanna-be gangsters who didn’t have the intellect for crime, thus they joined a force to stop crime. In reality, all they wanted to do was get involved and get their cut. They couldn’t cut it in the real outlaw world, so they use their badge to get a cut of honest gangsters’ pay.
Like I said wanna-be gangsters, that was exactly how I looked upon the police.
Right now it was torture having to breathe the same air as one of those spineless bastards.
“I’m his wife,” I gritted out the details again. Who else would bail him out of jail but me?
The police officer smirked. “That so?”
“Yes.”
The officers shared a look. God, they weren’t just spineless but stupid, too.
“We’ll get him for you.” They then took payment of the bail and I assumed went to go get him. But knowing the fucking useless bastards, they would forget what they are doing. Memory like a gold fish they had.
“Haylee.”
I spun around. You have to be fucking kidding me.
“What are you doing here?” I questioned Angeline.
She smirked while walking towards me. “I was his one phone call.”
So he had gotten a phone call. Why hadn’t he called me? Did he blame me for what had happened?
“I guess he knows what you’re really only good for . . . sucking and taking cock.”
I had this habit, it wasn’t a good habit, but I suffered from rage fits. And right now, I saw my blinded rage go up several notches. I wanted so badly to squeeze the air from her lungs just so she realised how powerful I am.
The doors clicked open, and I heard them swing wide. “Here is ya husband, but our question is, what are you doing with the whores that came in with him,” the police officer said to my back, and I sure as hell wasn’t turning around right now.
“Haylee James Killer.”
Only my full name, or at least, my full street name would calm me down right now while also sending alarms off. I turned, my eyes not on Lucian but on the man behind him who was weaving around Lucian.
“Been awhile.” Bakes, a known street cook, greeted me.
“Arrested again, Bakes?” I mocked before he grabbed me into a hug.
“Nah, sweetheart, was caught up with all that shit at the hotel.” He grinned at me. “Shit, you look good. But red doesn’t suit ya. Where is that raven-haired beauty I know.” He nudged me. “You were born with the darkness of a fallen angel, Haylee, you shouldn’t brighten it up with red,” he leant in, “unless it is blood.” He winked.
“You smoking some of that shit now?” I asked as he grabbed my elbow, pulling me away from the officers.
“What you doing here?” He ignored my question, and he didn’t catch the glares Lucian was giving him for touching me.
“Bailing my husband out,” I said firmly. He went silent, then glanced behind me. Bakes saw the famous Lucian standing there, looking like a cage fighter. I had no idea what happened at the hotel, but he had bruises from it.
Bakes looked at me, then Lucian again, and then a rumbling laugh came from him.
“That’s funny, Haylee. You wouldn’t marry anyone. Ya as mad as a hatter and as trigger happy as a serial killer.” The officers shot me a glance.
The officers had wanted to pick a fight with me, trying and throw Lucian under the bus for being with whores. But I didn’t care. Hell, if anyone should care, it should be Angeline because she was still hung up on my husband.
“Last time I checked, Bakes, I think you owed me money. Perhaps you should disappear before I get it out of you.” My remark caused him to weave around me, basically running from the station.
I looked back at the officers, and for some reason, fear was painted in their eyes. They nodded their head at me with respect, and I didn’t understand why till I tied them together with the detective on my payroll.
“We didn’t pick you, Haylee,” the officers said, and the other one hit him with his hand. “I mean . . . Miss James or Mrs James . . ..”
“Chargers, I want them wiped by the end of the day.” I got straight into business mode and looked at Lucian. “I’ll leave you with Angeline, seeing as she was your one phone call. Meet you back at home.”
I didn’t give him another look as I walked from the building. The officers actually waved the automatic door open for me.
He had called Angeline.
He had called Angeline! It repeated in my head. I knew then that I would never be the one to give him his first child or his first marriage. I was second best. Hell, I wasn’t even second, I was merely property which he was forced to marry. Wouldn’t surprise me if he locked me into marriage just for the fact that I had connections in the underworld.
He loved her still and that stung like a wasp on my heart as I left the station.
37
Chapter 37
Haylee
Some girls grow up wanting a prince, I grew up wanting the devil. I wanted a man that scared the living shit out of everyone, including me. But what I wanted more than that was a man who stood by me, proud of me for living a life that most women couldn’t, or simply just looked at it as a man’s role.
I didn’t want to be the neck that controlled the head. I didn’t want to be in the shadows. I wanted to live, breathe, and love a life that most didn’t understand. I didn’t care if it was viewed as a man’s world. I loved it, I loved the legacy I was creating. Or at least I had . . . till I married Lucian—who sadly wasn’t the man for me. I knew that now. But still, you can’t undo past mistakes.
I was loyal to being his property but that was it. I could still carry myself if needed. I never needed my brother to care for me. I was sixteen when I went to youth detention for the first time for dealing drugs on the streets. I could care for myself then, and I sure as fuck could care for myself now.
So why the hell was I still here?
I looked down at his tattoo knowing that my loyalty to the laws and codes he lived by was stronger than it deserved to be. My brother owed them, I think I had paid the debt back by now. After all, I had saved his daughter twice, had followed all the codes, and then got him off a three-year prison sentence.
However, that still wasn’t enough in my eyes to excuse myself from walking. I knew Lucian wouldn’t stop me from walking from our commitment because he was still in love with his ex.
And that boiled the bile in my stomach.
LUCIAN
Arriving at the club, everyone was sta
ying clear of me. They knew how well I took being locked up, even temporally. I didn’t do jail well, prison I did. But jail, no. The waiting, the not sure how long I was getting, the uncertainty if anyone was going to post my bail. It eats at ya, gets under ya skin. It was one of the reasons I called Angeline. Her and I have a very clear understanding—she is to always post bail or I’ll cut her off.
I just assumed Haylee was pissed at me for what happened, and my trust for her wasn’t as strong as the agreement I had with Angeline. I thought Haylee would leave me to rot in there, and I couldn’t stand that. So, I turned to Angeline. Fuck, when I got out those doors and saw the rage across Haylee’s face, I knew she was doubting everything we were.
How do I make this up to her? I was still asking myself that question when I opened my door.
I knew it was time that we moved out of the dorm and into my house. But I liked having her at the club, able to take her whenever I wanted, but also to turn to her when shit was getting out of control.
She knew this life like the back of her hand.
She knew how to react, when to react and when to wait.
But most of all, there was no shame in her eyes when she woke up in my bed. She wasn’t shattering to get her clothes and leave.
I scanned the room and she was nowhere in sight, and then I saw it. The folded piece of paper on the bed. She had left, didn’t need to fucking read it to know. After all, Angeline had left me the same letter. Except she added a footnote that she was pregnant.
Picking it up, it took all my courage to unfold it.
38
Chapter 38
Lucian
I scanned the piece of paper, a frown appearing on my face. What the fuck was this? It was all code, and I had no idea what it was.
The door opened behind me.
“I left the piece of paper in the bedroom, just give me a minute.”
I turned and locked eyes with Haylee. She inhaled sharply seeing me hold what she was clearly after.
I didn’t know what it was, but I knew she had something she was keeping from me.
“Get off the phone,” I said clearly and loudly so the person on the other end of her call heard it.
She pulled the phone from her ear and hung up.
“Something you want to tell me, Haylee?” My eyes ran down her, and I realised the mark under her left cheek. Moving towards her, I cupped her cheek. “What happened?”
“Beer mug was thrown in the hall,” she answered, and not even her ability to control her emotions could stop the anger from creeping into her tone. “How’s Angeline?”
And so she got to the fucking point. “It wasn’t what it seemed like.” I realised now I didn’t have to explain myself. She could either believe me or not. As far as I was concerned she either trusted me or not. Did she really think I slept with those women she had thrown at me? Fuck, if it wasn’t for her stunt, I wouldn’t have been locked up!
“I don’t want to do this,” she snapped at me, furious rage painted across every feature. “I refuse to be that woman. I have never been, nor will I be someone who is good with emotions.”
I knew how to settle this. I knew a way for to get her anger out.
I think she knew, too. She was angry with me because of Angeline. I was pissed off because she had put me in that bloody hotel. “Strip,” I said. When she didn’t respond quick enough to my liking, I ripped her dress from the bottom up.
She shoved me back roughly, and I roughly cupped her cheeks, bringing her face to mine, silencing her mouth.
Her long nails sunk into my chest with a pinch. It was painful, yet it turned me on. A growl escaped my mouth as she ripped my shirt on fucking purpose. Her nails had left a clear mark on my chest.
She shoved me again, and I stumbled back to the bed. She forced me to sit and straddled me.
Her lips were back on mine for a moment till she pulled back and like a vampire, she pushed my head to the side and bit my neck.
Gripping her by the hips, I flung her on her back, and my hand ran up her cross-patterned tights. The way they would shape that perfect ass of hers—God, she looked too fucking good in them. Grabbing it by the band, I tore them right at her core, followed by her lace underwear.
This wasn’t going to be sweet—it was going to be raw.
39
Chapter 39
Haylee
I always believed that in order to take the best, you have to have the ability to do it with your own strength. Sure, physical strength was needed, but it was the mindset that was really the issue. Everyone has a finger that can pull a trigger. But the mindset of ending a life, and their moral compass, is what normally stops a person. In my case, I didn’t have that issue. My moral compass was tainted to the point where it didn’t exist. I was loyal to mine and my brother’s empire, and I could and would kill for that.
If someone threatened us, I could take them out with my bare hands—which in my experience was where a person’s ability to kill was really tested. Because like I said, it was easy to pull a trigger, but the mindset to end someone’s life with your bare hands, to watch the life drain from their eyes . . . well, that took true power and a real mindset to not let yourself die with the life you were taking.
When I killed my father, I did it out of the need for survival.
But the lives I had taken since were merely out of loyalty to our empire—the same empire that was currently on fire.
I put the newspaper down after reading the headline.
Harley Crow to Face Life Sentence.
My brother always had the ability to get under the polices’ skin, thus causing media attention. How the hell was he going to get out of this web that the media was sticking him in?
Lucian walked into the kitchen, and I was quick to fold the paper over because I knew that I was going to have to lie to him about where I was going this afternoon.
His eyes ran over me like I was a sex on a stick. Really my hair was a mess and I was wearing one of Lucian’s T-shirts I had stolen.
“Morning,” I said and served the bacon onto a plate.
“Since when do you cook?” Lucian had irritation in his voice. I was guessing he wanted round four this morning, but found I wasn’t in bed when he woke up.
“Thought I owed you one.” I put the plate in front of him and my hand went to his cheek, looking at his bruised jawline. “Sorry for getting rough.”
“If I remember correctly, I was the one who ripped your clothes.”
My eyes dropped to the plate. I really sucked at emotions. But I knew that Lucian had more of a heart than I did, and that was saying something. To think the man who carried the weight of the club on his shoulders had the ability to care more than me.
CHAPTER 39 PART TWO
HAYLEE
I was a lover of self-medication. I self-medicated when feelings became too much. When I couldn’t cope with my emotions, I would pop a pill. Never abused them; however, I had two options. Think clear and shoot straight by taking a pill which disconnected me from my emotions. Or, have a shaky hand when I went to end a life, worrying about getting caught, and overthinking the life I was ending.
I recalled once, when I went to end a young woman’s life. I was unstable, and by that I meant I didn’t have my shit together. I pointed the gun at the woman, and the thought of her family burying her ran into my mind.
Harley gave me a straight calculating look like there was a bigger picture here than just the life I was taking. End result, I took the life—the woman was the daughter of a man I also killed in the end.
The bigger picture was that her father controlled the docks, and now we controlled the docks. Great business move.
Cold-hearted didn’t even fit me. Heartless fit better when it came to business. But that wasn’t the reason I was needing a pill. I was needing a pill because as I looked at Lucian across the common room, my heart was doing this weird thing in my chest. If I had to describe it, it felt like it was fluttering, and I hated it.<
br />
What the fuck was happening to me?
I was like lamb to the slaughter as I looked at Lucian, and he was the executioner.
He was a sickness spreading through my heart, he had tainted my view, my ability to look at everything cold and calculating.
I gritted my teeth. I needed to get some fresh air. Well, to be fair, I just needed to put some distance between my fluttering heart and Lucian. I walked from the bar, heading out the back after stealing a cigarette from the table, and lit it up. Wasn’t like you couldn’t smoke inside, but I just needed a break from my eyes going to him constantly.
Every few seconds I was looking for him. What the fuck had gotten into me? I told myself to get a grip. Repeatedly. I needed to pull my shit together. Lucian was far from an angel, so why the fuck was I thinking so much of him?
I inhaled on the cigarette, metal music pounding from the club.
My eyes went down to my hand, and even in the dark, I could see his name. I could be his property, I could be his trademark wife, but I could never love him. Could I?
“Look deep in thought there.”
My head snapped off my hand as I locked eyes with his. Of course, he followed me. God, all I needed was a breather. Then it occurred to me, something I would always do when I was getting too close to someone. I wouldn’t push them away, I’d remind them I was nothing to them. Which in return, would remind me of my place in his life.
I dropped the cigarette to the ground and I put it out with my heel, keeping my eyes locked with his.
I was well aware there were other people in the alleyway. A few had given us a glance, but that was it. I knew what I was about to do would cause a few of their looks to last a few seconds longer.
Property of Lucian Page 9
