“Of course, what are you hoping to get for your birthday?” He thinks she doesn’t know what he’s doing trying to find out what to get her.
“Well Mummy is getting me a jewellery box and a jewellery making kit. I’m going to be like Saffron.” Owen looks to me and I nod, yep I bought them today, I got her a fairy jewellery box. “But you can get me anything. I don’t mind, I like fairies and unicorns.” She tells him skipping backwards, she has a huge smile on her face, hoping that she’ll get more presents.
“Okay, turn around before you hurt yourself.” He makes her stop short and almost fall over. He’s worried about her, but he was really gruff when he said it.
She’s looking at him like he kicked her puppy. Then she runs over to me and holds onto me as we walk, I stroke her hair to try and calm her down. “Mummy, Uncle Owen is mean.” Her face is so serious, whereas I know that she’s only joking, but I watch as Owen’s face falls. I can’t help but laugh. “I’m not his friend anymore.” This will only last for about five minutes and then she’ll forget why she wasn’t talking to him, this is her idea as a joke, to try and get us to apologize.
“Hey, I just didn’t want you to get hurt, there’s no need to be so dramatic.” He’s actually upset that she’s not talking to him. This is highly amusing; I forgot that Owen doesn’t know Emme that well and really does think she doesn’t want to be his friend.
We walk to meet the boys in absolute silence, Owen walking slightly ahead of us, he still remembers his way around. It’s funny; I thought things would be really awkward between us when he came home. It hasn’t though other than the little spat we had, we’ve just fell into our old ways. We’re comfortable around each other; it’s just the way it used to be.
We get to the corner where we meet the boys, but they’re not here yet and I wonder how they’re going to take to Owen being home, and how Owen will take to them. The boys have grown a lot in the last five years, most of that is down to my mother. Me trying to shield them from the car wreck we call mum has proven difficult, they've been forced to grow up. Also knowing your sister is a pole dancer and takes her clothes off for money can’t be that easy to deal with. I’m so proud of the way they have handled things. They’re going to be amazing men and I’m grateful that I got to watch them grow.
“Uncle Owen, have you seen Simon and Tony before?” Emme says pulling me out of my thoughts, and I realize that I really haven’t explained the situation very well to her.
“Yes Emme, I have. I haven’t seen them in five years though.” He’ looks so sad and I think I hear a hint of fear to his voice.
“Oh wow, that’s how old I’ll be next month. Why were you gone for so long?” I told her that he made a mistake and got in trouble for it. I didn’t know how else to tell her.
“I was bad, I did something naughty and got in trouble with the police so I had to go to prison.” He’s completely honest with her and I honestly can’t believe how sincere he’s being with her, he could have told her she’s too young to understand.
“Oh no! You were naughty! Mummy tells me off if I’m naughty. I have to sit on my naughty seat. Sometimes Tony gives me sweets while I’m there.” She’s just realized that I’m standing behind her and she gives me her sideway glance; just to see if I’m listening. I pretend that I don’t, but I’ll be having words with Tony, that’s for sure.
“Do you think your Mum will put me on the naughty seat?” I can’t help but smile at that, just imagining him sitting on her tiny little seat.
“We’ll have to get you a bigger seat.” Emme says with a completely straight face, I don’t know how she does it, I’m barely containing my laughter.
“Am I that fat?” He’s making out as though she’s hurt his feelings.
“No you’re just big.” She smiles up at him and my heart just fills will happiness, my baby is happy and so free around Owen, I couldn’t be happier. I just hope that the boys are okay with him.
It doesn’t take long to find out as I see the boys coming down the road. As soon as they reach us I know that Si isn’t happy. Tony however, has a huge smile on his face, “Hi.” he’s so shy, bless him, but the smile stays but his eyes look to me. He’s so sweet wanting to see if I’m okay with him being here. I smile at him and I see the relief in his face.
“Hey kiddo, you've sure grown.” Tony’s smile only intensifies at the comment whereas Owen’s face looks lost. He turns to Si who is chatting away to Emme “Hey Si, how are you?”
“Alright." Is the only response the little bugger gives him, and walks off ahead of us holding Emme’s hand with Tony following alongside them.
“I’ll talk to him.” I say, as I see the disappointment and hurt creep into his eyes. “He’s missed you, but he also feels abandoned by you.” I explain it to him, I don't want to hurt his feelings but he needs to know the truth.
“What about you Jess? Do you feel as though I abandoned you?” He’s looking directly at me and I get the sense that he’s trying to read me.
“Yeah I did. I was sixteen, so naive and so alone when you got sent down. You didn’t tell me how bad everything was and all of a sudden I was left dealing with everything whilst scared out of my mind and pregnant.” I start wringing my hands together, I hate talking about stuff that you can’t change. There is no point in this conversation as the outcome won’t change, and all its serving is to upset everyone.
“I was stupid and a lot of people paid the price. I’m sorry you were left to pick up the pieces.” He’s looking down at his feet, pretending that he’s concentrating on walking.
“Look, what’s done is done. Move on and get on with our lives, you’ve probably spent the last five years dwelling on what you did wrong and what you should’ve done. Now’s the time to stop that and start making plans. So where are you going to work?” When he told me that he was coming home I googled everything I could about being paroled and it said that they have to have work.
“I could only get volunteer work, so I’m working in The Cancer research shop on the high street.” His tone sounds as if he’s disgusted to be working there. “It’s the only place that would accept me working there. Nobody wants to hire an ex con.”
“There’s nothing wrong with charity shops, they’ve been a godsend to us. So just be grateful that you managed to find somewhere to work.” I hate the snobby people who think they’re better than charity shops. I’ve found plenty of bargains in them. Only last week, I bought a Michael Kors handbag and purse for a fiver. I mean it was practically brand new.
“Jess, things can’t be that bad that you need to get second hand shit.” Again, he’s turning his nose up them.
“Yes, things got that bad. You got sent down and we had absolutely no money whatsoever. That and the fact that Mum was the one left in charge of the money and paying the bills, so we were in debt.” I scowl at him, he doesn’t need to know this. “Then when I went to work, I had to pay off that debt as well as trying to do savings so that we would never be in debt again.” I shouldn’t have to justify what I’ve done to make sure our family is safe and secure.
“Come on Jess, you’re a bloody stripper. You must make a mint.” Him and that poxy judgemental tone.
“Yeah, I might make a couple of hundred a night on good nights, but I’ve been paying of an eighty grand debt that isn’t even mine. So why don’t you stop being all judgey and mind your own bloody business.” I huff at him and pick up my pace. The sooner we get home the better.
“Fuck, you ended up paying off that debt? How the hell did it get up to eighty? It was only sixty when I was sent down. She’s so fucking stupid. I can’t believe she got mixed up with them again.” He scrubs his hands down his face, I have no idea why men do that, and it’s not as if it’s going to magically help.
“Got mixed up with whom?” I’m paying off this debt and I have no idea who I owe.
“The Marko brothers” He tells me like I’m supposed to know who the hell they are. “They’re the loan sharks out of Brix
ton, they don’t give a fuck, and they’ll break your two legs if you miss one payment. They’re big into their gambling dens. They run poker tournaments from different warehouses. Mum seems to think she’s going to be the female Phil Ivey.”
“How the hell did I not know this? So not only is Mum an alco she’s also a gambler? What a bitch! How the hell did I end up with her debt?” I can’t believe this. How the hell did she end up in so much debt?
“That’s what I’d like to know. Where is she?” He’s angry and I can’t say I blame him, I am too but I do know that he is also feeling guilty, if he didn’t get sent down I wouldn’t be in this situation.
“I haven’t seen her in a while, she knows you were due out today, so I’d say that she’d be around soon. Why, you missed her?” I know damn well he just wants to shout at her. I do too, how was I so damn naive?
“Have I fuck. I can’t believe the cheek of the woman, how the hell can she live with herself making her daughter pay off her debt?” He’s shaking his head and spits on the floor in disgust,
“Don’t gob on the street, that’s just trampy. Anyway she doesn’t care that I’m taking care of her kids for her either, she’s hardly going to care that I’m paying off her debt.” I see the realization dawn in his eyes, that yes she has no conscience and doesn’t care about anyone but herself. “I don’t know why you’re so surprised, I’d thought you of all people would understand better than anyone. She hasn’t changed, she’s just gotten worse.”
“Wishful thinking perhaps. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking to be honest. I should have known that a leopard never changes its spots.” We walk in silence until we get to our estate, when he finds his voice again, “Hey Jess, are you working tonight?”
“Yeah, why?” my tone is cautious, I don’t want another argument especially about my job.
“I was just wondering, what time are you leaving?” His tone for once isn’t judgmental.
“I leave at eight and get there for nine-ish.” I still don’t understand why he’s asking, we walk up the stairs of our block of flats and I can hear Emme laugh, they’re in the lift, I hate it. I got stuck in there once and ever since then I’d take the stairs.
“Okay, do you get a babysitter for the kids?” He’s behind me when he asks.
“No I don’t, Si looks after them, Why is that the wrong thing to do?” I’m snapping but I can’t help it, I’ve had enough of him and the way he makes comments or asks questions that may seem innocent but are actually digs.
“Jesus Jess, I was just going to say that I can watch the kids so you don’t have to fork out more money when you don’t need to.” He sounds sincere but I don’t know.
“It’s okay, Si watches them. He wouldn’t let me hire a baby sitter.” I may have jumped to conclusions but he has been really judgmental and a bit of a prick. I unlock and open the front door watching the sideway glance that Simon gives me before he follows Emme and Tony into the flat.
“Well I’m here if you ever need me.” He shrugs his shoulders as he passes me and goes inside too.
I follow them all inside and go straight to the kitchen, I need to get dinner ready while they do their homework. I took out frozen chicken fillets last night to make a chicken stir-fry, the kids love it and so do I, and I need to see if Owen will eat it. If not, I’ll order him something as I haven’t anything else out. “Owen.” My voice carries throughout the flat and I wonder if he’ll want to come to the zoo with us tomorrow? I’ve been saving up these coupons for ages from the cereal boxes for free entry.
“Yeah.” He shouts before coming into the kitchen. All of the boys do that, I have no idea why.
“Do you want chicken stir-fry for dinner? If not, I’ll order you something. I didn’t know what you’d want, I didn’t want to take food out of the freezer to defrost it and you not want it.” I’m bloody rambling, I feel bad for not having something else ready to make for him.
“Jess, Chicken stir-fry sounds bloody amazing. Thank you. Do you need a hand?” He rolls up his sleeves and walks over to the chopping board I left on the counter top not waiting for my response and starts chopping the peppers.
“You don’t have to help.” It sounds feeble; I’m not use to anyone wanting to help make dinner so this is a novelty. “Have you made any plans for Monday?” I don’t think he’s starting work straight away.
His body goes rigid and he puts the knife down, “Geez, you keeping tabs on me already? I’m not even home six bloody hours yet.”
Oh shit, why is he being like that? Has he plans to meet someone? Oh, God, he better not be meeting up with his old gang members.
“God, Owen, I didn’t mean it like that. I wanted to know because I’m taking the kids to the zoo on Monday and was thinking that if you didn’t have plans that you might want to come with us?”
He sighs heavily and goes back to chopping the peppers. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions. No I don’t have anything planned for Monday and I’d love to come to the zoo, you know I can’t remember the last time I went.”
“The last time I went was the last year of primary school. We went to loads of different places. I loved the zoo. You know, now that I’m a mum, I realize just how bad ours was when we were growing up, but a girl in Emme’s class went this summer and Emme’s none stop talking about it.” The truth is, I would hate myself if I was like our mum.
He stops chopping and turns to look at me, his eyes filled with pride, “You’re not Jess. You only have to see how you are with Emme for a minute and the whole world knows that you’re a good mum.”
“She’s the best. I don’t know what would have happened to us if she wasn’t here.” I turn at Simon’s voice, he’s staring at Owen with such hatred that my eyes fill with tears. This isn’t how it was supposed to be, we’re a family!
“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry that I wasn’t here. I should have been.” His voice low, tone uncertain as he looks into Simon’s eyes and I know that I can’t keep the tears at bay any longer.
“Too right you should have been, but you weren’t because you were selfish. I wish you’d stayed locked up, we don’t need you here! Look what you caused! You turned our sister into a whore. She’s a stripper. Do you know the amount of times I have to hear people talk about her? The shit they say about her? All because you were stupid and got caught up in drugs! I hate you!” Simon shouts at him, and I recoil, I didn’t know he felt this way, he’s never called me a whore before.
“Simon, look,” Owen starts to say something but doesn’t get the chance to as Simon turns and walks out of the kitchen I can see he’s wiping his eyes as he does. “Fuck, Jess what do I do? How do I make it better?” He's heartbroken, Owen’s all about family just like me and to see Si so hurt is killing us inside.
“Just give him time. That’s all you can do for now. He doesn't mean it. He's hurt and confused at the moment. He missed you and he doesn't want to admit that. He’ll come around.” I try my best to sound optimistic but I’ve never seen Simon like this before, so I don’t know when he’ll forgive Owen or me. I thought if he had a problem with me being a stripper he’d have said something before now. He looked up to Owen before he went to prison, Owen was his hero, they did everything together and then he was left with me to look after him, and he had to grow up fast.
“Okay, I can do that.” his voice sounds tired and he turns back to cutting the peppers leaving me to wonder if my family is ever going to be one happy one?
Chapter Seven
“Hurry up, we’re going to be late if you don’t get a bloody move on.” I yell at Tony who for some reason is dragging his feet today. We’ve to meet Stef and Saffron at the train station as it’s not that far of a walk from our house.
“I’m coming. Jess, when are you going to tell us where we’re going?” He’s whingeing, sounding worse than Emme does.
“We’re going to the train station. Now has everyone got everything?” I ask as they’re all lined up waiting to leave the flat. The
y all nod, including Owen. Thankfully there hasn’t been any more arguments and Si is okay, I’m going to have a word with him when we’re out, I don’t want him upset and I don’t want Owen feeling unwelcome either.
As we leave Owen takes the rucksack from me and puts it over his shoulder and groans. “Bloody hell Jess, what the hell’s in here? It’s like you've packed everything in here except the kitchen sink.” He thinks he’s funny, the knob.
“No, its food so none of you go hungry.” I shove past him and go down the stairs. I try and make sure everyone is okay and I get laughed at.
“Jess, I didn't mean anything bad by it. I'm sorry.” He’s following me down the stairs. I slow up letting him know that it’s okay, but I don’t say anything, I’m tired and ratty and I don’t know when I’ve last had a full night's sleep.
It takes us ages to get to the station because Emme decides that she has to walk like a snail. As we round the corner to the station I hear Stef’s voice before I see her, “Geez, it’s like the Brady bunch with this lot.”
I can’t stop the laughter that bubbles up. I sound like a horse with how I’m trying to breathe through the laughter. “Hey Chick? It’s more like the Addams family with us.”
I hear Saffron giggle and Owen curse as he gets a proper look at both girls “Oh wow Mummy, this is so good. Hi Aunty Steffy and Aunty Saff.” she’s waving at them and starts to skip towards them, but stops and runs toward Owen, she pulls on his hand and starts dragging him with her. “Aunty Saff and Aunty Stef this is my Uncle Owen, he was naughty so he couldn't see us.”
“I know Owen, I’ve known him since I was a little girl.” Stef says as she walk over and gives Owen a hug, “I’ve missed you Owen, how are you doing? Happy to be home?”
“Like you wouldn't believe and I’ve missed you too! You look really good Stef.” Owen tells her making her blush.
“You don’t look too bad for a man that was naughty.” Stef’s trying not to laugh as she looks at Emme who’s watching them intently nodding her head at Stef’s statement. “And as the little princess said, this is Saffron.”
The Secrets Of Life (The Working Girls Book 1) Page 6
