CHAPTER XVI. AN INN--DEBTS PAID IN ADVANCE, AND A SINGULAR TOUCH OFHUMAN NATURE FOUND CLOSELY INCORPORATED WITH MONIKIN NATURE
We soon secured rooms, ordered dinner, brushed our clothes, and madethe other little arrangements that it was necessary to observe for thecredit of the species. Everything being ready, we left the inn, andhurried towards the "Palais des Arts et des Sciences." We had not gotout of sight of the inn, however, before one of its garcons was at ourheels with a message from his mistress. He told us, in very respectfultones, that his master was out, and that he had taken with him thekey of the strong-box; that there was not actually money enough in thedrawer to furnish an entertainment for such great persons as ourselves,and she had taken the liberty to send us a bill receipted, with arequest that we would make a small advance, rather than reduce her tothe mortification of treating such distinguished guests in an unworthymanner. The bill read as follows:--
No. 1 parti-color and friends,
To No. 82,763 grape-color. Dr. To use of apartments, with meals and lights, as per agreement, p.p. 300 per diem--one day, p.p. 300 By cash advanced, 50 ---- Balance due, p.p. 250
"This seems all right," I observed to Noah; but I am, at this moment, aspenniless as the good woman herself. I really do not see what we are todo, unless Bob sends her back his store of nuts--"
"Harkee, my nimble-go-hop," put in the seaman, "what is your pleasure?"
The waiter referred to the bill, as expressing his mistress's wants.
"What are these p. p. that I find noted in the bill--play or pay, hey?"
"Promises, of course, your honor."
"Oh! then you desire fifty promises, to provide our dinner."
"Nothing more, sir. With that sum you shall dine like noblemen--ay, sir,like aldermen."
I was delighted to find that this worthy class of beings have the samepropensities in all countries.
"Here, take a hundred," answered Noah, snapping his fingers, "and makeno bones of it. And harkee, my worthy--lay out every farthing of them inthe fare. Let there be good cheer, and no one will grumble at the bill.I am ready to buy the inn, and all it holds, at need."
The waiter departed well satisfied with these assurances, and apparentlyin the anticipation of good vails for his own trouble.
We soon got into the current that was setting towards our place ofdestination. On reaching the gate, we found that we were anxiouslyexpected; for there was an attendant in waiting, who instantly conductedus to the seats that were provided for our special reception. It isalways agreeable to be among the privileged, and I must own that we wereall not a little flattered, on finding that an elevated tribune had beenprepared for us, in the centre of the rotunda in which the academy heldits sittings, so that we could see, and be seen by, every individualof the crowded assembly. The whole crew, even to the negro cook,had preceded us; an additional compliment, that I did not fail toacknowledge by suitable salutations to all the members present. Afterthe first feelings of pleasure and surprise were a little abated, I hadleisure to look about me and to survey the company.
The academicians occupied the whole of the body of the rotunda, thespace taken up by the erection of our temporary tribune alone excepted,while there were sofas, chairs, tribunes, and benches arranged for thespectators, in the outer circles, and along the side-walls of thehall. As the edifice itself was very large, and mind had so essentiallyreduced matter in the monikin species, there could not have been lessthan fifty thousand tails present. Just before the ceremonies commenced,Dr. Reasono approached our tribbune, passing from one to another ofthe party, saying a pleasant and encouraging word to each, in a way tocreate high expectations in us all as to what was to follow. We wereso very evidently honored and distinguished, that I struggled hard tosubdue any unworthy feeling of pride, as unbecoming human meekness, andin order to maintain a philosophical equanimity under the manifestationsof respect and gratitude that I knew were about to be lavished upon eventhe meanest of our party. The Doctor was yet in the midst of his pointedattentions, when the king's eldest first cousin of the masculine genderentered, and the business of the meeting immediately began. I profitedby a short pause, however, to say a few words to my companions. I toldthem that there would soon be a serious demand on their modesty. Wehad performed a great and generous exploit, and it did not become usto lessen its merit by betraying a vainglorious self-esteem. I imploredthem all to take pattern by me; promising, in the end, that their newfriends would trebly prize their hardihood, self-denial, and skill.
There was a new member of the academy of Latent Sympathies to bereceived and installed. A long discourse was read by one of thisdepartment of the monikin learning, which pointed out and enlarged onthe rare merits of the new academician. He was followed by the latter;who in a very elaborate production, that consumed just fifty-fiveminutes in the reading, tried all he could to persuade the audience thatthe defunct was a loss to the world, that no accident or applicationwould ever repair, and that he himself was precisely the worst personwho could have been selected to be his successor. I was a littlesurprised at the perfect coolness with which the learned body listenedto a reproach that was so very distinctly and perseveringly thrown, asit were, into their very teeth. But a more intimate acquaintance withmonikin society satisfied me, that any one might say just what hepleased, so long as he allowed that every one else was an excellentfellow, and he himself the poorest devil going. When the new memberhad triumphantly established his position, and just as I thought thecolleagues were bound, in common honesty, to reconsider their vote, heconcluded, and took his seat among them with quite as much assurance asthe best philosopher of them all.
After a short pause, and an abundance of felicitations on his excellentand self-abasing discourse, the newly admitted member again rose, andbegan to read an essay on some discoveries he had made in the science ofLatent Sympathies. According to his account of the matter, every monikinpossessed a fluid which was invisible, like the animalcula which pervadenature, and which required only to be brought into command, and to bereduced into more rigid laws, to become the substitute for the senses ofsight, touch, taste, hearing, and smelling. This fluid was communicable;and had already been so far rendered subject to the will, as to make itof service in seeing in the dark, in smelling when the operator had abad cold, in tasting when the palate was down, and in touching by proxy.Ideas had been transmitted, through its agency, sixty-two leagues in oneminute and a half. Two monikins, who were afflicted with diseased tails,had during the last two years, been insulated and saturated, and hadthen lost those embellishments, by operations; a quantity of the fluidhaving been substituted in their places so happily, that the patientsfancied themselves more than ever conspicuous for the length and finesseof their caudce. An experiment had also been successfully tried ona member of the lower house of parliament, who, being married to amonikina of unusual mind, had for a long time been supplied with ideasfrom this source, although his partner was compelled to remain at home,in order to superintend the management of their estate, forty-two milesfrom town, during the whole session. He particularly recommended togovernment the promotion of this science, as it might be usefulin obtaining evidence for the purposes of justice, in detectingconspiracies, in collecting the taxes, and selecting candidates fortrusts of a responsible nature. The suggestion was well received by theking's cousin, more especially those parts that alluded to sedition andthe revenue.
This essay was also perfectly well received by the savans, for Iafterwards found very little came amiss to the academy; and the membersnamed a committee forthwith, to examine into "the facts concerninginvisible and unknown fluids, their agency, importance, and relations tomonikin happiness."
We were next favored with a discussion on the different significationsof the word gorstchwzyb; which, rendered into English, means "eh!"The celebra
ted philologist who treated the subject, discovered amazingingenuity in expatiating on its ramifications and deductions. First hetried the letters by transpositions, by which he triumphantly provedthat it was derived from all the languages of the ancients; the sameprocess showed that it possessed four thousand and two differentsignifications; he next reasoned most ably and comprehensively for tenminutes, backwards and forwards, using no other word but this, appliedin its various senses; after which, he incontrovertibly established thatthis important part of speech was so useful as to be useless, andhe concluded by a proposition, in which the academy coincided byacclamation, that it should be forever and incontinently expunged fromthe Leaphigh vocabulary. As the vote was carried by acclamation, theking's cousin arose, and declared that the writer who should so faroffend against good taste, as hereafter to make use of the condemnedword, should have two inches cut off the extremity of his tail. Ashudder among the ladies, who, I afterwards ascertained, loved to carrytheir caudae as high as our women like to carry their heads, proved theseverity of the decree.
An experienced and seemingly much respected member now arose to make thefollowing proposal. He said it was known that the monikin species werefast approaching perfection; that the increase of mind and the decreaseof matter were so very apparent as to admit of no denial; that, in hisown case, he found his physical powers diminish daily, while his mentalacquired new distinctness and force; that he could no longer see withoutspectacles, hear without a tube, or taste without high seasoning; fromall this he inferred that they were drawing near to some importantchange, and he wished that portion of the science of Latent Sympathieswhich was connected with the unknown fluid just treated on, might bereferred to a committee on the whole, in order to make some provisionfor the wants of a time when monikins should finally lose their senses.There was nothing to say against a proposition so plausible, and itwas accepted nemine contradicente, with the exception of a few in theminority.
There was now a good deal of whispering, much wagging of tails, andother indications that the real business of the meeting was about to betouched upon. All eyes were turned on Dr. Reasono, who, after a suitablepause, entered a tribune prepared for solemn occasions, and began hisdiscourse.
The philosopher, who, having committed his essay to memory, spokeextempore, commenced with a beautiful and most eloquent apostrophe tolearning, and to the enthusiasm which glows in the breasts of all herreal votaries, rendering them alike indifferent to their personal ease,their temporal interests, danger, suffering, and tribulations of thespirit. After this exordium, which was pronounced to be unique forits simplicity and truth, he entered at once on the history of his ownrecent adventures.
First alluding to the admirable character of that Leaphigh usage whichprescribes the Journey of Trial, our philosopher spoke of the mannerin which he had been selected to accompany my lord Chatterino on anoccasion so important to his future hopes. He dwelt on the physicalpreparations, the previous study, and the moral machinery that he hademployed with his pupil, before they quitted town; all of which,there is reason to think, were well fitted to their objects, as he wasconstantly interrupted by murmurs of applause. After some time spentin dilating on these points, I had, at length, the satisfaction to findhim, Mrs. Lynx, and their two wards, fairly setting out on a journeywhich, as he very justly mentioned, proved "to be pregnant with eventsof so much importance to knowledge in general, to the happiness of thespecies, and to several highly interesting branches of monikin science,in particular." I say the satisfaction, for, to own the truth, Iwas eager to witness the effect that would be made on the monikinsensibilities, when he came to speak of my own discernment in detectingtheir real characters beneath the contumely and disgrace in which ithad been my good fortune to find them, the promptitude with which I hadstepped forward to their relief, and the liberality and courage withwhich I had furnished the means and encountered the risks that werenecessary to restore them to their native land. The anticipation of thishuman triumph could not but diffuse a general satisfaction in our owntribune--even the common mariners, as they recalled the dangers throughwhich they had passed, feeling a consciousness of deserving, mingledwith that soothing sentiment which is ever the companion of a meritedreward. As the philosopher drew nearer to the time when it would benecessary to speak of us, I threw a look of triumph at Lord Chatterino,which, however, failed of its intended effect--the young peer continuingto whisper to his noble companions with just is much self-importance andcoolness as if he had not been one of the rescued captives.
Dr. Reasono was justly celebrated, among his colleagues, for ingenuityand eloquence. The excellent morals that he threw into every possibleopening of his subject, the beauty of the figures with which they wereillustrated, and the masculine tendencies of his argument, gave generaldelight to the audience. The Journey of Trial was made to appear, whatit had been intended to be by the fathers and sages of the Leaphighinstitutions, a probation replete with admonitions and instruction. Theaged and experienced, who had grown callous by time, could not concealtheir exultation; the mature and suffering looked grave and full ofmeditation; while the young and sanguine fairly trembled, and foronce, doubted. But, as the philosopher led his party from precipice toprecipice in safety, as rocks were scaled and seductive valleys avoided,a common feeling of security began to extend itself among the audience;and we all followed him in his last experiment among the ice, with thatsort of blind confidence which the soldier comes, in time, to entertainin the orders of a tried and victorious general.
The Doctor was graphic in his account of the manner in which he and hiswards plunged among these new trials. The lovely Chatterissa (for allhis travelling companions were present) bent aside her head and blushed,as the philosopher alluded to the manner in which the pure flame thatglowed in her gentle bosom resisted the chill influence of thatcold region; and when he recited an ardent declaration that my lordChatterino had made on the centre of a floe, and the kind and amorousanswer of his mistress, I thought the applause of the old academicianswould have actually brought the vaulted dome clattering about our ears.
At length he reached the point in the narrative where the amiablewanderers fell in with the sealers, on that unknown island to whichchance and an adverse fortune had unhappily led them, in theirpilgrimage. I had taken measures secretly to instruct Mr. Poke and therest of my companions, as to the manner in which it became us to demeanourselves, while the Doctor was acquainting the academy with that firstoutrage committed by human cupidity, or the seizure of himself andfriends. We were to rise, in a body, and, turning our faces a little onone side, veil our eyes in sign of shame. Less than this, it struck me,could scarcely be done, without manifesting an improper indifferenceto monikin rights; and more than this, might have been identifyingourselves with the particular individuals of the species who hadperpetrated the wrong. But there was no occasion to exhibit thisdelicate attention to our learned hosts. The Doctor, with a refinementof feeling that did credit, indeed, to monikin civilization, gave aningenious turn to the whole affair, which at once removed all cause ofshame from our species; and which, if it left reason for any to blush,by a noble act of disinterestedness, threw the entire onus of theobligation on himself. Instead of dwelling on the ruthless mannerin which he and his friends had been seized, the worthy Doctor verytranquilly informed his listeners, that, finding himself, by hazard,brought in contact with another species, and that the means of pushingimportant discoveries were unexpectedly placed in his power; consciousit had long been a desideratum with the savans to obtain a nearer viewand more correct notions of human society; believing he had a discretionin the matter of his wards, and knowing that the inhabitants of Leaplow,a republic which all disliked, were seriously talking of sending out anexpedition for this very purpose, he had promptly decided to profit byevents, to push inquiry to the extent of his abilities, and to hazardall in the cause of learning and truth, by at once engaging the vesselof the sealers, and sailing, without dread of consequences, forthwithinto the very bosom of t
he world of man!
I have listened with awe to the thunder of the tropics--I have held mybreath as the artillery of a fleet vomited forth its fire, and rent theair with sudden concussions--I have heard the roar of the tumbling riverof the Canadas, and I have stood aghast at the crashing of a forest in atornado;--but never before did I feel so life-stirring, so thrilling anemotion of surprise, alarm, and sympathy, as that which arose within me,at the burst of commendation and delight with which this announcement ofself-devotion and enterprise was received by the audience. Tails waved,pattes met each other in ecstasy, voice whistled to voice, and there wasone common cry of exultation, of rapture and of glorification, at thisproof, not of monikin, for that would have been frittering away thetriumph, but at this proof of Leaphigh courage.
During the clamor, I took an opportunity to express my satisfaction atthe handsome manner in which our friend the Doctor had passed over anacknowledged human delinquency, and the ingenuity with which he hadturned the whole of the unhappy transaction to the glory of Leaphigh.Noah answered that the philosopher had certainly shown a knowledge ofhuman natur', and he presumed of monikin natur', in the matter; no onewould now dispute his statement, since, as he knew by experience, no onewas so likely to be set down as a liar, as he who endeavored to unsettlethe good opinion that either a community or an individual entertained ofhimself. This was the way at Stunin'tun, and he believed this was prettymuch the way at New York, or he might say with the whole 'arth from poleto pole. As for himself, however, he owned he should like to have a fewminutes' private conversation with the sealer in question, to hearhis account of the matter; he didn't know any owner in his part of theworld, who would bear a captain out, should he abandon a v'yage inthis way, on no better security than the promises of a monkey, and of amonkey, too, who must, of necessity, be an utter stranger to him.
When the tumult of applause had a little abated, Dr. Reasono proceededwith his narrative. He touched lightly on the accommodations of theschooner, which he gave us reason to think were altogether of a qualitybeneath the condition of her passengers; and he added that, fallingin with a larger and fairer vessel, which was making a passage betweenBombay and Great Britain, he profited by the occasion, to exchangeships. This vessel touched at the island of St. Helena, where, accordingto the Doctor's account of the matter, he found means to pass thegreater part of a week on shore.
Of the island of St. Helena he gave a long, scientific, and certainlyan interesting account. It was reported to be volcanic, by the humansavans, he said, but a minute examination and a comparison of thegeological formation, etc., had quite satisfied him that their ownancient account, which was contained in the mineralogical works ofLeaphigh, was the true one; or, in other words, that this rock wasa fragment of the polar world that had been blown away at the greateruption, and which had become separated from the rest of the mass atthis spot, where it had fallen and become a fixture of the ocean. Herethe Doctor produced certain specimens of rock, which he submitted to thelearned present, inviting their attention to its character, and asking,with great mineralogical confidence, if it did not intimately resemblea well-known stratum of a mountain, within two leagues of the very spotthey were in? This triumphant proof of the truth of his proposition wasadmirably received; and the philosopher was in particular rewardedby the smiles of all the females present; for ladies usually are wellpleased with any demonstration that saves them the trouble of comparisonand reflection.
Before quitting this branch of his subject, the Doctor observed that,interesting as were these proofs of the accuracy of their histories, andof the great revolutions of inanimate nature, there was another topicconnected with St. Helena, which, he felt certain, would excite a livelyemotion in the breasts of all who heard him. At the period of his visit,the island had been selected as a prison for a great conqueror anddisturber of his fellow-creatures; and public attention was much drawnto the spot by this circumstance, few men coming there who did notpermit all their thoughts to be absorbed by the past acts and thepresent fortunes of the individual in question. As for himself, therewas, of course, no great attraction in any events connected with merehuman greatness, the little struggles and convulsions of the speciescontaining no particular interest for a devotee of the monikinphilosophy; but the manner in which all eyes were drawn in onedirection, afforded him a liberty of action that he had eagerlyimproved, in a way that, he humbly trusted, would not be thoughtaltogether unworthy of their approbation. While searching for mineralsamong the cliffs, his attention had been drawn to certain animals thatare called monkeys, in the language of those regions; which, fromvery obvious affinities of a physical nature, there was some reason tobelieve might have had a common origin with the monikin species.The academy would at once see how desirable it was to learn all theinteresting particulars of the habits, language, customs, marriages,funerals, religious opinions, traditions, state of learning, and generalmoral condition of this interesting people, with a view to ascertainwhether they were merely one of those abortions, to which, it is known,nature is in the practice of giving birth, in the outward appearanceof their own species, or whether, as several of their best writers hadplausibly maintained, they were indeed a portion of those whom theyhad been in the habit of designating as the "lost monikins." He hadsucceeded in getting access to a family of these beings, and in passingan entire day in their society. The result of his investigations was,that they were truly of the monikin family, retaining much of theingenuity and many of the spiritual notions of their origin, but withtheir intellects sadly blunted, and perhaps their improvable qualitiesannihilated, by the concussion of the elements that had scattered themabroad upon the face of the earth, houseless, hopeless, regionlesswanderers. The vicissitudes of climate, and a great alteration ofhabits, had certainly wrought some physical changes; but there stillremained sufficient scientific identity to prove they were monikins.They even retained, in their traditions, some glimmerings of theawful catastrophe by which they were separated from the rest of theirfellow-creatures; but these necessarily were vague and profitless.Having touched on several other points connected with these veryextraordinary facts, the Doctor concluded by saying that he saw but oneway in which this discovery could be turned to any practical advantage,beyond the confirmation it afforded of the truth of their own annals.He suggested the expediency of fitting out expeditions to go among theseislands and seize upon a number of families, which, being transportedinto Leaphigh, might found a race of useful menials, who, while theywould prove much less troublesome than those who possessed all theknowledge of monikins, would probably be found more intelligent anduseful than any domestic animal which they at present owned. This happyapplication of the subject met with decided commendation. I observedthat most of the elderly females put their heads together on the spot,and appeared to be congratulating each other on the prospect of beingspeedily relieved from their household cares.
Dr. Reasono next spoke of his departure from St. Helena, and of hisfinally landing in Portugal. Here, agreeably to his account, he engagedcertain Savoyards to act as his couriers and guides during a tour heintended to make through Portugal, Spain, Switzerland, France, etc.,etc., etc. I listened with admiration. Never before had I so livelya perception of the vast difference that is effected in our views ofmatters and things, by the agency of an active philosophy, as was nowfurnished by the narrative of the speaker. Instead of complaining of thetreatment he had received, and of the degradations to which he and hiscompanions had been subjected, he spoke of it all as so much prudentsubmission, on his part, to the customs of the countries in which hehappened to find himself, and as the means of ascertaining a thousandimportant facts, both moral and physical, which he proposed to submitto the academy in a separate memoir another day. At present, he wasadmonished by the clock to conclude, and he would therefore hasten hisnarrative as much as possible.
The Doctor, with great ingenuousness, confessed that he could gladlyhave passed a year or two longer in those distant and highly interestingportions of the
earth; but he could not forget that he had a duty toperform to the friends of two noble families. The Journey of Trialhad been completed under the most favorable auspices, and the ladiesnaturally became anxious to return home. They had accordingly passedinto Great Britain, a country remarkable for maritime enterprise, wherehe immediately commenced the necessary preparations for their sailing. Aship had been procured under the promise of allowing it to be freighted,free of custom-house charges, with the products of Leaphigh. A thousandapplications had been made to him for permission to be of his party,the natives naturally enough wishing to see a civilized country; butprudence had admonished him to accept of those only who were the mostlikely to make themselves useful. The king of Great Britain, no meanprince in human estimation, had committed his only son and heir-apparentto his care, with a view to his improvement by travelling; and thelord high admiral himself had asked permission to take command of anexpedition that was of so much importance to knowledge in general, andto his own profession in particular.
Here Dr. Reasono ascended our tribune and presented Bob to the academyas the Prince-Royal of Great Britain, and Captain Poke as her lord highadmiral! He pointed out certain peculiarities about the former, the smutin particular, which had become pretty effectually incorporated withthe skin, as so many signs of royal birth; and ordering the youngster touncase, he drew forth the union-jack that the lad carefully keptabout his nether part as a fender, and exhibited it as his armorialbearings--a modification of its uses that would not have been very farout of the way, had another limb been substituted for the agent. As forCaptain Poke, he requested the academicians to study his nautical airin general, as furnishing sufficient proof of his pursuits, and of theordinary appearance of human sea-men.
Turning to me, I was then introduced to all present as thetravelling governor and personal attendant of Bob, and as a veryrespectable person in my way. He added, that he believed, also, I hadsome pretension to be the discoverer of something that was called thesocial-stake system; which, he dared to say, was a very creditablediscovery for one of my opportunities.
By this prompt substitution of employments, I found I had effectuallychanged places with the cabin-boy; who, instead of waiting on me, was,in future, to receive that trifling attention at my hands. The mateswere presented as two rear-admirals at nurse, and the crew was said tobe composed of so many post-captains in the navy of Great Britain. Toconclude, the audience was given to understand that we were all broughtto Leaphigh, like the minerals from St. Helena, as so many specimens ofthe human species!
I shall not deny that Dr. Reasono had taken a very different view ofhimself and his acts, as well as of me and my acts, from those I hadall along entertained myself; and yet, on reflection, it is so common toconsider ourselves in lights very different from those in which we areviewed by others that I could not, on the whole, complain as much of hisrepresentations as I had at first thought it might become me to do. Atall events, I was completely spared the necessity of blushing for mygenerosity and disinterestedness, and in other respects was saved thepain of viewing any part of my own conduct under a consciousness of itsattracting attention by its singularity on the score of merit. I mustsay, nevertheless, that I was both surprised and a little indignant; butthe sudden and unexpected turn that had been given to the whole affair,threw me so completely off my centre, that for the life of me, I couldnot say a word in my own behalf. To make the matter worse, that monkeyChatterino nodded to me kindly, as if he would show the spectators that,on the whole, he thought me a very good sort of fellow!
After the lecture was over, the audience approached to examine us,taking a great many amiable liberties with our persons, and otherwiseshowing that we were deemed curiosities worthy of their study. Theking's cousin, too, was not neglectful of us, but he had it announced tothe assembly that we were entirely welcome to Leaphigh; and that, out ofrespect to Dr. Reasono, we were all promoted to the dignity of "honorarymonikins," for the entire period of our stay in the country. He alsocaused it to be proclaimed that, if the boys annoyed us in the streets,they should have their tails curled with birch curling-irons. As for theDoctor himself, it was proclaimed that, in addition to his former titleof F. U. D. G. E., he was now perferred* to be even M. O. R. E., andthat he was also raised to the dignity of an H. O. A. X., the veryhighest honor to which any savant of Leaphigh could attain. [*sic]
At length curiosity was appeased, and we we're permitted to descendfrom the tribune; the company ceasing to attend to us, in order to payattention to each other. As I had time now to recollect myself, Idid not lose a moment in taking the two mates aside, to present aproposition that we should go, in a body, before a notary, and entera protest against the unaccountable errors into which Dr. Reasono hadpermitted himself to fall, whereby the truth was violated, the rightsof persons invaded, humanity dishonored, and the Leaphigh philosophymisled. I cannot say that my arguments were well received; and I wascompelled to quit the two rear-admirals, and to go in quest of the crew,with the conviction that the former had been purchased. An appeal to thereckless, frank, loyal natures of the common seamen, I thought,would not fail to meet with better success. Here, too, I was fated toencounter disappointment. The men swore a few hearty oaths, and affirmedthat Leaphigh was a good country. They expected pay and rations, as amatter of course, in proportion to their new rank; and having tasted thesweets of command, they were not yet prepared to quarrel with their goodfortune, and to lay aside the silver tankard for the tar-pot.
Quitting the rascals, whose heads really appeared to be turned by theirunexpected elevation, I determined to hunt up Bob, and by dint of Mr.Poke's ordinary application, compel him, at least, in despite of theunion-jack, to return to a sense of his duty, and to reassume his oldpost as the servitor of my wants. I found the little blackguard inthe midst of a bevy of monikinas of all ages, who were lavishing theirattentions on his worthless person, and otherwise doing all they couldto eradicate everything like humility, or any good quality that mighthappen to remain in him. He certainly gave me a fair opportunity tocommence the attack, for he wore the union-jack over his shoulder, inthe manner of a royal mantle, while the females of inferior rankpressed about him to kiss its hem! The air with which he received thisadulation, fairly imposed on even me; and fearful that the monikinasmight mob me, should I attempt to undeceive them--for monikinas, letthem be of what species they may, always hug a delusion--I abandoned myhostile intentions for the moment, and hurried after Mr. Poke, littledoubting my ability of bringing one of his natural rectitude of mind toa right way of thinking.
The captain heard my remonstrances with a decent respect. He even seemedto enter into my feelings with a proper degree of sympathy. He veryfrankly admitted that I had not been well treated by Dr. Reasono, and heappeared to think that a private conversation with that individualmight yet possibly have the effect of bringing him to a more reasonablerepresentation of facts. But, as to any sudden and violent appeal topublic opinion for justice, or an ill-advised recourse to a notary, hestrenuously objected to both. The purport of his remarks was somewhat asfollows:--
He was not acquainted with the Leaphigh law of protests, and, inconsequence, we might spend our money in paying fees, without reapingany advantage; the Doctor, moreover, was a philosopher, an F. U. D. G.E., and an H. O. A. X., and these were fearful odds to contend againstin any country, and more especially in a foreign country; he had aninnate dislike for lawsuits; the loss of my station was certainly agrievance, but still it might be borne; as for himself, he never askedfor the office of lord high admiral of Great Britain, but as it had beenthrust upon him, why, he would do his best to sustain the character; heknew his friends at Stunin'tun would be glad to hear of his promotion,for, though in his country there were no lords, nor even any admirals,his countrymen were always exceedingly rejoiced whenever any oftheir fellow-citizens were preferred to those stations by anybody butthemselves, seeming to think an honor conferred on one, was an honorconferred on the whole nation; he liked to confer honor on his o
wnnation, for no people on 'arth tuck up a notion of this sort and dividedit among themselves in a way to give each a share, sooner than thepeople of the States, though they were very cautious about leaving anyportion of the credit in first hands, and therefore he was disposed tokeep as much as he could while it was in his power; he believed he wasa better seaman than most of the lord high admirals who had gonebefore him, and he had no fears on that score; he wondered whether hispromotion made Miss Poke lady high admiral; as I seemed greatly put outabout my own rank, he would give me the acting appointment of a chaplain(he didn't think I was qualified to be a sea-officer), and do doubt Ihad interest enough at home to get it confirmed; a great statesman inhis country had said "that few die and none resigned," and he didn'tlike to be the first to set new fashions; for his part, he rather lookedupon Dr. Reasono as his friend, and it was unpleasant to quarrel withone's friends; he was willing to do anything in reason, but resign, andif I could persuade the Doctor to say he had fallen into a mistake inmy particular case, and that I had been sent to Leaphigh as a lord highambassador, lord high priest, or lord high anything else, except lordhigh admiral, why, he was ready to swear to it--though he now gavenotice, that in the event of such an arrangement, he should claim torank me in virtue of the date of his own commission; if he gave up hisappointment a minute sooner than was absolutely necessary, he shouldlose his own self-respect, and never dare look Miss Poke in the faceagain--on the whole, he should do no such thing; and, finally, he wishedme a good morning, as he was about to make a call on the lord highadmiral of Leaphigh.
The Monikins Page 18
