by Mason Sabre
“Are you home?” Gemma asked when Shelley accepted the call, not giving her friend time to respond.
“I will be in a minute. Are you okay?”
And that was it. Three words, the key to the fragile gate inside her mind. Gemma pressed her hand to her face, covering her eyes to hold everything inside. “I’m fine.” Her voice cracked with thick raw emotion. She wasn’t okay. She was very fucking far from okay. Okay had walked away.
Shelley said something to her, and Gemma didn’t catch it. Her mind fought with her, trying to throw at her the very images she didn’t want to see.
“I’m okay,” she said again after a moment. “I’m okay. everything is fucking okay.”
“I can tell. Where are you?”
“Another planet, I think." A pause. "I’m in town. Can I come over?”
There was a rustling on the other end of the line and then a muttered curse. Shelley was a mother of two, three if you asked her because she included her husband, Tom, in that equation. “Do you want me to come and get you?”
Gemma went to say yes, but then the thought of standing outside, waiting for Shelley to show up … that was another moment for Gemma to let everything in her head break out and torture her. “No. I’ll grab a cab. Do you mind?”
“I’ll throw the kettle on.”
“Thanks.”
A good half an hour later, Gemma burst into Shelley’s house without knocking first. She launched herself at her friend as her emotions gave way in her safe place. God knows how she had held it together until that moment.
Shelley held her, letting her cry out whatever it was without question, and they stood together in Shelley’s lounge, Gemma’s heart breaking a little more with every sob she let go. “He slept with her, Shell. I told him to, and he slept with her.” She clung onto Shelley like she was a lifeline. Pressing her face into Shelley’s neck and seeking comfort her tiger rarely cared for. But where Cade was concerned, her tiger never acted like she was supposed to.
“Oh, Gem.” Shelley ran her hand down Gemma's hair, stroking her … soothing her, but there was nothing in this world that could do that. Nothing but him.
When she’d had enough of her own sadness and her head throbbed from the effort of it all, she pushed back from Shelley, gathering herself and putting all her mental shields into place. She exhaled, forcing out her agony, so she could stand without it crippling her. “It hurts…” She trailed off, her eyes meeting Shelley’s as another wave of emotion spread through her. “I see him in my head … and … and …” she clamped her lips together. “Fuck….”
“Do you want to start at the beginning?”
“No….”
Gemma sighed and slumped down onto the sofa with her head in her hands. She told Shelley everything—gave her every story, every slice of this fucked up problem, and when she was done, she leant with her head back and breathed. She couldn’t even separate the things in her mind so she could make an ounce of sense out of them.
“So … you don’t know he has actually slept with Natalie?” Shelley said at the end, trying to be the voice of reason. Gemma appreciated it, but she knew. She knew it deep down inside he had.
“I know he has.”
“Okay. So … what is it you want? You can have him, Gemma, you know you can. One word. You pick up the phone and he’d be here. You tell him to lie down in front of you and cut his own heart out, he would do it.”
“Do you think I’m a bitch?”
“I think you’re an idiot,” Shelley shot.
Gemma half laughed, half cried. “Thanks.” She met Shelley’s gaze. “I slept with him two days ago.”
“Oh, Gem…”
“At our cabin. I didn’t mean to. He was just there. I told him afterwards it was a mistake.” She paused. “You should have seen the look on his face, Shell. I did that. I keep hurting him.” She gave herself a moment, her eyes brimmed, but she was done with crying. “I tell myself I won’t, you know? Then he’s there and I can’t … I don’t know what I want.”
Shelley sat next to Gemma, and she reached over to tuck a strand of stray auburn hair off her face. She paused with her hand at the side of her neck “But you know, or you’d not be here, crying on my sofa.”
Gemma leant into her friend’s hand. “It’s not that simple. I can't have that.”
“Nothing ever is.” Shelley knew everything about them … everything. “What about Karl? He’s nice. A Tiger. Doesn’t he make you feel …”
“Not like Cade does. It’s there. He’s great. He’s just …”
“Not Cade?”
Gemma sighed. “No.”
“I love you both. I’d do anything for you. You know I would …”
“But?”
Shelley took her hand back down and rested it on her own lap. She relaxed her shoulders. “When do you say enough is enough? When do you look at Cade and think, I can't do this anymore? He has Natalie, right? If he has slept with her … what if she gets pregnant?”
There it was. The question that was a dagger in her gut, twisting itself up into her sternum and coming out through her throat. “I don’t know,” she whispered. She had thought about that too many times. What would she do? Probably wither and die.
“Are you and Cade going to carry this on and bring Natalie into it? Is it fair to her? I don’t know her, she could be a bitch for all I know, and then we need to scratch her eyes out, but … “
“Do you think it is possible to be with someone else? Karl?”
Shelley gave her a shrug. She didn’t have the answers. No one really did, except Gemma. “If you want it enough, I think you could make it work. Besides, have you seen him? I mean ... that ass. Fuck me.”
Gemma raised a brow at Shelley. “You’re not helping.”
Shelley gave a mischievous smile and brushed back her long deep red curls. “You could bite it?” She motioned the biting action with her hand, making more of a claw. “Wouldn’t you love to just dig your claws into that? Have you looked?”
“I've seen his ass … in the flesh.”
“And you’re sitting here pining for a Cade’s furry wolf backside?” Shelley stopped, her expression going serious. “Karl isn’t a bad guy, Gem. If Cade has slept with Natalie, well, he’s doing exactly what you told him to do. He’s moving on. Maybe you need to do the same.”
Maybe she did … maybe they all did. It had been years of this, and it wasn’t working. Except … She didn’t know how to move on. She didn’t know how to be okay with Cade moving on and being with someone else.
“Could you have loved someone other than Tom? If your mother made you stay? Could you have done it?”
“I was lucky. I never had to really think about it. I just—”
The door banged then, the loud thumping of the metal knocker hammering out. Shelley sighed and rolled her eyes. “As if by magic. Bet her damn ears are burning.” Shelley got up from her seat, and the soft and gentle friend who had been consoling her a second ago was replaced by a woman with a stiff back and a defensive wall as high as a mountain.
“Need me to go?”
“No. Just give me a sec.” She gave Gemma’s hand a light squeeze as she went to answer the door. The squeeze was more for her than it was to reassure Gemma of anything.
While Shelley greeted her mother, Gemma positioned herself on the small chair in the corner and picked up a newspaper to pretend she was reading. Mrs Anderson came in seconds later and stopped, the look of disdain clear.
“Gemma,” she said, and before Gemma had the chance to even stand, Shelley’s mother turned.
“Mrs Anderson …”
Gemma peered around at Shelley, and Shelley’s entire demeanour had changed since her mother had come in. Apprehension rolled off her in waves and the happy, loud friend, was suddenly a quiet weaker version of herself.
“What do you want?” Shelley asked as she moved into the room. Even Gemma cringed at those words. What do you want? It was not something to be uttered in the prese
nce of the high and mighty Seelie Court Queen.
“What do I want? Is that anyway to speak to your mother?”
“I—”
Mrs Anderson shook her head, and Shelley’s shoulders slumped. “Do not interrupt me when I am talking to you.” She waved her hand in Shelley’s face, demanding silence. Shelley’s face reddened to almost the same shade as her hair.
Gemma lifted her paper up as quietly as she could manage, the goal to make Mrs Anderson forget she was there. Perhaps she could even try to read more than the first sentence of the article she had no interest in.
Mrs Anderson sat where Gemma had been moments before. Awkward silence filled the room, and Gemma gripped the paper between her fingers, feeling all eyes on her. “Should I give you a moment?” She asked when she couldn’t stand it anymore. It was oppressing.
“No.”
“Yes.”
Shelley and her mother said at the same time. Shelley sighed and angled her head.
“It’s okay.” Gemma folded the paper and put it back on the coffee table. “I’ll be out back.” She gave Shelley’s mother a curt nod as she passed her. Mrs Anderson ignored her and patted her over expensive clutch bag instead.
Whatever.
As Gemma was about to close the door between the sitting room and the backroom, she mouthed to Shelley, “Good luck.” And then shook her head. She didn’t stay in the backroom, though. She took herself outside, into the back garden. It was nice out there. Tom had worked on it through the summers when they had first bought the house. Now it was a mixture of a garden to sit in, a place for family gatherings, and a play area for the kids. Gemma sat herself on a swing at the end of the lawn, and for just a moment, she leaned back, gripped the chain and let herself swing.
What it would be to go back in time and be that child again. To have that freedom and the only worry in the world was whether Stephen would get her spot on the sofa later and hog the television. She could have done with him being there, right then. She could have done with a lot of things, but her brother’s protective embrace was one thing she missed the most.
When she had swung so much that her legs ached from pushing off the ground, she stopped, letting the breeze rock her instead. She plucked her phone from her pocket. She knew what Stephen would have said. So much as he was the rebellious shit, he’d have told her to go with Karl. He’d have told her to do what was right. He’d have asked her to save his friend’s life, and that was what she would do.
“Are you busy tonight?” She texted, hitting send to Karl. She could move on. She could do this for Cade.
Karl replied almost seconds later. “Nope. Want to come over later?”
Another text as she stared, thinking what to say.
“The part came for your car. I can pick that up too.”
“Sure. What time?”
“6? We could hunt?”
Hunting was a shifters version of let’s go out to dinner. She thought about reminding him she was forbidden from shifting, but then, fuck it. What else could they do to her now that hadn't been done already? So what if she landed in the cage? It was nothing compared to the depth of the ache inside her right then.
“Sounds great. See you then.”
When Gemma walked back to the house, Shelley’s mother was still there from what she could see. Maybe it was a good idea to leave them to it. She went to the kitchen, but she could hear them. They were arguing about the fire. Mrs Anderson claimed it was cold, and Shelley told her to light the fire herself.
“You're using matches to light the fire?” Mrs Anderson asked at one point. Shelley obviously had given in.
“Yes, Mother. I am using matches to light the fire. Like …” She cut off before she said too much. Human was the word she was missing. Even from where she hid, Gemma could imagine the look on Margaret Anderson’s face.
If there was a chance to dig at Shelley for marrying Tom, Margaret took it. She had sworn that she would disown Shelley. As yet, she hadn't done that. She seemed to forget disownment meant, not seeing Shelley. Maybe she thought she would change her mind, Gemma and Shelley decided once. But that would never happen.
Gemma crept through the middle room to the joining door and opened it quietly. Her intention was to make her excuses and then leave. Hovering around at the back of her friend’s house was better than being at home sulking, but it wasn’t how she wanted to spend her day.
“How dare you,” Shelley bellowed, and Gemma had missed whatever it was Margaret had said. She froze in the doorway, eyes wide. “You come into my home. You come here. After telling me I am no longer welcome with your people. You strip me of my magic, and then you use it to make me feel like shit. Well fuck you.”
Gemma gawped; she couldn’t help it. Shelley was as fiery as her hair … to everyone, except Margaret.
Margaret was standing, bag in her hand, her expression twitched but she tried to hold onto that poker face. She turned to Gemma. “This is your fault, isn’t it? I always knew allowing you to be friends with my daughter was a mistake. Your father might let you whore yourself out to the wolves and think we all don’t know, but we do. If someone else ran the Council, my daughter would not have disgraced herself.” She scoffed at Gemma. “Heir to the throne … look at you. Pathetic.”
“Get out,” Shelley yelled.
“You don’t—”
“No, you don’t. All my life I have had to put up with this shit from you. All my life I have never been good enough … never lived up to your fucking perfect status. Well you know what? I don’t care. You can take away whatever you want. You can take away my fae status. You can tell the world I am dead. You can—”
Her mother gave a scornful laugh. “And then what? How will you live without us? You won’t be able to defend yourself. Those brats and that Human …”
“Tom, Mother. His name is Tom.”
“Don’t you realise he only married you because of what you are?”
“Leave.” Shelley pointed at the front door. “Right now. Just get out and pretend I am dead. I don’t care anymore. We’re done.”
Margaret pursed her lips, the corners of her mouth twitched to a sneer in Gemma’s direction. “You will regret this.”
“No. I won’t.”
Margaret left, walking out, her shoulders back, the air of her perfectionism following her.
Shelley didn’t let her mother close the door behind her, instead, she grabbed it and slammed it as hard as she could into the jamb. “Now fuck off…”
“If I clap, will you throw me out too?” Gemma dared when Shelley came back into the room.
Shelley stared at her, face stern, then the smile started at the edge of her lips and she fought not to let it break. “If you don’t clap, I might throw you out, too.”
Chapter 6
Cade
By the time Cade got to his office and sat down, it was gone two in the afternoon. The hours had gone by in a series of errands he'd found to do and moments of thoughts; the latter of the two being the most painful. They made his head swim and his heart dance around in his chest in a waltz made of uncertainty.
After seeing Stephen, he had stopped at the main DSA offices. He hadn't yet got back the paperwork for Jessica; her call records, or her bank details. The main office where they had to process everything had pulled them off the systems and got them ready. They’d told him they would mail them, and he had told them, he’d take them now. Thank you. If he left it to them, it would take another goddamn week just to get them stuffed into an envelope.
He threw the envelope on his desk, along with his keys, his wallet, and his phone. He reached out to snag up his wallet and opened it. In the centre was a picture, one taken long ago–happy days. When Phoenix was with them, just finding his feet, but Stephen and Gemma were there too. The four of them, ready to take on the world. He thumbed it now like he had done a hundred times and then reached over for his phone. He had texted Natalie earlier to tell her he was delayed, and he would let her know when he co
uld pick her up.
He still hadn't. He’d thought about it as he was driving to the office. The edge of guilt twisting its spiteful tip into his gut as he walked from his car to work without her by his side. He wasn’t sure he was really ready yet to let her into his domain totally. She had told him it was okay and that she would go to see her sister—she didn’t mind. It was a relief to Cade.
In his drive to the office, the weight of the promises he had made to her—verbal and physical—troubled him. It was different when he wasn’t so close to her. When his wolf wasn’t running on instinct and desire. It all made him take steps along a path he wasn’t sure he wanted to be on, and he had no clue how to get off.
In his office, when he couldn’t delay any longer, he picked up the phone and let out a deep sigh as he dialled her number. She answered within two rings, greeting him with her usual chirpy, happy sound. It made him smile. At least she was happy. He never wished to hurt her. She was good, sweet. She didn’t deserve to be tangled up in this mess. Any other wolf would have been lucky to have her. She was just unfortunate that the space in his heart had already been taken. He couldn’t even blame her for this situation. It was all on him.
“What are you up to?” Cade asked when he heard laughter in the background.
“I’m just with Kara.” She giggled something to someone, her voice growing muffled. Cade waited for her. It calmed him inside that she was happy. Selfish, maybe. “Sorry,” she said when she came back. “Kara was showing me something.”
“You’re at Kara’s?”
“No. I was, but we saw Beth. She’s having another good day.” He could hear the love in her words for her sister. The way she said her name, the way she smiled out what she said. “Whatever that medication is. It’s truly helping, you know?”
He knew. He knew more than Natalie would ever realise. “You don’t have to come in today, if you don’t want to,” Cade said. He couldn’t help the feeling of hope. Natalie coming to work was a step in the right direction for her for building their relationship. But it wasn’t for Cade.
