“I wate! I wate! Wike da wabbit!” Eyes narrowed at my audacity for making her even later, she propped her fists on her little tutu’d hips. Chuckling at her earned me no brownie points.
I crouched down in front of her to have her look me in the eyes. “You hold my hand, Presley. Always. You never run off without me. You hear?” It wasn’t the first time she’d heard that, so she nodded, chastised and sullen.
“Otay, Daddy.” She pouted.
Heaving a sigh, I stood and held her hand as we crossed the driveway to the entry doors.
“Good morning, Mr. Archer,” Shelby called as she leaned forward and pushed her cleavage together. Trying to not to roll my eyes, I waved and gave a grin that probably looked more like a grimace. She’d been trying to hook up with me since I first started bringing Presley.
Not happening.
“Matlock.” The airy whisper came up behind me as I helped Presley tie her shoe that had come undone.
Fuck.
“Eve.”
And that’s why you don’t shit where you eat. Eve had been Letty’s best friend and was also Presley’s daycare provider.
The other thing she’d been was a drunken mistake three months after Letty died. Since then, she’d been trying to convince me how good we’d be together. It pissed me off because she was supposed to be Letty’s best friend, next to Steph.
Instead, she’d watched Presley at my house one night we’d had a club party for a visiting chapter at the clubhouse. I hadn’t wanted to go, but Snow had insisted I get out of my house and join the living. I’d gotten blitzed that night trying to forget.
When Reaper and Steph dropped me off at my house, I was still three sheets to the wind. Eve had been sleeping on the couch. I’d woken her to thank her and let her know she could go home.
Except she didn’t leave like I’d thought she did. When I’d crawled in bed drunk as a skunk and naked, she’d slipped in shortly after. I don’t know if in my drunken state, I was delusional or if I had thought she was Letty. Either way, I wasn’t thinking clearly, and she’d taken advantage of that.
I’d been sick the next morning and thrown her out.
When she came to me a month later telling me she thought she was pregnant, it was a sock to the gut. Worse was when I found out from Hollywood’s ol’ lady, Becca, that Eve had lied.
Steph had never liked her, so between her and Becca they were ready to go beat her ass. I’d told them it wasn’t worth it and that they’d look awful in orange.
I’d really wanted to pull Presley from her daycare, but there wasn’t a huge selection of reputable options in a town our size. So I’d opted for shooting down her advances for the last year, but she wasn’t getting the hint. I was on the verge of having to hurt her feelings.
“Give me a kiss, princess.” I knelt on one knee so Presley could hug me and give me a big sloppy kiss on my bearded cheek.
“Wub you, Daddy.” She ran to her cubby to hang up her little backpack. With a happy wave to me, she was gone to join her friends. She’d never been a clingy child, always independent and strong. An old soul.
I stood and faced Eve with resignation heavy in my expression. “Have good day, Eve. I gotta run.”
“Wait. Matlock.” Her simpering tone set my teeth on edge.
“I’m late. Does this have to do with Presley?”
“Well, sort of.” She bit her lip and gave me an imploring look.
“Either it does or it doesn’t.”
“Shelby told me you turned in your notice. Is it because of me and what happened?” Her brown eyes took on a soulful expression. One I wasn’t buying or falling for.
“No.” I didn’t owe her an explanation, so I turned to go.
Her hand grasped my arm, and I spun in a fury. “Don’t touch me,” I harshly whispered.
She had the nerve to step back, looking like she was the victim.
Without another word, I stomped out of the facility, ignoring Shelby’s hollered goodbye as I passed by.
Climbing in my truck, I wanted to beat on the steering wheel. I wanted to scream. My anger at myself for my stupidity all those months ago and the weakness I was feeling at that time was overwhelming me.
One more thing to add to the list of things I couldn’t wait to leave behind.
“I’m so sorry, Letty.” Silence was the only reply I received as I started the truck and headed to work.
I’d been putting an old EVO back together for about an hour when my phone rang on my toolbox. I wiped the grease from my hands before seeing who it was.
Pops’s name made me smile.
“Hey, Pops. What’s up?”
“Lock, you’re still set on going to Texas?” His tone was gruff and abrupt.
“Um, yeah. Why?” I was really hoping he wasn’t going to try to talk me out of it. I was getting tired of explaining myself. It made me sound like a pussy.
“Well, I hate to see you go, you already know that. But I need you to make a special delivery to Styx for me when you head down. Do you think you could do that? It’s really important to me.” Pops knew I’d do anything for him. He’d retired right after I’d been patched, and he’d been my sponsor the entire time I’d prospected. I truly believed I was the brother I was today because of his guidance and mentorship.
“Hell, yeah. Is it at your place?” He’d sold his house but kept a lot on the edge of town with a small shop on it for when they were in the area.
“Uh, no, I have it with me, but we’ll be pulling into town early Monday morning. Last I heard, you said you’d be heading out of town then. If so, I can meet you at the gas station on the edge of town. What time are you hitting the road?”
“Yeah, that’s still the plan. I’d like to be on the road by six, but if I need to wait that’s fine. We’ll end up stopping at a hotel in Omaha after the zoo. I’m not in a big hurry, because I don’t want to stress Presley. Plus we’ll be making lots of potty stops anyway.” I rolled my eyes, and though he couldn’t see me, he chuckled.
“I can’t wait to see her. I bet she’s grown a mile since I saw her last.”
“Well, in her mouth, yeah.” A wry grin slipped out.
“Typical woman. Get used to it.” Despite the pang I experienced at his words, I heard Mama Jean in the background getting after him for his comment, and I laughed. He cleared his throat. “Six might be cutting it close, but I think we can be there by seven. Will that work?”
“Sure. It will give me more time to plan for the inevitable delays that come with a two-and-a-half-year-old.” I laughed.
“I appreciate that. Well, I know you’re busy, so I’ll let you go. We’ll see you soon.”
“Sounds good. You travel safe.” Ending the call, I tossed my phone back on the top of the box.
“You ready for your farewell party?” Reaper called out from where he and Hollywood were tearing down an old Hemi Cuda.
“Not really.” The thought of leaving the men who’d become my family physically hurt.
“Then don’t go.” Reaper’s ice-blue eyes were unnerving as he stopped with his hands buried deep in the guts of the car.
Hollywood rolled from underneath on the creeper. “Dude. It’s only been a year.”
It had actually been one year, three months, and four days.
“It wouldn’t matter if it had been ten years, brother. I can’t stay here. Fuck, I can’t drive down that road without having an anxiety attack. I haven’t slept in our bed in months. She’s everywhere, and she always will be. I need out. I need a fresh start. It’s not the club. I fucking love every one of you, and the thought of leaving makes me sick. The problem is, staying is killing me.” Folding my arms defensively over my chest, I glanced away from their knowing eyes. That admission was more painful than pulling teeth.
In my peripheral vision, I saw Reaper heave a heavy sigh and drop his head.
Catching movement to my right, I looked over to where my brother was working on a Street Glide. His eyes held mine, and we exch
anged an understanding without saying a word. I’d already made my decision, and he knew that better than anyone.
He returned his attention to the bike on the lift.
Both Reaper and Hollywood dropped the subject, and we worked quietly for the rest of the day. The only sounds were the clanking of metal on metal, power tools, and rock music blaring from the sound system.
“I’ll see you guys tonight. I need to go pick up Presley.” I’d cleaned up my tools and washed up.
“You want me to go get her?” Gunny’s voice rumbled from where he was setting his tools in their proper drawers. He knew my shameful indiscretion well. He also knew the trouble it was causing me at Presley’s daycare. “I’ll take my truck over to grab her.”
“Would you mind? Mom’s expecting her, and she has pj’s there.”
“Hell no, I don’t mind. I’ll take every second with her. You know that.” He shrugged like it was no big deal, but I knew it was going to be hard on my family when I took her away. Even if they did understand.
“Breakout”—Through Fire
Walking into the clubhouse that night was bittersweet. On one hand, it was home; on the other, it hurt to know that would be one of the last times I would walk through the door as a member of the Grantsville chapter.
I hadn’t drunk since that fucked-up night nearly a year ago. So when I walked through the door and cheers erupted prior to a shot being shoved in my hand, I promised that would be the only drink I had.
I lied.
One drink after the next was put in my hand with a toast to accompany each one.
“Goddamn, we’re gonna miss you.” Hacker threw his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close. “I’m not gonna lie, I had doubts you’d make it through prospecting but you’ve turned out to be one hell of a brother and a fucking badass SAA.”
“Damn near as good a brother as me,” Gunny joked from the barstool he was sitting on backwards.
“Can’t believe you brought your little brother in and he’s abandoning us,” Joker piped in.
“You gonna be able to pick up where Lock leaves off as our new SAA?” Snow narrowed his eyes with a smirk as he stared Gunny down. Gunny simply rolled his eyes.
Truth be told, he’d been born to be SAA. Except he’d fought it for years because of his ol’ lady, Trixie, who’d been a fucking cunt. She’d hated every second he spent with the club and had manipulated the shit out of him. She’d told him that if he took on the position, it would interfere too much in their relationship.
“Like I had a fucking choice.” He swallowed hard and looked away from me as he took a long pull from his bottle of Dos Equis.
The ironic thing about Trixie putting up such a fuss about Gunny being SAA was that Butch had been our SAA. Gunny had caught her fucking him at a club party one night. Needless to say, they were both history after that night, and Butch was missing not only his patch but several teeth.
He was out bad, and that’s something no club member wants to happen. Ever.
They’d appointed me as sergeant at arms at our emergency church the next day. I’d found out later that Gunny had recommended me to everyone behind my back. I was a little pissed, but also honored when Snow announced it.
Gunny’s jukebox started playing “Porn Star Dancing” by My Darkest Days, and a couple of the strippers from the Shamrock came out of the back hall.
“Well look what we have here. Looks like a going-away present for you.” Soap chuckled as the two girls strutted up and started to dance around where I leaned back on the bar not far from Gunny.
I was shit-faced but not enough that I had lost my inhibitions. I acted like it was all fun and games, but my hands didn’t stray when theirs did. I kept my elbows firmly planted to the edge of the bar. When they tried to take my hands and place them on their tits, I chuckled and acted like I was reaching for my beer.
Outwardly, I was enjoying what the guys must’ve thought was a grand going-away gift. Inwardly, I was cringing because it was like being unfaithful. Even if it was to a ghost.
“Oh. Before I forget, here.” I dropped the keys to my brother’s bike in his hand. I’d been borrowing it since the accident because I wasn’t in a position to get a new one yet.
Gunny swallowed hard.
“You can hang on to them. You know, in case you come back and need it.” He took a drink of his beer, avoiding my eyes.
“I’ve been saving up, and I plan to get one once I get to Texas. Thanks for letting me use her since the….” I ground my teeth, unable to say the rest.
“Anytime, little brother. Anytime,” he said, then hugged me. I fought the tears that made me feel like a fucking wuss.
We partied well into the morning, and I managed to pawn the strippers off on DJ and Soap. Thank God.
After everyone was drunk as fuck or had gone home to their ol’ ladies, I snuck off to spend the last night in my room at the clubhouse. I rarely used it because of Presley, but she was at Mom’s.
That night I dreamed of Letty. She looked so disappointed in me, and I kept asking her what I’d done wrong. She would only shake her head. I cried and clung to her as I knelt at her feet until, like smoke, she started to slip through my fingers.
At the moment she became merely a mist, I heard her whisper, “Let go.”
I jolted awake, soaked and shaking.
A quick but bleary peek at my phone told me it was barely six in the morning.
Knowing I wouldn’t get back to sleep, I showered and decided to head to my parents’. As I weaved my way through the passed-out bodies in various stages of undress, I shook my head and chuckled.
Not a soul stirred.
Head pounding, I drove to my parents’ house a couple of miles out of town.
“Matlock! What are you doing here so early?” Mom looked up in surprise from her coffee and the book she was reading. At my wince, she laughed and got up to rummage through a cupboard, then the fridge.
“Here. You look like you could use these. Good Lord, your breath smells like a distillery.” With a wry grin, she handed me some Tylenol and two bottles of water.
Rolling my eyes, I quickly guzzled down one bottle, took the pills, then started on the second. “Thanks, Mom. I did brush my teeth and shower, you know.”
“Well, you smell like you’re sweating straight whiskey.” She wrinkled her nose.
Dropping to a vacant chair, I glanced around. “Dad and Presley still sleeping?”
Mom raised a brow at me. “Really? They’ve been up about an hour and a half. They’re out feeding the horses.”
“Mm,” I grunted. Figured. At home she would never be out of bed before seven. Not there. That girl loved horses. Another reason I hated taking her away.
“So, your father and I were thinking… what if we had an early birthday for Presley Saturday?”
“No.”
“But, Matlock,” Mom started to plead.
“No, Mom. Her birthday is months away. She’ll be spoiled rotten and expect two birthdays every year. No.” Talking made my head pound, so I drank the rest of the water and went to grab another.
In the end, Mom agreed to try to come down to celebrate.
“Daddy! You’s hewe!” My dad was helping her remove her muck boots inside the back door as she shouted to me.
Wincing only slightly at the decibel level of her voice, I caught her as she barreled to me. Vaulting up into my lap, she wrapped her little arms around my neck and kissed my cheek. As my head throbbed and my stomach churned, I swore to myself I would never drink again.
“I miss you so berry much!” Her palms framed my face, her chubby fingers buried in my beard.
“I missed you too, princess. Were you good for Grandma and Grandpa?”
“I hewped Gwampa wiff da foods foh duh hoe-sees. Dey vewy happy.” Nodding sagely, she blinked at me.
“I bet the horses were very happy to have you feed them,” I agreed, and she grinned.
We mostly hung out at the house until midmorning,
then we packed a picnic lunch, saddled up some horses, and rode down to the quarry by the creek bed. It wasn’t a long ride, but far enough to make Presley happy where she rode in the saddle in front of my mom.
“We get a hoe-see when we go to Tessas?” Presley asked me as we were riding at a leisurely gait back to the house.
“Probably not, sweetheart, but we’ll still visit here to see the horses.” My answer didn’t appease my daughter. She crossed her arms and frowned at me.
“Tessas has cowboys. Cowboys wide hoe-sees.”
Jesus. I snorted out a laugh. “Well, we’ll see.” Every parent’s cop-out when they didn’t want to tell their child no.
When we got back to the house, Presley chattered as the adults unsaddled the horses and groomed them before turning them loose in the pasture. When her favorite gelding trotted off, she hollered out and waved.
“Bye, Bwackie! I missooo!”
“Come on, pumpkin, let’s go in and go potty.” Mom rested a hand on Presley’s escaping curls, and my daughter beamed up at her.
“Okay, Gwamma!” There was proof again of my failure as a dad. My mother could get my daughter to go potty without a fuss, but I was failing miserably.
“Son, are you sure you’re doing the right thing?” My dad had pushed his cowboy hat back on his head and was leaning over the fence watching the horses graze.
Sighing, I dropped my head to my arms where they rested on the top rung next to my dad. “No. I’m not. But I need to get away from here. At least for a little while. It’s killing me here, Dad.”
“Well, they say you can never really go home, but you’re always welcome here if things don’t work out in Texas.” His words were soft but sincere and sent a pang through my chest.
“Thanks, Dad. I appreciate it.”
The rest of the afternoon was spent relaxing and enjoying each other’s company. Mom made Presley’s favorite, messiest dinner to spite to me for not allowing an early birthday party. She claimed it was a concession to Presley for not getting two damn parties.
Lock and Load: A Demented Sons MC Texas Novel Page 2
