by Sandy Lynn
“I wanted to discuss a modification to myself. I want to be able to suppress my emotions. To help me do my job better,” she quickly added.
“No.”
“You could at least pretend to think about it.” Stacy sank down onto the chair positioned in front of the desk. Her thoughts raced inside of her head. What would she do now?
“Emotions are important. And yours are a large part of what makes you so special, so useful to us.”
Looking at Ms. Pope, Stacy didn’t feel guilty that the woman was massaging her temple this time. “But—but...”
“I’m sorry, Stacy. But the answer is no.”
“I can’t do that. I can’t do this. How am I supposed to be able to deal with Demetri and my divorce and Jack and who knows what else this place throws at me when all I can think about how I feel like I’m a lying cheater?”
“Please.” Ms. Pope rolled her eyes. “Everyone knew your marriage was over before you were unfaithful. Besides, it isn’t as though your ex was playing the part of a monk.”
“I don’t feel like I’m cheating on him,” Stacy blurted out, insulted. “I feel like I’m cheating on De—” She froze. “Wow, look at the time. I shouldn’t take up any more of your time...” She started to stand up.
“Sit. Back. Down.” Ms. Pope never raised her voice but Stacy flinched. Slowly returning to her seat, she closed her eyes. “Have you made a commitment to him?” Ms. Pope’s tone was nonchalant. Cracking one eye open, Stacy peeked at her boss. There was something not quite right about her manner. Was she sitting more stiffly?
“No.” She lingered on the word, drawing it out.
“Then why do you say you are cheating on him?”
“I didn’t say I was cheating on him. I said I feel like I am. There is a difference.” Sitting straighter in the chair, Stacy added, “And I don’t think I want to discuss this with you...”
“Then you should not have initiated this particular conversation.”
What could Stacy say, the woman had a point. She had been the one to bring up the entire conversation. Especially knowing that Ms. Pope had said no from the second she entered her office. What could she do now but answer?
“Now, why do you feel that you are...oh, hell fire, I need a drink.” Pushing away from the desk Ms. Pope went to what appeared to be a blank wall. But if Stacy had learned nothing else from her time at her new job, it was that not all things were as they seemed. The old saying held true for this as well. Ms. Pope wasn’t standing in front of a blank wall.
“They’re cabinets,” she told Stacy without looking back. Looking a little closer now that she knew what to look for, she noticed seams that were just barely visible. They blended in with the rest of the room perfectly. Opening the top middle section, Ms. Pope revealed a lighted section filled with crystal decanters containing who knew what. “Would you like something to drink?”
“No, thank you,” Stacy declined. “It’s a little early for that.”
“You do know you aren’t leaving this office until we understand each other.”
Groaning inwardly, Stacy amended, “Then I’ll take a double of the strongest stuff you’ve got.” She bent forward and rested her head in her hands.
“I don’t think you could handle that particular poison,” Ms. Pope laughed. “But I think this will be acceptable.” A glass touched Stacy’s shoulder and she lifted her head, freeing her hands to grab it.
“Do we really have to do this? Can’t we just get drunk and pretend we had this conversation? Cause that idea works really well for me. Although, I’m not used to drinking a lot, and I haven’t had much sleep or anything to eat yet today, so I’m probably an even bigger lightweight than normal.” Not even sessions with her guru seemed to help her with her nervous babbling.
“Not this time. Talk to me, Stacy. You can speak of anything here and know that no one will judge you. I certainly won’t. But I do demand honesty.”
Stacy looked into her boss’s hypnotic, nearly black eyes. Instead of returning to her position behind the enormous desk, she perched on the edge of it. “How can I tell you the truth if I’m not even sure I know it? Can you tell me what’s going on, because I honestly don’t have a clue.”
“It isn’t for me to tell you. Look inside yourself for your answers.”
“I don’t want to. I don’t want to think about why I said what I did. I don’t want to think about why I feel so comfortable around him or why I want to talk to him. I don’t want anything but to just have some fun and live. I got married almost straight out of high school. I gave my life to a guy, and...” She shook her head emphatically. “Part of me wishes that I could just stop seeing him, forget Demetri exists. That I could get a different lawyer and call in sick during mediations between his pack and that vampire clan. But I know you wouldn’t let me. Just like I know it would be the cowardly thing to do.” Looking at the untouched amber liquid in her glass, she gave a humorless chuckle. “I wish I could be a coward sometimes.”
“No, you don’t. It’s hard, but at least you know you’re alive. Cowards aren’t really alive. They don’t know what it is to live, because they don’t know what it is to be hurt. They’re too afraid to experience anything that could lead to great joy, because it could bring sorrow. It is not inside of you to live such an unsatisfying life. You were meant for great things, it sparkles all around you. I can see it in your eyes.”
“Everyone has a destiny,” Stacy moped, only halfway listening to Ms. Pope.
“Yes, they do. But yours...” She stopped and lifted the glass, drinking deeply. “You are unlike any other employee that I have ever worked with.”
“Is that bad or good?”
“I’m not sure yet.”
“You’re not going to allow me to keep the subject changed for long, are you?” Stacy asked the question despite the fact that she already knew the answer.
“No.”
“I don’t know how I feel about Demetri. I think of him as a friend. A good friend. I feel like I can go to him about anything and he’ll listen. I take comfort in his presence, and he makes me smile. But the honest truth is that the thought of jumping into another relationship makes my heart start pounding, and not in a good way. I feel like I can’t breathe, and the walls are closing in around me.”
“That’s natural, considering what you’ve been through. It’s perfectly normal to feel anxious at the beginning of a new relationship.”
Taking a deep breath, Stacy looked her boss in the eye. “Demetri is just a friend, Ms. Pope.”
Ms. Pope’s eyebrow arched upward as she sipped from her glass. “Indeed?”
“He’s just a friend.”
“For the record, which of us are you trying to convince?”
Opening her mouth, Stacy wasn’t sure what to say, so she gulped down whatever she’d been given. Her eyes watered slightly, and she started to cough.
“You weren’t supposed to gulp it, sweetie.”
Stacy would’ve responded, but she didn’t think she could speak.
“Does Demetri know any of this?” Stacy shook her head, still trying to get used to the burning that flooded her chest as the drink made its way through her body.
In front of her, she heard Ms. Pope set her glass on the desk. A few seconds later she felt her boss pull her up from the chair. An arm wrapped around her shoulders, and she was guided out of the office and back to the waiting room.
When she saw Tina, who looked a little blurry thanks to the tears still in her eyes from the strong liquor she’d just guzzled, Stacy could see the concern on her friend’s face.
“Tina,” Ms. Pope said in a very no-nonsense tone.
“Yes, ma’am?”
“I want you out of the office for the rest of the day. I’ll change your calendar and reschedule all appointments. Your duty for the day is to make sure Stacy gets drunk.”
“I’m sorry?” Tina asked. Stacy couldn’t blame her. She wasn’t sure she’d heard the woman correctly either.
“After everything she’s been through, she deserves a little bender. But I want you to stay sober. I know you two have gotten close. Don’t let her do anything you don’t think she would do while sober. Am I clear?”
“Yes...”
“Good. Give me a call if you encounter any problems. And make sure she gets some lunch in her. Something with a lot of bread.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Tina chuckled, putting her arm around Stacy as Ms. Pope released her.
“You girls go have fun. Now, get out of here before your next appointment arrives.”
Without another word, Tina ushered Stacy out of the office.
“Wow,” Tina whispered as they approached the elevator. “She really must like you...”
* * * * * *
“Fuck them. Who needs men?”
“Uh-huh,” Tina nodded her head. “And what prompted this attitude?”
Stacy looked away from her friend. While the other woman had gone to the bathroom, she’d tried to call Demetri and gotten his voicemail. She of course neglected to leave a message. And did it matter that it was the middle of the day and he was probably in meetings with his clients? Nope.
“Nothing. I just decided I’m giving men up.” She took a large sip of the nearly full fruity drink in front of her. When she set the glass back down, it was over half empty. “Are you sure this has alcohol in it, ‘cause I can’t taste any.” Finding a bar that would serve them with no questions asked at such an early time hadn’t been as hard as Stacy had believed it would be.
“Yeah, trust me, it’s got alcohol. Though depending on what Ms. Pope gave you in her office, I’m not surprised you can’t taste it. She may have completely numbed all your taste buds for the next week.”
“No. ‘Cause this tastes like...” She smiled when she thought of how she wanted to describe the drink. “Tropical punch.” She nodded for emphasis. “But I won’t be veered away from the subject at hand. Men are... Okay, I don’t know what they are, but I’m done with them. And don’t think just because Demetri is a total hottie that he can just come in here and sweep me off my feet. Nope, that’s not happening again. That ship has sailed. And Jack... Well, the man did things to me that had me practically begging—he is definitely more than a minute man, hell, I think he’s more than an hour man—but nope, he’s cut off too. Nope. I’m entering a convent. Go ahead and start calling me Sister Stacy. Well, except for the clothes. I need more variety than your basic black. And those things they wear—that cover all their hair, yeah, that would have to go too.
“And the religious thing. Can you still even enter a church if you’ve sold your soul to the job? Okay, even though she said she didn’t want my soul. Hell, that’s about all she doesn’t want. My mind, my body, my blood, all of it belongs to the company. And she had to just go and ask me all sorts of bad questions about feelings and such. I mean, can’t a girl just ask to have her emotions suppressed and not have to deal with the whys? I mean, if I could deal with the whys, would I have asked for it in the first place? Which of course just leads me back to the original topic of men. And what they won’t be doing with me anymore.”
Tina laughed. She seemed to be doing a lot of that lately. Especially today. Here Stacy was trying to give her friend sage wisdom, and the woman laughed at her. But that wouldn’t stop her from giving her advice. It was her duty.
“What? Okay, so maybe I can’t tell some of them that they can’t do whatever they want with my body. Damn job. But you know, that doesn’t mean I have to enjoy it. And I won’t. It’ll just be another thing I have to do. Like...typing, or filing or....stapling.”
“You know,” Tina took a sip of her clear soda. “If I hadn’t been told to help you get drunk, I’d be cutting you off right about now.”
“Cutting me off from what? I swear, I don’t think this drink has any alcohol in it. Why is my cup empty?” Looking at the glass on the table in front of her, Stacy tried to remember drinking the rest of her drink and couldn’t. Of course she could barely remember when they’d gotten to the bar. Had they been there for hours or just a few minutes? Had she drank more than one of the fruity treats?
“Hey, beautiful...” Someone said behind her. “Tina.”
“Great, look what the cat hacked up. What do you want, Brad?”
“Well, I was hoping maybe this beautiful woman would want to dance.”
“With you? Even drunk, she has better taste than that.”
Stacy watched the two arguing back and forth. She couldn’t really understand what they were arguing about. She stopped trying when another drink was sat down in front of her.
“Get lost,” another man growled behind her. From her body’s instant reaction to the voice she wanted to bang her head on the table.
“I think he just killed my buzz,” she lamented to Tina.
“Brad has that effect on people.”
“Not him, the other one.” She tried to whisper, but heard a deep masculine chuckle behind her.
“Let’s get her out of here,” Demetri said, putting his arm around Stacy’s waist and trying to lift her from her seat.
“No,” she argued. “I’m not going anywhere with you. Go look for another cruise ship, buddy, this one has moved on.” She tried to sound forceful, but even she could tell she was slurring slightly.
Tina sighed. “Orders from the boss. She’s supposed to get drunk. I’m supposed to let her do anything she wants, so long as she’d do it when sober as well. So, my hands are tied.”
“What if I just carry her out of here? You can’t be blamed for that, and it’s something that she’s done sober...”
“Yeah, but I don’t think she’d let you do that now. Sorry. Thanks for trying, though.”
“Yeah, go way.”
“I don’t think you mean that,” he told her with a smile and a deep breath.
“Oh, yes I do. The last thing I intend to do is wake up naked with you lying beside me with even more marks on my body. I refuse to look like a walking, talking bruise. Ow.” She poked her finger into his chest as she spoke. She had forgotten how hard it was.
He took her hand in his before she could pull away and sucked it into his mouth. Moisture flooded her pussy and she wanted to climb on top of him that moment.
“Better,” he asked in a low voice.
“Wha—uh-huh.” She tried to pull her hand away, but he was stronger.
“Why don’t we get out of here, Stacy?”
“No. I want to drink my drink.” Using her free hand, she picked up her glass and drank some of the cool drink.
Demetri leaned closer to her, his mouth pressing against hers the moment the glass moved.
Demetri licked his lips. “Mmm, Alabama Slammers, my favorite.”
Stacy opened her mouth to say something, she wasn’t sure what. Perhaps she was going to drunkenly admit that at that moment he could do anything he wanted to her body, and she didn’t care if the people at the bar watched them.
“Demetri,” she said, her eyes closing.
“What, baby?”
“I think I’m going to throw up.” She tried to stand up, but couldn’t seem to.
“I’ve got you. Come on, let’s get to the bathroom. ‘Cause if you puke on my shoes, you’re buying me new ones.”
Stacy chuckled at Tina’s words. As soon as she started to laugh, she knew it was a mistake because the room started spinning and her stomach threatened to spill at any second.
* * * * * *
“Why does it taste like something died in my mouth?” She really did need to get over her habit of talking to herself. When a leg shifted over her, she froze.
“Hangovers will do that to you. How do you feel?”
“How did you get into my apartment?” Rolling away from Demetri, Stacy pulled the sheet up to her chin when she realized she was naked.
“You let me in.”
“No I didn’t. The last thing I remember is telling you that I didn’t want to wake up naked in bed next to you. I th
ink.”
“That explains a lot.” He propped himself up on an elbow as spoke. “Let’s see if I can help. After Tina helped you to the bathroom, you threw up. You missed her shoes. But only just barely.” He winked. “When you came back out, Tina and I asked if you were ready to leave. You said no, and kept drinking. After about your fifth post-bathroom drink, you climbed on top of my lap.”
“I did not,” Stacy denied.
“Oh, yes you did. Tina took pictures, she said she wanted to have proof for you. I’m sorry I missed your call. I had hoped you would forgive me since I was on the phone with Tina and canceling my appointments as I left the office.”
Why would he do that for her? Would he do that for all of his friends? Was she more than just a typical friend? Did she want to know the answer to that? “You didn’t have to do that.” Damn, those warm fuzzies were back in her stomach again. He wasn’t supposed to do that.
She tried to get out of the bed, but Demetri was laying on part of the sheet and didn’t seem to be inclined to move. She was more stiff than she could ever remember being. Even after that week of going to the gym every day in an attempt to try to get back into shape. The one that had her begging for death instead. “Oh no. I specifically said I did not want to want to look like a walking bruise.”
“You don’t,” he grumbled.
“Yeah, you expect me to believe that when you look like you got into a fight?”
“Go look in the mirror if you don’t believe me. As for these...well, you got a little wild. This one you gave me while you were still in the bar. After you climbed on my lap.” Demetri pointed to a large, very dark hickey on his neck, just above the collarbone.
“I’ll get up when you get off the sheet,” she whimpered.
“It’s not like I haven’t seen you naked before.”
“Yes, but that doesn’t mean I want you to see me now.”
“Hmm, there is a problem then, because I’m awfully comfortable. What’s in it for me if I move?”
She fought a laugh. She wasn’t supposed to succumb to his charm anymore. “The knowledge that you’ve done the right thing?”
