He was far too tired to worry about it.
∫ ∫ ∫
2 8
* * *
“Come in,” Nick murmured when someone knocked on his door two days later.
Astger came in, stared at him, and smiled. “Good morning.”
“Mm.” Nick took another sip of his coffee. It was his fourth one that morning.
He was still tired, more tired than he’d been in years.
“Sleep well?” The general’s lips twitched. Was he laughing at him?
Nick shook the thought away. That would make no sense. Why would Astger be laughing at him? He had no clue of the night Nick had suffered.
Elisa had moved through the entire night. At one point, her head had been by his feet and she’d kicked him in the chin. He’d righted her, but nothing had worked to calm her.
He’d tried to leave her, but when he slipped from the bed she began to cry in her sleep. Only staying close had soothed her.
That meant something, he supposed.
But all in all, it had been one of the worst nights of his life. He’d never been more aroused and sleepy in his life.
A part of him had almost taken her, thinking the sex would finally give them the sleep they both desired. He’d imagined the many ways and positions he would work her body over. He’d even imagined her screaming her ridiculous pet name for him, begging for completion and mercy.
But he’d stayed strong and resisted.
He was already stealing another man’s bride. The least he could do was take her properly and leave her with less to be embarrassed about.
If he could hold on for one more week, all would be right.
“Nicholas, did you hear me?” Astger asked.
He opened his eyes. Hot coffee spilled on his hand and he cursed. He’d fallen asleep with the cup in his hand and Astger in his presence. He put the cup down, stood, and moved to ring the bell. He’d need ice. The burn was painful. “Sorry, I didn’t sleep much last night.”
“Oh, no? Did your thoughts keep you up?”
Nicholas looked at him. “What thoughts?”
Astger shrugged. His hands were behind his back. “I don’t know, like what you plan to do once Lord Alguire gets here? What is the plan after Lord Goldstone comes to take his sister?”
“He’s not taking her.” He’d have to tell the general eventually. He’d already sent word to Cassius and would not be surprised if the duke arrived in time for the wedding. “We’re getting married.”
“Who’s getting married?” Astger asked.
A servant came in and Nick asked for ice. Once the maid was gone, he said, “I asked Elisa for her hand.”
“And she said yes?”
“Of course, she did.” He’d left her no choice. She was the one who’d forced him to accept his feelings. This was her fault. “We’ll be wed in less than a week.”
“Congratulations,” Astger said. “Though I have no idea what you plan to tell the duke… or what the duke will ask me to do once he finds out.”
Nick glared. “You’ll do absolutely nothing to get in my way.”
“If Lady Elisa wishes it—”
“She’s consented, as I said. You were the one worried that she was marrying someone dangerous. At least you know I can protect her.”
The maid returned with ice, and Nick skipped formalities and buried his hand in the bowl.
Astger closed the door behind the maid. “I don’t know you can protect her. When we last spoke, you seemed inclined to approve of the treatment she received at Bedlam to correct her mind.”
Shame washed over him. “I didn’t mean it. I was just… frustrated. I was angry, because…”
“You want her, and you don’t want to want her.”
Nick stiffened. “That’s the past now. I want her in every way now.”
“Yet you still say she’s mad.”
He chuckled and recalled yesterday and last night. “Oh, she is.”
“You’re mad,” Astger said. “You should admit it before you go any further with this.”
Nick narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean?”
Astger tilted his head. “You know what I mean. Your entire family is an odd bunch, starting with your father.”
“Shut your mouth!” Nick said.
Astger lifted a brow. “Watch your tone with me, boy.”
Nick stiffened. Astger was older. Maybe by a decade or two, he wasn’t sure. Also, he outranked Nicholas, though he’d never used age or title to correct Nick as he did now.
When Nick imagined getting into a fight with Astger, Nick always won… but only if he could get near him. He imagined Astger would see him coming yards before he got there and put him down just as easily as he would a wild dog.
“This is my house,” Nicholas reminded him sullenly.
Astger ignored him. “You’ve denied who you are for so long and you hardly know what you’re doing. You think the woman is mad, yet you want her.”
“There are reasons—”
“There are reasons you two could work,” Astger said. “But no other man in Van Dero’s company bothers to play the gentleman as much as you do. Stop hiding.”
Nick turned away, taking the bowl of ice with him. “You don’t know me.”
“I know you well,” Astger said. “I knew your father. I know what he did to you and your brothers.”
“Then you know that I don’t wish to talk about it.”
“Stop trying to be a lord and just be one.”
Nick glared at him. “What does that mean?”
“Figure it out on your own. I’ve given you all the help you deserve. And be forewarned, if Van Dero asks me to step into this, I will.” He left on that note.
Nick wasn’t worried about Astger. Cassius would never have another man deal with him. They were much too close for that.
But he did worry what would happen. He would try to use the coin if all else failed and if that didn’t work…
Then Astger would get exactly what he asked for, and Nicholas would come out of the shadows and bring darkness into the world.
Elisa’s intended wouldn’t be the first man he’d killed.
And he’d killed for far less than what he was feeling now.
∫ ∫ ∫
2 9
* * *
“Have you ever thought to grow your hair longer?” Elisa asked two evenings later while lying in his bed.
He had his arm around her. Her smell was now everywhere and buried in his sheets. Still, he wanted more. He buried his face in her throat and gripped her firmly to him. Even with the restless nights, the feel of her was still soothing.
She played with his hair, gently stroking the short strands. “I thought it was like sunlight the first time I saw it. I think I’d like it longer, even if it’s unfashionable.”
“Then I shall grow it long,” he said against her skin.
She gently tugged his hair, and he pulled his head back to meet her eyes. “You would? Even if it were unfashionable?”
He shrugged. “If you like it.” He was slowly starting to care less what others thought. For years, he’d tried to impress Society. Now all he wanted to do was impress her. He touched her hair. “And I love yours the way it is.”
“It has grown on me,” she told him, smiling. “You have made it grow on me.”
“If you didn’t like it then why cut it?” he asked.
“I didn’t. They cut it at Bedlam. The doctors.” She lowered her gaze. “They thought it would relieve my fever.”
“You had a fever?” He didn’t know much about her time at Bedlam. Usually, they spoke about their siblings or he struggled answered any questions that came to Elisa’s mind like why the moon was shaped like an orange and not an apple.
The questions were always posed at the strangest time, entwined with their normal conversation with such panic it was as though she had to remind herself to ask them, as though forgetting to do so was a mistake.
“It was
a fever one could feel with their hand,” she said. “They thought it was inside my brain and they wanted to let it out.”
Nick took a very slow breath. “How short did they cut it?”
“I was completely bald,” she said. “It happened more than once.”
This was the sort of information Nick had feared receiving. His heart constricted painfully. “This displeased you, I can imagine.”
“I cried,” she said, her eyes sad. “I screamed the first time. I thought they’d stop, but they didn’t.”
They’d regret it. “Then what did they do?”
Elisa froze and Nick could only imagine what his face said to her. “They... talked about cutting me open, but Uncle Beau told them to be sure I didn’t bleed,” she rushed on. “So instead, they forced me to take ice baths. I am no longer bothered by cold weather.”
“I need a list of every person who attended you during these treatments.” Uncle Beau was lucky to no longer be part of the living. “I need the name of the nurses and staff. Every doctor.”
“Why? What will you do with it?”
“That’s for me to worry about.”
She sat up and pulled her robe tighter around her. “I meant to ask you about something else. When we spoke on the wall, you said to tell me what Lord Prilow did would disturb my sleep at night.”
He thought it ironic she would bring up such a fact.
Usually, he’d be asleep by now. He had no clue what time it was. How in the world did she stay up for days at a time? She taught the men all morning and then kept him up all night.
She narrowed her eyes. “What are you thinking?”
He relaxed his features. “Hm?”
“Are you thinking that I disturb your sleep?” she asked. “Is that it? Do I disturb you? Well, perhaps—”
He yanked her back down, propped his head on a hand, and rested his other arm over her body. Leaning over her face, he said, “Ask your question about Lord Prilow.”
There was debate in her eyes, and he wondered if she could challenge his annoyance at his lack of sleep.
She chose to do otherwise. “If what he did was so bad, why didn’t you call the authorities? Why didn’t you report him?”
“Because that wasn’t my place.” He thought it time she knew the truth. She’d told him about her ice baths. He could tell her about his pains as well.
And he no longer had to worry about disturbing her sleep. She clearly didn’t sleep.
“I grew up fighting other boys for the entertainment of men and gamblers. The fights were violent. Some boys died. When I wasn’t doing that, I was a Forager. I was paid to listen to the conversations of men and women in society and deliver them to the Duke of Van Dero.”
“Van Dero,” she whispered. “I heard terrible things about him before I went to Bedlam. My father warned me to stay away from him and his family, but he’s dead now, isn’t he?”
Nick nodded. “Gregory is gone, but I work for his heir now, a distant cousin who has been my friend for many years. Cassius.”
“And you still listen to conversations for Lord Cassius?” she asked, seeming worried. “I can’t imagine people enjoy having their secrets heard. What if you’re found out? What if you’re caught?”
He shook his head. “I don’t do that anymore.”
“What do you do for him?”
“Keep his businesses organized,” he said. “Keep you safe.” And he was supposed to give her away at the end of it. That would not happen.
Elisa’s eyes widened. “You’re keeping me on behalf of the duke?”
“My assistance is a debt your brother will owe Cassius.”
Elisa’s hands trailed down his chest. Then she looked up. “Is Cassius anything like Gregory?”
“No.”
“So, he isn’t violent?”
“He can be. We both can be.”
She frowned and rubbed his arms. “I’m sorry for what you went through.” He saw pity but no fear. “How did it start?”
“My father. He was… worried someone would try to kill him and the rest of us. He wanted my brothers and me to be prepared for that.”
“By fighting?”
“I can do more than fight. I can survive with very little tools in the wilderness for months. I can fish with my bare hands, know what plants are good for eating and can identify what would kill me. I can build fires without flint and my accuracy with a rifle is better than most.”
Elisa’s eyes widened. “Will you teach me all of that?”
Nick was surprised and then he thought about it. “Not the fishing. It’s cold work, and I wouldn’t want your fingers to freeze.”
“But—”
“Not the fishing,” he said again. “But I will teach you everything else so long as you don’t force this knowledge on our children.”
She smiled. “Never. I would never…” She stilled. “Do you think there is a man who can run on his hands just as fast as he can run on his feet?”
And there was the end of their normal conversation.
It was upsetting when she did this. He wanted to ask Astger if she was the same with him, all those times they spent alone.
“Nickie, you didn’t answer my question.” She laughed. It sounded false and wrong. “Do you think there is a man who can—”
“Only if he’s also slow on his feet.”
She paused to think about that. “Maybe you’re right.”
“Why do you do that?” he asked.
She gave him innocent doe eyes. “Do what?”
“We’ll be having a deep and meaningful conversation and then you’ll ask me something so…”
“Stupid?” she asked.
“Inconsequential.”
“So, I’m inconsequential to you?” She frowned.
He groaned. She did that as well, twisted his words around. “That’s not what I meant.”
She moved away from him and got out of the bed. “I believe I’ll sleep in my room.”
“Very well. See you in an hour.” He rolled over.
“What did you say?”
He didn’t respond. He was angry and slightly hurt. He tried to tell himself it wasn’t her fault, the way her brain worked. He’d have to learn to bear the random questions. He turned around and looked at her. “Goodnight, Elisa.” He spoke as gently as he could. “I pray you sleep well.”
She gave him the most troubled expression and then sat on the edge of the bed. She touched his cheek. “I’m sorry. I will try and not ask you meaningless questions anymore.” She kissed him gently. When she pulled away, her eyes seemed normal. Open.
He thought he could see her soul again, the heart of their connection, the thing that tugged him toward her even when everything else warned him against his match.
“I’ll sleep in my room tonight,” she said. “And I swear not to disturb you.”
“No.” He grabbed her wrist and pulled her closer. “Stay.” He’d bear the disturbances. He didn’t want her to leave though.
“Are you sure?” She looked concerned.
He nodded.
She made no move to join him or leave after. She only stared. Then she tilted her head. “Why me, Nicholas? Why marry me?”
He told her the only thing he could think to say. “My heart knows you. The rest of me will need time.”
Her eyes watered, and she crawled into the bed. “I won’t disturb you, I promise.”
“Disturb me if you must.” He wasn’t even sure where he found the strength to say the words.
She shook her head and smiled. “I won’t. I’ll be quiet and very still.” She bent down and kissed him again. She crawled into the bed, settled her head on his chest, and wrapped her arm around him. She sniffed and he felt her tears touch his chest. “Goodnight, Nickie.” The endearment came with none of the teasing she’d been doing over the last few days. Instead, he heard the affection in the tone and decided he liked it.
But nothing was better than finally being able to sleep.
/> ∫ ∫ ∫
3 0
* * *
“I can’t believe I’m showing this to you. How did I allow you to talk me into this again?”
Elisa smiled over at Nicholas. They knelt on the river’s shore. The sounds of the early morning were soothing. The river’s calm lapping was a foreign sound after all the years she’d spent in Bedlam.
She thought Nicholas would never let her off the castle grounds and yet here they were. She believed he was beginning to trust her. To trust in them.
His brows dropped low. “This is not something a lady should know and definitely not in winter. Perhaps, we should wait until spring.”
“But you said you’d show me how to do this today,” she reminded him. “I believe the promise came after a kiss yesterday evening.” Evenings were her favorite time. Nick was so sweet and gentle with her. Elisa wanted more, but he was trying to keep her virtuous until they wed.
There was no denying his want of her. She could feel it at odd times in the night. Sometimes he rolled away and she understood.
She’d never met a stronger man than him.
Three days had passed since she’d promised to not wake him anymore and since then, she’d spent more time with him and hadn’t asked another silly question.
Well, not too silly, she supposed. Nick thought the request to learn to fish with her bare hands odd. Elisa didn’t think so. She wanted to have the skills he’d told her about and had shown her.
Yesterday, he’d shown her a plant journal he’d created himself years ago. It had been an assignment his father had given him and one he’d continued even after his father’s death.
There’d been leaves folded on the pages with sketches and descriptions.
He’d pointed out what was edible and what to stay away from. Then he’d taken her outside to see what they could find.
He always spoke about their future as though it were inevitable that they would wed in a matter of days… and Elisa was starting to think she would accept him.
She still tested him, however. Instead of eating at the dining table last evening, she’d forced him and the soldiers to share a dinner with her in the cold, around a fire he’d built with things Nick could find on his own land. And instead of china, they’d eaten off wood planks, like she imagined they would have if they’d been in the wilderness.
A Knight of Vengeance: (The Valiant Love Regency Romance) (A Historical Romance Book) Page 13
