by Eva Chase
“I miss you,” I said, the overwhelming emotion of that fact quivering through the words.
Connar’s head jerked back around, his eyes searingly chilling. “Fuck off,” he snapped, loud enough this time that several other heads turned to look at us around the room.
Professor Crowford strode over to us with an expression so puzzled it convinced me that he had no idea what was going on with Connar. “Well,” he said, “it sounds as though we’ve already reached an impasse over here. Let’s see how well you’ve done.”
He held out his hand for our papers. I offered mine with a hopeless sensation swelling inside me, vast enough to squeeze my lungs. I’d tried to get through to Connar because I’d had to, but I might have only made things even worse.
Chapter Twelve
Connar
These days, the Blood U campus felt more like a cage than a haven. I was secure enough in my dorm bedroom, knowing my magical wards were powerful enough to keep any other student out or at least to tip me off if someone broke them, but the last thing I wanted was to sit around in that cramped box for hours on end. The scion lounge had already been used as a trap against me. Anywhere else I roamed, I could run into one of the guys I’d thought of as my friends or into… into the Bloodstone scion without warning.
Part of my mind wanted to call her by her first name. But every time the name Rory passed through my thoughts or into my hearing, a surge of jagged emotion came with it. Memories, too: images of her smirking at me as the other guys hung on her every word; veiled insults whispered in her soft voice. The knowledge that she’d shown her true, malicious intentions, even if I seemed to be the only one who’d escaped her spell disguising them.
I found myself walking aimlessly across the outer fields where fewer and fewer people wandered as the weather turned cooler. It gave me solitude to go over the teachings I’d most recently absorbed and plenty of clear ground so I could see before anyone came too close. The grass rustled under my feet, and the breeze nipped at my face, but otherwise it wasn’t so bad.
This afternoon, though, I couldn’t quite keep my thoughts on track. Every time I started to consider today’s persuasion lesson, my mind immediately went to that brief conversation with the heir of Bloodstone. The simple way she’d asked me to look closer at my impressions of her. The plea in her voice when she’d told me she missed me, that had struck a chord somewhere deep inside even as the attempt to soften me up had annoyed me.
It was all more manipulation. That was what she did. That was what she’d always done, even if I wasn’t totally sure I’d always seen that. There were other impressions floating somewhere beneath the clearer ones at the surface. I only caught hints of smiles and laughter and warmth before they flitted away under a jab of revulsion. She’d won me over, before, but I’d woken up.
I wouldn’t feel this awful around her if that wasn’t true, would I? If she’d had good intentions, she and the other guys wouldn’t have snuck around and tried to work magic on me without telling me the whole story. That was all the evidence I needed right there.
A few juniors, no one I knew, drifted out of the Stormhurst Building with towels slung over their shoulders as I came up on it. I had the brief urge to go in for a workout myself, but the idea sent an immediate unnerving sense of vulnerability through me. If anyone cornered me in the changeroom, I wouldn’t have as many avenues to get away from them.
Better not to risk it.
I strode on past the building to circle around by the lake. I’d just come into view of the boathouse when my phone vibrated in my pocket.
It was my mother. The twist of emotion that wrenched through me at the sight of the call display must have been more unconscious meddling. Why else would I feel relieved and horrified at the same time?
The Stormhursts stood together. If Rory or the guys tried anything, my mother would notice something was off. And they should know better than to try to take on a baron.
“Hi, Mom,” I said with a twitch of my jaw.
“Connar.” Her blunt voice filled my ears, and everything except an overwhelming calm fled my body. “I wanted to make sure you’re keeping up all right. Are you still under the weather?”
I didn’t remember being sick recently, but I’d probably used that as an excuse to explain the grouchy mood recent events had put me in. The constant uncertainty even within the pentacle of scions had left me out of sorts.
“I’m fine,” I said. “Whatever it was, it wasn’t serious. I’m just focusing on getting as much out of my classes as I can.”
“Good, good,” she said approvingly. “You haven’t run into any more troubles with your colleagues, have you?”
I hadn’t told her about the incident in the scion lounge. The other scions hadn’t gotten the chance to actually influence me with any spells before I’d caught on. No need to worry her about that. I had to show her I could look after myself.
“Nothing serious there either,” I said. “At this point, I can hold my own pretty well.”
“I’m glad to hear that. If you do run into anything that makes you more concerned than usual, you know you can always turn to me for advice. I’ll let you get back to your studies.”
The calm that had come over me faded as I lowered the phone. A twinge of nausea ran through my stomach. She hadn’t said anything strange or upsetting. Maybe that was only guilt over not telling her everything. I didn’t think she’d want me complaining to her about minor disputes, though…
A flicker of memory passed behind my eyes—a sneer, a cutting tone, something about what I expect from my heir. A chill rippled through me with it. I shook it off, pulling my jacket closer around me.
No, I didn’t want to disappoint her. I was her only heir. I was a Stormhurst. I had to live up to that role. Even if the people around me were trying to drag me down.
I miss you.
My stomach lurched again. I shook my head, but that didn’t stop a tiny ache from forming in my brow. Whatever the Bloodstone scion had done to me before, she must have sunk her claws in deep. I had to just… just put her completely behind me.
I found myself ambling toward the woods by the east end of the lake. I had my spot there that I’d kept to myself, that no one else at school had bothered exploring enough to stumble on. The trees closed around me, shutting out most of the sun. The smell of damp earth filled my nose, as soothing as it’d always been. I veered off the path automatically at the spot I knew well, twigs cracking under my feet as I climbed the slope to the cliff.
I stepped out into the rocky clearing with its expansive view over the lake ready to let the fresh watery breeze wash over me. It ruffled my hair—and stirred up more of those glimpses. Stars reflected on the water. Soft skin under my fingers. The core-deep recognition that I’d been seen—for myself, not just as an icon of authority.
Nothing in that jumble made sense. I rubbed my forehead as if I could swipe the uncomfortable fragments out of it. How could they be anything real when I could barely hold onto them to really take a look at them in the first place?
I walked right to the end of the clearing and sat down at the edge of the cliff. There, where I couldn’t see anything but water and the dark line of trees around the distant shoreline, couldn’t hear anything but the hiss of waves hitting the rocks below, my thoughts settled again. After a while, I leaned back with my arms behind my head and let the sky swallow up my view instead.
I wasn’t sure how long I’d lingered up there, lost in the present, when footsteps crunched through the brush behind me. I sat up with a jerk. When I turned, Malcolm was just emerging from the trees.
He didn’t look at me at first, taking in the landscape around us instead with his confident consideration. “Quite the place you’ve got for yourself up here.”
“What are you doing here?” I said, but not quite as forcefully as I might have otherwise. If anyone else could shake off Rory’s influence, it’d be Malcolm. I’d never known him to let anything get the better of him.
If he understood how much she’d tried to hurt us—to hurt me—
The ache in my forehead came back. I did my best to will it away as the Nightwood scion shifted his gaze to me.
“I saw you head up this way,” he said. “It seemed like it might be a good place to talk, away from everything else. We obviously do need to talk.”
“About what?” I hedged. Just because I wanted to trust him didn’t mean I could. He’d been part of that ambush in the lounge.
Malcolm glanced around again and walked over to hunker down on the log that stretched across one end of the clearing.
“Will you listen to me?” he asked. “I know… there’s been a lot going on. I haven’t had your back as well as I should have, and I’m sorry about that. But I swear to you on my position as scion and my name as a Nightwood that I’m trying to make up for that now, to make sure you don’t get screwed over any more than you already have been.”
The comment about listening to him gave me a prickling reminder of Rory’s similar words. He sounded like he meant it, though, and I couldn’t imagine Malcolm swearing that emphatically if he didn’t believe what he was saying.
“If you cast any magic at all at me,” I started.
“You don’t even need to say that. I just want to talk. Properly, like friends.”
God, I could use an actual friend right now. My chest constricted with the loneliness that had gripped me the last several days.
“I don’t want to talk about anything to do with… her,” I said. “Unless you’re ready to admit you see what she’s doing to us.”
“Subject taken entirely off the table.” Malcolm made a sweeping gesture to go with that promise. “I’m guessing from some of the things you’ve said and how you’ve been acting that you’re probably at least a little confused. There’s some stuff in your head that isn’t totally gelling. Am I on the right track?”
I bristled instinctively. “If you’re going to try to convince me that what I know isn’t actually real—”
“I’m not here to convince you of anything,” Malcolm said. “You know what you know. I think there might be a few blanks there that I can help fill in, if you’ll let me talk and hear me out. You can decide what to make of it afterward.”
The balking part of me wanted to tell him to get the hell out of here regardless. I swallowed that impulse down. The truth was, I had been confused. Maybe something Malcolm would mention would help me get my thoughts more in order, even if it wasn’t the way he was hoping for. I’d keep my mental shields strong—I’d know if he came at me that way. And in the end, it’d still be me deciding what to believe.
“Okay,” I said. “I’m listening.”
Chapter Thirteen
Rory
I was sitting at my dorm room desk working on a paper for class when my phone chimed from where I’d left it to charge. I tugged it over.
Malcolm had texted the group chain that included me, Jude, and Declan. Had a decent chat with Connar. Not sure how much real progress I made, but he was at least willing to have me around, and he didn’t yell at me when I told him how odd his random disappearance and the excuse about the tournament looked to us.
How did he respond? Declan asked.
He didn’t show much, but he didn’t argue either. I brought up a couple things that’ve happened in the past too. I think I managed to sow a little doubt about his parents’ intentions, anyway. He couldn’t handle me bringing up Rory at all, so I couldn’t get into anything very specific there.
My stomach twisted, but I hadn’t really expected anything different. That’s okay, I wrote. The spell is obviously mainly focused on me. That’ll be the hardest part to tackle.
I’d still try if I thought there was any chance of it not just pissing him off more, Malcolm replied.
I glanced up at my window, larger than most of those in the dorm bedrooms because as scion I’d been given one of the corner rooms. It looked out over the north end of campus toward the lake—a pretty view, even if most of the time I’d been faced with it, I’d rather have been anywhere but here.
The afternoon sun glinted off golden hair across the field. Malcolm was just making his way back to the center of the campus. He knew exactly which window was mine—it was directly across from his, and he’d once spent the better part of a term sending nightmarish magic toward my bedroom. It was hard to reconcile those memories with the guy who tipped his head to me now as if suspecting I was watching, though I’d have been hidden behind reflected daylight to his eyes.
We were all in this together. The much more recent memory of our hot tub encounter rippled through my mind with a rush of heat. The peace of that interlude away from everything hadn’t lasted long, but the sense of the four of us as a united front had held firm. Baron Stormhurst was putting us all through the wringer with her warping of Connar’s mind, but if she’d hoped to tear the rest of us apart, she’d be disappointed.
I had to do my part too. I sucked my lower lip under my teeth and tapped out the message to Declan that I’d been considering since my conversation with Connar this morning.
Can you still get access to student files even though you’re not an aide anymore? Or maybe you already know this without checking—I want to find out when Connar has his next Insight seminar.
He wrote back as quickly as he had to Malcolm. I don’t know off the top of my head, but I can find out pretty quickly. What are you thinking?
I want to take another look inside his head if I can. I figured while he’s letting down his shields to practice his own insight spells would be the best time, if I can arrange to be nearby without him realizing. It could be useful to find out exactly what’s happening in there when his mother’s spell activates.
That’s a good point. Maybe I should have held on to the TA position a little longer so I’d have had an excuse to peek in there myself. He ended with a grimacing emoji.
You couldn’t have known we’d end up in this situation, I pointed out.
No. And I have enjoyed the benefits that’ve come with being free of those rules.
I warmed all over again, knowing exactly what he was talking about. As have I.
A few moments passed without a response. Then Declan said, I’m sure I could find a moment if I’m watching for it. You don’t have to take this on. I know just being around him, the way he is right now, has got to be painful for you.
I swallowed hard with a sudden prickling behind my eyes. I’d managed to get through the day after my talk with Connar without any tears, but somehow that short expression of sympathy had cracked the self-control I’d been holding onto.
It couldn’t hurt for us both to see what impressions we can pick up, I replied. But I still think it’d be good for me to be involved because of my experience with Prof. Banefield. I’ll be okay. I’ve faced worse.
I wish that wasn’t so true. I’ll let you know as soon as I have the info.
Knowing Declan, I could probably expect the follow-up text within the next few hours. He was nothing if not diligent.
I sat back in my chair with a squeak of its wheels. I wasn’t sure I could summon the concentration to do much more schoolwork at this exact moment.
The urge ran through me to call out to Deborah so I could talk through the situation with her—and shattered against the fact that I couldn’t. Just to list one in the many horrible events I’d faced recently. My gaze slid toward the wardrobe drawer that’d been her first home in this room, and the prickling behind my eyes came back.
The ache of the broken bond eased more with each passing day. I barely noticed it now unless I was thinking about it. The grief, I suspected, would take a lot longer to fade.
A knock on my door snapped me out of those gloomy thoughts. I straightened up in my chair. “Yes?”
An all-too-familiar voice filtered through the door. “It’s Victory. There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”
I hesitated instinctively. Victory might have backed off after Malcolm had o
rdered her to, but I had no illusions about her enjoyment of my company. She might still decide to take a jab at me if she thought she could get away with it without the Nightwood scion finding out… or she might have decided she wasn’t going to win however much good favor she’d wanted with him anyway, so she could go back to taking out her frustrations on me. She’d certainly never come to me with anything like friendliness before.
On the other hand, at this point I could take care of myself. I had twice as many magical strengths as she did, and I wasn’t half bad at using them by now. If she messed with me, she’d have me to deal with. I might as well find out what was going on.
“Okay,” I said, getting up. “I’ll come out.”
“No,” she said quickly. “I’d rather—I think we should keep this private.”
Even more mysterious. And even more unnerving to welcome her into my private space. Although the thought of going into her room where she could have set up any sort of spell unsettled me twice as much.
I touched the dragon charm on my necklace to reassure myself. As my prize for winning the summer project competition, one of the professors had imbued it with a spell to distinguish illusions from reality. If she did anything with illusionary magic, I had that tool as well as my own skills. I could handle her.
“Fine.” I removed my magical defenses from the door with a couple words and a wave of my hand. When I opened it, Victory was standing stiffly on the other side as if she didn’t want to be having this conversation any more than I did. Curiosity tickled through me.
“Well, come in,” I said.
There wasn’t a whole lot of space to sit. It seemed most appropriate to offer my desk chair to Victory, who sat on it primly as if she didn’t want to risk absorbing too much of my essence that might have been left there. I sank down on the edge of the bed a couple feet from her, which was still a little too close for comfort.
