“Decaf?”
“We have a lot to catch up on,” he said.
“Apparently.”
He looked down at her. “I came straight here from the train,” he said softly. “There was nobody I wanted to see more than you.”
* * *
Raina spent the next hour and a half being absolutely terrible at her job. She messed up orders, dropped a box of sugar packets, and almost locked herself into the storage room. She kept glancing over toward the back corner to where Jasper was sitting on his laptop, reminding herself that she hadn’t hallucinated. That he was back, even though it was a full two weeks earlier than he had told her.
But she managed to finish her shift without burning down the building, and after double checking to make sure Joaquin was going to be closing that night, headed straight for the back of the shop to Jasper.
“Ready?” He asked, pausing his conversation with Marvin.
“Ready.”
Marvin looked at the two of them. “It’s nice that the two of you are back together,” he said. “Jasper, I’ll be calling you once things are set up.”
“Please do,” Jasper said, shaking his hand. He turned to Raina. “Let me just shove my crap back into my bag and I’m ready.”
It was a beautiful spring day, the kind that called for wide open windows and music turned all the way up and for letting things just be for a minute or two.
“I texted Harin, and she’s working overnight tonight,” Raina said as they walked to her apartment building. “She might come home tomorrow morning, or she might just go to Mari.”
“Gotcha.”
“We’ll go home first, and then I’ll pop over to Hannah’s real quick,” Raina continued. She had millions of questions for Jasper, but she didn’t know where to start. Or if she even should. “You have good timing in showing up, though, tomorrow’s my day off.”
“I remembered in New Jersey,” Jasper said as they approached the front steps to her building.
“Just warning you, the apartment isn’t really guest-ready,” Raina began as she unlocked the front door.
“Do I count as a guest?”
Raina paused. “I mean, not really? But kind of? But mostly not?”
Jasper laughed. “That was clear.”
Raina stuck out her tongue. “Oh, please. You know what I mean.”
“Yeah, I do.” Jasper followed her into the elevator. “How is this elevator even worse than I remembered?”
“You blocked it?” Raina offered. Because, truly, she wasn’t sure how anyone could forget the elevator. With muted red velvet walls and a mirrored ceiling, the elevator was a lot. It also explained why the apartment was so cheap. The elevator tended to scare people off before they got any further.
“Probably,” Jasper agreed. “Although how I managed to forget just how very bordello this elevator is is beyond me. Apparently I can forget all sorts of shit in five months.”
“Bordello?”
“You have any better way to describe this?” Jasper asked as the elevator clanked to a stop on her floor.
“Nah, not really.” Raina unlocked the apartment door, and breathed out. “Come on in. The plants missed you.”
“Just the plants?”
“You already knew I missed you.”
* * *
“You know, we can eat normal people food for dinner if you want,” Raina said a little while later. The air mattress had been blown up, all the various and sundry plants had been watered, and Jasper had showered.
What a wonderful torture that had been, listening to the water running and trying her hardest to try not to fixate on the fact that Jasper was showering.
How hadn’t she realized? She wondered as she finished putting away the newly clean dishes. How had it taken her so long to realize just how obsessed she was with him?
She was glad it did, though, because this was hell.
“I never realized just how many fluffy blankets you own,” Jasper said, walking into the kitchen, wearing just a pair of sweatpants.
Karma was a petty bitch, Raina thought, resigned to her fate of being secretly in love with her best friend for always and forever.
“All of them,” she replied, trying as best as she could to keep things as normal as possible. “And then they were on sale, and so Harin bought a whole bunch more of them.”
“You have more blanket than you have couch,” he pointed out.
“Probably,” she agreed. “Okay. Dinner and you tell me everything?”
“And then Planet Earth,” Jasper said. “I do remember promising to watch that with you.”
* * *
Eating toaster grilled cheese sandwiches on the couch was probably not the best idea, but Jasper had spent the last week running on bad ideas.
“So,” Raina said, curled next to him on the couch. “What happened? Not that I’m not thrilled to see you, I always am, but you said you weren’t going to be back for another two weeks with Mel, and you’re here alone.”
Jasper put down his plate, appetite suddenly gone. “I haven’t been very honest with you,” he began.
Raina just waited.
“I mean. You probably knew that, though. I’m a pretty shitty liar when it comes to you.”
Raina laughed. “Well, yeah.”
“I haven’t been happy at work,” Jasper said. “Haven’t been since I moved to D.C., honestly. And it just got worse and worse, the longer I stayed there. It’s not that I don’t love working with Mel, I do, but I hated everything that came with working in the D.C. office. And working in the D.C. office means living in D.C., and I couldn’t do it. Too many bills and not enough of a paycheck, and too many hours working for me to work a second job.” He traced patterns in the blanket, not wanting to meet her gaze. “I never thought I would be the guy who would burn out in less than six months, but here we are. I failed.”
“You didn’t fail,” Raina protested.
“Really? Mel caught me sleeping at my desk because I stayed too late in the office to catch a train home and I couldn’t afford a taxi so I just slept in the office,” Jasper shot back. “How’s that not failing?”
“Not having money because you’re not paid enough isn’t you failing,” Raina shot back. “That’s not your fault.”
“Well, who’s fault is it?”
“I dunno, capitalism? But not yours.” Raina put down her plate, and leaned forward. “Why didn’t you call me? Why didn’t you say anything?”
“And admit that I wasn’t good enough for the job?”
“Asking for help doesn’t mean you weren’t good enough for the job!” Raina burst out. “One has nothing to do with the other one!”
“But it does,” Jasper insisted. “I should have been able to do this myself.”
“Says who? A bunch of rich kids who have parents who pay their rent and who paid for their education? You can’t use other peoples’ metrics of success on yourself, Jas, you’re only going to fail.”
Jasper laughed.
“What?” Raina demanded.
“RayRay, you realize you just gave me the same speech you should be giving yourself, right?”
“That you shouldn’t listen to rich kids who have parents who pay their rent?” Raina asked.
“That you shouldn’t be using other peoples’ metrics of success on yourself,” he said, propping his feet up on the little coffee table. “And if you thought I forgot about your existential crisis, you’re wrong.”
“But it’s your turn now for a crisis,” Raina protested. “That’s the rules.”
“Maybe we should rethink the rules a little,” Jasper said.
“Meaning what?”
She was so close. So kissable. So everything he wanted.
“I’m not sure,” he admitted. “But something.”
Raina wrinkled her brow. “That made no sense.”
“Only so much sense I can make at once,” he replied. “And it’s been a weird week. I’m surprised I can still speak full sente
nces.” He pulled out his laptop, and flipped it open. “How mad are you going to be when I fall asleep watching Planet Earth with you?”
“If you’re so tired, you should go to sleep.”
“No. I was promised animal documentary and soothing British narration and all the fluffy blankets.”
“We still haven’t finished this conversation,” Raina pointed out.
Jasper sighed, his eyes drooping shut. “I know. But I think my brain is broken. Tomorrow we’ll go on a field trip and we’ll finish the conversation.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
“Show me your hands,” Raina said, making Jasper laugh.
“See? All good.”
“And feet.”
Jasper rolled his eyes but complied. “See? Nothing crossed. We’re going to finish the conversation tomorrow.”
“Fine,” Raina said as he hit play. “And no making fun of me when I cry.”
“I put a box of tissues from the bathroom next to your side of the couch,” Jasper said, and ducked as Raina whacked him with a pillow.
“I hate you,” she grumped, settling in next to him.
“I love you, too,” he said, concentrating on the screen.
* * *
Raina woke up tangled up in Jasper’s arms. She had no recollection of the two of them moving to her bed. Hell, she had no recollection of even watching Planet Earth at all. The combination of soothing British narration and Jasper had been so potent that she had fallen asleep almost instantly.
And now she was curled up against Jasper’s very warm and very naked chest, which made for a very wonderful pillow that she didn’t want to leave.
He was still sleeping, she rationalized. He was still sleeping and it was her day off and she was just going to go back to sleep and pretend she hadn’t woken up at all. She wiggled a little, settling back into his arms, and promptly fell back asleep.
The next time she woke up, Jasper was awake. Still holding her.
“Hi,” she mumbled into his chest, which she was still using as a pillow.
“Hi,” he responded, continuing to stroke a hand up and down her back.
She lifted her head to look at him, ready to get up, to pretend that this wasn’t everything she wanted, when a look on his face stopped her. “Jas?”
He looked down at her. “You know, you still snore,” he said.
Raina rolled her eyes and blew a loud breath in the direction of his face. “Thanks for pointing that out, pal.”
“Your breath still somehow smells like cheese,” he said, wrinkling his brow. “How does that even happen?”
“Talent,” Raina replied. “How’d we get into bed? I don’t remember any of that happening. I remember starting Planet Earth and then you waking up and making snoring accusations.”
“And I had thought I had been tired,” Jasper said, laughing. “You passed the fuck out, and I couldn’t get you to walk to your bed. And if you had stayed asleep on the couch, you would have slept for shit. So I carried you to bed. Like a princess and everything. It was very impressive.”
“Was it, though?” Raina asked. Still lying on top of Jasper. Well aware of the fact that it was the morning, and his body had responded accordingly. “Impressive?” Because what she was lying on top of was.
“Honestly? No, not really? Because all the lights were out and the streetlight outside your apartment is broken and I couldn’t see anything and the whole time I was carrying you I was convinced that I was going to drop you and then there would be nothing impressive or romantic about it.”
“Romantic?”
Jasper raised an eyebrow. “You fell asleep on top of me, and then I carried you to bed. I’d say that’s pretty romantic.”
“When you say romantic, what specifically do you mean?” Raina demanded.
“Hey, Google,” Jasper called. “When I say romantic—”
“Jasper, you asshole, I’m serious.”
“I can’t find anything for say romantic Jasper you asshole,” Google responded calmly.
Jasper’s lips twitched.
“I’m lying on top of you,” Raina reminded him. “Which means I’m in charge here. Also because it’s my bed. You can’t wiggle out of the question. What did you mean by romantic?”
“As if I could forget you lying on top of me,” Jasper murmured. He looked up at Raina for a moment before taking a deep breath in and letting it out slowly. “You know, I was going to do this in a whole grand gesture,” he said. “You remember the High School Reunion Bucket List?”
“Holy shit, you found it, too?”
“What do you mean, too?”
“I had been running out of room in my Google Drive and I was going through old files to see if I could delete things or if I really needed to just pay for more storage, and I found it,” Raina said. “I was going to surprise you with it when you came home.”
“Which one were you going to surprise me with?”
“Sing a song with the biggest group of people we can possibly find,” Raina replied.
“There’s a bar in Brooklyn that’s going to be hosting a sing along next month. They just announced that it was going to be High School Musical themed.”
“This is some O’Henry shit,” Jasper said.
“Did you sell all your High School Musical memorabilia to pay for us to do something else on the list?”
“I guess technically that would be some true O’Henry shit.” Jasper replied. “Also, I’d have to have some memorabilia, which, pretty sure I don’t? No, actually, I found a group that does mass choirs, and weather permitting, there’s going to be one tonight in Central Park.”
“Wait, for real?” Raina asked. “Can we still go?”
“What would be stopping us?”
Raina paused. “Nothing?” she ventured.
“Well, actually…”
“Did you just well, actually me?”
“Not like that.”
“Yeah, I know.” Raina shifted a little, before realizing that maybe shifting while lying entirely on top of Jasper wasn’t her best idea. Alternatively, it was her best idea. “I was just being difficult. Well actually what?”
“This is both more and less terrifying than I thought it would be,” Jasper mused, now the one shifting, but so Raina was lying next to him in bed. “Because the stakes are really high for this conversation, because part of me cannot fathom what would happen if this conversation goes badly. But then the other part of me can’t fathom a way this can go horribly. Just because it took me probably way too long to face my own feelings, and while they’re definitely going to change everything, I don’t know how I can possibly live without you in my life.” He reached out for Raina’s hand, and twined his fingers through hers. “Which. Sounds overdramatic, but also…” He shrugged sheepishly. “I was thinking about this on the ride home and just started crying. I think I scared the dude sitting next to me.”
“Wasn’t expecting a dude who looks like you to be crying?” Dudes with the bone structure of a supermodel and the body of a football player, who had a better skincare routine than she did, and had a penchant for glitter manicures. Dudes who actively fought against toxic masculinity by just being the best human they could be, regardless of how other people thought dudes who looked like them should act.
“Smudged my eyeliner and everything.”
Raina grinned. “Not waterproof?”
“I think I actually had left my waterproof eyeliner in your bag election night, and then forgot about it, and then just kept on forgetting to buy a new one.” Jasper laughed. “Which was not the point of this conversation. The point was.” He took a deep breath and looked Raina in the eye. “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” she replied, a sense of calm settling over her.
“Not just love like that,” he said, tugging her back toward her, bringing her hand to rest over his heart. “The can’t-live-without-you, do-not-know-a-single-human-on-Earth-I-admire-more, am-wildly-attracted-to-e
verything-about-you-even-the-snoring kind of love. The would-do-almost-anything-for-you kind of love. And it’s not like I can even tell you when I realized that I love you like that. Almost like I always have, but just never let myself think about it like that.”
“Because what if it was only me?” Raina finished, a smile stretching so wide it almost hurt. It wasn’t just her, this whole time, it wasn’t just her who loved like that. “What if I was the only one of the two of us who was just head over heels in love with the other one? What if I was the only one of the two of us who felt like something inside of me broke when you moved in January? What if I was the only one wondering what would happen if I just admitted to you how much I loved you, and not just platonically, either?”
“You know, for two people who supposedly know each other better than anyone else in the world, we’re really bad at this,” Jasper said.
“At love?” Raina raised an eyebrow. “I dunno. We haven’t really experienced the full experience of being In Love with each other yet.”
“Are you propositioning me?” Jasper asked.
“Possibly? Me and my cheese breath.” Raina stopped. “On second thought. What were you planning on doing tonight at Central Park?”
“Well, the song they’re singing is a love song. So I planned on singing soulfully in your direction and hoped you’d admit your feelings to me first? And then we’d make out under the light of the moon or something.” Jasper shrugged. “While knowing that one hundred percent that was not really a great plan, mostly because light pollution and lunar phases. Also assuming you were going to do all the emotional labor. That part also wasn’t so super great.”
“Can I recommend an alternate plan?” Raina asked, her hand still on his heart. “One that involves me possibly brushing my teeth and casually going to check if Harin came home last night or not, and if she did, we can go to a park or something, and if she didn’t, reconvene back in this bedroom and just...convene here for a while?”
“Or. We can reconvene in the bathroom? Because dental hygiene is important, regardless of gender identity?”
“Aww, Marai taught you so well, she’d be so proud.” Raina sat up in bed. “That’s why you want to reconvene there?”
Rogue Ever After (The Rogue Series Book 7) Page 29
