5
Champagne. Champagne was a really good idea. Or was it a terrible idea? It was definitely one of those two types of ideas, and since it was right here being proffered to her, Hadley decided it was a great idea. The best. She needed something to take the edge off. The edge of wanting, because she wanted Archer like whoa. And Archer… Well, she deserved someone better than Hadley. Someone who wasn’t such a spoiled fraidy-cat. It was embarrassing and filled Hadley with guilt that she’d had such a cushy experience, and yet it was Archer who was out here doing all the hard work.
She’d had to call on all her considerable willpower to keep her gaze trained on the stage during the awards instead of glancing over at Archer’s sharp profile right next to her. It was killer, having her in the next seat because their bare arms occasionally brushed and it was enough to make Hadley’s mind race with what the rest of Archer might feel like, what she might look like sprawled naked on Hadley’s king size four-poster instead of sitting here, fidgeting a bit because she wasn’t used to the discomfort of red carpet attire. God would she like to find out.
The awards were over and they were at one of the after parties now. It was easier as they didn’t have to be shoulder-to-shoulder, or so close that Hadley could smell the product they’d used to shape Archer’s hair into a more voluminous style than she usually wore it in. But instead of pure relief at being free of proximity, Hadley found herself being needled by possessiveness and jealousy. Archer was hers. Not in a gifted possession kind of way, but in a we-belong-together way, and it was foolishly heartbreaking to watch Archer charm other people. Which of course she was doing, easily. It poked Hadley in a soft place to have to watch it and she couldn’t see her way to contributing all that much to the conversation. She wanted to watch Archer all night long. If not while Hadley explored her lush body, then here, like this.
It wasn’t simply that she was gorgeous—she was. It was also that she was funny in a vaguely caustic way that Hadley would never dare, and her feelings were so big. She seemed to feel everything and have opinions on everything and not be afraid to say them out loud and her confidence made Hadley’s eyes bug and her heart beat hard and fast both with anxiety and with being impressed. And mortifyingly, she thought Archer had caught her staring at Archer’s shapely mouth that was a deep, matte red. Dammit.
The flute in her hand was delicate—with one clumsy move Hadley could crush it and she didn’t want to. Didn’t want to do harm to something so vulnerable. But she felt discombobulated, wondering if she, too, might be able to live as loudly as Archer did. Probably not because at her core, she wouldn’t want to be as boisterous, as argumentative. But still, she’d like to not feel as though she was drowning in plain sight and everyone thought she was just waving from amongst the violent surf.
The bubbles seemed to fizz up through her nose as she bolted the champagne, and Archer must have seen the tears of distress gathering at the corners of her eyes as she swiped an elbow over her mouth.
“Y’okay, Had?”
“Mmm, yeah,” she responded, blinking and wrinkling her nose. “But carbonation and noses aren’t a great combination?”
Archer laughed. Instead of feeling mortified like she usually would, Hadley felt proud that she’d been able to move this woman to levity when she mostly seemed so entrenched in discontent. And no wonder. She worked her ass off to make sure what had happened to her didn’t happen to anyone else. It wasn’t easy.
Hadley vowed to make it easier, took down a mental note to make a much bigger donation than she’d originally planned to. And also take a chance. She’d blown it earlier, not telling Archer about her parents. About how they’d reacted when she’d told them she was queer. They’d been totally cool, telling her they hoped that no matter who she chose to date she’d bring them home so they could meet them and make sure they passed muster. Her parents, her dad especially, would love Archer.
Perhaps it was time—even if she wouldn’t make it public—to enjoy herself. Really herself, not the camera-ready Hadley Beaumont who smiled up at the latest handsome man to rock a romcom or kill it in a super hero or suspense movie, while she went to premieres and award parties. But the part of herself that desperately wanted to kiss and touch Archer. Would she want to? Or did she think Hadley was shallow and selfish for being an actress? She liked to think she made a difference in people’s lives by telling them stories and giving them a respite from what could be a soulless and unrewarding grind of everyday life, but it wasn’t the same as the work Archer did, not even close. On the other hand, she was Hadley fucking Beaumont. She was beautiful and she was famous. That went a long way in getting her what she wanted. So she leaned toward Archer and pitched her voice low so no one else would be able to hear.
“Want to get out of here for a bit?”
* * *
Yes, yes Archer did. As much as she was used to shilling for her organization and repeating the same talking points over and over, dragging up statistics on queer homeless kids and the terrible things that could happen to them—assault, suicide, drugs, the list went on—she wasn’t used to performing in front of famous people. And though she wanted to rise above it and be unaffected by these Hollywood types, the truth was that she’d gotten a little drunk on their glamour. On Hadley’s quiet poise and elegant way of moving and slipping Archer into conversations with yet another famous person with money to burn.
And she’d be lying if she said she had no interest in getting under Hadley’s skirts. She was fairly certain given the way she’d caught Hadley’s gaze lingering on her mouth and her collarbones and her hair that Hadley returned her sentiments. But that made it worse in some ways—that Hadley felt the same but wasn’t public about who she wanted to bang. How were things ever going to get better if people in positions of power were silent?
But…oh, but. Megan had urged her to have a good time. She was, too, but it would probably be even more enjoyable to go find a tucked away corner in which to have a secret liaison with Hadley. Ethics versus hedonism wasn’t even usually a fight that had to happen in Archer’s brain. It was always about doing the right thing, always about striving, trying harder, helping more people, raising more funds. Could she put that aside for one fucking night? Not even a whole night, but merely an hour or two? Did she want to try?
Tipping her head toward Hadley’s she got an eyeful of the shorter woman’s cleavage, the way her breasts swelled at the top of her silver dress.
Yes, she wanted. And maybe for once in her life, she could put aside her self-righteousness and just enjoy.
She angled her head, purposefully leaning down close to where Hadley’s blond hair curled behind her ear and said in her most seductive tone, “I can’t think of anything I’d rather do.”
Archer could see Hadley’s breath hitch in the small jump of her throat and her chest, but it didn’t compare to the knowing grin that Had turned on her after a blink. Oh yes, they were going to do this.
The next couple of minutes were a whirlwind as Hadley made their excuses from the circle they’d been talking in and then they were weaving their way through the crowd being stopped here and then and having to exchange brief pleasantries before they were on their way again.
With every passing second, Archer’s fingers ached as she curled them into her palms, wishing Hadley’s hair was slipping through her fingers or she had Hadley’s flesh in her hands. She had to grab her skirt to keep from tracing her own lips because she couldn’t stop obsessing about how it would feel to kiss Hadley. It was wild and uncharacteristic of her to have fallen so fast and so hard for someone, but there was something about Hadley that had gotten under her skin. Her genuine sweetness and the elegant way she moved. And the fact that she had volunteered to escort an activist tonight. Not everyone had done so and she should learn to be satisfied or at least appreciate the efforts people made even if they weren’t precisely what she wanted from them. She’d work on that. In the meantime, Hadley had led her through the kitchen and back furthe
r into the guts of the club, storage and other nonsense piled up in narrow hallways.
And then they were spilling out a door into an alleyway. It wouldn’t be the first time Archer had gotten it on in the back alley of a club but it would definitely be the first time she’d done so in a ballgown. Well, first time for everything. It wasn’t cold at least, like it would’ve been in her college days in Ohio, although she did have a prickle of dismay knowing if she were a guy Hadley probably wouldn’t have hesitated to make out with her in public. Although come to think of it, she’d never seen a pic of Hadley kissing anyone.
Shake it off, Kydd, and just enjoy the way she’s tugging you away from the door and finding a place to press you against the bricks.
* * *
It had been a long time since Hadley had kissed anyone not for the camera, but she was pretty sure with Archer for inspiration she’d be able to remember how. Palms cupping Archer’s defined jaw, thumbs brushing over her soft cheeks, coming oh so slightly onto her toes, and then leaning forward, tipping her head until Archer’s lips met hers.
Soft, warm, and eager, Hadley sighed against Archer’s mouth and moved her own lips, flicking her tongue against the seam of Archer’s mouth, seeking entrance because she wanted to taste her. Want to taste the woman who had her head spinning so fast, who’d made her feel in a way she hadn’t for years, enough to be in a technically public place and making out with a woman. It’s not something she ever thought she’d do, and yet here she was and she wasn’t sorry. No, not at all sorry. In fact, she wanted more, and she might die if she didn’t get it.
She pressed a little harder, gratified when Archer’s hands circled her waist and then Archer was gliding them up her back, and more so when Archer opened her mouth to let Hadley lick inside.
Archer tasted like champagne too, and their kiss was nearly effervescent because of it, making her feel as though she was floating. It was heady to be doing this after having deprived herself for so very, very long. And also to be in some ways the aggressor. She’d thought Archer would be more assertive, which Hadley would’ve been so very down for, but she could work with this as well, their tongues tangling, their breasts pressed together inside the bodices of their fancy attire.
They kissed until Hadley could barely draw a breath and then they kissed some more, hands wandering everywhere: over dresses, into carefully coiffed hair, grazing the bare skin of shoulders and necks and collarbones. It was just short of flying and Hadley wanted more, so much more. She wanted to know what Archer’s skin tasted like, from the sweet hollow behind her ear all the way down to the sturdy turn of her ankle and everywhere in between. Everywhere.
Finally she pulled away so that she could take a breath but she couldn’t bear to be too far from Archer now that they’d come so close. So she let her forehead fall against Archer’s and their breath mingled as they panted against each other.
“What were you going to say?”
“Hmm?” Had she been about to say something? She couldn’t imagine she had, because there were so much better things she could be doing with her mouth, like playing her lips and tongue down the column of Archer’s throat, and nipping at the collarbones, rising starkly under Archer’s skin.
“Earlier, you were going to say something about your parents. What were you going to say? You said they were super cool. About you being queer?”
“Oh, yeah. They didn’t care at all. Super chill.”
Hadley licked the rise of Archer’s shoulder and then bit her trapezius gently, then harder when Archer made a small noise of satisfaction.
“I’ve been really lucky with my family, and Mason. You know Mason Deavers? He’s my bestie. We’re not a couple even if there’s been a lot of speculation. He’s totally got my back.”
Speaking of backs, she wished Archer would turn the tables, pin her up against the wall with her chest and cheek to the cool bricks, ruck up her skirt and push her fingers between her legs. God that would be so fucking hot. Could they get back to the making out or move onto heavy petting? Because she was getting really pretty desperate.
“So why don’t you come out? Like to the whole world? It would mean so much to kids—especially the kind of kids I work with. They don’t often have anyone that they know personally who can be a queer role model for them so they rely on celebs and it delights them to see successful people whose families adore them in same sex relationships. You have no idea what it would mean to them.”
Wasn’t guilting her about her failure to come out more of a third date activity? This seemed like a bit of an ambush and Hadley didn’t care for it. Maybe she could steer them away from this, at least long enough to enjoy the first physical pleasure she’d had with another woman for years. She was persuasive, she could talk sweetly, and really, what right did Archer have to press her about this anyhow? They barely knew each other. Surely this line of interrogation could wait. So she set her elbows on Archer’s shoulders, leaned in to give her another deep kiss and then made her ask.
“Can I just enjoy this, please? Being with you is like a dream.”
* * *
That was all it took for Archer to wake up. She’d been floating along in the fantasy as well, but with those words, she came crashing down. As much as she was enjoying Hadley’s mouth and wanted more of it, she couldn’t bear receiving any more pleasure from this woman. This woman who was so lucky and had no appreciation for how good she had it and would sit forever in comfort and luxury and leave people like the kids she worked with—people like her—to fight their own battles. Anger lit like a wildfire started by lightning inside her and she dropped her hands from where she’d been caressing the nape of Hadley’s neck.
“I don’t see how you can and still live with yourself. They can’t hurt you, and yet you do nothing. You’re a selfish, self-righteous jackass, and I loathe you.”
Also turned her on more than anyone she’d ever met, but mostly it was loathing that burned through her. With, okay, some lust. Maybe equal parts lust, but definitely no more than that.
Hadley stumbled back as though Archer’s rebuff had been a physical act instead of biting words. That star-dust glow seemed to drain from her face.
“I—”
“Oh, I’m sure you have your excuses. I’ll save you the trouble, I’m not interested in them. You want to have your cake and eat girls in back alleyways too? No, I don’t think so. At least you won’t be eating me. I don’t want to be with someone who is so ashamed of who they are that they can’t be seen in public with me. I don’t want to be your dirty little secret. Maybe you can buy fancy dresses and huge houses and fast cars with all that money you’ve earned but you can’t buy self-respect. And you can’t buy me.”
Hadley was clutching her stomach now, the silver dress a tone that almost mocked the grey Hadley’s skin had become. Probably not used to being told off, probably worried about what Archer might say and who she might say it to. “You won’t—”
“No, I won’t. I know too many kids who have been outed and suffered the consequences to be able to do it to anyone else, even if there wouldn’t be any consequences for you. You might be spoiled and self-centered but you’re still a person. I’m not in the business of throwing or dragging people out of the closet.”
Just then one of the doors that led to the alleyway clanged open and voices flooded out. Shouts from the kitchen bounced off the brick walls and exhaustion hit Archer. This whole thing had been taxing, from dressing up like someone she wasn’t to being swarmed with people, and now swamped with disappointment.
It might not be fair for her to put these demands on someone she just met but—fuck that. Hadley Beaumont was gorgeous and rich and successful. If she wasn’t willing to come out, why should anyone be? She wasn’t going to betray Hadley’s trust, but she wasn’t going to stand here and pat her not he head and tell her it was okay, either. Couldn’t.
Hadley was standing there, looking as though she might toss her cookies and all the champagne she’d imbibed ont
o the ground but Archer didn’t have even a drop of sympathy to spare. “I gotta…”
She jabbed her thumb toward the street and Hadley’s perfect mouth pursed. “You can’t just get a cab looking like that. Let me get you a—”
“I only need one thing from you and it’s not calling your car.”
With that parting shot, Archer turned on her heel, heading toward the passing headlights and the noises of pedestrians enjoying a night on the town. And tried to ignore the way her throat got thick at the thought of never kissing Hadley Beaumont again.
* * *
Hadley’s heart felt like a grapefruit that had been hollowed out by one of those serrated spoons.
Being in the closet wasn’t something she was proud of, but it had seemed like a reasonable thing to do. Homophobia was still real, and dickhead guys who thought they could turn a queer girl straight by giving her the dick she’d never known she’d wanted were very real. Especially among the powerful creative types who ruled Hollywood. She’d told herself soon, soon. When she’d made it, when she’d established herself, she’d come out. But there had always been a better part, a bigger movie, and Tommy’s niggling voice telling her queer girls didn’t get to have those things. Always something that had held her back from saying the words out loud, and from having what she so desperately wanted.
Archer Kydd had taken her secret shame and rubbed her face in it. Made it worse because Archer was living her life out loud without a care in the world for what anyone thought of her, and doing her damndest with what little resources they could scrape together to allow other kids to do the same.
Rogue Ever After (The Rogue Series Book 7) Page 35
