by AJ Newman
“I would in a skinny minute. John, that guy got mad when my nephew wouldn’t answer questions about your car and your new dog.”
Oh crap! “Do what? Why was he asking about Punk or me?”
“I don’t know, but if the police don’t persuade him to stay away, I think we’ll see him again. Watch your back. We both need to donate to Bubba’s reelection fund.”
I was about to earn some extra cash, and a thousand would go to Bubba to be my guardian angel for a couple of weeks. A thousand or so and a few free meals should do the trick. Bubba wasn’t exactly crooked, but his services could be bought.
Perhaps I was wrong about the dog being laid-back. I drove home wondering if the man was the one who’d beaten Punk. The bastard might be his owner. I then thought about the popgun comment and decided to buy a larger caliber pocket pistol.
Chapter 8
Dauphine Island
I woke up feeling a mixture of joy caused by the end of the school year and dread because Meagan wasn’t nestled up against me as she’d been every day for many months. Then I remembered that I’d fallen asleep early that night due to the Buffalo Trace whiskey and margaritas. I was entitled to a drink or two after shepherding a bunch of ungrateful children through a semester and helping save a bouncer from a madman. I glared at the alarm clock through squinting red eyes and saw it was past ten o’clock. Good, I could talk Meagan into fixing me some breakfast at the restaurant. She was filling in this week for Carla, who usually opened the place five days a week.
I made myself presentable, which meant a ratty t-shirt, shorts, and flip-flops. Shuffling along in the sand covering the parking lot, I saw Doc’s old Mustang by the front door. Damn, he would be pissed and rant and rave about Meagan being a crappy worker.
Long John’s was sort of island beach mish mashed into urban bar and grill. The walls were painted light tan with pastel green highlighting the windows and a set of red double doors. Throw in a few fake sharks and an octopus nailed to the walls, and you get the picture. The outdoor dining area on the left side had ten round tables with the cheesy thatched Tiki umbrellas. There was a long outside bar at the back of the dining area, which had a parachute thingie above it for shade. Yeah, I needed to do a bit of remodeling.
“Doc,” I said as I pushed the door open. I smelled fried ham and eggs. “Doc, are you here?”
“Doc ain’t here. I’m the new waitress and open the grill when Carla can’t.”
I’d sat down in my usual seat at the back of the room by the bar when I saw the longest, blackest legs I’d ever seen. My eyes wandered up the gorgeous legs to a pair of lime green shorts topped by a toned stomach. There was a white halter top covering the well-endowed chest of a pretty woman with a great smile.
Before I could talk, I heard, “Here’s your sunny side up, fried ham, grits, and OJ. Coffee’s brewing. Doc said you could get ugly without your coffee … so don’t talk to me until you get a cup down. Now eat!”
A cup of steaming hot coffee appeared while I watched this lady perform her magic. She filled the salt and pepper shakers, rolled up the utensils in napkins, and began taking the chairs down from the tabletops. A vendor truck drove up, and the driver unloaded the daily order. She caught a miscount on the shipment and made the man add a flat of tomatoes. I watched her flow through the restaurant as though she’d been born to manage a bar and grill. Before I finished my plate, Doc came strolling in the door.
“Tally, get the big boss a cup of coffee. He’s having a really bad day and don’t know it yet.”
Tally filled my cup again and went back to work.
“Doc, exactly why am I having a bad day?”
“Ya girlfriend dun left your ass, and I’m quitting if you don’t let me hire my girlfriend, Tally.”
My mouth opened, but Tally jumped into the conversation. “Mister Logan, that bitch was stealing you blind. Good riddance.”
My, what a feisty lady!
Doc held up his hands and made a time-out sign. “Now, Tally, let me talk with the boss. Boss, I’m sorry, but I caught Meagan’s hand in the cash register again and called her on it. She had over five hundred dollars in her grubby paws. I …”
I knew the bitch was stealing! I turned the tables and made the time-out sign. “What perchance is the bad news?”
“Meagan’s a crook, and I ran her off.”
“Thank you. I was going to break up with her tonight. Fire your best shot.” I hope that made me look a bit less pathetic.
“I’m quitting if you don’t let me hire Tally.”
“I’m not going to let you hire Tally. … I’m making you the managing partner in this business, and you’ll manage it and hire who you want. I expect all the bills to be paid, and we split the profit sixty-forty. I get the sixty. I’ll cover the profit and loss sheet with you and set financial goals for you to meet.”
Doc was speechless for a couple of minutes then thanked me profusely. “Boss, I know I can run the place and make you a lot of money, but I never had any formal training and don’t know anything about a profit and loss sheet.”
“Don’t worry about that. I’ll teach you. The most important things I’ll demand from you are honesty, loyalty, integrity, and innovation. I want you to grow the business and start more businesses. I’ll give you guidance on the innovation.”
“Thanks, Boss. I’ll work my butt off for you.”
I heard a, “Me Too!” from the kitchen.
“Doc, … work your butt off for yourself, and let me share in your success. You provide the success, and I’ll provide the seed money for your new ventures. Hire wisely and clean up your own messes. We all make mistakes. A wise man swallows his pride and cleans up his messes before his boss has to step in to do it for him. Now, formally introduce me to Tally. She should quickly become the manager of this place from what I’ve seen this morning, and that will free you up to manage several businesses.”
No, I’m not that nice a guy. I do have a knack for spotting talent and allowing people the freedom to make themselves rich or get canned. I always watched the finances and customer happiness for issues and only stepped in if needed. In fact, I’m a bit lazy, except for my business ventures. Counting the three businesses based on the island, I have over half a dozen small businesses where each pays the manager more than they could make in a similar job and earn me a few thousand dollars a month. I ain’t getting rich, but the extra more than covers the child support and expensive college tuition for the kids.
The inside of Long John’s was again a bit of a mixed décor. Kinda leftovers from every decade since the original building had been occupied. I couldn’t stand the dark paint on the walls when I’d bought the business, so I had them painted seafoam green and replaced about half of the seashells, nets, and mounted fish on the walls. I hung an ocean going rowboat over the lobby and put a small sunfish sailboat near the ceiling in the back left corner. Driftwood was abundant. I like driftwood.
The tabletops were the ends of massive wooden cable spools with a thick polyethylene coating. None of the chairs matched because I had Ann buy them one at a time from all of the flea markets and thrift stores. Ann liked the idea and did the same thing with the plates, glasses, and silverware.
The bar was my favorite. Copper sheeting covered the countertop, and an oak foot railing made it looked like an old mariner should be bellied up with a mug of cold beer in his hands. I’d stocked the bar with a wide selection of the finest beer and whiskey. There was a complete set of Blanton’s and Pappy Van Winkle’s bourbon if you could afford them. Apparently, we had some affluent bourbon drinkers because Doc had to scramble to keep it stocked.
We sat and talked for over an hour while they filled me in on their past. Hell, I’d thought Doc was gay because he never flirted with the women. He was madly in love with Tally but was worried that I might not like her because she was African American. Well, it is Mobile, but most of that racial crap was gone long ago. Tally turned out to be a great asset and a good friend.
“B
oss, so everything is okay? I forgot to mention, Tally has an associate degree in business so she can help me some. You know she took your dog with her.”
I’d already seen Punk peeking in the door and replied. “Nope. Punk is ready for some eggs and ham. She must have escaped.
I left Long John’s and barely made it to the parking lot when my son, Alex, called. “Hey, Dad, how are you doin’?”
“I’m fine, son. I hear you have big news.”
“Yes, that’s what I called to tell you. I guess Mom beat me to it. I’m spending the summer in Europe. I’ll hike from Portugal to Moscow and then on down to Italy if we have enough time.”
“Whoa! Son, who is the other half of we?”
“Oh, my girlfriend, Sandy. I don’t think you’ve met her. We’ll mainly camp, but will stay in some nice hotels and a few of Eric’s friend’s homes.”
“Remember the birds and bees discussion?”
“Yes, Dad, I do. Sandy and I have been together for six months and know about that stuff.”
We chatted for a few more minutes as usual and said our goodbyes. My son was fond of Eric’s money, just like his money-grubbing mom.
It was only noon, and one of my To-Do list items had been taken care of. Truth be known, I’d been a bit afraid to confront Meagan. She had a wild and mean streak about her. I kinda had Lorena Bobbitt in mind every time I thought about the breakup. I owed Doc. She’d known the jig was up when Doc caught her stealing.
Now, to the second thing on my list. I needed an assistant to do all the dirty work at the lab, and my daughter needed a summer job. She had the skills and training, but was she lazy like her mother? I guess I’d find out because I’d already decided to give her a shot at the work. The only question was – what would I pay her? I’d typically keep thirty-five percent for management fees.
Cindy was due at my home around noon, so I left the restaurant and walked across the parking lot to my house. I turned the corner of the restaurant and saw Cindy’s yellow Jeep parked beside my Karmann Ghia. The Jeep had been a graduation present from her stepdaddy. The asshole made me look cheap because I only gave her a couple of thousand bucks. I’ll think of a way to get back at the bastard.
I climbed the steps to the back deck and saw Cindy sitting at the patio table, drinking a margarita while rubbing Punk’s ears. Damn, how old is my daughter? Her birthday was last June, and she was seventeen when she graduated from high school. That should make her about twenty-one. She saw me and pointed to the sliding glass door. Well, in this case, the lack of a glass sliding door. There was a note written in red lipstick on the other glass.
I cuss a lot but never drop the F-bomb. Apparently, the letter was from Meagan, who used the word frequently. The note said goodbye and gave me directions on how I should have sex with myself. The description was vivid but quite impossible to accomplish in real life. None of her vulgar rants bothered me until I saw the words – “I customized your Porsche.”
I started to run to my garage when I looked up and saw Cindy. “Hon, I’m so glad to see you. Come here. I need a hug.”
I missed her a lot. “Dad, I think Meagan might be a bit pissed at you. Did she catch you cheating on her with one of your students?”
“No. I’d never do that.”
“Cheat on her or cheat on her with a student?”
“Daughter, not that it’s any of your business, the student part. I don’t crap where I eat.”
Cindy gagged. “I hate it when people say stuff like that. I had a brief affair with my physics professor, and it didn’t kill me. I like your dog.”
I don’t like hearing about my daughter’s sex life and ignored her comment. “I don’t have a dog. The dog adopted me after I kept it from being hit by a truck. Let’s go look at what’s left of my car and then get you settled in.”
The garage door lifted, and all I could see was red paint covering my silver Porsche. I ran my finger over the paint, and it was chalky. I grabbed a towel and dipped it into some water. The paint wiped right off. “Thank God, the dumbass used water-based paint, and it hasn’t dried. Go move into the last room on the right while I pressure wash my car.”
With my baby back in the garage and the doors locked, I ventured into the house. Cindy’s door was closed, so I went into the kitchen and poured a margarita from Cindy’s pitcher. Apparently, the girl had planned to get soused while waiting for me to show up. I checked the house to see if Meagan stole anything. The bitch took my espresso maker and my TV.
I called the local sheriff’s office. “Barb, is Bubba in today? I need some police protection.”
“So, I heard this morning.”
“What did you hear?”
“Your little tramp was bragging to the cashier at the Quick Pic about dumping your ass and painting your Porsche.”
“Hmmm.”
Barb replied, “Is that all you have to say for leading that tramp on for over a year and not marrying her?”
I failed to mention Barb was our island church lady and didn’t like unmarried sex. Probably didn’t like any kind of sex.
“I’ve told you before we were just friends.”
“I know! Friends with benefits. You’re an old dirty pervert.”
I’m not old. “Could you yell for Bubba and then finish telling me how my soul is going to hell?” Darn, I’d meant to think that not actually say it aloud. I’m now officially on Barb’s blacklist.
“You’ll have to run over to Puckett’s Boat Storage. You know, right before you leave the island heading to Mobile. A black man’s body washed up this morning. He’s busy checking to see if foul play was involved. We ain’t had any Klan activity in twenty years or so. Those people just need to stay off the island.”
“A dead man. Darn, things will be exciting around here for a while. I hope the tourists don’t hear about the body washing up.”
I knew Barb was old school and ancient, I never thought she was racist. “Barb, have you met my new girl, Tally, at Long John’s? You’ll love her.”
“Darlin’, I have to go over to see Bubba.”
Cindy’s eyes lit up. “Can I go with you? I’ve never seen a dead person.”
“Get your keys. You’re driving while I finish my margarita.”
Chapter 9
Puckett’s Boat Storage on Dauphine Island
Cindy was a competent driver, and I didn’t spill a drop of my drink. I chugged the last mouthful down and walked across the storage lot with my daughter in tow.
Puckett’s had been on the island forever and looked like a bunch of rundown buildings with lots of bright colored paint added. Every kind of boat from Jon boats to sixty-foot sailboats littered the lot. Puckett lived in one of the older sailboats. Puckett was usually three sheets to the wind these days.
Tom, one of Bubba’s deputies, tried to keep me from crossing the yellow warning tape, but I ignored him. I lifted the tape for Cindy to pass under and followed her.
“Hello, Puckett. Hey, Tom! Your boss called me in for expert advice on this body. Now, go write a parking ticket or help some kids cross the street.”
Bubba was down at the water’s edge with our only two EMTs on the island. He was arguing with them when we walked up. Bubba was one to drone on and on until he worried the situation to death. He’d been sheriff of lower Mobile County forever.
“Bill, I’m taking the body to Mobile to be cremated. Any fool can see the man drowned, and the durn crabs been feasting on him. Shit, man, they dun eat his eyeballs.”
Puckett tried to break into the conversation several times, but everyone knew to ignore him.
“I think the body needs to be autopsied. He’s got some strange looking veins popping out all over his body.”
“Bill, shut up that kind of talk. If that spreads around, the tourists will haul ass away from here. He drowned, and the crabs ate on him. That’s official, so case closed. Now shut up and go out to Long Johns and have a free beer on John.”
I heard my name and the word fre
e. “I’ve turned management over to Doc. Try and get a free beer from that cheap assed bastard. What’s with the floater?”
“John, the body is leaving now and thar ain’t no crime to solve, Mr. Sherlock Homes.”
I looked at the bloated body and had many of the same questions posed by Bill. “Bubba, the man’s body has some odd cuts across the chest, and his head is half gone. Crabs don’t make straight cuts or eat skulls.”
Bubba laughed and poked a finger in my chest. “Professor, I know you think you’re a crime fighter and CSI guy all rolled into one, but trust me. The drunk drowned upriver and floated down here. Just him floating down here could cause the tourists to leave our island.”
I’m ashamed, but I knew a mysterious death could cost me tens of thousands of dollars. “Looks to me like he floated down from Mobile. I’m glad an unnamed fisherman passing through the area found the body close to Goat Island and brought it here to the sheriff.”
“That’s not … .” Puckett tried to break in again.
Bubba said, “Shut up, Puckett. Don’t get started on no conspiracy story.”
Puckett turned and walked away while sneaking a drink from his hip flask.
Bubba grinned that shit-eating grin of his. “That’s exactly what happened. Bill, transport the body up to M&P Funeral Home. Tell Jonas I’ll be thar in the morning to fill out the paperwork. Now, John and this young lady need my attention. John, is this your new girlfriend?”
I turned to see my daughter leaning over the dock railing, heaving her guts out onto the water. She looked up, wiped her mouth with her hand, and said, “That man looks like he died from Ebola or something.”
I handed her my handkerchief and a bottle of water Bubba provided. She washed her mouth out and protested, but Bubba ushered us away from the scene. “I’ll see you, folks, later at Long John’s. Damn, John, you sure get the pretty ones.”
