by Ward Wagher
"I can't believe this," Daphne said.
"Well, I'm sure the two of you can deal with it. You'd better be on your way."
# # #
Franklin sat in his command chair and stared at the main view screen as Canopus accelerated away from Harcourt's World. Leaving Signe and her parents had been very difficult. He was torn with the need to be in two places at one time.
"I hope the Prime Minister and Mrs. Foxworth will make a good recovery," Daphne said. "Did you get a chance to talk to the both of them while you were at the hospital?"
"I did," Franklin said. "It was difficult, particularly with Monica. She was badly used. I hope Carlo Roma gets some help to them quickly."
"At least we got them somewhere where the medical care was decent. What I have seen of the hospitals on Hepplewhite has not been reassuring."
"I think our doctors are decent, but the facilities are substandard. It’s something else we are going to have to fix as soon as we have the opportunity. Just one of the benefits to being in a backwater area like Panoz. We have a surfeit of things to deal with."
“What about the little girl?”
“It turns out to be our responsibility, more precisely Hepplewhite's responsibility, legally. We were the ones who rescued her, after all. The Prime Minister said that there is some kind of mechanism back on Hepplewhite for dealing with stuff like this... amazingly enough. I'm perfectly happy to let Signe worry about it.”
“That sounds kind of heartless,” Daphne said.
“Why does everybody keep saying that? All I meant was I was delighted to delegate something. I've got my hands full with this ship, and the margraviate.”
“And Signe.”
“She said that too.”
Daphne snickered as she leaned back to study the screens.
"Do you suppose we can leave Mr. Simmons in charge while I attend to logistics?"
Franklin had looked down to study his tactical display as they talked. He looked up at Daphne. "Let's wait until we go FTL. I'm a little nervous about our pirate friends."
"Very well, Skipper."
After Canopus had engaged the Berthold drive, Daphne slipped into engineering and observed the crew for a while. Louie spotted her and glided over to where she leaned against one of the consoles.
"Systems nominal, Exec," Louie said. "No pending maintenance items. Ensign Lari Chaplin is snap bang wow engineer."
Since the vocoder was incapable of expressing emotion, Louie tended to utilize a creative vocabulary when he was impressed with something.
"Got a question for you, CHENG," Daphne said. “Well actually a couple.”
"Fart away," Louie said confidently.
"First of all,” her voice quavered slightly, “I wonder if we need to adjust your vocoder. Your word choices are getting a little bit... eclectic."
"So sorry. The Woogie still getting used to device. Other question?"
"Um. I am not quite sure how to phrase this, Louie. Well, let me just blurt it out. I heard that over the past few hundred years a lot of Woogie engineers have accidentally blown up starships. Is this true?"
Louie stood very still and stared at Daphne. "A joke?"
"Louie, I just need to know."
"Know of no Woogie engineer to blow up starships. Is crazy, Exec. Woogies are good engineers."
"Are you sure?" Daphne rolled her eyes looking at the ceiling and the corners. She began considering all the options.
"The Woogie is sure. Woogies do not blow up starships. Would be painful."
Daphne stared at Louie for a while before visibly making up her mind. "Okay, Louie. We will speak no more of this."
"Where did you hear this?"
Daphne raised her eyebrows, but said nothing.
"Not fair to Woogies. Is scandalous."
"Commander Ciera told me."
"A joke then. And I gave him my contact in Victor. I will fix his canoe."
"Wagon," Daphne corrected.
"Whatever."
A few hours later Franklin was finishing a late supper when Louie tapped on the door. "A moment of your days, Skipper?"
"Sure, come on in, Louie. What can I do for you tonight?"
"Worried about Monica. Did you talk to Monica?" The Woogie glided into the cabin, the flooga perched on his top.
"I talked to her, and you are correct to worry. She is not doing well.”
"Her injuries are not getting fixed?"
Franklin looked at the Woogie standing in his cabin. "Physically she will make a complete recovery. At least that is what Signe told me."
"You say one thing then another," Louie said. "What is trouble?"
Franklin walked across the room and sat down in the sofa and leaned forward, facing Louie. "The kidnapping and then the subsequent assault put a lot of pressure on Monica's sanity. The doctors are not sure she will ever return to any kind of normality."
"Her brain is broken?"
"That's what it looks like."
Louie’s tentacles hung limply at his sides. He looked forlorn.
"The Woogie is sad. Need to help the lady Monica. But, how is Mr. Glenn?"
"He is having trouble dealing with it," Franklin said. "But he will probably recover. These things take time."
Louise single large blue eye stared at Franklin as he pondered the things Franklin told him. "Not sure Woogie understands. Why broken brain?"
Franklin leaned back in the sofa and folded his arms. "I am not sure I can explain it to you, Louie. This kind of assault usually results in a large shock to the victim."
"What kind of assault you talk about?"
Franklin rubbed his hand over his mouth. "It was a sexual assault, Louie. It's called rape." He watched as the Woogie digested that statement.
Louie continued to stare at him. Finally he spoke, "The Woogie does not understand. What is this sexual assault?”
Franklin raised his eyebrows as he looked at the Woogie. He was being dragged down a road he really did not want to go, and was not sure how to answer Louie. "Does procreation bring you pleasure, Louie?"
The stare went on. "Not sure of conversation, to be talked about. Private things. Make the Woogie nervous."
Franklin leaned forward again. "I understand, Louie. This is very private among humans too. Monica was forced into a procreative act against her will. This happened many times while she was being held captive."
Louie stood very still in the center of the Captain's quarters. An ammonia-like smell began to permeate the air. The Flooga stretched up on the Woogie until it was standing on the tips of its five tentacles. "The Woogie will kill the pirate. On Woogaea we have vermin that slip into our nests. And they bite the young Woogies and destroy our food. They are called Boopooga. Pirates are Boopooga. Must be destroyed."
Franklin licked his lips. "I think you understand now, Louie. We have to get back to Hepplewhite in case the Pirates return."
"If Pirates do not come to Hepplewhite, Louie will go kill Boopooga. Be very sure."
"We can talk about that when the time comes," Franklin said.
"Franklin, friend. Some things must be done. Louie will kill Boopooga. Be very sure."
Franklin held up both hands. "I understand, Louie. I will be happy to go with you. But it is very important we have a plan laid out ahead of time. Otherwise both of us are likely to be killed."
"Not die. We will kill Boopooga. Be very sure."
"Okay, okay. Just be sure to come see me first. I want to help."
The Woogie spun around four times and then headed for the door. "Kill Boopooga. Be very sure." The Flooga looked like it was balanced on its stretched out tentacles on top of Louie. It swayed a bit, but seemed in no danger of falling off.
After the door slid shut Franklin gave a soundless whistle, and shook his head. "Now I am worried about Louie going off his rocker."
chapter twenty-nine
Daphne slipped into the Ready Room where Franklin sat at the desk. He was engrossed in the terminal and did not noti
ce Daphne until she spoke.
“What are you looking at so intently, Skipper?”
Franklin spun the screen around so Daphne could see it. It displayed an entry from the Universapedia. “A Boopooga.”
“Looks like something a first-grader drew. five legs – from Woogaea, right?”
“Yep. According to Louie, they slip into nests, bite the young Woogies and destroy the food.”
“Vicious looking. I don’t think I would like one of them around me,” she replied. “And this was in what context?”
“He was comparing the pirates to Boopooga and stated, rather matter-of-factly, that he was going to kill them.”
“Louie did?”
“Uh huh. I was starting to worry that he was obsessing. He kept repeating ‘Be very sure.’”
“I think that scares me just a little bit,” she said.
“I think it scared me just a little bit too,” Franklin replied. “I’ve never seen Louie act like that before.”
“What brought it on?”
“I explained to him what happened to Monica. When he finally figured out what I was telling him, he started blowing ammonia.”
Daphne snorted. “I guess that was his second shock today.”
“You told him what Hai Ciera said?”
“Yes, and he was pretty indignant about it, too. He didn’t call Hai a boopa, or whatever you said, though.”
“Boopooga. I kind of figured Hai was pulling your chain.”
Daphne gave a wry grin. “I’m glad I made his day. I’m not sure I would want Louie trying to get even with me, though.”
“Do you ever wonder if Louie has more of a sense of humor than we think?”
“You mean with the Vocoder? Yes, I’ve wondered that. Even after getting the device fixed, his fractured Anglo seemed just a bit convenient. Which, if true, it means he’s even smarter than we think. And I think he’s plenty smart.”
Franklin leaned back and put his hands behind his head. “I’ll confess my experience is a bit limited, but I have been around Woogies off and on for most of my life. I don’t remember meeting one who was even the slightest bit stupid.”
“A lot of what you do is a bit limited, but your point is taken.”
“Don’t start, now, Daff”
“Well, you shouldn’t lead with those straight lines, Skipper. But, back to the Woogies; you really do like them don’t you?”
“Yes, I guess I do. Once you get past the smell and the general weirdness, they’re pretty straight-up characters. Not only as honest as the day is long, but honorable too. There are a few bad Woogies out there, but they are very rare.”
“Wasn’t the human first contact with a group of Woogie pirates?”
“That’s the legend. It’s pretty fantastic. I heard it from Dad. Supposedly the pirates had a base on Baughman’s World. According to the story, there were three human captives. They managed to screw around with the Woogie cyber systems and steal a ship. Made it all the way to Earth.”
“That’s amazing.”
“Yeah. It’s a fun story, but it’s a long, long string of unlikely events. Plus, the Woogies wouldn’t have been that stupid, and the humans wouldn’t have been that smart. Things just don’t happen that way in the real universe. I asked one of the chiefs about it when I was an ensign. He looked at me like I was from the backside of Harcourt.”
“Great story, though.”
“It is that.”
“Do you think we’re going to have to fight Manfred?” Daphne asked.
“A change of subject, Exec?”
“Well, what do you think?”
“Yeah,” he said thoughtfully. “One way or the other. If they don’t show up at Hepplewhite Louie is going to go looking for them. I can’t let him go by himself.”
“So you would take Canopus back out to Victor again?”
“No, and for several reasons. Obviously, we need to keep some protection around Hepplewhite. That’s why the Navy gave us the ship. Also, we’re not going to take out a nest of Boopooga with one ship. We’re going to have to get really smart about it.”
“Boopa… what…”
“Boopooga. Boo-poo-ga. That’s what Louie called them. Vermin. When he finally figured out what I was telling him about Monica, I think he was in a killing rage. He is really close to the Foxworths.”
Daphne cocked her head as she looked at Franklin. “Do you really think you and Louie can take out the pirates?”
He shook his head. “Not really. But, I can’t let Louie go in there alone. And he is, by golly, going. I'll have to call in whatever favors I can from the Navy and Carlo first, though.”
“Do you think Hai will accomplish anything?”
Franklin shrugged. “If any single person could do the job, I’d put my money on Hai Ciera. But I think it’s a tall order for anybody.”
“Then tell me, once again, why you think you can do it.”
Franklin frowned as he looked down at his desk. He looked up again. “If Louie insists on going out there, I’m going to have to go with him.”
“Why? It’s a fool’s errand.”
“Louie is my friend. In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t have very many friends. Two of them just endured the worst kind of abuse imaginable. I’m realistic enough to know I couldn’t do a thing about it. But I can watch Louie’s back.”
Daphne stood up. “Skipper, I’m beginning to think Signe was lucky to meet you, after all.”
“I wish I could say the same about Alex.”
“Shut up!” Daphne stormed out of the door.
# # #
The main viewscreen showed Hepplewhite rotating slowly beneath Canopus. Franklin stood in the center of the bridge with Daphne and Lieutenant Simmons.
"The way this is going to work," Franklin said, "is the three of us will have to rotate being on duty aboard the ship here. We can keep a skeleton watch going, and just be prepared to lift the main watch up from the planet when we need to."
"It'll take four trips to get the entire crew aboard with our single shuttle," Daphne said. "That's going to hurt our reaction time."
Franklin smiled at her. "You're not paying attention. I said we would just lift the main watch. If someone comes in system, the skeleton watch can have everything fired up by the time the main watch gets aboard. We’ll have to practice, but I think we can be ready to roll within an hour."
She tilted her head as she thought about that. "Getting the critical people up there within an hour would be tight."
"That's why I'm depending on my creative and reliable Exec to figure it out. You're going to have to arrange some kind of a fallback for the people who are not available immediately. And, naturally, we're going to have to drill."
"Oh, the crew will just love that. I'm sure most of them think that they are home for good."
"It might be a good idea to rotate the various watches through the drill as well," Simmons said. "With the kind of chaos that people are capable of creating, we need to be prepared for just about anything."
"Now you see there, Exec? Mr. Simmons is thinking on his feet," Franklin laughed.
"Leave me out of this, please, Skipper," Simmons said. "I have no desire to get into the middle of a nuclear conflict between you and the Exec."
"Daphne and I don't fight."
"Right. It's all sweetness and light, Sir," Simmons said.
"Where is he getting this, Daff?"
"I have no idea, Skipper. I think our Tactical Officer is in need of some attitude adjustment."
Simmons rolled his eyes and walked back over to check his console.
Daphne watched him go and then turned back to Franklin. "If it's all right with you, Skipper, I'll take the first duty. There's a lot of housekeeping that needs done, and I want to make sure the ship is ready to go instantly."
Franklin nodded. "Thanks, Exec. I have a feeling there's going to be a lot requiring my attention dirt side. Blakely most likely has the books all messed up again, and who knows wha
t the mayor in Cambridge has been doing. For better or worse I suspect Carlo Roma is expecting me to keep a lid on things."
"I think I'm glad I'm staying up here, Sir. I don’t even want to think about what Blakely has done to the books."
"That's fine. You get to tell the first watch they have to stay here another week."
A gale of laughter burst from Simmons. When they both turned to look at him he stopped suddenly.
"I may have to find some extra duty for the TACO," Daphne said darkly.
Franklin worked an eyebrow. "I think she means it, Simmons. You'd better keep your head down."
"Aye, aye, Skipper," he said quickly as he dropped into his chair.
He turned back to Daphne. "I would suggest you let Louie get back down to his hotel. He’s probably anxious to see how Bridgitte made out. Ensign Chaplin came from the fleet and doesn't have a home down there yet. She seems like a can-do officer anyway."
Daphne nodded. "I agree. It will give me a chance to see how she performs without Louie hovering over her."
"And, you won't have to worry about Louie blowing up the ship."
She snorted. "I really am going to have to get Commander Ciera for that.”
"Let's just hope he makes it back alive so that you can have your revenge.”
Franklin made his way back to the Captain's cabin. Murray Hopper, the steward, was waiting with his packed bag.
"Everything should be in there, Skipper," the steward said.
"Thanks, Murray. Efficient as usual, I see. Are you packed?"
His question was greeted with a look of puzzlement and a slightly open mouth.
Franklin grinned. "Gotcha. Finally. Spaceman Hopper, you are now officially TDY to Montora village."
"Sir?" The confusion was still on his face.
"You can't do me any good sitting up here on Canopus while I'm trying to do my job in Montora Castle."
The realization dawned. "Yes, Sir."
Franklin reached out and grasped up Hopper by the shoulders and turned him around. "Now go get packed. The shuttle undocks in ten minutes.”
"Yes, Sir," Hopper begin trotting to the other room. "I'll be on that shuttle, Skipper."
