She scowled. "I wasn't in a panic. I was in a temper."
With a single shake of his head, he announced, "This isn't up for discussion, Pam. You're getting the shot then we'll talk about next steps."
When she shrugged, he said, "Change into one of your babydoll nighties, but don't bother with the bottoms. You'll only have to take them off again if you do. Once you're in your nightclothes, lie down on the bed. I'll be back shortly."
"Fine," she murmured, dreading the punishment, which would follow but knowing he was right to chastise her. Problem was, she really wanted to take a shower before she changed for bed.
CHAPTER TWENTY
When Rob stepped back into the room and found Pam still dressed and seated on the chair, his expression turned ominously dark. "Pam…."
Promptly raising her bandaged hands in surrender, she said, "I didn't want to stay in the hospital any longer than was necessary, so I…." She hesitated, not sure how to explain her problem to him.
"So, you what?" His voice was somewhat softer now, which gave her enough courage to continue.
"I only took a cat bath before we left. I don't feel clean."
His eyebrow arched. "You want to take a shower—tonight?"
Hesitating to answer, because she knew he'd never let her remain in the bathroom unsupervised, not after what she'd done, Pam finally gave a single nod before she added, "Or a bath."
He took a deep breath and indicated the bed. "Lie down. We'll do the shot first then see what we can do about getting you clean again."
Grateful he didn't laugh or deride her; Pam did as he ordered without hesitation.
He came around and motioned for her to turn her back to him.
This part wasn't fun, but she obeyed with a slight wince. She tried not to jerk when he lowered her underpants, but her body was so tense, she couldn't help giving a small jump.
"Easy," he murmured, pressing a warm hand to her hip. His touch helped soothe her jangled nerves, and she inhaled deeply.
"Better. This might be a little cold," he warned, as a wet towelette swabbed her buttock and the astringent scent of alcohol filled her nose. "Stick." Though the pain that followed was little more than a pinch, Pam bit her lower lip and held still.
"Good." Another swab, and he drew her shorts and panties back up. "Okay, let's get you into the bathroom and figure out the best way to do this."
In no position to argue, she trotted after him into the blue and white tiled room. He bent under the sink and pulled out adhesive tape and two thin, clear plastic bags.
"Sit on the toilet seat and I'll wrap your hands in these so we don't get them wet."
As she watched him work, Pam said, "Won't it be difficult for me to wash with these on?"
Finishing up her second hand, he regarded her beneath pinched eyebrows. "I don't expect you to."
"But how…?" As comprehension dawned, Pam quickly shook her head and shot to her feet. "No."
"You have conditions, Pam, as do I. If you want to bathe tonight, I will assist you. If you wish to forgo getting clean, we will proceed with my original plan."
Blinking back tears, Pam sank back down and stared at the ceiling. They'd practically made love at his club. He'd seen her unflattering backside, and knew her small breasts intimately, but he hadn't caught a glimpse of her arms, yet. At least he hadn't mentioned them, and once he saw her scars, she suspected he'd want to have a long discussion about something she wasn't ready to talk about yet, possibly ever. The air seemed to shrink around her like cellophane until she found it difficult to catch her breath.
Warm hands covered her ears and held her face. "Breathe, Pam. Slowly. Air in, air out."
She obeyed, but kept her eyes closed. She couldn't face the expression of disgust she was certain spread across his features.
"Good. Now another, and look at me."
She took the breath but gave her head a shake and refused to open her eyes.
"Look at me," he ordered in a firm voice she'd begun to recognize, and she obeyed the command without thought. However, the gentle concern visible on his face belied his tone completely. His thumb lightly caressed her mouth. "Better. Now tell me what has you so bothered."
She tried to shake her head, but his fingers tightened their grasp on her chin. She couldn't tell him.
"Is it the scars on your arms? Were you cutting yourself?"
Her jaw dropped. When? How?
"I saw them at the hospital," he supplied, as if reading her mind. "Hospital gowns have short sleeves out of necessity, but I suspect your concern was focused on other things than your hospital Johnny."
"I didn't realize…. You didn't say anything."
"No, because up until about an hour ago, I assumed your stepfather put those scars there. However, after what you've admitted tonight, I gather my assumption was mistaken. You cut yourself, didn't you?"
Blinking rapidly to hold back tears, she nodded.
"Is that also why you insisted upon keeping your blouse on in our private room?"
When she nodded again, he said, "You and I need to have a long conversation about what you did and why, but not tonight. Do you really think I'd be disgusted by seeing what you did to yourself?"
"Disgusted or angry."
One eyebrow arched, then he bent forward and lightly touched his lips to hers. A kiss of reassurance, not passion. He drew back to gaze at her with understanding.
"I'll never get angry with you over something that happened in the past, and nothing you've done or could do would disgust me."
"How can you be so sure of that?"
"Simple. Because I know you, but if you'd like to test me on that, feel free."
Pam tilted her head and gazed at him for a long moment. Testing him wouldn't be wise, but she suspected things would come to light later that would try his claim quite easily.
"Nothing about you disgusts me, Pam. In fact, I'm afraid exactly the opposite is true."
Frowning, she asked, "What do you mean?"
He chuckled then kissed her again. This time his teeth lightly nipped her lower lip until she opened her mouth and his tongue delved in to savor her more fully. Pam reveled in his gentle mastery as he assumed control. His lips were firm yet soft. She could taste a hint of gin on his tongue, but it was the way his fingers entwined in her hair and his knuckles lightly rubbed her scalp as his mouth made love to hers that intoxicated her.
"Stand up, and I'll help you get undressed," he ordered in a low growl.
The sound sent a small frisson of awareness coursing through Pam like a tiny electric shock. He fully intended to undress and bathe her tonight.
* * *
Pam rose a little unsteadily to her feet and stood before Rob. With a smile that was a blend of temptation and pure male satisfaction, he kept his eyes focused on her and rolled up his sleeves. Forearms bare, he fingered the hem of her shirt and raised it over her head with deliberate slowness, as if unwrapping a present. Once her top was removed, he bent and kissed her again.
Ignoring the rude rustling, she lifted her plastic-covered hands to twine them behind his neck, but he caught her wrists and lowered her arms to her side. "No. I'm doing this. Your task is to accept everything I provide while I discover what pleases you. You are not to move or speak unless I give you permission. Understand?"
Nodding her agreement, Pam stood obediently silent as Rob filled the tub. Steamy water billowed out of the faucet and within seconds the room was enveloped in a warm, mystical mist.
He returned to kneel at her feet and tugged at her bottoms. His fingertips traced along the length of her inner thigh as he drew the material toward the floor.
"Put your hand on my shoulder and step out."
When her shorts were off, she stood in her bra and underpants and struggled not to wrap her arms about her like a shield.
"Since I'm already down here, I think I'll remove your panties next." When his long fingers stroked her waist, Pam drew in a sharp breath. But he continued as if she hadn't moved.
> A light stroke followed by a gentle tug and her underwear became a puddle of cotton on the bathroom tiles. His hands, however, remained poised on her upper thighs. Nothing was said, but Pam knew what he intended to do next, so she shut her eyes.
"No. Look at me. I want you aware for every second who is bringing you pleasure tonight. Later, we will need to address your issues, but, for now, I want you to keep your eyes on me when I touch you. Part your legs for me." When Pam obeyed, he reached between her legs, and she jerked, but kept her eyes open for as long as could. A part of her brain scolded her for not being more embarrassed, but she enjoyed the sensations his stroking wrought far too much to let guilt taint them. When she released a soft sigh, he lowered his hands.
"So warm and sweet. I could spend the night exploring all your hidden treasures, but we have a bath to take." Rising to his feet, he strode over to the bathtub and turned off the water. When he returned, he stood before her and reached behind to unfasten her bra.
Though she longed to cover herself, Pam remained still, naked and vulnerable before him as he bent and swiftly lifted her into his arms. She let out a gasp of surprise, which he completely ignored. Two steps later, he slowly lowered her into the steaming water, which turned her skin pink but wasn't hot enough to be painful. Just the way she liked it.
"Temperature okay?"
Pam returned his smile. "Perfect. How did you know?"
Lathering up a washcloth, he shrugged. "I set it at the heat level I prefer. Baths need to be steamy, or I don't feel clean, unless I'm already too warm. Then I want a shower. Rest your hands on the side of the tub while I see about getting you squeaky clean."
He started with her shoulders and chest, but, when he lowered his hands to her upper arms, she tried to pull away.
"No. We have rules tonight. What were your instructions?"
"I'm not to speak or move without your permission."
"Correct. Did I give you permission to withdraw your arm?"
"No, sir."
"Disobedience requires a consequence."
Pam met his gaze. He wasn't smiling but he didn't appear angry either. Rather than question or argue, she waited for his verdict.
"Draw your knees up and part your legs for me," he ordered. His voice, husky and smooth like expensive whiskey, went straight to her groin. Though the bathtub was long enough for two people, it wasn't unusually wide. However, when she drew her knees up, she was able to spread them without difficulty.
He promptly reached between her thighs and stroked. "You are not to move. Understand? Disobey me again, and you'll get a smack instead."
Pam clutched the sides of the tub as his wicked fingers began their erotic torture. Letting out a soft moan, she struggled to keep her eyes open and her body still. When the sensations grew too strong, she whimpered with her need to come.
Bending his head, he positioned his mouth a fraction away from hers but didn't kiss her. "Good girl," he murmured.
"Rob…."
"You may come," he decreed before his lips swept down to claim her. Pam cried out as she wrapped her arms about his neck and climaxed.
Her breathing ragged, she gripped his broad shoulders, afraid to see his face. His disappointment. Except the feather-light kisses he placed on her cheeks and eyes did not indicate displeasure. Finally, he grasped her wrists and drew back to gaze at her.
"Are you okay?"
She nodded, unable to speak.
"Why are you crying?"
Pam blinked, unaware she'd shed tears. "I didn't realize I was."
"Ah. That's all right then."
"It is?"
"Yes." He lowered her hands to the tub. "Let's finish your bath. I want to examine your arms, and I don't want you pulling away. Understand?"
She nodded again but winced when he held up her arm and finger-traced the scars close to her armpit.
"What did you use? Razor blade?"
"Most times."
"And the others?"
"Whatever was handy. Box cutters, utility knives, kitchen knives. I wasn't always particular."
"Face me. I want to inspect your other arm."
She swiveled in the bathtub until she faced him but turned away as he fingered a particularly ragged cut she'd made with a serrated knife.
"I gather you were never treated at a hospital for these injuries."
"No."
"Did any of them get infected?"
"No. I scrubbed them with alcohol afterward, so they were at least clean if not pretty."
"So, how did you hide them?"
"Lots of gauze and long-sleeved shirts."
His finger trailed down to her inner elbow, and she held her breath. "Are they still painful?"
"They ache sometimes, when the weather changes."
Leaning forward, he pressed his lips on one of the puckered mutilations, wringing a gasp out of Pam. No one had ever caressed her scars before, so she hadn't realized how sensitive a simple kiss could be. Then he freed her arm to grasp her chin. "No more, Pam. I won't allow you to do this ever again, as long as you're with me. Try it, and you will sorely regret the consequences your actions will earn you. As it is, we need to address what happened earlier, which was also unacceptable. Doing an injury to yourself will earn you one of the severest punishments I can administer."
She swallowed. "What is that?"
"I won't tell you. However, if you try again, I will show you. Are we clear?"
"Yes, sir."
His unsmiling eyes remained fixed on her face for a moment before he released her. "Good. Now turn around so I can check your back."
Holding her breath Pam did as he requested. The remnants left by her step-father's attention weren't nearly as bad as the scars on her arms, but she knew they were still visible.
Pam closed her eyes and did her best to relax as a gentle finger caressed the myriad thin, white lines. "In a way, I'm sorry you killed him. I would have liked to show him exactly what I think of men who beat defenseless little girls."
Turning her head slightly, Pam met Rob's gaze as he cleared his throat. He appeared angry, but she understood the emotion filling his eyes wasn't directed at her.
"We'll finish your bath then see to the other matter. After that, I'll leave you to sleep."
Pam struggled with mixed feelings. A part of her wanted Rob to claim her as a lover would, while another part of her wondered if she was truly ready to take that step in any relationship, let alone with him, given that a mere raised eyebrow could send her stomach spiraling in dizzying circles.
Rob finished her bath in a much more perfunctory manner, although he made sure every inch of her was thoroughly clean, except for her hair, which he didn't offer to wash. Helping her stand, he wrapped her in a huge Turkish towel and assisted her out of the tub where he briskly dried her before he removed the plastic bags from her hands.
"Put on a babydoll without the bottoms, and sit at your vanity to wait for me. I need to fetch some things then you'll have a choice to make."
After letting the water out, he strode from the room, leaving her alone.
Pam slipped into a short pink nightie with a fringe of lace at her neck, arms and hips, sat down as instructed, and waited while her stomach twisted itself into knots. He didn't keep her waiting long, thank goodness. However, when he returned, he laid three objects at the foot of her bed then straightened and faced her.
"I debated for several minutes about this. I don't want you to fear what we'll do together, but cutting yourself is far too serious for a simple hand spanking."
Pam blinked while a small voice in her head urged her to run away as fast as she could. Those objects looked like they would hurt. A lot.
Holding out a hand, Rob said, "Come here, and we'll discuss the pros and cons of each of these implements. Since you are so new to this, I decided to let you select the one I'll use."
Pam remained seated. "What if I choose none of them?"
"Not an option I'm offering, tonight."
"But it still remains an alternative, doesn't it? Or would you force me to submit to this?"
He crossed his arms over his chest. "No. I wouldn't force you. At least not this time."
Her head snapped up at his statement. "But in the future, you might?"
"I prefer to think of it as determined persuasion, rather than force. But I'm sure there'll be times when I think you need a spanking, and you'll disagree. Refusal won't be a choice then, either."
Frowning, she shook her head. "I'd fight you."
"Yes. I suspect you would."
Though he didn't voice it, his warning was implied. If she tried to struggle, she'd lose. Pam rubbed her arms, suddenly chilled. He had conditions. If she didn't agree with them, she could leave his employ. Her choices were relatively simple. Allow him to take a paddle to her, or end their relationship. Turning away, she blinked back her traitorous tears.
Seeing Rob lower his hand out of the corner of her eye, Pam still didn't face him. She couldn't. Not yet.
"I realize you're scared. And though I don't enjoy inspiring that particular emotion in you, I fear it's unavoidable at the moment."
"Will you have me reassigned if I don't agree?"
"Yes."
She turned to face him. "So this punishment is more important to you than I am?"
He frowned. "No. Not at all, but I need you to understand if you require pain, I am more than willing to provide whatever is necessary to meet that need. Hurting yourself is no longer an open route for you, and this lesson is my way of proving that beyond a doubt. If you refuse to accept my conditions, we can't have a future as a team."
Afraid, but unwilling to sever their connection, Pam rose and walked toward him. He promptly drew his arm around her for a hug and placed a kiss on top of her head.
"Good girl. I do understand this isn't easy for you, but we're in this together. You may see me as the enemy, but I'm not. I want to help you grow and learn, even if the experience is painful."
Pam gave a nod. "I still don't want to do this."
"I realize that. I'd be more worried if you were eager." He turned her to face the bed, and moved to stand behind her with his arms on either side of her, effectively hemming her in as he reached for the paddle on the far left.
Lessons in Love Page 21
