As soon as my plan was executed, I could move on to working on myself, becoming a better human being, maybe even a decent one. Somewhere in my thoughts, I felt like maybe I was avenging Sara for what stepdaddy dearest put her through.
The front door opened, the creaking of it giving me reason to perk up and then, with a slam, it shut. Mom wasn’t home. Likely passed out in a bar a ways away from home. And even if she was sitting right downstairs on the dingy floral sofa, it wouldn’t have mattered a single bit. She didn’t have her wits about her. Didn’t remember things. Wasn’t sober enough to think or feel or see the darkness or the light. I would fix that, eventually, but now, there was a more important matter at hand.
Like a thief in my own house, I slipped out of bed, careful on my feet as I approached the stairs. Looking over the banister, I could already see my stepfather making his way to the kitchen.
Still as silent as I could manage, I snuck closer, watching as he pulled the jug of orange juice from the fridge and took a few large chugs. In no time, he’d be out, completely weak from the concoction I’d mixed into the orange juice. Like I said, way too predictable, that man. Maybe that’s the one thing – outside of the killing – that I had in common with serial killers. I knew how to pay attention, remembered routines, knew how to use them to my advantage.
I crept back into my bedroom and rested my head against the pillow, looking up at the ceiling as I waited…waited…waited. If this isn’t what I was meant to be doing, then God would give me a sign. I’d made that bargain with him, just the same as I did when Cornelia popped up on the beach that day, saving me from myself.
I knew which way things were gonna go, however. I’d done a horrible thing. But that man. He had a heart as rotten as year old fruit. There was no questioning whether or not the devil was greedy for his grimy soul.
A half an hour later, I wandered downstairs to find the bastard right where I wanted him. Passed out on the sofa, a bottle of beer tucked in between the creases.
I contemplated a lot of things right then as I watched him. My initial plan was to shove his ass into his car and drive him into a lake. There were loads of places I knew that no one would ever look. And by the time my mom was done crying about how he’d scooped up all the money they’d saved and that all his clothes were gone from the closet and the suitcases no longer perched outside their bedroom door, I knew that no one would think twice about what happened to him. The only problem was, the whole lake thing was risky. Every once in a while people found things they didn’t go looking for.
I’d found a guy on the dark web who was willing to take the car off my hands for two grand. He was sketchier than I was, so it felt safe enough to think he knew what the hell he was doing. The fact that he didn’t ask questions was a plus.
I straddled my stepfather’s body, perhaps not unlike the way he once upon a time straddled my sister. My hands now around his neck, I felt bile rising to the pit of my throat. I closed my eyes and squeezed, forcing into mind all the wrong he’d committed. Reminding myself of all the reasons why he didn’t deserve to live. Knowing for certain that he would find some other kid to take advantage of.
Sometimes people kill for the greater good.
This was one of those times.
The pills I’d crushed into the orange juice did a good enough job to knock him six ways to slumber. But with my hands around his throat, something in him was trying to wake up.
I kept my eye on the prize. If I let up even a little bit, this whole thing might go sideways. I couldn’t have that happen and when I squeezed even harder, pulling all my hate to the forefront, I could have sworn I heard something snap. He was struggling less and less and then, all of a sudden, he wasn’t struggling anymore.
Just to be certain, I kept my grip tight, my hands steady. There were tears streaming down my face. Tears that weren’t for him, but for me, my sister, my mother. The life he sucked out of all of our lives.
When I was surer than sure that he was dead, I lifted myself from his body and breathed what felt like the first real breath I’d breathed in a very long time.
Chapter Fifteen
My lips tightened.
The shitty thing was, I was happy with the person I’d become and for the first time I was excited for the future. And now, I didn’t know which future I would take.
Being with Maddox every day, all day, for nearly six months had left me spoiled. When we were together, I’d forgotten what it was like to go through life without him. What used to occupy my time? What shows did I used to watch? Were there books I hadn’t read in a while? It was scary. Not just losing sight of who I was before Maddox, but not missing that woman even one iota.
Marcus brought a new dynamic to things. Maddox had broken my heart and he helped me to gather the pieces. But it wasn’t just that; it was also the change in him that made my heart soften. We’d both grown, both gotten better, both learned to love. He was handsome as ever, gentle where it counted, funny, caring, considerate. He was the friend I had always wished I had.
Since the moment I said ‘I do’ to Maddox I had been a new person. I was still navigating what that meant and how I wanted to evolve going forward when the rug was swept from under me. Real or not - I knew what a relationship with Maddox could be like. I had no idea what things would be like if I chose Marcus.
My only consolation in all of this was the fact that I wasn’t the only one agonizing over what was to come. Phee was possibly even more nervous than I was.
The day of reckoning started much like any other.
It was almost fall and the air was beginning to lose some of its bite. The sun seemed more patient and as Robert escorted me out of the house and into the waiting limousine, I closed my eyes and soaked up its gentle warmth. More unbearably hot days were in the forecast, but for now, the weather swung on a pendulum of indecision.
A state of affairs that, for once, I couldn’t relate with.
I was calm.
Focused.
More so than I’d ever been in my life.
What nerves I battled with during the drive all centered around how Maddox would react when I told him. Despite ignoring me for most of the week, as we traversed the city Phee reached out and clasped my hand. I wasn’t sure if the show of comfort was for me or herself, but I held on regardless. When Robert had given us instructions he hadn’t gone into any detail about where we would be going.
“You’ll be given a choice. Make the right one.”
This was the point where I needed to put up or shut up.
The streets we traveled along were unfamiliar, but the longer we drove the more that began to change. When the limousine pulled outside of an all too familiar building, I sucked in a sharp breath.
“Son of a bitch.”
“They do have a flair for the dramatic,” Phee tsked. “It would be in poor taste if it wasn’t so perfect.”
Though I disapproved, I had to agree. Forcing us to decide our fates in the same church we’d all been married in was just the dash of irony this day needed. The door opened, and I was helped from the back by the chauffeur. As soon as I was settled, he turned his attention to Phee while I stared at the church. It was hard to determine what to feel; sadness or nostalgia? It was difficult since one felt so much like the other.
Phee and I lingered on the steps so the crew could set up their shots. I wanted to run through those doors and see Maddox for what felt like the first time in forever, but protocol was so deeply ingrained that I stood rooted.
They ushered Phee forward first. She stepped through the doorway and the door closed behind her, hiding the room beyond from sight. I was dressed comfortably in a cream blouse and gray slacks and while waiting was agonizing, at least I wasn’t sweating my ass off.
It was the one silver lining in this whole mess.
When the doors opened again, I tensed. I hurried towards the door of my own accord, striding up the stairs and into the church in a burst of nerves camouflaged as eagerness.
<
br /> I saw him almost immediately, standing at the altar dressed in all black and looking good enough to eat. My body warmed and I imagined the two of us back home, in his bed, rolling around in a storm of curious hands and eager mouths.
‘That house isn’t a home.’
I went rigid.
‘It’s just a set, Cornelia.’ I thought. ‘I don’t belong there any more than I belonged in Mississippi.’
My eyes widened. Had I been searching all this time? Not just for a family but for a home to call my own? I wondered now if that was a good thing or if I was so adrift that any port would do regardless of weather. The answer to that would take some thinking and now wasn’t the time or the place. As I made my way down the aisle, I couldn’t help but remember our wedding. Which was probably the entire idea. The producers wanted to have dramatic footage to play around with in case this turned out to be someone’s last day.
I stepped before Maddox and he reached for my hand.
“Glad you could make it.”
I thought back to my first day without him, back to the advice Phee had given me before the buzz wore off and reality kicked in. I pictured the last time I was happy, imagined myself on the back of Maddox’s bike as I clutched him close and felt the wind tear through my hair. Taking a deep breath, I straightened to my full height and met his eyes.
“Wouldn’t miss it for anything.”
A movement from the pews caught my attention and I realized that Robert had been sitting there the entire time waiting for me. He held a piece of paper in his hand and as we watched, he made his way to the pulpit and placed the sheet carefully in its center.
“We’re gathered here today to honor the matrimony between Cornelia and Maddox Westbrook.” Robert tapped the edge of the paper with one fingertip.
“These are your divorce papers.” My fingers spasmed in Maddox’s grip. “They’re just as official as your marriage certificate. The two of you have had plenty of time to think about what going forward would mean,” he continued. “Now it’s time to decide if this is where you throw in the towel.”
Robert pulled a pen from his breast pocket and Maddox and I exchanged glances. I searched his eyes for a long time while my heart beat out of my chest. This was it then. The moment of truth. When I looked back at Robert, my decision was clear.
“I-”
What had I been about to say?
I couldn’t be sure.
When Maddox dropped my hand and reached for the pen every thought evaporated like mist. After only the briefest of hesitations, Maddox circled the pulpit and signed the divorce papers with a flourish that effectively wiped out every terrifying, wonderful, amazing, heart stopping moment.
Robert looked just as surprised as I felt, but that was no comfort. When Maddox turned to me expectantly, I stumbled away.
“No.”
I would have to sign next. It wasn’t official until the paperwork had both of our signatures and I wasn’t ready to let him go. I’d never been ready. It’s why his decision hurt so badly.
Chapter Sixteen
“Hear me out-” Maddox said.
“No.” My expression folded and tears burst forth like a dam let loose. One arm pressed tight against my stomach as if I could hold the pain in. I turned and hurried back down the aisle. If I ran fast enough, maybe I could escape this suffocating sense of betrayal weighing down every step.
“Cornelia!”
I didn’t turn, didn’t slow. If I looked at him, I would come apart at the seams. Unravel and turn to dust. I could hear him coming up behind me and a frustrated sob strained my throat. This wasn’t fair. First, he threw me away and now I couldn’t even leave on my own terms. A surge of emotion and before I knew it, my hand was lifting. Maddox placed a hand on my shoulder and with a growl, I turned and slapped him as hard as I could.
Fuck.
Ow.
But the sting felt good and I itched to do it again. Apparently I’d learned valuable lessons from both Sheila and Phee. The silence that followed seemed to echo and I stumbled back beneath the onslaught.
“I thought we were good together.” Wiping away another tear, I laughed. “What a joke. Can you at least tell me how much of it was bullshit?”
The side of his face was a dark, angry, red and if I stared at it for too my satisfaction from putting it there wavered. He didn’t touch his face and if it wasn’t for the listless way he released me, I would have begun to doubt I’d slapped him in the first place.
“None of it.” Maddox swallowed, folding his arms across his chest. His biceps bulged, and I was momentarily distracted by how his shirt struggled to contain him. Idiot. Focus. “Whatever happened between us was genuine, Sunshine.”
I’d never been very good at confrontations. The sound of my nickname on his lips took all of the fight out of my and I sagged, my face contorting. I was an ugly crier. So ugly, in fact, that it made all who saw it painfully uncomfortable. Maddox was no different and whatever he saw on my face made him cringe.
“Why then?” I asked hoarsely, pressing my advantage. I knew from experience how tight-lipped he could be, and I wanted an explanation while he was still feeling chatty and guilty. “Why do something like this when you knew…”
I shook my head, unable to continue, and Maddox ran a hand through his hair.
“Because I fucking love you.” Though he sounded exhausted, I couldn’t deny the jubilance that filled me. “I love you and I don’t want you to ever have to doubt that.”
I frowned, even more confused than before. “Then why-?”
“I came here with one goal in mind.” His tongue darted out and he licked his lower lip. “I wanted a wife. It didn’t matter who she was or what she looked like. I didn’t care what her favorite movies were or what she wanted to be when she grew up. The color of her eyes in the morning and the way her hair looked spread across my pillow, were the furthest things from my mind.” He reached out, fingers searching and tentative. This time, when he touched me, palm sliding against my check as his fingers slid into my hair, I didn’t slap him. “Then I met you and everything changed. I thought my inheritance was the most worthwhile thing I could strive for. It’s all I thought about. I just knew that once I got my hands on that money…” He shook his head and pulled me close. “We belong together. There’s no doubt about that. But I don’t ever want you looking back on this moment and wondering, doubting. You’re free now, Cornelia. You get to choose him or you get to choose me. There are no papers standing in your way. The decision, when you make it, will be fully yours.”
“But if we aren’t married-?” The enormity of what he was saying left me weak in the knees. Maddox was willing to give up everything just to put my mind at ease. Beneath the shock and horror, something warm blossomed and I shook with the force of it. “You don’t have to do that for me.”
“I know.” His forehead touched my own and shaking, I gripped his wrist. Holding his palm tight against my cheek. His grinned, teeth flashing. “But this isn’t about you. It’s about ‘us’. Besides, technically I fulfilled my half of the bargain. Old bastard is on his sixth wife. He has no room to bitch about my first.”
“And your second.” I said, returning his smile. “I expect a proposal by the end of the year.”
Maddox nodded in fake solemnity. “Hell yeah. It’s not like we’re getting any younger.”
I laughed and he leaned in to capture the sound with his mouth. Our tongues clashed and the warmth that had begun to blossom in the center of my chest became a supernova. It was as if I were lit from within. Skin thrumming, I threw my arms around his neck and let the magic of his tongue carry me away.
If I’d known from the beginning that divorce was so much more satisfying than getting married had been, I would have skipped to this part a long time ago.
Chapter Seventeen
I made my decision.
I made my decision solely based on a gut feeling and nothing more. Had I woken up five minutes later or five minutes earlier,
I might have made a different one. Whenever I had a tough time deciding on what flavor of ice-cream to get or what film to watch, momma always said to pick one and if I immediately felt disappointed by the decision, then I’ve chosen the wrong one.
Something relatively equivalent happened when Maddox signed the divorce papers. That’s when I really, really, really, knew that I wanted him. More than anything, I. Wanted. Him.
A little piece of my heart broke as I stepped inside the house, knowing that the other man who had slipped into my life wouldn’t be taking the journey with me for the long haul. Maddox was kind enough to make himself scarce as I went on my way to find Marcus. It didn’t take long. At the entrance of the living room, he stood, waiting as though he knew just what news he was going get. His suitcase was already packed, his eyebrows knitted in sadness.
“I’m so sorry.” The words were out before I could catch another breath.
“No,” he said as he saw the tears in my eyes. His arms extended and he pulled me into an embrace, his breath warming the top of my head. “You found love,” he whispered, “you don’t ever have to apologize for that.” He pulled back, holding me at arm’s length.
“We were onto something,” I told him, wiping the tears away from my eyes.
“We were, weren’t we?”
I nodded and reached for him again, holding him like I had no intentions of letting go. “You’ve changed so much, Marcus. I can see it. I can feel it. And even though I chose Maddox, I don’t want you to think for one moment that I couldn’t love you.”
“And just because you chose Maddox, it doesn’t mean I can’t still love you.”
“Friends,” I said, hugging him even tighter.
“Maybe even the best of them,” he agreed.
This time when Marcus walked away, I knew it wouldn’t be for good. So somewhere in the midst of all this there was a happy end for everyone. Maddox walked in just at the moment Marcus was walking out and my heart skipped a beat at the kindness involved when the acknowledged each other.
Morally Imperfect: A Bully Romance (The Bully Project Book 2) Page 11
