by Erin Zak
The Other Women
Synopsis
Cecily Yates should love her husband, but doesn’t. She should leave him, but hasn’t. Instead, she leads a safe life in Chicago and sees Willow Carmichael on the side. When Willow moves for a job opportunity in Las Vegas, their love affair comes to a screeching halt, leaving Cecily broken, guilty, and confused.
Francesca Lopez has everything she needs: family, friends, a great job, and glittery nonstop Las Vegas excitement. If she’d known her perfect life was going to be flipped upside down when none other than Willow Carmichael tore her way into it, she would’ve guarded her heart a little better.
While on a business trip in Las Vegas, Cecily meets Francesca by chance at a bar and they are inexplicably drawn to each other. What starts as friendship grows into more, beginning to heal Francesca’s heart and give Cecily the strength to be true to herself. But when they discover they have more in common than they think, the very person who bound them together may be the reason they’re ripped apart.
Praise for Erin Zak
The Road Home
“Zak writes interesting, unusual, and unique circumstances in which the leading ladies meet but their chemistry is so awesome right off the bat that you are rooting for them all along…This is a wonderfully immersive read and highly recommended.”—Best Lesfic Reviews
“Lila and Gwen have chemistry for days. They also have quick witty banter that keeps you on your toes. I love this angsty drama, it is just an amazing read. I could gush over this one for days, but I am just going to say don’t deny yourself this one.”—Romantic Reader Blog
Beautiful Accidents
“The main characters had so much chemistry I felt like I was right there with them observing every interaction. The attraction was so well written from their first meeting. The writing was engaging and well paced.”—Melina Bickard, Librarian (Waterloo Library, London UK)
“Beautiful Accidents is an intriguing and exciting romance with real depth, and I really appreciated how romance is reframed as enrichment rather than sacrifice. Stevie and Bernadette never give up any aspects of their real identities to be together; Zak has created a pair of characters that are definitely going to stick with me.”—Beyond the Words
“This book kept me engaged from beginning to end. I enjoyed the chemistry between Stevie and Bernadette.”—Maggie Shullick, Librarian, Lorain and Cuyahoga County (Ohio)
“[T]his lesbian age gap romance book is [Zak’s] best to date. This is an easy one to recommend to romance fans who like a lot of chemistry and some angst.”—Lez Review Books
“[I]f you want big dramatic feelings, Zak is the way to go.”—Colleen Corgel, Librarian, Queens Borough Public Library
“This book made my heart ache from the start. When Stevie sees Bernadette for the first time, her breath catches. Mine did too. The way Erin Zak describes reactions, both physical and mental, pulled me in absolutely. It’s both wonderful and painful. It’s what I’m looking for in romances. It’s the best feeling.”—Jude in the Stars
“Zak takes her time with the characters in developing them as individuals and allowing the relationship time to develop…This is a bit more of a mature romance in that there is unquestionably a connection but both characters recognize that with their lives at major turning points…that HEA isn’t easy and compromising for the other person holds the danger of regret. There’s drama, but not overblown—it’s real, messy and complicated with difficult decisions that have to be made.”—C-Spot Reviews
Create a Life to Love
“Erin Zak does unexpected attraction and sexual awakening late in life really, really well.”—Reviewer@large
“Create a Life to Love is a soulful story of how love can conquer all. I laughed, cried (sobbed), and got butterflies more than once, and did you see the cover art? Fantastic.”—Les Rêveur
“This is officially one of my favorite books of all time.”—Maggie Shullick, Librarian, Lorain and Cuyahoga County (Ohio)
Breaking Down Her Walls
“If I could describe this book in one word it would be this: annnngggssstt…If angst is your thing, this a great book for you.”—Colleen Corgel, Librarian, Queens Public Library
“Breaking Down Her Walls had me completely spun. One minute I’m thinking that it’s such a sweet romance, the next I found it sexy as hell, then by the end, I had it as an all-encompassing love story that I just adored.”—Les Rêveur
“I loved the attraction between the two main characters and the opposites attract part of the story. The setting was amazing…I look forward to reading more from this author.”—Kat Adams, Bookseller (QBD Books, Australia)
“This is a charming contemporary romance set on a cattle ranch near the Colorado Mountains…This is a slow burn romance, but the chemistry is obvious and strong almost from the beginning. Breaking Down Her Walls made me feel good…”—Rainbow Reflections
“If you like contemporary romances, ice queens, ranchers, or age gap pairings, you’ll want to pick up Breaking Down Her Walls.”—Lesbian Review
Falling Into Her
“Falling Into Her by Erin Zak is an age gap, toaster oven romance that I really enjoyed. The romance has a nice burn that’s slow without being too slow. And while I’m glad that lesfic isn’t all coming out stories anymore, I enjoyed this particular one because it shows how it can happen in a person’s 40s.”—Lesbian Review
“I loved everything about this book…I’m always slightly worried when I try a book by someone who a) I’ve never heard of before; b) never published anything before (as far as I know). Especially if the book is in a sub-niche market area. But I’m quite glad I found my way to trying this book and reading it. And enjoying it.”—Lexxi Is Reading
“[A] great debut novel from Erin Zak and looking forward to seeing what’s to come.”—Les Rêveur
The Other Women
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The Other Women
© 2020 By Erin Zak. All Rights Reserved.
ISBN 13: 978-1-63555-742-8
This Electronic Original Is Published By
Bold Strokes Books, Inc.
P.O. Box 249
Valley Falls, NY 12185
First Edition: October 2020
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form without permission.
Credits
Editor: Barbara Ann Wright
Production Design: Stacia Seaman
Cover Design by Tammy Seidick
eBook Design by Toni Whitaker
By the Author
Falling into Her
Breaking Down Her Walls
Create a Life to Love
Beautiful Accidents
Closed Door Policy (novella in Hot Ice)
The Road Home
The Other Women
Acknowledgments
When I sat down to write this book, I had a lot of things going on in my life. Some of that ended up on the page. Most of what happens in this book, though, took place while I was healing. And I am thankful for that healing process and for the ability to survive what I thought were the some of the most awful moments I had gone through. It’s amazing what we can do when we decide living life is worth everything we g
o through.
I want to thank Bold Strokes and the entire publishing team, especially Rad and Sandy. As always, it amazes me that you continue to let me to tell my stories. And Barbara Ann Wright, my editor, you are the freaking best and I don’t know where I’d be without your humor and ability to understand where I am coming from.
I want to also thank my family and friends. It’s been a wild ride and I’m so happy you’ve all made it through with me to the end.
And, of course, to anyone who picks up any of my books and reads it and finds something in it that resonates, thank you. I don’t know if you’ll ever know what it means to me that my words are read.
To the used and abused amongst us…You’ve survived.
Prologue
Francesca
“When you break one heart in order to mend your own, is it still considered a horrible thing?” Willow Carmichael’s voice had broken through my sleepy thoughts.
We’d spent another night together, another night of sex, another night of me falling for her even when I could tell there was something holding her back. I picked my head up from my pillow as I pulled the sheet up to cover my bare breasts. Willow was studying herself in the mirror. She glanced over her shoulder at me, at the bed. I tried to smile. I wanted to believe she was asking for a reason other than the obvious. “What? Why are you asking me this?”
She shrugged. She was wearing a sheer black tank top. “I don’t know.” Her voice was sad, forlorn. In the mirror, her red hair hung around her face, and her skin looked even paler than normal.
“Is everything okay, Willow?”
She didn’t answer. She only stood there, staring, and my entire world started to quake. My love affair with her had been swift, going from zero to sixty in the span of three months. And at the end of the third month, I thought everything was fine. I knew something was holding her back, but I figured it was because we worked together. I figured it was because she was technically my superior. I figured it was anything other than—
“I’m in love with someone else, Francesca. I have been for a long time, and I can’t do this anymore.”
My stomach bottomed out, and I thanked God I was lying down. I might have passed out. “Excuse me?” I asked when I had found my voice. The span of time between her dropping the bomb and my question felt as if an entire lifetime had passed.
“I don’t love you.”
“You said you did.”
“I know what I said.”
“Willow…”
She finally turned. She crossed my bedroom with three long strides and picked up her pants off the floor. She seemed frantic as she pushed each foot in and yanked them up her eggshell pale legs.
I sat up, the sheet falling from my chest. “Willow, what the hell are you talking about?”
“Listen, I have been lying to you. I don’t…” She stopped and raked her fingers through her hair. “I’m in love with a woman I worked with before. She’s married and…” She paused again, this time placing her hand on her chest. She looked as if it was difficult to breathe.
I moved to the edge of the bed, pulling the sheet with me. “Hold on. If she’s married—”
“No!” Her voice was loud, piercing, and once again, my world started to quake.
“Okay,” I whispered.
“I can’t be in love with two people. I can’t. It’s not how my brain works.”
“What about your heart?”
She stopped putting her shoes on and paused. “I’m sorry, I can’t.”
“You’re leaving me for a woman who is, what? Is she leaving her husband?”
She shook her head.
“No divorce, then?”
She shook her head again.
“I see what I meant to you if I’m so easy to leave for someone you’ll never have.”
“You were a distraction. There have been many distractions. You aren’t the only one.”
“Wow.” My heart leapt into my throat and made it difficult to breathe. “You told me I was—”
“I know what I said.” An evil smirk appeared on her lips. “I did what I needed to do to get what I wanted.”
Her words took my breath away. I couldn’t even find the ability to summon tears. I clamped the inside of my cheek so hard I drew blood. The taste of iron was the only thing that tethered me to the bed, to the apartment, to the world. Otherwise, I would have begged for the sweet release of death.
After our stare-down, her shoulders slumped and her hair fell around her face, and when she glanced away, she said, “There will always be others, but none will be as important as her. You were the least important of all of them. You are not who I want to spend the rest of my life with. I don’t even know if I want to spend it with her.” She let out a ragged breath, and I gritted my teeth. Every part of me wanted to stand and deck her. “You’re not beautiful. You’re not perfect. And most of all, you’re not her. Period.”
I tried to swallow, but I couldn’t. My heart was beating so hard, it almost caused me to panic. Was I having a panic attack or a heart attack? Either was frightening, but only one was cause for concern. I finally found the strength to swallow, so I swallowed my heart, but I also swallowed the insults because I didn’t know what else to do with them. They tasted as horrible going down as they did when she slapped them onto my plate. And the worst part was, she knew how fragile my self-esteem was, and she stood so still, so perfectly, and told me everything I knew in my heart and feared to have validated by someone else was true. “Please leave.”
“She is everything to me. You have to understand that.”
“Willow. Stop.”
“And I don’t know what I was thinking going after you.”
“Stop.”
“She is—”
“Stop!” The volume of my voice had startled even me. I watched her rapid blinks before she steadied herself on her heels and smoothed a hand over her flat stomach. She tossed her hair over her shoulder and let out a deep breath. “You made your fucking point.” My teeth were clenched, and if I hadn’t been stark naked, I would have stood and done something I later would have regretted.
“I’m sorry, Francesca.”
“No, you aren’t.” My words seemed to slap her across the face. Her courageous expression fell just as her shoulders had done earlier. “You don’t care about me any more than you care about this woman you say you love.”
“Don’t even presume to know how I feel about her.”
“If you loved her, you wouldn’t have left. You wouldn’t have found me, and you wouldn’t have slept with me.” I pulled the sheet tighter around my trembling body. “And you would have never said you loved me.”
“I don’t love you.”
“And I don’t love you.” I pointed to the door. “Leave. Now.”
She waited half a second too long.
“Leave!” I screamed so loud it seemed to move her a step backward.
I watched her turn, watched her grab her jacket on the way out of my bedroom. I could hear the front door open and close, and only when I knew she was more than likely on the elevator did I let myself fall backward and cry.
Chapter One
Francesca
One Month Later
I stare at my reflection in my bathroom mirror. “Francesca Lopez. You are a sexy beast. And you deserve to be taken seriously. Do you hear me?”
I sigh. Check each side of my face, look at my cheekbones, the line of my jaw, my chin, my neck. “Yes, I hear you.” My voice sounds loud in my large bathroom, but these moments when I make myself believe I’m okay, I can survive, I have survived, mean everything to me.
For the past month, I’ve started every single morning the same way. A pep talk seems like the best course of action for when I can hardly pull myself out of bed. A month is a long time to do something as crazy as pep talks in the bathroom mirror, but with a heart is as shattered as mine is, beggars can’t be choosers.
“You are worth it. You deserve to find happiness.”
It’d be really great if I believed this crap I’m telling myself.
The hope is that one day, the ache in my chest won’t be the first thing I feel when I wake up. I hope that day is soon. Dreading waking up is awful. It’s the worst part of my mornings, and for most of my life, I have loved mornings.
Waking up in Las Vegas every day is exhilarating, too, so having this dark cloud over me all the time is a lot to deal with. I don’t care what anyone says about this city. To me, Vegas is a town full of opportunity and money. Lots and lots of money. People come from all over to try to get a piece of that pie. Few succeed. And the people who’ve lived here forever are sometimes irritated by tourists and the loss of money and probably by the people who have actually succeeded. I don’t feel that way, though. What annoys some people fuels me.
After pushing myself as hard as I can, I’m finally living the life I’ve always wanted to. I worked very hard to get to where I’m at now. Late nights, shitty tips, and men grabbing at me more often than not. But being a bartender at one of the best and newest casinos on the Strip has its advantages. And it’s the best job I’ve ever had.
Everything in my life has to be regimented, or I’ll end up going slightly crazy. My life isn’t actually nutty or too much to deal with. It’s just a lot, so if I’m not careful, if I don’t keep a constant eye on what I’m doing or how I’m handling things, everything will fall apart, including my body. And I’ve recently learned my body is the only thing I can control.
