by Cee, DW
That same enthusiasm and confidence eluded me.
“Here we are. Let’s go in and see what’s happening.” Mom announced as we all rushed into the emergency ward after her. “How is she?” Mom asked Jackie and Shea.
Both ladies had been crying. “Ben walked out a minute ago to say the convulsion was a febrile seizure due to the high fever. She had two more since she left your place,” Jackie explained. “Marni and Ben are in the room with the Ali.”
Separately and jointly, we researched what we could about this seizure. Much of what we learned relieved the initial fears, but until we knew Ali was doing well, none of us felt at peace.
Ben finally walked out a good hour later. He had aged a decade since this morning.
“How is she?” The ladies asked.
“She’s finally asleep but it wasn’t easy getting her there.”
“Tell us everything,” his father had the same worn appearance.
“When we arrived, the nurses tried to get an IV in her and that freaked her out. She went from crying bloody murder to another seizure and that freaked Marni out. The doctors reassured us that a febrile seizure in young children was not uncommon, but nothing he said comforted us. We thought she was going to die.” His voice broke. I felt like an asshole thinking about my ruined wedding when Ben thought his child might die. With a repentant heart, I decided to join in everyone’s worry.
“What’s exactly wrong with her?” his mom asked.
“A febrile seizure is common and generally doesn’t lead to anything more than an incident or two. With Marni’s help, the nurses put an IV in her so they could draw blood. Once blood work is done, we’ll have more answers.” The women were in tears thinking about a little one having needles stuck in her. “The doctor and nurses assured me that they’ve seen many babies come in with febrile seizures. Generally, everything is all right. The cause is most likely the high spike in fever or possibly someone in the family has had febrile seizures.”
“May we see her?” Jackie asked.
“It’s best if you don’t. Mar finally put her to sleep.”
“When you get a chance, will you let Marni know I’d like to speak with her?”
“Sure. I’ll bring her out. Can you grab Mar something to drink?” Ben forwarded the request to me.
“Yeah,” I answered.
Mom and Shea found comfort in their respective husbands while Jackie and Dad paced. I felt like an idiot just standing around so I went to grab Marni a drink.
Deciding to get her a decent cup of coffee, I walked to the Starbucks at the end of the block and returned with renewed hope. Ali would be all right, according to the doctors. Maybe in the next few hours, we could have Dad marry us and leave for a quick weekend honeymoon before I needed to fly back to San Diego. While I worked, I would not think about, worry about, or fret about Marni, Ali, and Ben. If my wife wanted to continue living with them until I came up on the weekends, I’d allow that with a smile.
Everything would be fine. Our life would continue as one.
That was my last thought until I walked back into the waiting area to find an irate Ben asking, “What the hell does this mean, Marni? Why would Ali’s blood type be an AB+ when her mother and I are both type A? How does this happen? Explain!” he yelled.
Fuck! What the hell, now?
Chapter 8 - Marni
You’re Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go ~Bob Dylan
“What was that all about? Why on earth was your sister calling?”
“I’ve no idea. She was vague in her reason for calling. She was even more awkward about wanting/needing to talk to me.”
“She finally wants a heart-to-heart with her big sister?”
“I doubt it. She’s been managing her life fine without me. I don’t know where I’d fit in at this juncture in our non-relationship.”
“She’s coming here?”
“So she says. Who knows when she’ll change her mind?”
“Is her husband coming, too?”
“I assume? Once again, who knows? I haven’t had a prolonged conversation with either one of them since college, I think.”
“That’s sad, Marni.”
“I know, but what can you do? My sister isn’t comfortable with me, which makes me uncomfortable with her. Dysfunction is a part of almost every American family.”
“Seriously? Are you saying when we get married, there’d be something wrong with us or our kids?”
“When…?”
“Shit, did I let the cat out of the bag?”
“What?”
“Damn. I meant to do this after I picked out your ring. Marni, will you marry me?”
“Oh my gosh! You’re kidding me.”
“You don’t have to laugh at me like I said the punchline to the funniest joke. What’s it gonna be, Marni?”
“Come back and ask me again when you get it right.”
“Mean Marni Montgomery. That’s what I’m going to call you until you give me the right answer.”
“Whatever, Noah Bergstrom. Go back and read a Jane Austen novel or two or ten.”
“Talk to me, Marni. Explain to me what’s going on, now!” Ben’s voice brought the entire waiting room to a standstill.
I didn’t know how I would answer him. This day was not supposed to ever happen. I looked at Mom, whose anxiety level surpassed mine.
“Marni? What’s going on?” Noah arrived in perfect time to hear my confession.
“I...Mel...” How was I to do this? I wanted to cry at the unfairness of this situation. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. This was my sister’s doing. She should’ve been the person to receive the brunt of everyone’s anger and feelings of betrayal.
“Mrs. Howard?” The doctor broke up our family reunion.
“Yes?” Shea spoke.
With a confused look, he turned to me and said, “I’m sorry. I needed to speak with this Mrs. Howard.” Hell. The doctor was addressing me as Ben’s wife in front of the man I was one word away from being married to—what the hell kind of nightmare was this?
“Yes, Doctor?” I didn’t give a damn what anyone else thought. I wanted to know what was going on with Ali. “Does Ali need me?”
“Yes. She’s up and looking for you. Also, I wanted to let you know that all the test results came back negative. I think Alice will be fine. I’d encourage you to stay in New York until her fever subsides and then take her in to her pediatrician for more tests.”
“So she’ll be fine?”
“Yes, Mrs. Howard. If she has another seizure, bring her in immediately, but once her fever is controlled, I think she’ll be back to her usual self. As it is, she’s not hollering for you, yet, but she is asking firmly for her Mama.”
That was all I needed to hear. I led the family into Ali’s room.
“Mama!” A smile donned her face, finally!
“Hello, my sweet girl. I see by your pretty smile that you’re ready to get out of here?”
Ali placed her hand out to me so I could pick her up. “Let me ask the nurse to free you of all these wires.”
I knew this time was a godsend. I had until Ali went to sleep before I told my sister’s story.
This was not the wedding day of every girl’s dreams. The perfect wedding day—a big white dress, flowers decorated all through the church, tiers and tiers of cake in every possible flavor, and dancing the night away with your new husband—those were what girls dreamed of when thinking of their future wedding. During this special time, there’d be no sick babies who convulsed with febrile seizures, no ex-boyfriends/brother-in-laws who spent the night, hands-locked, confessing his desires to become a family with you, and there’d definitely be no reason to explain why I was one of the few people to understand why Ali’s blood type was different from her parents.
Rather than waking up with visions of walking down the aisle, I had woken up with Ali hotter than she was the night before. I ended up taking her back into a cool tub, calming her down and playing wi
th her. She was weak but willing to babble with me and eat a few bites once we were out of the tub.
Ben was calmer than expected. The grandparents were not. They fretted and flitted. I almost asked them to head back to their rooms, but decided to hold back. Worrying about Ali was their prerogative.
Time slipped away and Mom took an unwilling Ali from my arms so I could dress for the man who was awaiting his bride. There was no time to ooh and aah over the bride who wore a white dress that wasn’t a wedding dress. Ben was the first to see me and he only nodded his approval. Before anyone could comment on my wedding day attire or look, Ali’s frantic cry had me by her side again. From there, she clung to me like second skin.
After having had the scare of my life, I saw that she had good reasons for not letting go. My concern for Ali was on overdrive; it was to a point where I considered postponing the wedding. Mom convinced me to marry with Ali in tow.
I should have listened to my instinct and postponed the wedding. A few hours, a few days wouldn’t have made a difference. Everyone would have understood. Now, once we sat down to hear Melody’s story and my excuses, no one would understand.
“Talk!” Ben demanded the second I came out to the living area of his hotel room. Ali wouldn’t sleep without me lying in bed with her so I did what I had to do. In all honesty, I needed to get away from everyone’s eyes, especially Ben’s.
Oddly, Noah was silent during all this commotion. He hardly said two words to anybody. From the hospital, we all came back to Ben’s room, and everyone but Ali and me went out for dinner. Ben wouldn’t have left if it hadn’t been for his father urging him to give us some time to settle in. During my hour of freedom, I bathed Ali, read to her, and spent the rest of the time cuddled on the bed.
Now it was time to confess.
Chapter 9 - Ben
Live To Tell ~Madonna
“Are you ready to face your sister? You know what you’re going to say?”
“Kind of. Will you talk to her too?”
“No. This is not something I want, Mel. I’m only here because I don’t want you to go through this alone. If it were up to me, we’d be home continuing with life.”
“I’m trying to make it so that we can continue with life, Ben. You’ll love having a baby. That will complete us. I just want one. I won’t ask Marni to do this ever again.”
“Well, I hear her reaching the door. Better get your speech ready.”
“Hey, Melody. Hi, Ben.”
“Hi Sis.”
“Hey Mar. Long time no see. How’ve you been?”
“Well. Come in.”
“Is Noah home?”
“Yep. I’m right here. It’s a surprise to see you both in San Diego. What brings you down here?”
“We wanted to ask my sister an important question. Would you be willing to talk to us privately?”
“Whatever you want to say to me, you can say to Noah. What is it you need, Melody?”
“All right. I’ll cut to the chase. You know Ben and I have had a hard time conceiving.”
“I didn’t know, but OK...how can I possibly help you, Mel?”
“The only way for us to have kids is through a surrogate and we’d like for you to be our surrogate.”
“What?”
“What the fuck, Melody Howard? After ignoring your sister all these years, you think you can just walk back into her life and ask her to make this sacrifice for you? Where were you and your husband all those years when you didn’t need her as a surrogate?”
“I’m sorry I haven’t been much of a little sister. I can’t say my big sister ever reached out to me…”
“You’re impossible, Melody. I can answer you right now. No. Thanks for visiting. I wish you luck finding a surrogate.”
“How could you just say no without giving it a thought? I can’t have kids. Don’t you want to help your only sister and your ex?”
“No and no.”
“Let’s get going, Mel. Sorry to have bothered you, Marni. I wish we could have reunited under different circumstances. Take care.”
“Talk to us, Marni.” We were all waiting: Mom, Dad, Jackie, Noah and his family. Marni, the star of this drama, played the mute. I needed some answers before I went ballistic. “Who is Ali? Is she even my daughter?”
“What?” Marni asked in horror. “How can you think she’s not your daughter? From the moment you laid eyes on her, didn’t you know? How the hell can you ask such a question?”
“I don’t know! Maybe it has something to do with this insane revelation about differing blood types. What else am I supposed to think?”
“You’re not supposed to think. You’re supposed to feel. You love Ali and she loves you. There should be no doubt who her father is.” Marni vehemently pressed her case as I did mine.
“Then I guess the only question left is who’s her mother,” Noah spoke in an eerie, stoic manner.
I always knew there was something not right with this guy. In this melee, how could a man stay so calm? What was he, a robot or something? If my wedding got interrupted, I’d be pissed as hell. Although, he better not be pissed with my daughter. That would be an asshole thing to do since she had just had a seizure.
“I am Ali’s mother.” I was thinking about Noah so hard I almost missed Marni’s oh-so-casual revelation.
“What?” I yelled once I caught my bearing. “What did you say?”
“Ali is my daughter. She’s the product of Ben and me.”
“What the fuck is going on?” I could not believe what Marni continued to reveal. “How can this be?”
While I felt like I was going out of my mind, Noah asked again in that cold voice, “Did you fuck Ben while you were living with me?”
“No! Oh my gosh, Noah. No! It’s not like that.” Marni pleaded. “Sit down. Let me explain it all to you. It was my sister. I couldn’t refuse her.”
Noah’s eyes went blank, his face impassive, as he announced, “I’m done, Marni.”
Chapter 9 - Noah
Live To Tell ~Madonna
“Are we really divorcing, Noah?”
“Isn’t this what you said you wanted?”
“What I want is for you to be happy with me. No matter what I do, you’re never happy with me.”
“Siena, don’t conjure up problems between us. I’ve told you that I want you in Georgia with me. If you can’t give me that, there’s no point in staying married.”
“I don’t understand why it’s so important to you where I technically live. Why can’t I come see you on the weekends or when I know you have days off?”
“Let’s just part now, Siena. It’s painful for me to think that we were so wrong about one another.”
“You are awful for giving up on us so easily. What kind of man walks away just because there’s a small obstacle in his way? What’s wrong with you?”
“What’s wrong with me is that I’m tired of trying. I need a woman in this relationship, not a child. I’m tired of giving. I’d like to take occasionally.”
“If you leave now, we will be over, Noah. No matter how much you beg, I won’t take you back.”
“Good-bye, Siena.”
“Noah. Please. Give me a chance to explain. You can’t give up on me, on us, after all we’ve been through. It’s not what you’re thinking.” Marni had run over to stop me from leaving. Her hands were dragging me back and the heavy mascara blazed trails all over her cheeks.
I took my hand back and stopped her attempt. “It doesn’t matter anymore what I think. What I know is that I cared for my pregnant girlfriend while she happily carried her ex-boyfriend’s child. What an idiot I was. All those morning sicknesses I helped alleviate. All those cravings I satisfied. All for what? So you could eventually play house with your ex-lover? Well, I wish you good luck. I’ll be out of your way, Marni Montgomery. Now you can play house without worrying about me.”
“It wasn’t like that. Melody tricked me.”
“Even now, am I a fool to you? Your si
ster tricked you? What are you, five?”
“Noah, you have to believe me. I would never have agreed had she told me from the beginning that she was completely infertile. Her eggs weren’t viable.”
“So big sister-Marni came in to save the day. Whatever. I’m done with you and your lies. Have a nice life with your family.”
I left.
I couldn’t stand to be in the same room with my fiancée and her happy little family.
I hated myself for having been a moron all these years.
“Noah!” Dad called out. Carson and Mom came with him. “Let’s go talk somewhere.”
“I just want to be alone, Dad. Please.” I walked away.
“Noah. I don’t want you to be alone right now. Let one of us go with you.”
“Mom. I promise, I won’t go far. I won’t get drunk. I won’t end up in jail. I really need this time to think—alone.”
All three looked at me. They looked at one another. They eventually caved.
“Call any one of us if you want to talk.”
“OK, Dad.”
I walked outside and took in the fresh air. Thirty-two years old, two failed attempts at marriage, two years of living a complete lie. I didn’t think my mother raised a fool, but apparently she had.
Like yesterday, I remembered the day Marni went against my wishes and agreed to be a surrogate. We fought like hell, but there was no stopping her. She’d made up her mind. I could live with it, or get the hell out. Against better judgment, I chose to accept her “good deed” and support her.
It all made sense now why she was willing to give up on me and our relationship the moment Ben called for help. There was never a prayer for me. No matter my decision, I was forever going to be the loser. No matter her love for me, she loved her daughter more. Since her daughter came first, obviously her daughter’s father followed. There wasn’t a chance I’d fit into that family.
