by Cee, DW
“I understand your desire to keep your daughter over a possible husband. I would’ve chosen Noah over Eli or Carson. Sadly, it’s my son whose heart broke, but as a woman and a mother, I do understand.”
“You do?”
“I do, Marni. Obviously, it wasn’t meant to be for you and Noah. I know you’ll both find your spouses in the near future. You’re both loving people with good heads on your shoulders. Don’t give up hope in finding love again. You’re too young, Marni.”
“I don’t know if I’ll find a man who’ll love my daughter as much as he loves me.”
“What about the man who already loves your daughter more than his own life?”
I’d been getting these questions quite often these days. “He’ll forever love his late wife. I can’t compete with her.”
“I think you might be surprised to find that there’s no competition at all. A lot of times, love is right in front of you. You only need to acknowledge it.”
“Thank you for talking to me, Cece. I feel so much better knowing you don’t hate me.”
“None of us hate you, Marni. Please drop by any time you’re in my neighborhood.”
“I extend the same welcome to you,” I said and gave her a hug. “Take care and please say hello to all the men in your life.”
She giggled. “I will.”
We parted on much better terms than I expected or deserved. After hurting her son, I thought I’d have to apologize the entire time I was here. The Bergstrom/Hanover family would one day find their daughter-in-law and she’d be one lucky girl.
“Meeting done? Can we have dinner?” A grumpy man greeted me in the foyer of our hotel.
“Sure. What did you want to eat?”
“I made reservations for us at a hip place but had to give it up because you didn’t come back in time. Let’s just go across the street and eat at that steak house. I suppose they can’t go wrong with a good piece of meat, right?”
I saw no reason for him to be upset, but he was. I wasn’t sure what I’d done wrong.
“I’m sorry you lost the reservation. My talk with Cece went really well; it lasted a lot longer than expected.”
“What does that mean?” Once again, he was agitated way more than necessary. “Did she convince you to get back together with Noah?”
“What? Why the hell would that thought even pop into that big head of yours?”
“So…you’re not reuniting with Noah?” He spoke somewhat apologetically.
“No. No. And again, NO!” I enunciated loudly and clearly.
“Then why’d you meet with her?”
“I told you, I needed closure with his parents. They were all very good to me the years Noah and I dated. Closure was something I never got with your parents. Losing them hurt almost as much as losing you.”
“Really?” There was an unknown smile on his face now. Ben was such a moody man. “Why did you need closure with my parents?”
“They treated me like their daughter for most of my life and one day, Melody became their daughter. I became an in-law. Your parents couldn’t show me the same affection they used to because they had a new daughter to love. That killed.”
“Almost as much as losing me? That seems an awful stretch. You always were one to exaggerate.” Now this bipolar man was chuckling.
“You know what, I take back my statement.”
“Of course you do. Why would losing my parents make you as distraught as losing me?”
“Losing your parents was worse than losing you. Your parents were always giving. You were always taking. I don’t know how you and Melody got along so well. You’re both takers.”
“Marni Montgomery, you take that back.” He was aghast at my statement. “I can’t believe you said that. I always saw myself as the giver in the relationship. Look at how I am with our daughter.” The laughter ensued but only on my part. “Why are you laughing so hard?”
“What choice do you have but to give to a one-year-old who commands all of you with a point here or there?”
“Stop laughing.” He complained as we walked into an upscale steakhouse.
“All right.” I stopped more because of the ambience of the restaurant. Who knew Ben thought he was such a giver.
The hostess sat us immediately in a cozy booth. Ben sat so close to me I actually told him to move.
“Why?” he asked. “What’s wrong with the way we’re seated? The booth is small. We need to be close or I’ll fall off.”
Rather than protesting, I ordered dinner and we fell into our easy friendship. Ben and I had a relationship I could never achieve with Noah. There was something about growing up together that gave us a deeper bond. I was never this comfortable with anyone aside from my mother.
“What are you thinking about, Mar?”
“I’m thinking I like our friendship very much. If all else fails between us, we’ll always have our friendship.”
“You think things will go south between us?”
“I suppose it could when you meet your next wife, and she doesn’t like me.”
“What the hell? Where did that random idea come from? You say the oddest things at times. What future wife?”
“The one you’ll eventually meet. You’re a good catch, Ben. If you look around, I’m sure you’ll notice women making passes at you.”
Ben grinned. “You think I’m a good catch?” The egomaniac was back.
“You could be if that head of yours will come back to normal size. As it is, it’s pretty large.”
“Tell me why you think I’m a good catch.”
“Dear God! You’re making me spell it out? I might have to drink a little more wine before I can answer that question.”
“Hey. You’re the one who mentioned it. Tell me now why all women should fall for me.”
I’d created a monster with two key words. “You make good money. You’re halfway decent looking. You have an adorable daughter. You have a great house on the beach with a pool. Very few people have that combination.” I gave him nothing about himself. I only mentioned his circumstances.
“Try again!” He feigned annoyance.
“That’s about all I can think of right now, Benjamin. I need sustenance before I can say why all women should fall at your feet.”
“All right. You want to play that way? How about this?” Shit. Where was he going? “I think you’re an even better catch. You’re beautiful. Your body reminds me of the eighteen-year-old-you—which at times is not a good reminder.” What? “You are the best mother I’ve ever seen. That’s topping my mother and yours. You’re kind, generous, and sweet. You love deeply, give everything of yourself, and you don’t hold grudges. I know that when you choose to fall in love again, that man will be the luckiest man alive. What do you think of that?”
Oh my gosh! What the hell was I to make of all that?
Chapter 21 - Ben
Honesty ~Beyoncé
“There’s a concert in Central Park tonight. What shall I get in our picnic basket?”
Marni stared at me as if I’d asked if she wanted to go live on Mars. “Um…I’m good with whatever you choose. It looks like it might rain today. What happens then?”
“It says rain or shine on the tickets, but it’s up to you. I don’t care.”
“Should we call Ali and see how she’s faring?” Mar would be the consummate mother.
“Nope. Talked to Dad about half an hour ago. She’s well. She’s asked for us a few times, but coincidentally, a Disney character distracted her on each occasion. She’s in heaven, and we’ll see her this time, tomorrow.”
“It seems a sin to be away from her. I miss her.”
“I do too, but it’s good to be away.”
Marni looked doubtful. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“I only ask because I keep getting these questions and I want to make sure we’re on the same page.”
“All right. Ask.”
“Are you OK with our status?�
��
I had a good idea of what she was talking about but I wanted her to explain. “Care to go into details?”
“Both moms and your dad assume we’re headed toward becoming a family—like a wedded family. I keep telling them that’s not the case, but they’re not easy to dissuade. Do they talk to you that way, too? If so, I’m sorry. I promise, I’m not the one giving them these ideas. They can’t let go of us from our youth.”
“Where do you see us heading? Are you unhappy with our status? Would you like to change it?” I couldn’t say I knew where we were headed, or where I wanted us to be, but I knew I wasn’t as against a relationship with Marni as I was in the past. She comforted me in ways I didn’t realize I needed. She wasn’t wrong when she said she was a giver and I was a taker. That was one of the qualities I loved most about her.
“I’m fine with us. You have your life, I have mine, and we have a life with our daughter. If you find that my presence hinders you in any way, just let me know. You won’t hurt my feelings…well, maybe I might be a little hurt, but I’ll get over it.”
“Tell me what makes you think you’d hinder any part of my life.”
She was slower to answer this question. “Well…I guess what I’m trying to say is…women might get the wrong idea about us…goodness knows, your parents have the wrong idea and they know what’s happening. I just don’t want to stop you from moving forward, Ben. It might hurt initially, but if you want to see other women so you can eventually marry, I’ll not stand in your way.”
This conversation turned much more serious than I expected. I welcomed the honesty.
“Why would you be hurt if I started dating again, Mar? Is it because of your sister? You feel bad for her? Do you think I’m betraying her?” I hoped all her answers would be a no, but I had no idea what was going on in her head. She held onto her thoughts. “Please tell me, Mar. The last thing I want is strife between us. Our relationship is almost ideal.”
“I don’t know what I’m thinking, Ben. Just know that I won’t be in your way if you want to move forward. The only thing I ask is that you don’t take away my daughter from me. Technically, she’s yours and Melody’s daughter. If you ever wanted to hurt me, that would be the way to do it.”
“You think very little of me if you think I’d keep Ali away from you. Do you actually believe I can do that and have a harmonious home? My daughter would never speak to me again.”
“I don’t think so, but I just don’t know what it will be like when you find your next wife. As I said, she could hate me and use Ali against me.”
Mar refused to answer my earlier questions. I didn’t know how to drag the truth out of her. I tried another tactic. “What if your future husband hates me and tries to shut me out of your lives?”
“Uh, I believe I told you I’m never getting married? I can’t picture being with another man ever again. Maybe when Ali’s settled with a husband of her own, I’ll head back into the dating game.”
I laughed at her. “Who’d want you then? You’ll be old and too set in your ways.”
What was meant as a joke wasn’t funny to my friend. I saw tears forming in her eyes.
“Growing up, I dreamed of marrying my prince in a big castle, wearing a big white dress. I almost had that, though a much scaled-down version of the dream, a few months ago. I suppose we all can’t get what we dream or life would be a complete fantasy.” She wiped her face and said, “You’re right. Who would want me now with a baby in tow, and who would want me thirty years from now as a senior citizen? I thought I threw away those dreams when you married my sister. Then I threw them away again when Noah walked out on me. I don’t know how my dreams continue to find life.”
Since we were both still standing, it was easy to pull her in for a hug. “Maybe you weren’t meant to lose the dream, Mar. A decade ago, we were in a different place in life, but today, we’re both right here. It’s weird how so much has changed and yet everything is exactly the same. Do you understand what I’m trying to convey?”
Chapter 21 - Marni
Honesty ~Beyoncé
I didn’t understand what he was saying. It was hard to believe I was in Ben’s arms crying about my lost dreams. I told myself, and anyone who’d listen, that I was all right with being alone. I could live with my daughter and mother the rest of my life—I didn’t need a man. Why, then, was I continually crying over the loss of my dreams?
“I’m sorry, Ben. I’m being foolish. It’s been hard accepting my fate.”
“You’ve yet to answer any of my questions, Marni.”
Something about being in his caressing arms made me want to stay here a lifetime. Why did Ben have to leave me? Why couldn’t we have married and had Ali the natural way?
“I don’t know what you’re trying to say, but I can tell you that I’m thankful for our friendship. I’m sorry that I’m continually asking you to take out the violin for me. I’ll try and keep the pathetic feelings to myself.”
“Mar. Listen to me and answer my questions,” Ben insisted. “Why would it hurt you if I dated again?”
The first time I deflected, but now, I had to answer. “I told you before that my feelings for you never died; they’re always hovering somewhere. With us becoming close again, they appear to want to come to the surface. No matter how hard I try, no matter the fact that I don’t want to compete with a dead woman, I can’t help myself. I’m sorry if that makes you feel uncomfortable. I don’t want anything to ruin the friendship and co-parenting relationship we have. It’s most important to me that we get along, especially for our daughter’s sake.”
“What if I told you I might reciprocate?”
There was no way. “I don’t want to be in the shadow of my sister, Ben.”
“But you just told me you had feelings for me.” He was upset.
“I told you that they’re always there. Our closeness brought them to the surface without my consent. But,” I emphasized, “I’m done playing second fiddle to my sister. My relationship with my father is non-existent because I’d rather have him ignore me than compare me to my sister. I can’t ever beat her—whether in my dad’s heart or yours.”
“So you’re saying you’d rather we pretend what’s happening here is non-existent because I was once married to your sister?”
“I’m saying I’d rather we stay friends the rest of our lives, than have to fight someone who’s been immortalized in your heart. I don’t want you to love me second best. I deserve better than that, Ben. I want a man to love me more than any woman he’s ever known. If I can’t have that, I’ll take nothing at all.”
“That’s stupid and unfair, Marni.”
“Maybe so, but that’s what I want. Unfortunately, you can’t give me that.”
He let go of me and walked away. “So you don’t want to try again—especially for the sake of our daughter—because I loved Melody?”
“You still love Melody and will for a very long time.”
“I’ll love my late wife forever!” His exclamation was a painful jab unto my heart.
“I know you will, Ben. Let’s forget this conversation ever happened.”
Ben left my room and I didn’t see him again until it was time to go home.
“Mama!” My gorgeous daughter ran to me the moment her grandfather let her out of the car.
“Hi Ali-Girl. Was Disneyland wonderful?” She nodded her curly red hair. “I’ve missed you.” I hugged her tight. She reciprocated with her own show of love. “I love you so much, Ali-Girl. I’m so grateful you’re in my life.”
I kept her near my heart. Fortunately, she appeared to have missed me as much as I missed her and she stayed glued to me. After saying a quick hello to her father and an even quicker good-bye to her grandparents, we sat on the sofa with Ali still on my chest. Eventually that’s how she fell asleep.
I wanted to lay with her the entire night. She was my refuge, especially in times of need. However, after my heated exchange with Ben, it wasn’t wise to spend
a night in his home. He was still upset; he had barely spoken ten words since we arrived.
Carefully, I put my daughter in her crib. The lights were on in Ben’s room—I was tempted to go in and tell him I’d take him regardless of how much he loved his late wife. I wasn’t stupid. He was offering me a chance at a relationship, a future, and possibly more kids if life worked out perfectly. Could he possibly give me what I wanted most?—love apart from my sister’s shadow, a straightforward, uncomplicated relationship—was that possible?
This choice was one that would affect all of us, especially our daughter. I would think it through and ease Ben’s mind soon. Perhaps it was futile to think I could ever refuse Ben’s affections. With Ali as our bond, our relationship was now that much stronger. With those thoughts in hand, a future with Ben didn’t appear hopeless. In fact, maybe the three of us could work.
“Ben?” I knocked on his door hoping he’d allow me in.
“Come in.” I walked in to find him already in bed, working on his laptop. He watched me expectantly as I walked up to him.
“My ideas about you, me, and our daughter are not far off from your own. I hope we can revisit this conversation sometime in the future…but with different results.”
Ben grabbed my hand before I could turn around and leave. “Stay with me?”
Those three words could breathe new life into our current relationship or completely ruin it.
I chose what was best for the three of us.
Epilogue - Ben
Happy Days ~Pratt & McClain (Theme song from Happy Days)
One year later…
“Marni!”
“What is it?” she yelled.
“Let’s go. We’re late!”
“Hold your horses, Ben. Your daughter wants to use the bathroom.”
