by Lynn Mann
‘You’re probably doing all you need to do, otherwise she’d tell you,’ Rowena said as I complained of my frustration one evening over dinner. ‘She looks amazing when you ride her, I know it’s a bit stop and start but it must feel strange for her, moving in such a different way and I should think she’ll need to build up the muscles in all of the right places before you can move on more. That’s what Oak says he’s doing anyway.’
‘At least he tells you what he’s doing so you know what’s going on,’ I grumbled.
‘Oh, come on, you can be aware of what’s going on in Infinity’s body any time you choose, she knows it and so do you. She concentrates so hard when you ride her Am, you can’t see her face, but I can and those blue eyes of hers take on this burning look, as if there’s nothing more important than what she’s doing at that moment. You’re doing what she needs you to do and for now you’re just going to have to be content with it.’
I sighed. ‘But there’s just so much to do. Now I know we’re aiming for “The Ultimate”, I just want to get on and achieve it, even though I don’t know exactly how riding will help us to reach it. And we need to be able to do it before the other Bonded finally get themselves organised and set off on their stupid hunt, if we’re going to be able to stop them.’
‘How do you mean?’
This was something that Justin, Quinta and I had concluded during a discussion earlier that day. ‘They’re not going to listen to what we say, but if we can somehow show them what the horses know, what we know now, that everything and everyone are all just parts of the same whole, maybe it will be enough to halt them in their plans, make them think about what they’re doing.’
Rowena thought for a moment. ‘Hmmm, I see what you mean. It wouldn’t hurt to give Salom something other than just the events of “that day” to spread around either.’
‘Salom? She’s back here?’
‘Yup, she and Pete arrived after lunch and she’s revelling in all the drama. She’s just going to love spreading it all far and wide.’
My heart sank. A Herald taking advance news to the world at large of the fear and hate that the majority of the Horse-Bonded now felt for the Woeful would be a disaster; there would be campaigns against the Woeful springing up everywhere and everything the Bonded of the past had achieved in helping the people of The New to stay on the path of human advancement would be at risk. ‘Where is Salom? She needs to hear a different side of the story,’ I said.
‘Just find the crowds and Salom will be there, soaking up all the news and attention at the centre of it all.’
At that moment, the door burst open and Salom marched into the dining hall. ‘Right folks, the bandanna’s coming off. I’ll be staying in my usual room, so please feel free to drop in to collect or deliver messages after breakfast tomorrow, but for now, I’m tired, hungry and officially off duty.’ She caught sight of Rowena and me, and made her way over. ‘Amarilla! Rowena! How lovely to see you again. Amarilla, I have letters for you from your family and I must hear all of your news, it seems you and Infinity have continued to create a stir since my last visit!’
‘I thought you were off duty,’ said Rowena, leaning back against her chair and folding her arms.
‘To the world at large, I am, but I always have time for my friends and Pete and I both count Amarilla as one of those,’ replied Salom, cheerily.
‘It’s funny how your friends always seem to be the people you think can give you the most gossip, isn’t it,’ retorted Rowena. ‘I’m off to finish up in my workroom before bed. See you in the morning Am.’ She left before Salom had the chance to reply.
‘I’ll just grab some shepherd’s pie and I’ll be back, if that’s alright with you Amarilla? Pete’ll be along soon, he’s just checking that the donkeys have everything they need for the night.’
I nodded, my mouth full of stewed apple. I wanted to finish my dessert before Salom returned, so that I could make her understand that on no account could she take the news of the planned Woeful hunt around to the villages.
Focus rather on the information that is beneficial to your fellow humans, Infinity advised me.
What do you mean? It was good to feel her attention back with me after all of her introspection and silence of the past few weeks.
That on which you focus your attention will flourish. Dwell not on that which is negative to human development. Devote your energy towards highlighting that which will enrich the human experience.
What, you mean I shouldn’t mention the hunt? I shouldn’t try and talk Salom out of spreading the news that will encourage everyone else to do the same?
It seemed that Infinity had said her piece and no more counsel would be forthcoming, however she fuelled my mind with love and, what was that I could sense, hope?
My mind raced as I saw Salom making her way back towards me. Focus on the positive, not the negative and then that will be the thing that gains momentum. The idea settled well within me. There was a lot of positive news to give Salom. I smiled to myself.
‘I’m glad you’re here Salom, there’s so much brilliant news to tell you, it’s hard to know where to start!’ I said as she sat down opposite me.
‘Brilliant news? That’s not what I’ve been hearing and I have to say I’m more than a little surprised to find you so upbeat after what happened to Infinity, Amarilla you’ve had a terrible time.’
‘We had an incident here that was frightening and shook everyone up, but so much good has come out of it!’ I replied. ‘Shann was given the chance to reach his potential, I was given the opportunity to demonstrate that the Skills are all the same and that ANYONE can do them, just think of the excitement that will cause when everyone knows what’s possible, and on top of all of that, we’ve been given the push that we needed to reach out to those who’ve been neglected for way too long! And you must come and watch what some of us are doing with our horses, we’re just realising what’s possible as a result of bonding with them and riding them, it’s so exciting! You really couldn’t have timed your visit here better!’
Salom had broken into a smile, but once I’d finished speaking, she shook her head and said, ‘I’m sorry, but didn’t Shann die? And when you talk of “reaching out to those who’ve been neglected”, you can’t, surely, mean the Woeful?’
I nodded. ‘If they hadn’t been forced to raid The Gathering, we’d never have had to face the fact that they suffer from living the way they do. Rather than seeing them as dangers to be feared, we need to see them as victims of The Old, and victims that we should be helping.’
‘You can’t be serious! After everything that happened? Your own horse was nearly killed for goodness’ sake, how can you possibly be thinking of approaching them, let alone trying to help them? They’re dangerous animals and the bane of my life as a Herald. Two donkeys I’ve lost to them in the last five years Amarilla, that’s two members of my family, not to mention all the extra distance we have to travel to avoid woodland. And wasn’t Shann a friend of yours?’
I nodded, noticing that my heart had begun to beat arhythmically and slightly painfully in my chest. I could do this. ‘He was. And I’m happy for him and grateful to the Woeful who not only helped him reach his potential, but helped him move on when it was his time. But just think, Salom, if we’d seen fit to welcome the Woeful into our communities generations back, given them a way to live that doesn’t depend on hunting and raiding, then you would still have your donkeys and the incident here would never have happened.’
Salom shook her head. ‘I can’t believe I’m hearing this. Welcome them into our communities? They’re dangerous! If they’re capable of being civilised, why haven’t they set up communities of their own, villages, like the people of The New had to when they first struck out on their own? Answer me that?’
‘I don’t know. But I can imagine how confusing it must have been for them. They were bred from different animals that all have different ways of living and different impulses and in The Old they were tig
htly controlled by their handlers. To be suddenly free, with no experience of having to find their own food and shelter, no experience of making decisions for themselves, and living according to their own instincts for the first time, it’s amazing that they managed to survive at all. And the Woeful who killed Shann didn’t consciously intend to do it, he was defending himself. I felt his regret and I KNOW we share common ground with them. They are mostly human, after all, everyone always seems to forget that.’
Salom looked searchingly into my eyes and shook her head slowly. Finally, she said, ‘I’m probably going to regret asking this, but what exactly is it that you’re doing with your horses?’
I winked, cheekily. ‘You’ll just have to come along and see for yourself! The far riding paddock after lunch every day is where you’ll find us. In the meantime, have a wander around and look at all the horses here. See if you can see any difference between the horses of Infinity’s herd, and the others. See you tomorrow Salom, I’ll come for my letters once you’re on duty.’
Was it my imagination, or was I having to help Infinity a little less today? I thought to myself. I counted her strides. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine steps before a little help from me was needed, that was four more strides than her previous best! Infinity was definitely keeping her balance for longer at a time. Her silent concentration of the past weeks had given way to suspense as she, too, registered that today was the day that things were feeling a little easier.
I had an increasing sense that she was waiting for me to do something. My mind worked its way around her body. She was gaining the strength and confidence now to lift her front end and hold it back off of her front legs more, but she still felt quite precarious, as if without me she could still topple forward. I thought back to one of my lessons with Feryl. Maybe some of his advice would work now? I waited a few seconds to see if Infinity would let me know what she thought, but she remained silent. Right well I’d just have to give it a go then, I decided.
My heels nudged her firmly and then stayed pressed against her sides. Her ears flicked back towards me uncertainly as she tried to understand what I wanted from her, and then something jolted me from below… it was one of her hind legs! It had come further underneath her and I actually felt it pushing into the ground underneath where I was sitting!
Again Fin. I nudged and held my heels against her sides again and her ears continued to flicker as she responded with another increased stride with her hind leg. Again. Another nudge. And again. I was asking every stride now, and as her hind legs repeatedly came further underneath her, it was beginning to feel as if Infinity was almost sitting on her hind end.
My chest was lifted and my thighs were now closed around her and pulling back firmly, hopefully giving her the assurance that I could help her to stay in balance as we moved forward with increased momentum generated by her hindlegs. It wasn’t quite enough, Infinity wasn’t feeling secure. Fury began to roil within her and her ears flicked back and forth, broadcasting her anger.
There was no time for thought. I instinctively allowed my body to copy Infinity’s; as she sat on her hindquarters further, I sat down more on my own. I sat into my pelvis and felt my body gain the extra stability and strength that would give my horse the security she needed. She was immediately aware of it and I felt her willingness to push herself further now that she knew my body was stable enough to support her own. Another, firmer nudge with my heels… and we had power.
Infinity’s hind legs pushed into the ground beneath me with strength and intent, and as I felt her back lift and the power transfer along the length of her body, I realised that now her hind legs were far enough underneath her, she was sitting all of her weight and mine on her hindquarters; she was in perfect balance!
Infinity’s anger was replaced abruptly with complete and utter joy as she bounced along in a new, powerful, balanced walk. Curiosity soon rose within her as she became eager to explore what her body could do. With no warning to me, she pushed herself up into a trot.
We were lighter than the spring air that moved in its gentle currents around us. I was distantly aware of birds singing and of Infinity’s hooves landing lightly on the ground, but time slowed down as we trotted slowly, powerfully, effortlessly around the paddock. Infinity’s body and mine were parts of the same beast, moving together, responding to one another and sharing awareness of something that I recognised but couldn’t seem to place. Tears streamed down my face. I could hear cheering, but it seemed to come from somewhere that Infinity and I were only vaguely a part of. I lost awareness of it altogether when I felt something heavy and noxious begin to lift from my chest area and dissipate into the ether. My heart changed from beating uncertainly and uncomfortably, as it had been doing since my conversation with Salom the previous evening, to beating more strongly in my chest. More strongly and more confidently. I had a split second to register that Infinity’s chest had opened in concert with my own, before Infinity roared.
I’d never heard a horse make a noise like that before and the emotion that accompanied it almost unhinged me. A small part of me was aware that we still trotted around and that my body acted seemingly on its own as it stepped in occasionally to help maintain the perfect balance Infinity was achieving. But most of my attention was taken up with the emotions that lashed at my mind; fury, disappointment, love, shame, self-pity, hope, worry and helplessness took hold of me in turn as they were released from Infinity’s chest, like pus spurting from a freshly lanced boil.
All of a sudden, I was dragged back to full awareness of my physical body, as Infinity began to buck and heave beneath me. I was thrown forward onto her neck and then jolted back into my saddle as she followed her buck with a rear, roaring and shrieking in emotional agony. Then her head disappeared down between her front legs and she bounced around on all four legs, kicking out with her hind legs every so often as if trying to defend herself from an imaginary foe.
Infinity stop it! Let me help you! Calm down! I thought to her, grabbing large handfuls of mane in an attempt to stay on board, but she paid me no heed. Her head came back up abruptly and we shot forward at speed, before she leapt up into the air, performing a powerful fly-buck. I remember feeling the power in her hindquarters as I was catapulted over her head. As I landed on the back of my left shoulder I felt her hooves thump into the ground by my head, before she thundered away. Excruciating pain shot through my shoulder and I thought I would vomit. My physical hurt paled into insignificance, however, compared with the emotional agony that wracked my horse.
‘Amarilla can you sit up? Justin, go after Infinity, she’s going to do herself an injury,’ said Rowena, kneeling down by my head.
‘NO!’ I yelled. ‘LEAVE HER ALONE, PLEASE LEAVE HER ALONE!’ I rolled onto my uninjured side, gasping with the pain. ‘Help me up Rowena, don’t worry, we’ll sort me out later, just help me up, NOW PLEASE!’ Hands helped me into a sitting position.
Marvel said, ‘I can sort this right now, and then you’ll be more use to Infinity. Lie back down and take a deep breath Amarilla.’ His huge hands guided me down onto my back and then enclosed my shoulder. There was a brief pressure on the front of my shoulder and light shot across my vision as the pain increased a hundred-fold for an instant. Then it was gone, and a dull ache took its place. ‘Okay, let’s help her to sit up.’
Infinity was still roaring. I got to my feet.
‘Steady now, you’re no good to Fin if you faint,’ said Rowena, putting an arm around my waist. ‘What on earth is wrong with her?’
My mare was throwing herself around over by the fence. She dripped with sweat and her eyes bore a look of pain such as I hoped never to see in her again. Not ever. Her reins were hanging down by her front legs.
Justin said, ‘Amarilla, I need to try and get near her or she’s going to get her legs caught in her reins and injure herself. Okay?’
I shook my head, knowing that Infinity needed her space. ‘No, leave her, this is something she needs to d
o.’
Gas’s thoughts whistled past me and Justin raised his eyebrows, but nodded his head and stepped back to stand beside his horse.
Infinity jerked her head up, throwing the reins further back up her neck and out of the way of her front legs. She screamed and lashed out with her left foreleg. She was a war horse, trained to obey her rider’s demands instantly, whether that be kicking out behind, striking out in front, biting or galloping over anything in her way. She had suffered numerous injuries in her career to date, all of which had been tended and healed so that she may fight another battle, another day. This battle was the most ferocious she had experienced yet. She twirled at the slightest rein pressure on her neck from her rider, lashing out at anyone in her way as her rider hacked his sword at anyone she missed. Suddenly the way in front was clear and she was spurred harshly on towards the next group of fighting men. Pain exploded in her chest as a spear found its way into one of her lungs. Her rider jumped clear as she fell, and continued to fight on foot, leaving her to die in fear and agony.
She was in a dark tunnel, pulling something heavy. She was thin, hungry and exhausted, and her harness had rubbed her raw in several places. She tripped on a stone in her path and faltered, and then felt acute agony as a whip lashed at her hindquarters. In the past she would have bucked or kicked out with a hind leg in protest, but now she had neither the will nor the energy. She merely lay down in her traces and left her body, feeling nothing but exhaustion.
Now she was being ridden at a flat-out gallop, panicked by the sound of dogs barking as they got closer and closer behind her. Her rider was someone with whom she was familiar but for whom she held no affection. He kicked her hard in the ribs to keep her going and she felt his own panic mirroring hers. She was at her limit. Her front feet and legs were painful and she couldn’t get her breath. Blood flew from her nostrils but her rider kept pushing her. She collapsed mid-stride, crushing her rider, and left her body, feeling relieved.
