“Good for you,” I said. “He’s used to getting what he wants, so it’s about time someone challenged him to work towards something real. Yeah,” I said reflecting back on Reed’s previous track record with women. “He does have a problem with commitment, but honestly, I think it’s because something in his past really messed him up,” I said as I grabbed my purse.
“Yeah, you are probably right about him. Anyway, I want to talk about you now. Carson was so floored when he saw you. His eyes practically bugged out and I think I even saw his tongue hit the floor.” She was smiling widely as she spoke. “I swear, I thought he was finally going to drop to his knees and confess his undying love to you,” she said as she grabbed her purse.
“I wish he would Kami,” I admitted. “Because I don’t want to be the first one to say something, but I doubt he feels that way about me. He’s never given me any indication that he wants something more from our relationship, and I won’t be the one to say something and ruin what we’ve got.” I loved the way things were between us, we had shared this close relationship for years now, at times I got so swept up I would almost forget it wasn’t something more than a friendship. But reality always set in after the magical moments faded away. “He was probably just surprised to see me in a dress, that’s all,” I said reasonably.
She shook her head and grabbed my hand to pull me along. Before she could get me out of her room I turned around and grabbed Carson’s jacket from my pile of discarded clothes. Kami smiled and led me out, grabbed her keys, and ordered the guys out the door. Once Kami locked up, Reed and I stood on the passenger side and eyed each other. I quickly called shotgun before he could get the chance, leaving the guys in the back. Since Kami has this rule about whoever is in the shotgun seat picking the music, I couldn’t stand to let Reed sit there because honestly, his taste in music was appalling to me. I mean, really, rap isn’t tolerable. Country music, on the other hand, now that is good music.
Once on the road I started fiddling with Kami’s radio until I heard a song that caught my attention, it just so happened to be the same song that Carson and I had karaoked to in his truck recently. I started singing along and then I heard Carson’s amazing voice join in. He had always had an amazing voice, and he never used it, which astounded me. I would kill to have him sing me to sleep every night, that’s how soothing his voice was to me, how magical I felt it was. After the song ended Kami turned the music down and shook her head.
“I don’t understand y’all. How do you like country music,” she asked curiously.
“It tells a story and it says everything I can’t say,” I said with a smile.
“I mean for me,” Carson said from the back. “It’s what I’ve always listened to so I’ve never really thought about it, but it’s more of a feeling.” He paused a second, I thought he was done, but he continued. “I mean I close my eyes and let it wash over me. It hits me right in the heart,” Carson said as he stared out the window.
“Well, give me rock or pop any day,” Kami said with a smile.
“Classic rock and rap are where it’s at,” Reed said before leaning forward and kissing Kami’s cheek.
I looked at Carson and he looked like he was thinking hard on something as he continued to stare out the window; not even noticing the exchange between Reed and Kami. I wondered what he could be thinking about but I knew better than to push him. He had never liked being forced into talking because it makes him feel like a caged cat, trapped and on the defensive. He would tell me about whatever was on his mind when he was ready. I turned the music back up just in time for I Love You This Big by Scotty McCreery to come on. Immediately Carson’s eyes shot to me and he started singing.
The minute his heavenly voice hit that first note I was lost. I didn’t even try to sing along; I was too mesmerized by his voice. I could see something real in his eyes as he sang the words, and maybe I was just hopeful, but it looked to me like he really meant them. I quickly closed my eyes and just listened, too afraid to open them and figure out that I was just seeing what I wanted to, not what was truly there. I clutched his jacket in my lap and tried hard not to hope too much, because too much hope could lead to a broken heart if I’m not careful.
When the song was over we were pulling up to the mall. After Kami parked I got out and shrugged into Carson’s jacket. I know what you’re thinking, the jacket totally doesn’t go with the dress, but it still smelled like Carson so I didn’t care. Carson was moving around the car towards me, but when he saw me put the jacket on he stopped moving. He looked me up and down before he swallowed hard. I felt a blush rising to my cheeks so I quickly covered my face.
Through my fingers, I saw Reed nudge him a little. When he finally got the hint, Carson shook his head before walking up to me and moving my hands. He kept one of my hands in his, using his other to cradle my cheek. He shook his head and smiled at me.
“Don’t you hide from me firefly,” he said before taking his hand from my cheek and intertwining our fingers.
I peeked over at Kami and saw Reed holding her hand too. We winked at each other before linking our hands as well, which turned us into one long line. When we were walking into the mall the guys both decided to let go, but Kami and I held tight to each other’s hands. We walked through the mall, arms linked, with the guys walking either beside us or behind us. Finally, at Kami’s will, we stopped in front of a store filled with dresses.
She squealed and dragged me in. I shot Carson a ‘save me’ look but he just laughed. He and I both knew that Kami could never be denied when it came to shopping. The guys followed in behind us, laughing the entire time. Kami finally let me go and started looking around, sliding dresses across the racks, oohing and ahhing. I started wandering around, just waiting for her to finish, when I wandered into a section full of wedding dresses. Now, I’m not a girly-girl, so I will deny it if anyone asks, but I have been dreaming of my wedding dress in thousand different ways. I had a mental image of the one that was truly my dream dress, but I never imagined that the dress of my dreams truly existed. It was just a fantasy to me, a grand fantasy.
I looked around at all the different styles, my eyes stopped on one; my heart racing when I saw it. In my head, I could see it all so clearly: I was wearing this dress walking down the aisle towards Carson with all our friends and family present. It was a high-low dress with a sweetheart neckline and a beaded belt. I stopped moving, heck, I stopped breathing. I felt a hand on my hip and looked up. Carson was staring at me, completely transfixed. I wondered if he could be thinking about what I might look like in this dress, and if his mind had him at the end of the aisle waiting for me like mine did. Then I noticed he was frowning and I wondered what had him so unhappy. I felt a warm sensation sliding down my cheek. I was crying, and I hadn’t even realized it, just from looking at that dress. That had to be a sign, maybe I was crazy, but I felt it in my heart.
“That’s the dress of my dreams,” I said, turning away, looking back over at the dress. “It would fit perfectly into my plans, if they could ever happen,” I said quietly as I wiped my tears away.
He wrapped his arm around my waist and sighed as he looked into my eyes. “A dress fit for my firefly queen,” he whispered softly. My heart sang, how could I be so madly in love with him, but not have him?
“Come on,” I said, trying to sound as cheerful as possible. “Let’s get me out of here before I do something stupid, like try to convince myself that I would still be able to fit into it years from now, just so that I can buy it.”
I turned around and Kami was staring at the dress, her head tilted. She walked up and stood by my side. She nodded toward the dress and then smiled. She knew, in a way that only a best friend could know, without any exchange of words. She knew this was it, this was the dress, the one that could never be topped or replaced. I knew she was going to tell me to get it, because she knows that this was a once in a lifetime moment.
“You should try it on,” she said, right on cue. “If it fits I s
ay you get it. I mean you still have your inheritance from your grandpa, so you can afford it,” she said hopefully.
“Kami, I’m not even getting married, heck, I don’t even have a boyfriend. Why would I need to buy a wedding dress now?”
“Sweetheart, you and I both know that the perfect dress doesn’t come along every day, if you don’t get it now, you’ll always regret it,” Kami said wisely.
I looked at all my friends who were staring at me and bit my lip. I felt like this was weird, a wedding dress without even being in a relationship, but none of them seemed to think it was a weird idea. They just stood there waiting for me to decide. I wanted to try that dress on so badly that it hurt. I kept telling myself that I didn’t need to try it on but I just kept coming back to the fact that it was my dream dress. My eyes stayed on it while I reached for Carson’s hand and squeezed.
“Would it be wrong to try it on,” I asked hesitantly.
“Not if it’s your dream dress,” Carson said encouragingly.
That sold it! I was going to try it on. I nodded and Kami flew to find a sales associate to get the dress and open a dressing room. The sales associate took one look at me, seeing an actual potential customer I guess, and smiled. She told us to wait just a moment and that she would be right back with the one they had in the back.
“We only have it in a six,” she said as she came back in carrying it.
“It might just fit,” I said with a smile.
“This dress should fit you perfectly,” the associate said. “You’ll look like a princess in it.” I knew she was just doing her job, trying to be polite to make a sale, but I accepted the compliment like a child accepts candy bribes.
Kami and I followed her to the bridal dressing room: a large room closed off from the main area by a set of double doors and had several mirrors set up so you could see the dress from all sides. She hung the dress up and said she would be right outside if I needed anything. When I was alone with Kami I let my tears flow. This felt like a moment that would change my entire life.
“This is the dress Kami. I feel it all the way down to my bones,” I said as I got undressed.
She took the dress out of the bag and looked at it. “It’s stunning, just like you,” she said happily.
After a minute the dress was on and I was shaking. The dress fit perfectly. I started crying again and this time I noticed that Kami was crying too. I threw my arms around her, and she hugged me back, both of us crying like idiots.
“You need to get this dress Alara, I’m serious,” she said when our tears died down.
“I need to talk to my mom,” I said seriously.
She grabbed my phone out of my purse and handed it to me. She pointed outside and she walked out. She was going to give me a few minutes to talk to my mom alone because she knew things were about to get super emotional, and she doesn’t handle super emotional situations that well. I took a deep breath and dialed my mom’s number. When she answered, I started crying again.
“Hey mom,” I managed through my tears.
“What is it baby,” she asked quickly, reacting to my emotional state.
“Remember when we talked about my dream wedding dress?”
“Yes, but what does that have to do with why you’re calling me?”
“Well I’m standing here in my dream dress. It exists! Kami and I ended up in this huge dress store in the mall and I ended up wandering into the wedding dress section and I saw this dress and I knew. This was the dress I’ve always dreamed about.”
“But honey, you aren’t getting married,” she said slowly.
“I know. I know this is crazy, but mom, the perfect dress doesn’t come around every day, you know that. Remember how you waited and ended up with your second pick? Well I don’t want that to happen to me, and I know this is it. I don’t want to let it slip through my fingers like everything else in my life,” I said seriously.
“Sweetheart, what do you mean?”
“I mean I’m letting Carson, the guy I love, slip away because I’m too afraid to say anything. I mean this dress is not only my dream, but it’s going to be the start of the new me. I’m going to stop being afraid, and I’m going to be the girl you raised me to be,” I said strongly.
My mom was quiet for a minute before she spoke. “Well it’s about dang time! I wondered how long it would take you to admit you love Carson!”
I laughed through the tears that had started slowing, of course my mom would react that way. “I know mom,” I said still laughing, “About the dress though, what do you think?”
“I say get it,” she said. How was even my mom on board with this? Purchasing a wedding dress before I was even in the position to need one. I figured she would say something like ‘you’re only twenty-one, just wait,’ but she didn’t. “You deserve to do something wild and crazy after being so good for so long,” she continued. “Grandpa would be happy to be buying your dress. You know he would have killed to see you in it.”
Her bringing up my grandpa almost sent me into another fit of tears, so I told her I loved her, and hung up the phone before I could start crying. When I turned around I noticed the sales associate standing in the corner. She was dabbing at her eyes with a tissue and I blushed.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to listen in. I came in to check on you and then I heard what you said to your mom and I couldn’t walk away. You are really brave.”
“I haven’t always been,” I said, more to myself than to her. “I have been pretty dang afraid for the longest time, but now it’s time to change that. No more being a coward! Can I go out and show my friends,” I asked.
She nodded and opened the doors for me. I walked out and stood on the pedestal. She led my friends over and I stood tall, and for once I wasn’t trying to hide. I heard two sharp intakes of breath and I knew the guys were looking at me. I turned around and smiled at them.
Reed was holding Kami close and letting her cry into his chest. After a minute he let her go and walked over to me. He took my hands and helped me down. He took me into his arms and kissed the top of my head.
“You look absolutely gorgeous sweetheart,” he said before letting me go.
Carson slowly walked up to me, but he didn’t say a word, just looped his arms around my waist and pulled me close, laying his forehead against mine. Instead of pulling away like I usually would, I pressed closer. His arms tightened around me and I wrapped my arms around his neck.
“Oh firefly, you’re so gorgeous,” he said before dropping a kiss on my cheek.
“Yeah, what do you think of the dress?”
“You need to get that dress and then never take it off,” he said seriously.
I grinned at everyone and nodded. Kami pumped her fist in the air and whooped. I laughed and went back into the room to change. I walked into the changing room feeling more confident than I had ever felt. Carson told me I look gorgeous and that put me on top of the world.
Someone knocked at the door before I started to change, so I turned around and told whoever it was to come in. Carson came sauntering in; he looked like a man who doesn’t have a care in the world. At least that’s what I thought he looked like until I saw his eyes. His eyes were filled with a deep longing and determination.
When he reached me he leaned in, looking deep into my eyes, and barely brushed his lips over mine. As soon as it began it ended, and he quickly left the room. I stood there, stunned. I put my fingers to my lips and wondered if I had just imagined that. After a few minutes Kami walked in and I hadn’t moved an inch. She waved her hand in front of my face and smiled like I had finally lost it.
“You ok? Carson said I might want to come check on you,” she said as she watched me.
“Yeah, I’m fine, it’s just…Carson just walked in here and kind of kissed me, then he walked out.” I paused, tilting my head, “I think.”
“HE DID WHAT,” she squealed.
“Yeah, I mean it was quick, but he kissed me Kami! It was pretty much just a br
ush of his lips against mine but still,” I said as I sighed dreamily.
“Girl, you know you have to tell him now. He so wants you and now you can’t even deny it.”
“I had already made up my mind to tell him as soon as I put this dress on,” I told her. “When I called mom I realized how stupid I was being. I’m letting this opportunity slip away because I’m afraid, so it’s time for me to stop being so afraid of this.”
She came up and grabbed my hand, obviously noticing that I was terrified. Knowing what I have to do and being ready to do it are two very different things. I’m nowhere near ready. I’m just getting a handle on the fact that I am going to tell him, I can’t just dive in. My rational mind needs a plan, or at least some time to prepare for whatever possibilities this situation can produce.
“You don’t have to do it right away. You’ll know when the time is right,” she said quietly.
“Thank you, Kami. Now, let’s get me out of this dress and get it paid for. I think I’m going to call this my birthday present to myself. I mean, I only have close to 2 weeks left.”
Catching His Heart (Love And Baseball Book 1) Page 3
