How was it that he knew just what to say? Bile rose in her throat at the thought of being under somebody else’s thumb the way he described. That was exactly what she didn’t want, exactly the person she didn’t want to be.
She swallowed the bile back. “That’s not what this is about. How can you be this way? Don’t you want me to be okay?”
“Of course I want you to be okay. That’s why I’m so concerned. I hate to think of you living in a cage, which is basically how this looks. I walked in, and that’s the word that came to mind. You’re surrounded by watchers.”
“I don’t appreciate your whole attitude about this,” she warned through clenched teeth.
“Because you feel threatened because you know I’m right.”
“No! That’s the thing.” She poked his brick wall of a chest with her forefinger. He didn’t even flinch. “You think you know me and that you’re the only person in the world who does. You’re the only person in the world who can help me through this. Don’t you see how that looks from my point of view? Because let me tell you, last night when we all sat around having dinner and bullshitting was one of the most fun nights I’ve had in years. Even now, with all this hanging over my head, I could relax. That’s gotta mean something, right? I feel safe against whoever this is.”
She crossed her hands over her chest. “I need this right now. That doesn’t mean you don’t have a job. You don’t have to worry about it. You’re secure.”
He blinked, shaking his head a little. “It’s like you don’t understand at all.”
Her chin jutted out. What was with him all of a sudden? “And you’re determined not to listen. Maybe I was wrong just now. Maybe you do have to worry about your job because if this is the attitude you’re gonna take from now on I don’t want any of it. I’m serious. You don’t own me.”
“I just can’t believe you think I only care about my job. Like that matters. Serenity, I thought we were better than that.” His shoulders slumped a little. “If you don’t know by now what you mean, what having you as a friend means, you don’t know anything.”
Her throat tightened a little. She swallowed hard. “I didn’t ever want to assume anything. Yeah, you know I feel like you’re a friend. A good friend. You always have been. I know I can trust you, but this is different. It has nothing to do with you. It has to do with somebody deliberately pushing my buttons. Not a fan who gets overly touchy or somebody trying to steal something off me when I’m not looking. I’d trust you with my life if that was all we were dealing with. But that’s not what’s happening right now. Don’t you see?”
He didn’t see. He didn’t have to say a word. She knew it from his frown, from the twitching of muscles in his jaw. “There’s no room for me here right now. I won’t hang around and let these guys do my job for me. You might as well castrate me, for God’s sake.”
She winced. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think of it that way. Really, I didn’t. I can see how that would make you feel awkward.” She reached out to put a hand on his arm, but he shook her off.
“I don’t want your pity,” he warned.
“Then I don’t know what you want.” She shrugged, arms spread. “I’m not gonna tell them to leave. If that’s what you’ve been pushing for, you’re wasting your time. It’s not happening. And it’s not just up to me. I know that. But if the head of the studio came to me right now and asked if I wanted them to stay or leave, I’d choose to stay. If that hurts you, I’m sorry, but I can’t worry about your feelings right now.”
“Right now?” he snickered, smirking nastily. “Like you care so much about my feelings at any other time. Forget it. I’m outta here. You can find somebody else to put up with your crap.”
“Luke, please. Don’t.” She followed him from the kitchen out to the foyer, deliberately avoiding the eyes of everybody who’d turned to them when they came out—which meant everybody.
“And by the way,” he muttered just before leaving, “watch out for that Braxton. He clearly wants you.”
“That’s none of your business,” she hissed. Her cheeks flushed, so hot, burning up.
He let out a bitter laugh. “Yeah, okay. And if you didn’t think I was right, you’d say so. Now I really understand.”
“Get out. Now. And don’t bother coming back.” Her voice shook with rage and the beginnings of what might’ve been tears. Yes, she was about ten seconds from breaking down because she didn’t understand this. She was completely at a loss.
The slamming of the door told her he was willing to let it go at this. He was willing to walk out of her life when he’d just finished saying how much she meant to him. Was that a lie?
Was anything in her life real? Was there a single thing she could count on?
“You okay?” Braxton took his time entering the foyer, hanging back a little. She appreciated that since Luke tended to be up in her personal space before she even knew he was anywhere nearby. She hadn’t known until just then how much she hated that and how much she appreciated somebody who’d wait until she invited them into her space.
She wanted to say yes. Her head was all ready to nod. A lie was all ready to trip off her tongue.
What was the point of that? Maybe it was time to stop reciting the easy lie, the lie that made people feel better. “No. I’m not okay. I don’t know what the hell is going on anymore.”
“You know some things, don’t you?” He leaned against the staircase in a casual sort of pose, hands in his pockets. “You know who you are.”
“I don’t sometimes. I really don’t.”
“You do. I saw it in you last night. I saw you. The real you. I liked her a lot, to be honest. The other guys did, too. They all think you’re a cool girl. And you are when you let yourself be you. You don’t have to be anybody else.”
“I feel like I do.” She sat on the stairs and wrapped her arms around her knees. “I hate feeling like I have to be like… them.” She didn’t need to say who she meant. He understood.
“Who told you that’s how you have to be?”
“That’s just the way it is. I have to know the right people. I have to go to the right places. I have to network and kiss up to people.”
“Says who?” He stood in front of her. “Who says that?”
“Everybody. That’s the way it is, I’m telling you.”
“Then you don’t have to be the person you thought you wanted to be. How about that? Just be who you wanna be.”
He didn’t get it either. Nobody did. She couldn’t have the career she wanted and be the person she wanted to be, the person she felt most comfortable being. Nobody wanted that girl—the bookworm, the cook, the girl who never much liked partying. Even after she started living on her own and there was nobody to enforce a curfew, she’d chosen to stay home and study.
“It’s too confusing,” she whispered, holding her head in her hands. It ached. It seemed like she always had a headache anymore. There was too much happening at once. Too many people wanted too many things.
He heaved a sigh and sat next to her. His presence was calming. She could breathe a little easier, even though her heart pounded harder than ever. Why was that? Was she getting sick? Like she needed something else to be worried about.
“I’m not here to make life more confusing,” he murmured. His arm brushed hers, a gentle touch. A reassuring touch. “I’m sorry if that’s what I’m doing. I don’t apologize easily either, so you know this is pretty serious.”
She snickered. “I’m honored.”
“You should be. I can’t remember the last time I apologized.”
“Now that you mention it, you never did yesterday when I specifically asked for one.”
“Because all you had to do was say the door was unlocked and I could come in.”
“Maybe I didn’t want you to come in.” She turned to him with a faint smile. “Did you ever consider that?”
“Maybe I didn’t care.”
“Maybe I’m not surprised. Maybe—”
He caught her when she wasn’t prepared, darting out and touching his lips to hers, taking her breath away. She froze in surprise at first, and he froze along with her. But he didn’t move away.
And she didn’t want him to.
She leaned in to kiss him back.
His hand cupped the back of her neck as the kiss deepened, his tongue parting her lips. She sighed—a happy sigh, a contented sigh, a sigh filled with what she wanted. Nobody had ever kissed her like this before. She hadn’t even known it was possible to kiss this way.
Like he was kissing the most precious, fragile thing in the world and fighting against the impulse to do so much more. There was a pulsing, driving, animal thing inside him that didn’t want to hold back, didn’t want to stop. He was fighting that while kissing her like he had nothing but time on his hands, like this was the only thing he ever wanted to do.
And there was no choice but to lean into it, to sink against him, to let him pull her down into pleasure so dark and so light at the same time, to share breath, to share the same pounding, rapid pulse, to arch her back against his touch and cling to him, begging for more.
She was so hungry. She never knew how hungry.
Maybe the hunger would finally end. Maybe the more he gave her, the more she’d want. She didn’t know. She wanted to. Needed to.
“Serenity?”
It was like something between them exploded, pushing them apart. She was dizzy, breathless, her skin flushed and her heart pounding. She could barely hear over the blood still rushing in her ears.
She could still feel him, taste him. She searched his face for understanding. What just happened? It was like she didn’t know herself at all anymore.
“Where are you?” Lola was coming. Braxton jumped up from the stairs and went outside, closing the door without looking back. She didn’t even have the chance to ask where he was going.
“I’m here,” she managed in a weak voice. Her face was still flushed, and she could hardly breathe. There was no choice but to lean against the wall next to her for support.
“Oh my God, are you okay?” Lola crouched in front of her. “You look like you just got hit by a train.”
Maybe she had.
Chapter Seventeen
“Just checking in, seeing what’s what.”
Logan tilted his head from side to side as he frowned. “Yeah, right. You look like you just went through hell. What’s happening out there?”
“Nothing outside the ordinary. A couple of girls inside the house trying to get in our pants. Nothing we can’t handle.”
“I’m not convinced,” Logan muttered. “What’s really happening?”
“That’s what’s really happening—oh, and this Luke guy, the bodyguard, had a pissy fit and walked out when he saw there were more of us than there were yesterday.”
“Hmm. Do you suspect him?”
“I suspect he has a thing for her and he’s taking it personally that we showed up and made him look useless. He wants to be the hero, and he hates that he can’t be.”
“Well, that sort of resentment can turn into something bigger if left unchecked,” Logan mused. “I wish you’d been able to install a tracker on his car just in case.”
“He’ll be back,” Braxton predicted with a sneer. “I know he will. He’ll never be able to stay away from her—and when he comes back, one of us will do that. I wish I’d had the chance earlier.”
“You don’t suspect him, though? Why so determined to track his movements if you don’t think he’s a suspect?”
Damn. His mouth had gotten away from him. No way was he about to explain to Logan what had just happened or how his wolf hadn’t stopped howling since the instant their mouths touched, how the taste of her still lingered on his lips, on his senses. The feel and the taste and, oh God, the way she’d sighed and leaned against him.
Like she was giving herself over to him. He had no way of telling her how dangerous that could be—and how there might not be any coming back after such a step was taken.
No, he couldn’t tell her that. Not now. Not ever.
“I don’t like the guy,” he settled on replying. “I don’t like him at all. He’s got a bad attitude.”
“Sounds like somebody I know.”
“Watch it,” he growled.
“You watch it,” Logan fired back, and he wasn’t kidding. “Don’t waste time or resources on somebody just because you don’t like his attitude. He feels like you’re invading his territory.”
“She’s not territory.”
“Yeah, well, that’s not how he sees it. And something tells me that’s not how you see it either.”
“What makes you say that?”
“The fact that we’re still talking about him. You don’t like him because he doesn’t like you getting so close to her. Don’t play games with me. I know what you’re thinking. I can practically feel what you feel.”
“That’s not disturbing at all.”
“You think I like it any better than you do?” Logan laughed. “It’s like there’s two of us in my head right now. I’ve never felt anything like this before. Not when thousands of miles separated us. Whatever you’re feeling, it’s strong. Strong enough that I’m surprised the rest of the team isn’t unconscious from the force.”
Great. That meant they were probably all aware of the kiss, at least indirectly.
It was that little reminder of how close-knit their wolf consciousness was that convinced him to change the subject. “How’s it going there? How’s our network?”
“Would you believe Hawk is finally sleeping for the first time since the attempt?”
“Yes, I’d fully believe that. It means he’s feeling more confident, I’d guess?”
“Yeah, he believes he’s shored us up stronger than ever.”
“Good to know.” Though he’d thought that before, hadn’t he? And there they were, almost exposed to the world. It wouldn’t take much for their files—not to mention everything they’d ever collected on every client they’d ever worked with—to be stolen and exploited.
It didn’t seem like bringing that little point up would be the smartest thing he could do.
“Meanwhile, Val thinks she has a pretty strong profile for this stalker based on what we know so far. Where’s Serenity? I’d like to talk to her, see if anything we’ve got rings a bell.”
Where was Serenity? The entire reason he’d stepped out was to avoid her and to avoid the knowing looks and the giggles and whatnot that he knew he’d get from either of those airheads she called friends.
Once again, he had to put that aside in favor of doing what needed to be done. “Inside. I’ll get her.”
“Without her friends,” Logan warned. “They don’t need to hear this.”
“Believe me, I don’t hate the idea of getting rid of them. I swear, I lose an IQ point every time one of them opens her mouth.”
Logan snorted. “Sorry. If you’re trying to earn sympathy, out there in Hollywood with the sun shining and hot girls hanging all over you, you’re talking to the wrong guy. It’s been raining for three days here.”
“I’d rather deal with rain than with losing my intelligence.” But he was chuckling as he walked into the house where Serenity had joined the others. She was even playing cards with the guys.
He cleared his throat, looking to the rest of the team. They nodded. Just like that, it was clear something was going on and they needed to focus up.
“We’d better get a little privacy,” he announced. “Sorry, girls, but this is—”
“Say no more.” Angelica jumped to her feet. “I’ve got a waxing appointment, anyway.” She winked at Sledge, who came about as close to blushing as Braxton had ever seen. It took all his self-control not to burst out laughing as Lola and Angelica floated out of the house.
Serenity sank to the couch, holding her head in her hands. “Sorry about that,” she muttered.
“You never know. Maybe she was just trying to be friendly.” Jace lo
oked around. “What?”
Braxton only shook his head, barely fighting a smile, as he handed the phone to Serenity. It wasn’t easy pretending nothing had happened between them. Even meeting her gaze was a struggle since he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to look away.
Lucky for him, Logan did the heavy lifting by putting them all back on track. “Hi, Serenity. We haven’t actually met yet. My name is Logan. I’m the CEO of the firm. I’m sorry I can’t be out there with you right now, but somebody has to stay behind to man the fort.”
“I totally understand. It’s good to meet you.” There was uncertainty in her voice, in the way she bit down on her lip.
“Just relax. You have nothing to worry about. I wanted to let you know that we’ve come up with a profile for the stalker. Keep in mind not every aspect of their personality will be exactly the same as what I describe. We can’t pinpoint everything with complete accuracy, but I feel confident telling you this profile is at least eighty percent accurate, if not more than that. Don’t get hung up on a single character trait that doesn’t fit anyone you know. You might end up disregarding the rest of what I tell you because of that. Does that make sense?”
She nodded, eyes wide. He wanted to sit with her, to put an arm around her shoulders, to offer her whatever comfort he could. Even though the rest of his team surrounded her, it wasn’t enough. Not for his wolf, who paced and growled in the back of his mind.
“Okay,” Logan continued in an easy, friendly tone of voice. Everything he could do to put her at her ease, he would do so long as it helped her think more clearly. “For starters, we believe this is a male of approximately twenty-five to thirty years of age. I know that seems like a pretty wide net.”
She didn’t say anything, choosing to nod instead. Either she was completely overwhelmed, or she was smart enough to hold her opinions back until later.
“He’s tech-savvy, this guy. He found a way to make the messages he sent you practically impossible to trace—not completely impossible, mind you, but difficult. He is also deeply insecure. He can’t face you himself. He has to settle for imagining the sort of trouble he’s causing you with these messages. He has feelings of inadequacy. As he used the names of three people with whom you were friendly, we can assume this is someone who either is or was at one time part of your circle of acquaintances.”
Wolf Shield Investigations: Boxset Page 36
