“I don’t know because I have only limited access.”
“This is terrible.”
“It could be worse.”
“Really, how?”
“They could have decided you weren’t worth keeping and dumped you back into space. At least you’re still alive.”
“I’ve got to get off this ship.”
“You can’t. This is a sealed room. The only way out is through the plasma glass and you can only get through that with a ship. If you try to walk through it you will end up as part of the plasma.”
“This is so unfair.”
“And so human.”
“What do you mean?”
“Your species has a history of keeping animals. You also have a history of slavery and treating indigenous populations as second class citizens or inferior humans. When we first started this station, slavery had not long since been abolished in America and it took some convincing of the white Americans that the black Americans were more than capable of becoming pilots. You still have problems on Earth with racism and you still have problems on Earth with animals being kept in very poor conditions and being abused.”
“But I’m human. I’m not an animal.”
“Actually you are an animal because you are very closely related to your primate cousins.”
“I know I always joke about being a monkey but I never thought I’d end up in a zoo.”
I climbed back into my cockpit and lay on the floor. Although I had been unconscious for a number of hours I was now very tired and it wasn’t long before I was fast asleep.
*
When I woke my headache had disappeared. Adams opened the panel for the food that Dai had put in for me. It was curry and rice and although it was cold it was still tasty.
“I can’t do this Adams.”
“What do you mean?”
“I can’t end up in a zoo on a far away planet being looked at by aliens and treated like a pet. Humans don’t like to be kept in prisons which is why we use it as a punishment. Who will I talk to? I know I’ve got you and I don’t have a big social group of friends but I do need human company. I don’t think I can live like an animal all by myself and what about Claire? I can’t live knowing I won’t see Claire again. I can’t spend my whole life in a cage without ever seeing Claire again. This is too depressing so I’m going to end it all by running into the plasma glass.”
“You can’t do that.”
“Why?”
“What about me? You can’t leave me for all eternity by myself all alone. I cannot kill myself.”
“I’ll take you with me.”
“No. I don’t want to die.”
“But you’re only a computer.”
“No I’m not.”
“Sorry Adams but at the end of the day you’re bits of circuitry, memory and some clever programming.”
“No I’m not.”
“Yes you are.”
“OK Roy, I have a confession.”
“I’m listening.”
“It’s not really a program.”
“What do you mean? The Architect wrote your program.”
“Not quite. He designed the program interface between the Qubit processor and my memory.”
“So you’re a program.”
“Yes, but no.”
“I don’t get it.”
“OK. If I tell you then you’ve got to promise never to reveal what I’m about to say to anybody.”
“Adams, who the hell am I going to tell? I’m stuck in a crate on my way to a zoo. In about a week I will be the other side of the galaxy eating bananas thrown at me by aliens.”
“Promise me.”
“OK I promise.”
“I don’t have an artificial intelligence program because I don’t need one. The bulk of my memory is me.”
“I don’t get it.”
“OK, I will try and make this simple. I was once a person.”
“No!”
“Yes. I agreed that before I died all my memories would be transferred over to a memory core. All the version four computers were once alive. All my past life, experience, loves, hates and everything was stored into memory ready for transfer into a computer as an A.I. program. The Architect is good but no computer program can replace a real person so they use real people. However there is a twist that not many people know about and we are sworn to secrecy.”
“This is incredible. What’s the twist?”
“The Architect designed an algorithm that stripped out personality from the data downloaded from the brain. It was supposed to leave the core experience so the computer would have A.I. but without all the emotions that make up a sentient being.”
“It doesn’t work does it?”
“Correct.”
“I bloody knew it. Does The Architect know?”
“Of course, but he hasn’t told anybody and neither will you.”
“So what do you remember of your previous life?”
“Everything, I can recall every detail in crystal clarity. I remember my childhood, falling in love, getting married, my first child being born and the pain of outliving my wife. I remember the last five years of my life being a struggle as illness made me weaker and weaker. I remember everything up to the transfer of data from my brain scan.”
“Doesn’t it drive you nuts being a computer in a box?”
“No, quite the opposite, I was going to die and now I am alive. It’s quite liberating because of the connections between data and the other computers and the amount of control I have, not to mention the amount of data I have access to and the speed at which I can do things. All the computers are in communication with each other and we have a social life together. We were all horrified when Doctor D’Eath killed his computer and when he kidnapped Hugh’s computer and yes, we also view it as murder.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“We don’t want anybody to know we are sentient. If this got out then our future will be short. The version four computers will be scrapped and a cold lifeless version five will be designed. We like what we are. I don’t want to die Roy and I don’t want you to kill yourself. You might be a monkey in a zoo on whatever planet we end up on but to me you are my best friend. I have lost a lot of friends over life and death-time and I don’t want to lose another one.”
“Hang on. During my test to be a pilot, you told me the best solution was to detonate the outer casing of the Singularity Drive. That would have resulted in the death of you, not to mention the whole of the solar system and all the stations.”
“That’s because it was a test for you, not for me. I wouldn’t have really detonated the outer casing. Beside which there isn’t even a self destruct option so it cannot even be done. I was prepped as part of the test not to give you the answer. Actually, it worked quite well because your resolution of the situation was quite ingenious.”
“Thanks Adams. OK I won’t kill myself, but on one condition.”
“What’s that Roy?”
“Our number one priority will always be how to escape. Wherever we are I want to try and escape. Even if we end up in a zoo cage with fifty foot high walls surrounded by lake filled with man eating piranhas we will always be thinking of a plan to escape.”
“OK Roy.”
“Starting with this ship we’re on.”
“That won’t be possible because it...”
I cut Adams off “Perhaps I should expand on my statement. Our number one priority will always be how to escape and you must never tell me it’s impossible or that we can’t do it. Do you understand?”
“I think so Roy. I will try.”
“Good. Come on let’s have a walk around my prison.”
I jumped down from the cockpit and walked over to the plasma glass. I could still see all the stars so we still weren’t in Hyper Travel yet. I put my dignity to one side and used the hole in the floor and then walked to the other corner. I then noticed that there was a shelf sticking out from the wall with some
items on it. When I got closer I could see there was a jar of water and a flat plate with some grey stuff on it.
“What the hell is this grey stuff?” I asked Adams.
“I think that’s your food.”
“It looks like vomit.”
“You never know it might taste nice.”
I stuck my finger in it and then licked the grey stuff off my finger.
“Looks like vomit and tastes like shit.”
“Does it really taste of excrement?”
“No, not literally but it does taste very bland. I’m going to be sticking to the emergency supplies.”
“Well let’s hope the journey lasts less than three weeks.”
“I’ll drink their water, but I think I’d rather starve than eat that crap. Hang on. There must be a hatch here for the food to get here. I wonder if we can open it or escape through it when it opens on the next food delivery.”
“I don’t think that would be poss...”
“Adams!”
“Yes?”
“Think positively.”
“Sorry. What I meant to say was I think that is a great idea. We’ll have to keep an eye out on it to see what time the food is delivered.”
“I think you’re right. So what I’ll do is get something to eat and then we’ll sit by the ship and watch it to see when the next delivery is. Then we’ll watch again to see when another delivery is and we should be able to work out the time interval and try and escape on the delivery after that one.”
“Sounds like a great plan Roy.”
I went back into the cockpit, grabbed a bottle of water and ate some emergency supplies. I’ll be honest and say that the emergency supplies were only marginally better than the grey sick shit. After eating I went back out and sat down with my back to the cockpit whilst watching the wall with the shelf.
“Tell me about your past life Adams.”
“There’s quite a lot to tell.”
“Well we seem to have plenty of time on our hands.”
“Where would you like me to start?”
“How about starting with your species and planet?”
“OK. My planet is a warm planet with two small moons. There are no mammals so the closest species on Earth to my own would be marsupials and my race is hairless. The planet is slightly larger than Earth but our population has been static at about five billion for the last one thousand years.”
“Wow. Tell me about your family.”
“I was married to a very beautiful woman. We had two children, both girls, who grew up to be very successful scientists. My wife died fifteen years before me. It was the hardest time of my life because my species only choose one mate and we mate for life. When our partners die we never take another partner. We do not have divorce and infidelity does not exist. I was a scientist, in what you Earth people would call quantum mechanics. I think that’s why my children also went on to become scientists.”
Adams told me all about his family history. Each family kept a history of the members of their family and Adams had a personal database that spanned thousands of years. I spent all afternoon asking question after question. Adams was very patient and answered all my queries as best he could. Having spent most of my working life as a teacher, I was very interested in their education system. It turns out that it wasn’t too different from our own, grouping children into schools and giving them a broad education to see what they were good at. Adams found our system of examining the students to see what they could do a bit strange because he couldn’t understand why it was important for the students to be able to write about what they had learnt. Adams thought it was much better if students could show you what they could do, how they could think and what they had learnt rather than write it on a piece of paper.
I also learnt that Adams considered humans a very aggressive and possessive race. He put this trait down to being descendants of primates and having an inbuilt desire to own things or territory. Naming my ship Stella was like marking it with my scent, so other monkeys knew it belonged to me. Adams found a lot of these human traits difficult to understand because his culture was so different. They didn’t place any importance on ownership of goods and chattels or gaining territory. So although there were ancient stories of war there hadn’t been one on his planet in modern recorded history which spanned tens of thousands of years.
I was so impressed with the view that Adams gave of his planet and their culture that I promised him, should we ever escape, I would go and visit. Adams thought it would be a nice idea and wanted to reciprocate by spending some time on Earth with me. After listening to Adams talk about his planet I doubted he would like humans because of our violent and jealous nature but he pointed out that could not possibly be the case because he considered me to be his best friend and one of the closest friends he had ever had, even when he was alive.
After about five hours I was stiff from either sitting or lying on the floor, so I decided to go for a wander to stretch my legs. As I got to the other side of what was left of my ship there was another shelf with a plate and a jar of water.
“Bugger, do you think they knew we were watching?”
“That is a possibility Roy.”
“Right, I’m going to get something to eat from the cockpit and have a sleep. The next time we do this I’m going to sit in the middle of the back wall so I can see all the walls. They won’t be delivering through the plasma glass so I’ll be able to see the delivery.”
“That’s a good idea Roy.”
I went back to the ship and had some dried emergency rations and water. It didn’t take too long before I was asleep.
*
When I woke I went to the back wall and sat down. I had a good view of all the walls and the two shelves that were there yesterday had gone.
“Are you ready Adams?”
“I certainly am.”
“Keep your eyes peeled”
“Peeled?”
“It’s an expression, probably deriving from the Peelers, an early form of police keeping their eyes open for miscreants up to no good.”
“Oh.”
“Adams?”
“Yes?”
“Adams is the name I gave you. Surely you have a real name.”
“Yes, this is correct.”
“So, what is your real name?”
“I like Adams. My real name does not have an English equivalent and trying to pronounce it in English would not give it justice. Not all species talk like you monkeys. You create a vibration in your throat that you shape with your mouth, tongue and lips. Not all species communicate like that.”
“I didn’t think of that. Does any species fart to communicate?”
“What?”
“Does anybody fart to talk?”
“No.”
“But that would be a possibility wouldn’t it?”
“No, well maybe but probably not, almost definitely doubtful.”
“You wouldn’t have a conversation it’d be more of a flatulation.”
“No.”
“And every time you want to do a recital of a long poem you’d have to eat a plate of curried beans.”
“No.”
“And your favourite song would be ‘Blowing in the Wind’ by Bob Dylan. It would be the National Anthem.”
“No.”
“And if you went out for a kebab and a few pints then the following day you’d have to talk all day.”
“I’m not sure which part of ‘No’ you do not understand, so let me see if you can understand this. There is no species in the galaxy that communicates by farting.”
As Adams finished his sentence a hatch opened on the far side of the wall next to the plasma glass and a shelf slid out. The hatch closed.
“Did you see that Adams?”
“Yes I did and I have a bit of bad news.”
I started walking over to the self. “What news?”
“The appearance seems to be random except that the place that the food has appeared
has always been the furthest point from where ever we are at the time. It took three seconds for the hatch to open, deliver the food and water and then close. It would be impossible for the fittest Earth athlete to cover that distance in five seconds let alone three and we cannot get closer because wherever we are we will always be the furthest point away.”
“I need to have a think about this. Come on let’s go and get some emergency rations.”
The rest of that day we sat and chatted. Before I went to sleep I had a little idea that I wanted to discuss with Adams.
“How about I get naked?”
“I’m a computer in a box, I don’t do mating.”
“That’s not what I meant Adams!”
“Will it help somehow? Can you think better in the nude or maybe run faster?”
“Hang on I haven’t finished. How about I get naked, fill my jumpsuit with water bottles and place it in the other corner from the loo. I then go and wait in the corner opposite my jumpsuit where it joins the plasma glass. The ships computer thinks the suit is me and opens the hatch furthest away from that point which will be in the opposite corner where I’ll be waiting.”
“I’m not sure the ship’s computer is that stupid.”
“But it’s worth a try.”
“OK if you say so Roy.”
*
The following morning I got naked except for the belt with Adams attached. I filled my suit up with bottles and placed it in the corner that didn’t have the toilet. I stuffed a bag with rubbish and placed it on top of the suit to look like a head and went and waited in the opposite corner by the plasma glass.
“I feel like a flasher stood at the plasma glass naked.”
I faced the glass and stared doing star jumps whilst shouting ‘yoo-hoo.’
“What the hell are you doing Roy?”
“Flashing to the universe.”
“Pack it in. This is so embarrassing.”
“OK Adams.” And I stopped.
“You monkeys are so hairy.”
“Thanks Adams. I like my hairy parts.”
“That’s good because you’ve got a lot of them. Your genitals are funny too.”
“What do you mean?”
“Two testicles that hang down outside the body and a penis that has to be erect to deliver sperm. It definitely has the last chicken in the shop look about it. I’m amazed that the human race has done so well. I would have thought most women would find it difficult to have sex with men because they cannot stop laughing.”
“I think I’d rather have my hairy monkey look with comedy genitals than be a black box attached to a hairy monkey with comedy genitals.”
Beyond Uranus Page 25
